Tuesday, April 12, 2011

"I Don't Want To Be Joseph" (& tatoo of love the lord)

I told my mom last night, after we had it out, "I don't want to be 'Joseph'. Why don't YOU be Joseph?!!!!" We talked and I got so upset I hung up on her and then called back to leave a message saying, "I feel bad that I hung up on my mother but why....blah blah blah...and then this last." I have no clue what the whole Joseph thing is even supposed to be about, but if it is supposed to mean I cheerfully sacrifice my own son for the torture I have already been surviving, no thanks. If God wants me to be Joseph or like him, I'm sure He can figure out a way to keep my son in the picture and do this at the same time. I am fasting, fasted yesterday, but who would know. I was still peeved about things, but then again, I was tortured yesterday while at work, which really makes for a great fast. And then the harassment while leaving work was incredible. Young good-looking rich people in decent cars, just having a hey-day with me but at least I'm figuring some of it out now. ************************************************************************************** I still felt the power of fasting and that God was with me and I am playing it by ear. I decided I am still fasting until I get some answers on things or until I feel I am supposed to stop. My parents did with me yesterday for 1 day, when I asked, and I don't want them to continue, but I am not quitting yet (at least not until lunch...:)). I had no problems with anything this morning until about 7:45 a.m. while sitting at the computer here. So I think it's someone who is here now.******************************************************************************** I didn't get any impressions or anything. I just read a lot (from scripture) and prayed a little and that was it. I saw a color and it was a fabric of silk, right before I fell asleep and that was it. It was some variation of fushia-raspberry to maroon. And I saw it as silk and from one side (to the left) to the other, in a horizontal type of way. I looked at wiki, and possibly it could fit into the "rose" category. But it was at about 10 p.m. or a little after, right before I fell asleep. I'm sure it was silk material. It was thin, like a strip of the material and I just had a flash of it and that was it. I tried to find out if anyone was wearing that color that I look up a lot, either last night or this morning but I don't know. I can't find anything and some of the sites I try to look up are blocked. It doesn't matter, but when I caught it, I wondered if someone was trying or wanting me to see this. I dno't know why and it was right before I fell asleep. I was in bed, not thinking of anything, saw this and then thought about it for a minute and then I just fell asleep right after that. I was thinking about my family and worried about them and my son too. But this is all that I had an impression of, without trying or wanting to get anything. My ideas for fasting are not to get info on people or to focus on them as much as myself and my own life and to find out a few things from God about me. ********************************************************************************** Updated 11:06 a.m. I had to check on some things this morning, one being ADA discrimination (with evidence to prove it) and made some calls. Then I went to the sauna after I had another "great" conversation with Brad Uhl from the DEA. I didn't know why he was even calling me or who was calling me, but at least I had a break from some of the torture for a whole day. I guess, when someone thought I was being called about something. Then, I found out it was him, Brad Uhl, and I hadn't even asked to talk to him, I had asked to talk to his supervisor ABOUT him, weeks ago. He wanted to know what I had to say and I said that was for his supervisor not him. So he wouldn't tell me the name of his supervisor. And then he said not to be "calling" the office or going in unless I had info. As if I had been harassing them or something when I never call them. I have talked to them once and not about anyone in particular either, just myself and my son's situation. He tried to say I had issues and needed "help" again and that's when I said, "You are corrupt." He said, "I'm not corrupt." and I said, "It's only 1 of 2 things: either you are defaming me because you're corrupt, or you are not good at your job to make assessments of people in a couple of minutes as you did when you first met me, supposedly knowing nothing about me." Then I went to the sauna and laid down for a minute because the weather was colder than I expected. So I was resting and not praying or trying to think about anything and I saw an arm, at about 9:36 a.m. reaching over to offer something from a dish to someone else. I saw it from the front, almost like someone was sitting on a desk and leaned over with what would be his left hand, but I saw it moving to what was my right, just a sweeping movement with a small kind of bowl I think, in his left hand, and offering it to someone. I thought maybe it was a candy dish but I can't say this bc I didn't see any candy and didn't really see it very well. I sort of thought he was perched on a desk or an arm of something but if not, I guess he may have been in front of a table but I didn't get that as much. I guess he was white bc the hand, I think was white and I think it was a long sleeved shirt but actually I shouldn't even say that. It was so fast--the main thing I caught, was this arm going out to his side, fully extended, to offer something that was in his hand, or the contents, to someone. And he looked in their direction when he did. Which means, if I'm facing him, opposite him, he looked to what is my right and would have been his left. I guess I didn't even register that it was the left hand until I thought about how to describe it . ************************************************************************************* I'm listening to Beethoven right now, 11:49 a.m. my time. I just put it on and got the moonlight sonata, 14 in C sharp minor (by Jeno Jado), and then waltzes (2) for piano, Opus 69. I felt like listening to classical piano I guess. Oh, this one is Chopin. I really like it. It's played by Artur Rubins. ************************************************************************************ Later, a few minutes after I caught this random impression of a man reaching out and handing someone something (in one swooping movement of the arm) or offering them something, I then saw a little girl who was blond, licking a lolipop. It was probably totally separate but she had a round lolipop and blond hair. ******************************************************************************** I like this one too, and I know this one by heart (could hum or whistle the entire thing)...Piano sonata in A major by Wolfgang Mozart on Klara Wurtz. I would love to know how to play this one. Right after this, someone screwed with my music and now it's reduced to the faraway tin sound that I can't hear. Is anyone in the U.S. even PAYING attention to what is going on? I can't even get normal music on Pandora through a library computer? You see that the Html is totally GONE from my blog and you do nothing. But I'M the crazy one. Right. Because crazy people know how to mess up and delete Html. I am on computer #11 on the 3rd floor at the Nashville library and I'm tired of this kind of crap. At some point, someone out there, with the DOD or CIA or FBI just admits that I am a target and my son and I have been a target. There is NO other way to explain any of it and the public already knows enough to know something isn't right. Trying to say there is no problem is doing no good. Besides, no one believes it anymore. There is obviously something going on that is dramatically affecting my and my son's lives, and it is pointless to say I'm mentally ill and that I conjure up all of these things. ************************************************************************************* I will write about one thing that happened at the conference I went to where Heidi Baker was. I didn't write about it before, but I thought it was strange. First of all, I had some white people trying to torture me while I was there, for a short part of it. Which was really great. To go in a taxi, being tortured by something or on the way (either someone driving behind us, something in the taxi or satellite), and then have someone know I was going to this conference and be there to either describe my location to someone or have someone there to do horrible things. I could already tell some people had tried to predict and guess where I would sit, so if they felt certain about this, I'm sure they could have had people there to do other things. I came in late and just went along the side and to the back, which is what anyone who is tracking me would think I would do, to not draw attention to myself. That was weird. This woman just walked by and when she did, the music temporarily came back and then went back out. ************************************************************************************ What I wanted to mention was that when I was sitting there, before anyone tried to use technology to torture me (and it wasn't psychic, it was military or non-lethal weapon, medical device, whatever is it is), I was sitting there and I was trying to worship God and called to my own mind things from scripture. I had several scriptures come to my mind and then "Love the Lord thy God with all thy might, strength, and soul" and then from there I thought about "And you shall write these things on the doorways, and the posts and the tables of your heart (and remember and teach them to your children)" something like that, from another verse. I meditated on this and then after the service, I walked out and used the bathroom. I didn't look at anyone even though there was this huge long and thick line. Just kept my head down and eyes ahead and went to use the restroom. On the way out, I was walking past again and then I turned to look for some reason, at one point, and at that very moment, it was a dark haired man in his 20s who had opened up his shirt to show friends a tatoo on his chest, on his left side and as I walked by and turned, I saw that it said, plainly: "Love the Lord thy God, with all of thy heart, all of thy strength, and all of thy might." (however that verse reads, bc I sort of mixed it up). I turned back around and had no reaction except that my inner mind's eye was bugged out. The weird part was that I had, on my own, combined these exact two verses, in the same thought, and then I was walking out and here it was again. What was also strange, was that it was the only time, in that whole huge long line, that I looked back or turned to see, and this is what I saw. It was in cursive, sort of, black ink only, and written in block fashion on the left part of his chest, so I guess, figuratively, over the heart. He was wearing a blue and white shirt with sort of checkers or squares and also a v design, like those sort of cowboy style shirts but that are checkered. He was grinning and talking with friends and as I walked by and turned, I saw his eyes--goodlooking guy, but the main thing, was just the shock of the message or coincidence or whatever. I then just kept walking and didn't flinch or make any change at all in what I was doing, but thought, "THAT was weird" and then I sort of felt dazed a little bit but I guess I didn't want to write about it at first bc I don't like having people "get into me" as some have done, with malicious intent, to know where I will go, what I might say, and what I even could be thinking. But, I reveal this, because maybe there is a reason God wanted me to. And it is about God. ************************************************************************************** I think my music is back to normal now again. I was listening to it anyway, through a tin can. I had switched to worship..now it's back to being tinny. The song "In the Sweet By and By" played normally, by Anothony Burger and now the rest is back to being like tin. Anyway. ************************************************************************************* I clicked to a Bible passage finder online and couldn't find it on one so I went to the other where this pop up ad came up with a book called "Tortured For Christ" (the book that shocked a nation). Well, I can relate. ********************************************************************************* On Bible Resources, Online Bible, I find 6 reference to: LOVE THE LORD THY GOD 1. Deut. 6:5, 2. Deut. 10:12 3. Deut. 30:6 4. Matt 22:27 5. Mark 12:30 6. Luke 10:27. I will look up the other scripture I had in connection with this one, in just a minute. Oh, that's why I thought of it in connection. The second part follows love the lord, and is found after the scripture, in Deut. Then I think there is one about on the tables or tablets of your heart. Proverbs 7:3. Yes, that's one. Tablets of your heart. Prov. 3:3. Anyway, I once wrote verses, painted them, onto my door frames in my house, and tried to write nicely with a sharpie. I framed one of my kitchen doorframes with this saying and then to see it as a tatoo on someone after having this come to mind, while trying to frame my thoughts to worship, was very weird. I didn't have to look and notice either, and for some reason I did.

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