Friday, April 15, 2011

Ended Fast

I ended my fast today. I did it until I felt it was 'right' to quit and I didn't feel it was right until about an hour ago, around 1:00 p.m. I was thinking of just going as long as needed and wasn't in any discomfort. That was gone by the second day. Today I was even scaling back on V-8 (which I had yesterday) to just stick with water only. But there has been a great quiet in this fast. Some fasts that I've done, I get all of these really cool things. When I basically fasted for a month in November-December, I felt an incredible energy and power. With this one, I had someone trying to torture me yesterday and I kept on and then today too and I knew I wasn't to quit but then after I wrote some things and someone was still torturing (someone was using something to overheat me and then tried it again so I'm not moving), but then I felt I had free permission to either keep it up or quit. I thought about doing a Ghandi type of fast, and looked up how long it's possible to fast and it's about 4 weeks without food and only water. I know I could do it. I might do another one or go back to the fast after breaking it if I feel I should. I broke it with a veggie sub sandwich and cookies. The oatmeal seemed okay but the chocolate ones felt really wrong--the sugar stood out so much it was sort of gross. In this fast, I have done a lot of reading and not as much praying because of time and work. I've noticed things about myself that I need to work on, and had some clarity, but I don't have the answers yet. I thought, "Break the fast and trust God will still speak to you." I had some things in scripture stand out more, or in a new way. And some tender coincidences that were sort of interesting. One was that I sat next to a woman last night and noticed her bottle which said "spring water" on it. I then was reading different things and came upon a passage, at random, about can a fig tree bear olives? or can salty water be spring water, or fresh water. And last night, my desire to sing or hum returned. I didn't feel like singing but I wanted to praise God with my voice so I sang in chapel and then I had this irrepressible desire to sing "In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning". I sang it badly, bc I have a cold, but didn't care who heard and sang it while in bed putting sponge rollers in my hair. Just a couple of refrains and then hummed it. I thought, "What time is it and who would this apply to?" and it was about 10 p.m. my time and I thought of my son and then about the romantic nature and then I opened up to Song of Songs. Just now I opened up my Bible, and it was Psalms and the end of Job. I read first: Psalm 1 with a tract for Bus 1 next to it (100 oaks). It says "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither." And above this, on the same page, from Job 42:4, "You said, "listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." (at about 2 p.m.) Some of the passages I read which I got insight from were from the Old Testament and New Testament, in the last few days. I guess I read Song of Songs a few times and I also flipped around and read yesterday about Paul in court before Festus and Agrippa (Acts 23-27) and the surrounding politics. Paul's testimony, after the Judges said, hearing him speak for a little bit, "Paul! are you insane? have you lost your mind?" when he talks about how he had been persecuting others, with the zeal of only the most devoted. He testifies he was part of the strictest sect of Judaism and followed all the law and killed all these people or brought them out, and then one day was on the road and God brought out a light and spoke to him. And how he realized he had been wrong." Then too about all the politics of whose court he was in and how those who tried to try him or imprison him, brought charges that had nothing to do with anything he'd done wrong. I read some things about feast days from Numbers 28 and 29 and what kind of sacrifices to bring. I read about the man who made a promise to God that if God would give him the victory in a battle, he would sacrifice to God the first thing that came out of the doorway of his house when he returned and how the first thing to come out was his daughter, singing and dancing with a tambourine. How he cried out and tore his robes and he told her what he had promised God and how God had given him the victory. She said to let her have 2 months wandering the hills with her friends because she would never marry. And then it says he did as he promised, which made me wonder, "Did he sacrifice her marriage and future? or did he really kill her for a sacrifice?" which is something I don't think about too much. Isaac was supposed to be sacrificed but God told Abraham to stop, and usually throughout the OT, it's said they got rid of pagan ideas of human sacrifice, so I wondered. And then it said to this day she is honored. I also read about David restoring the temple through his son and thought about times when beautiful things have been created. I thought about this on Monday or Tuesday and prayed for a renaissance of types, and it was on this day that then the sun came out through the rain as I prayed for the sun to come out while sitting in the courtyard. Instead of asking God for anything, I just said I would like for there to be a creative renaissance to glorify the gifts He's given and was thanking God for the beauty in the world and then I sat down to the computer and looked up an image for "acrobat" and "tightrope walking" and that's when I ended up on all of these paintings. Beautiful paintings and things I haven't seen and I hadn't intended to look this up but that's what I landed on. And I thought how thankful I was to have wanted to bless God and then I felt God blessed me by directing me to all these beautiful works of art, which filled my imagination and spirit. I read about the directives of the mother of Samson, who was told by an angel they were going to have a great son and that she specifically was not to drink anything fermented or to eat anything unclean and then when they realized the angel of God was gone and not a man, the husband said, "We are going to die! we have seen God!" and his wife was sort of telling him, "Hey silly, do you think you will die when the angel told us you are going to raise this child?" I read a lot of things about justice from the OT and NT too. One section was about God being the one of justice and how a guilty man who turns from his wickedness, or a wicked man or woman who turns from it will not have it held against them and they can be restored and how a righteous man who then does wickedness is still accountable for the wickedness they've done and how God is just and loves mercy and also justice (Ezekiel 33). A lot from Isaiah too, 60 and 61 and 62. Jeremiah 3 about turning from faithlessness and how the ark will not be needed. It was a fast where I could what my own problems were too. I wasn't transformed and still did things or said things I shouldn't, not perfect, but this very stillness and quiet. I didn't focus in and hone in to get anything though. Mostly, I spent it reading scripture. I had specific questions and think the answers are still coming but got a little more clarification. I also have an intuitive idea about someone who is involved in something, or was, in a good way, but wouldn't know how to describe it. Or how. The main thing would be why. ************************************************************************************* I have landed on wikileaks embassy cables. The first one I read was from Ankara about the turkish family. making note of everything from religious points to attire and jewelry to education and legal cases pending and, of course, who in the family might have an marriage arranged with whom. I cannot believe how everything is so political. I cannot even imagine what horrid things are written up in some files about me. This first Secretary of State doc, at the bottom it says clinton but then it says classified by a karen stewart. I read it and before getting to the end thought, "This sounds like me writing." Then I see "Clinton" and thought, "Seriously? she is as wordy as I am." Oh, now I read it's by someone with the last name O'sullivan. I read some things about Colombia, written by other countries, in 2008, about reestablishing relations with Brazil. Via Pardo & Mykal? Colombian ex who sleeps with Brazilian undercover "Messianic Jew" opens new possibilities between Brazil and Colombia. Condoms not required. It just gets more and more interesting. Supposedly the Israeli government was training and equipping some Nigerians for war stuff. which is strange to think of, considering I stayed with Nigerians in Maryland whose mother was connected to the government and whacked my back. I wonder if some Israeli wanted the Nigerian doctor in TN to say something about the FBI to me, because of knowing these cables had been released. I am even wondering when these cables were released or if someone knew they were coming. HEY Israel! Ya got some BACK WHACKER training camps out there? this would be why Alvaro was trying to protect the Nigerian woman. I was going to the courthouse on that day to file for a court case to dispute a restraining order SHE put on me, because it defamed me. So I was at the courthouse when I was approached by U.S. government to entrap me in marriage fraud. This is Israel-for-Middleton war games. I guess French and British are still involved with Nigeria too, but I'll have to read more. I cannot fricking wait to read all of these cables. They were released right after or about the time I was being injected and detained at a psych ward. And I haven't even glanced at anything in the files that was published much earlier, about the time that the U.S. Washington D.C. FBI was admitting they had made "a mistake" and getting nervous. These are just preliminary thoughts, nothing solid because I haven't read enough, and I'll have to follow it up with the links to the specific cables I'm reading, but just imagine being able to read all the cables at any moment. Someone knows exactly what has happened to me and my son. And some agency or diplomatic group knows who is responsible for torturing us too. I guess there is a lot to read here. I will have to download it. I wish I had a way to get it all on paper so I could just read it all. There are past wikileaks that may be helpful and newer stuff too. Oh...Yes, this is it. I have to read these embassy cables. It's here. Because I just read again how they were at least partially released 1 year ago and that's about the time I mentioned it and the FBI was getting a little weird and then I had this horrendous torture going on all the time and they just updated a couple of months ago in February of 2011. I don't know if they've been continually updated. I am really behind on my reading though. And I just found this at the end of the day so I won't be able to do much until a little later. I know this is something I'm supposed to read though. ************************************************************************************* I just read something about the budget being signed into next year. I think it's probably a good idea. I mean, I think it is a good idea to do a temporary arrangment or patch in a situation where no one is agreeing and needs more time to review things and work things out. So a 5 month plan instead of shutdown sounded like a good idea to me when I read about it. ************************************************************************************** I love turkey. So many of these posts are from Turkey and they contain relevant information about other country issues. Someday I want to visit that mosque or church in Turkey that has the old paintings on the walls. There is a whole post about Colombia-Israeli relations. "Jump" suddenly takes on new meaning. Salto Estrategico. Then I read about how Colombian miners were being thought about to be expelled and the miners, 500 of them, were all Colombian and Brazilian. Then I read a cable about a "Polo party" in Colombia. There is all kinds of news to read here. *********************************************** I love this song "Came to my Rescue" (Be Lifted High) by Hillsong United from Malaysia and the "I Heart Revolution". It just came on and I really love it. I love it because it is an anthem for Jesus, for God, and shows the power of the Holy Spirit. It just came on Pandora. Then came on a Marine's ad...Ummm yeah, it's a little late for that and I'm not joining the military. I want my son back and the FBI is going to do something. Yes you are FBI. YOU are going to investigate. You are going to take the initiative and beat back any flack that comes inbetween doing what you know is true and is right. You are going to investigate public corruption of officials and if needed, your own coworkers and you are going to quit telling victims to go to "CPS court or appeals" when you know the case is a fraud. You know crime had to be committed in order to even GET to my son, and that is NOT the way it works, if you truly believe in the country you are paid to serve, and chose to serve. I knew I was getting my son back today before I broke my fast or at least thought this, because it came to me but it wasn't exactly God speaking to me, I heard something third person. In the mind's ear like mind's eye. I can't remember now, but something like "She is going to get her kid back" or "We have to return her son" or something like that. Which one of YOU ran to safety, or for safety, with their child in tow, on faith alone, and was imprisoned over the love of your child? Which one of you took high risks only to try to protect your kid? Which one of you mothers dared hitchhike with perfect strangers after being falsely arrested, tortured, and defamed, and robbed of all your money? with childbirth injuries besides? WHO DARES to stand up to ME. HOW DARE YOU stand up to GOD, not only his daughter, but GOD? HOW DARE YOU.

No comments: