Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Dream of Anise Seed & Pfeffernusse & Purple image

My only dream was that I was having oatmeal with anise seed or a black liquorice flavor to it. I woke thinking, "Who puts anise seed in their oatmeal???" I am looking it up and on the first page for "anise in oatmeal" I find a list of cookies and one a variation of a Dutch cookie that celebrates the arrival of baby boys. I am looking up anise and the variations of cookies. I found one that my mother made ALL the time but it's without the anise flavor and they're pfeffernusse. I LOVE pfeffernusse! I think we heard of them as something else though, but they were small balls and covered in powdered sugar and had some kind of a crumbly texture when you bit in. I am reading about them and they're baked in Dutch and German countries for Christmas, which was when we always had them. We had them other times of the year, but it was a tradition to have these for Christmas holidays. Oh wait! I think we made the Russian tea cakes. I was just reading there is a difference. Am I Russian? I dunno. You tell me. Yes, we had the Russian tea cakes for Christmas--always. And it's one of my favorite cookies. I would probably like the Pfeffernusse too then. I was reading the Russian tea cakes are from Russia! and that they are also made during the holidays and the Swedish have them as a staple and then I guess some Mexican and U.S. families make them. I wonder how we got the tradition. It's definitely a tradition in my family. You don't have Christmas without Russian tea cakes like you don't have Thanksgiving without yams and turkey. I guess they're also called "Mexican wedding cakes" and used in Russian weddings and called "butterballs". We always called them "tea cakes" or maybe Russian Tea Cakes and I never thought about the Russian part. My favorite cookies that my mother makes are chocolate chip, Russian Tea Cakes, oatmeal raisin, and my mother always had a thing for gingersnaps but I didn't like them as much. I don't typically like white chocolate but I like white chocolate/maccademia nut cookies even though no one in my family made them. I always get them at Subway. Though I liked snickerdoodles and sugar cookies and I do like gingersnaps (hard) with tea. My dream wasn't about cookies though--this is just what everything leads to...my dream was that I was eating a bowl of oatmeal with black liquorice or anise flavor to it. Which I've never heard of before and never done either...I have tried looking up some things. I don't know that it's a tradition anywhere to put liquorice or anise seed in/on oatmeal. I eat oatmeal for breakfast almost every morning and I never had the thought cross my mind. *************************************************************************************************************** I forgot to mention that in my dream last night, I was first having a tea party with my son Oliver with the teapot and then later I was putting things away and couldn't find the tea pot. But part of my dream was having a tea party with him but I wondered when I first woke up (before I forgot for a moment) why it was such a girlish tea pot (pink and white). It was something that belonged to me in the dream, the tea pot, not borrowed, but I've never had a pot like that. I've had ceramic tea pots but not that kind. My tea pots have been mainly from a world import store, or kitchen specialty. I guess I'll describe later though I already have I think, a long time ago. The girl led behind me when I was putting things away, was under the age of 7 but older than 3. Someone (an adult) was holding her hand as she went behind me. I still don't remember the first toy that was handed to me to put into the dollhouse, before I was given the glass item. It was important in the dream but I don't remember. ***************************************************************************************************************** My tea pots have been sturdy pottery/ceramic and all one solid color. I've never had, I don't know...a "fancy pot". I also preferred, for some reason, to boil my water and then pour it into the pot separately. I had a regular metal kind of pot with a lid that flapped, for boiling water, but when I was having my tea, I poured the water into a different ceramic pot that had a secure lid and then put it on a tray with my toast and jam. I had one that was very earthy looking, solid burnt umber in color with plain glaze, and then my tray was beech wood and with a white surface. I think beech, not sure. I never had a metal or silver tea set. I had more of the ceramic-pottery and wood style. I guess...sort of organic-ish. I looked up wood colors. Maybe it wasn't beech. It was the color of "light oak", "honey oak", or "natural maple". It was a blond color of wood and had handles on the tray, and then a white surface over the wood in the center. I looked up teapots. I had the enamel on steel pot for the stove and then I had the 2-4 cup classic ceramic pot (very plain and modern) for my table tea and tray. It was the 2 cup size probably. The small one. I've had more than one and saw them at Williams-Sonoma, Cost Plus World Market, and other places. Trying to find mine. I found the kind of placemat that was in my dream on "Harney & Sons" site for tea and tea pots. It's a Canadian company and on the homepage, to the left there is a photo of a tea pot on top of some kind of foam or flexible material that curves. It's for the photo that says "Sweetest Mom Gift". It's being used as more of a hot plate but in my dream, I had place mats made of this. The classic white tea pot is the design of my tea pots--and then I found the color and glaze of my longest held pot on...there is a pink pot that looks like the style of the one I had too, found on "organicteabygrace" and then all this trojan stuff tried to download. It's from the Organic Tea By Grace site I think. which is a little strange because I was thinking of my pot as "organic-ish" and I found one like it on Organic Tea By Grace. There is another like it, sort of, in "pretty cobalt blue" at Garden Party Tea and then I found the color of my old pot and you can find all of these if you go to bing images and type in "ceramic tea pot" and I found all of the likenesses on the far right column and then up and down (top and bottom) from eachother but all on the right side. The color of mine is on "rockinghamchina.com". I had my pot, and it came with a small cream pitcher and a sugar dish with a spoon and I used them on my tray. The sugar dish was just a small round pot with a slot for the spoon and then creamer was a small short thing for pour. I don't think it had a lid. The sugar pot or honey pot had a lid but not the little creamer. I found the exact color of my pot on Rockingham site and my pot's color is featured on the Rockingham homepage for Ceramic teapots, listed under "Traditional Stoneware Tea Pots" and their color scheme is what I had. I had the burnt umber-brown pot, with the cream or honey colored pale wood and then the white. It's the Rockinham Brown color. The style of my pot was a little different though. I like these plain, solid color kind of pots. Why in the world I went on that trip I don't know. If my son ever wants to know what his mom's style is/was, he will know I guess. I don't really know how this is going to happen, to have him returned to me, but I believe it will happen. I am adjusting my attitude from demanding the impossible to impossibly demanding. I had a tea pot before this brown one. It was the exact same kind and I believe both were made in England. It said "Made in England" on the bottom and I think it was the only English thing I had. I don't know who made it though and it wasn't super expensive but I could only find it at specialty kitchen stores. I don't know if I remember what color my first one was because it was lost or stolen and then I got the brown one with the tray and had this forever. I may remember later, but I am sure it was either blue or white. I sort of think my first pot was maybe blue. It had to have been one of the primary colors, red, yellow, or blue and I sort of think it was blue. I think I would remember a red pot and I might have liked yellow but blue seems to be the one that stands out. I think I bought my first one sometime after 1993 because it was when I was back from the East Coast after working as a nanny. Then I had my brown one in 1996 or 1997 and had it for almost a decade I think. They were the same brand because I replaced it with the same. The first one disappeared and I had to buy a new one. ***************************************************************************************************************** I got mail from The Department of Social and Health Services today and this is the FIRST time they have even RESPONDED to my records request. The State of Washington really has been begging to be sued for a very long time. I made full records requests to this department (DSHS) since 2005. I made records requests right after my son was born. And I have made about 8 requests for records, in writing. They ignored every single one and then didn't even give up these records for discovery as required for the CPS case. NOW, they just sent me a letter claiming they are not required to release these records to me because of a privilege. They HAVE NO privilege. The records are all concerning me and now they are wanting to keep their mistakes from me. By law, they are required to release these records. They are public information and pertaining to my name and person. Just the fact that they are finally answering my request, but wanting to claim privilege means they are hiding facts and discovery they know they will be accountable for. I cannot wait for justice and I cannot wait. I just cannot wait. I am looking forward to this more than I look forward to ...? I don't know. Nothing will be better than when they are coughing up all the things they have withheld in order to pursue a fraudulent claim against me and defame me to others. I don't think anything will give me more pleasure than getting the discovery I've been asking for before my son was even taken from me. They know I am able to prove retaliation by their offices because I was starting to hold them accountable for things they were doing wrong and then they went after my son to retaliate. I can at least show malice for some of the things that were done and said about me. And their letter of claiming privilege means they have a lawyer involved, which they wouldn't do unless they knew they were in trouble. They already know they have no privilege. I cannot wait, by heaven and earth, to have these people straight-jacketed to jail, if not court. I am just reaaaally, reeeeaaaally, looking forward to my Day. ****************************************************************************************************************** I guess, on the receipt I was talking about, which got the hole in it, or "O" for Oliver, that I mentioned yesterday, I forgot to describe how large it was. It was about the size of a half dollar coin or inbetween a quarter size and half dollar size. It was perfectly round and right above Douglas Settles Jr. and yet it didn't break to the borders of the receipt, to the edges. It was just like this perfectly centered O in the middle and how this happened is beyond me but the strange thing was that I had prayed to God and asked God directly, a question, and my singular question was answered. It wasn't random at all. For those who might think it's odd, it had nothing to do with the MAN, or the paper itself. It had to do with how God can use anything to give or send a message. If, as in the Bible story, a donkey speaks, it is not about the donkey which was only the medium or vessel God used to speak the message through. If I say to God, "God, this is what I'm thinking, and I have a specific question. I wonder if you might answer my question for me?" if God answers my question, it doesn't really matter how it's done. For me though, I thought, this is a great thing to share with my son one day, that by belief, maybe my own belief that my son Oliver, is important to God, and that my desires are also important to God, this maybe pleases God enough to acknowledge me and give me an answer or message that, to me, is sort of miraculous, but I can say to my son: "God sees you and hears your mother." I'm sure that if God can cause weather changes now and then (though most of it is probably random) and if God can heal people, he can also give a sign to a mother and let her know that her son is valued in the eyes of God. And probably, this is true for everyone, or possible for everyone--that God can and will speak to anyone that might try to have faith, even belief enough that asking such a question is something God would care about in the first place. To me, too, it shows me that God cares about leaving the flock for the 1 lost sheep. Only God knows the horror of what my son and I have been through too. Only God knows. It is impossible for me to explain or describe what has been done and only God knows. If a hole had appeared in a receipt, I would NEVER think "Oh! Oliver!" but the fact is that I looke d at this receipt first, and prayed to God a specific question and then put it back in my pocket hoping God would answer my question and then it was answered in the most amazing way. If God can use handwriting on a wall, and other various means for sending messages, I'm sure this is not a rarity. I also felt humbled because I thought, of course I do not think God thinks my son is better than other sons or daughters, but only that I asked and he answered me in one small question. And God does love and care about Oliver and probably does not have a very soft spot in His heart for those who torture my son or have caused his suffering. ******************************************* I am now having a problem with technology where I didn't almost all day and then didn't this morning until a few minutes ago. Right after I wrote about lawsuits or someone got worried I guess. I am not wearing my regular work shoes, there are some different workers here, and different people in the lobby now. I am also sitting inbetween 2 people: one from Norway and one from buffalo, NY. Not sure where the technology problem is coming from at the moment. But just to note the facts of what is happening. I tend to think ***************************************************************************************************************** At any rate, I have a l0t more to write about, but have to work soon today. ***************************************************************************************************************** I thought, as I read the back of some cheap novel the other day, that describes some woman who marries her enemy, I mean, the top enemy, "the Duke" or whatever (can't remember the name of the book but it must be in the charts bc there were 2 rows of it), I thought, "I wonder who my top enemy is, which man, and I wonder what exactly he would be coming to terms with." Of course I would not marry my enemy or my son's enemy. But I still wondered at the idea. The first person that came to mind was Dick Whittemore. He was the forerunner, along with John Kaempf, of a LOT of horrible things that happened to me and my son. But I suspect there is someone else. I cannot imagine what kind of cold heart this person has and what kind of abuse they have suffered themselves, to become the way they have to be in order to do these things to me and my son. The person who is most responsible would have to feel immune to emotion and pity of even a woman and child and have such an enormous incentive to torture, it could only involve a massive amount of money or some kind of New World Order idea or agenda and some attempt to orchestrate and control things. No one would spend this kind of time on either me or my son unless there was a lot at stake, and investments to protect. Women can do this kind of thing too, but I would guess that where it involves more technology it's a man who had a mother he either despised so he hates women or has a distorted view of them, or his mother was so opposite of me that he cannot even think of me as a woman. It really is suprising though, how many people will go along with something that is very wicked and cruel. To me, part of the shock is seeing how it is possible for a large secret to be contained by even a large number of persons who submit to a social omerta to not say anything, even if they know. I think Bradley, the guy who leaked human rights violations, is a hero, and anyone else who helps me and my son, is likewise a hero for exposing human rights violations. Tomorrow I don't have to work until a little later so I will then write about Canada stuff and then the rest of the persons who are involved with military and who I was forced to live with and my hostage situation along with my son's hostage situation. I wanted to do it yesterday but there was a tornado alert and storm and I was trying to find a new pair of shoes before work but the storm was creating some problems and the library also wasn't open. So I didn't have a chance to write out things I wanted to spend time writing about. **************************************************************************************************************** I have to write about this modern day healer too. Someone who goes to Uganda and heals people before she preaches. First she heals someone the whole village knows has been deaf or has had a problem a long time and then after they see the miracle, she preaches about God. So she uses the example of the miracle to give credit and glory to God for what is done. My mom just told me about her yesterday and I'll write about her tomorrow. ********************************8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 I had an impression while praying for my son yesterday. Colors came to my mind and I think I saw fabric but not sure what it was exactly, but it happened in the middle of my praying to God for my son after I read some scripture while in the shower (I sat on a bench and read). I was right in the middle of praying for Oliver and for his protection and other things, and I wasn't focusing or trying to get images or impressions but this combination of colors came to me. It was purple mainly. I saw purple and maybe a fushia but it was some kind of purple and shades of purple combination and it looked almost like a curtain but I couldn't totally see it because then someone walked in and I had to stop praying and that's where it was left. I had this impression coming to my mind though and I thought I was seeing it...It was at about...and it wasn't an "aura". I don't think I get auras. I think I get images and impressions, but I never see colors "around" someone in person or literally. But it was around lunchtime, my time I think. Before noon maybe. I will check later to be sure. When the woman walked in, I looked at what she had on because the drapery of what I thought I saw, I wondered if it was a skirt but it wasn't. It was something else and I wasn't praying to see anything like it. It came into my vision as I prayed for my son. There was no design exactly, I mean, not a concrete figure or anything, just this appearance of some related colors. I have no idea what it means or what it meant then.

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