Thursday, June 23, 2011

Assault Until Boot

I love how a few of these hotels chains have employees that assault me using technology and invite their "guests" to use me for their own observations, but when I blog about something happening at the facility there is always someone coming around to suddenly say I am not allowed to be here.

Why? Every single time, it's after they used their own servers to do some crazy things. This is the Indigo Hotel again, by the way, in a different state. The person doing surveillance on their spiffy british machines has sent all kinds of bizarre blocks. Like, the last one today was not allowing me to go to a site because it said it was "guydressattireoffensive" SITE BLOCKED, and something like that.

Meanwhile, they had no problem last night as one of their guests or customers assaulted me almost the entire night while I tried to kill some time.

I am not kidding.

Their guests that came around this morning were, by the way, questionable international characters. A couple seemed normal, but some were only there to watch me and then this one group was seemingly amused and trotted off (asian, white) after I had been sitting there assaulted. It was lower grade technology, but it was there all the same.

This exact same thing happened at the Indigo Hotel in TN when I first got into Nashville. That was where the whole blowing up my computer cord event took place.

I say british because I looked them up and they are british in origin. Of course they hire Americans, but at the core, the company is, I believe, british.

I am positive it was one of their employees last night. I think it was a night shift one and then maybe someone else came on in the morning, or something.

I'm sure no one important is in town and they didn't think time was up here on account of that individual.
The Ethiopian couple that were at the 7-11 last night, the man's name is Misfesh or Mesfesh. It happened again ,when I just went over there. And there was some other man there as well, and 2 officer cars parked watching what I was going to do. It's like they already set it up ahead of time and only want to watch my reaction. The technology effect occured again, when I walked past this man. He was carrying something on his person.
I will have to write more later.

Some guy walked by with a t-shirt that said, "Children McBride" and he looked like Vladdie but anorexic. I thought, "Is he getting married?" just kidding. I thought about him but I don't think this bc I saw the shirt. Just thought it was weird.

And then I thought for a moment about his brother and that orphanage thing.

I tried to volunteer here, to help out at an orphanage and nothing.

If I am forced out of using my gifts, there are too many people in this country getting away with making the U.S. a bad place to be. God is the one who decides what the gifts are and we're supposed to use them. Having someone oppress or suppress your gifts, is morally wrong, in my mind.

I want my son back and it's just looking like I have to go out of the country. I don't want to go out of the country, but if criminals force me out, then I will make sure this point has been made, that criminals are responsible for ruining this country and sitting behind desks.

Probably this request that I leave the hotel came after I wrote about the women's plates who harassed me from their vehicles.

Criminals in Dallas, TX & Kids

They lined the street this morning, near the bus stop. There was one strip that was extremely bad. The other areas were hit and miss.

Dallas has a serious gang problem and the cops are dirty. Some of the cops are dirty. I just witnessed this with my own eyes this morning.

I couldn't even stand in line because of the level of technology they were using. It was more than one of them and most of these guys, on that avenue, were Catholic and black.

I first walked past some decent Muslim types, who at least seemed to be just normal, decent people there with their families, and then I ended up on gangster row just trying to get a bus.

These ones are bold, because there were at least 4 cop cars all parked in the same area. 3-4. Which is how I know they're dirty cops, or at least one of them is. You don't get away with that kind of thing, or gangsters don't feel they can get away with it, unless they have a cop backing them up and they did. It was the strip that lines right up against the station where you grab maps. Right behind it actually, in the back.

The technology was super bad, affecting my heart and whole body and it was instantly noticeable. They even had crap going on to make my heart skip repeatedly and it was only in a half block length of ground.

And THEN, the middle class came parading around in their vehicles, to laugh. They let the poor gangsters do their thing with cop protection, and then they rallied themselves around to harass me and get off on what they knew just happened.

There were some kids in the same area I was in, so the only possibility is that others were affected but didn't recognize it as being from technology, or, more likely, what has been done to me is being facilitated by tapping into a connection that they know ranges from the titanium in my neck to the metal in my knees.

It is possible that if it's not direct laser (which it sometimes has been), there is something else that needs 2 points of metal.

And then these 2 points of metal (I actually have more than 2) act as a conduit between my legs and my neck and my heart is right in the middle of some kind of energy flow that bounces between the 2 metal poles.

Some things need opposing poles to work or be conductive in any way.

I have metal in my neck, in my legs, and in my arm. This possibly causes me to feel or draw in a source of technology that most normal people would never even notice, because they have no metal in their bodies. There are also radioactive or other substances that can be given ato a person that makes them more susceptible to being targeted and discovered at long or short range. Something is added to food or drink or a shot, and the U.S. and black mafias are actively testing these kinds of things (I mean black mafia like black ops).

I realized this is something to do with the metal in my body or a very targeted kind of attack, when I saw the kids walkeing around and the parents acting like nothing was happening. It wasn't happening to them. At first I thought, "If it is, they don't notice" but then I thought, no, it's that I'm picking up on other stuff. And I could tell these people knew.

Here are a few plate numbers of some women who stood out to me. I will not post all of them, just a couple:

660 FXZ TX, Suburban. dark hair or brown haried woman and just seething hatred torwards me. Look her up...what's her affiliation? She was a professional to semi-professional. And why she hated my guts or wanted me to think so, is anyone's guess, but have a look and see.

Someone new in town, trying to take photos of me or wanting me to think so and just nasty mean and proud. Dark hair latina or other ethnicity, new temporary tabs of 48N6900 TX and she had a ton of Catholics following her with rosaries and things on their cars.

These are not maybe the worst of the wrost, but just a sample of several women who have gone out of their way to be hateful. Just part of the crowd and having some hatred of me when I don't even know who they are!

There are some others. The man who works the register at the CVS or Walgreens behind the bus map station, in downtown Dallas, past Elm and everything, is criminal. He is tall and darker skinned (sort of tan brown) and has a pronounced nose and when I asked him what his background was he said Ethiopian. I don't know if it's true, but that's what he said. I went to that store a few days ago and had the same problem. My first 1/2 hour was no problem and then after I was there for awhile, he had some buddies come in with something and I started having problems. I saw him nodding off to the other guys who were most likely the ones using technology and they went so far as to harass me and try to provoke me over it as well.

Then, last night I waent to a different store--a 7-11, and someone there was using some form of technology and they were also Ethiopian. The name of the man with short curly hair started with an M. It only happened along a certain side of the store and if I went around the corner, there was no effect. He was the only one there and no customers in the middle of the night.

Ethiopians are usually either Muslim, Orthodox christian, or Jewish. I met plenty of nice or good ones in D.C. but some of them lately are doing favors for other groups. I don't know what religious branch they're coming from.

When I first got into town, there were a couple of incidents, one when young high school debate team kids from all over the country, public and private ivy schools alike, here for National Championships. Some of those kids (not most of the them by any means) are corporate criminals in the making.

There is such a cocky and displaced ego about some of them, and just a cold shield where you wonder what is happening to white teen boys these days. The black and minorities we know have it rough often, but the callous and hardened effect of some of these boys that leads them to commit the coldest kind of crimes or go along with it...I don't remember having kids like that in my class, at least not until college. The couple or few I might be referring to, are just, I think, examples of not getting enough love and affection and being set up from the start to be distant and insensitive. They are probably watching the most violent criminal video games and, I don't know, they're smart. I met the up and coming smart corporate criminals. And just guess where they get it from? They are going to be even worse than their parents. Most of the kids were great and it was inspiring to see them but there is a whole generation of corporate gangsters who are under the age of 18.

However, I had only isolated incidences until the last day or two and it's been a week and a half and someone just rallied fast, to hate me and express this hatred.

Then this guy drove up in a vehicle with extremely explicit lyrics and pulled up right next to me with the stereo cranked up, it was a black guy, playing some song about "spread your legs for me and show me how wet you are." It was sung slowly, enunciating the words . It wasn't just some rap music kind of jingling out of the box, it was totally different and offensive.


I am so tired. I have nothing to do to try to stay up but type.

I turned to 3 different sections of the Quoran the other night when I looked at it. First, I landed on "The Prophets" and then "The P___" (something else sort of like prophets) and finally, "The Bees".

I thought it was great to end up on the prophets section and to find every religion has warnings about false prophets. And I skimmed other parts and there is a lot more in it that praises the same ideas that Judaism and Christianity praise. I found a section about David and they are into David and a lot of the same ideas. It's not the same, but you know.

I just noticed the cover of Eric Carmen's "Hungry Eyes". I never saw it before. I decided to put on 80s because it's lively at least.

I tried looking up Will Wagler again, for kicks, because I didn't click on anything earlier, but then I typed in "William Wagler" and got some article about "William Wagler, Sr., age 79, shot his wife..." and just cracked up. Wagler was from Palmhand or something like that, and he shot his wife in 2000. It's not funny, but I couldn't stop laughing, wondering if anyone ever tried to look him up when I typed in his name and found that article.

Today I read half of a book about Marx by Peter Singer. I almost fell asleep. I'm sure the Manifesto is more exciting. It was enlightening at least. I went out to a park under some trees and laid down and suddenly, I wondered who was trying to put an impression upon me. It was very noticeable and I could almost sense everything. Something sensual. Then, I felt someone was watching me and I was embarressed to take a shoe off because I thought, what does this look like? Cindyreller? But the side of my foot really hurt, just below my big toe on my right foot. That bunion area or whatever, where the bone sticks out, is slightly larger than my other foot so the other foot didn't hurt. And I laid out there and read this book about Marx and Engle and stopped at Ch. 8. I'll read the rest tomorrow (or today) I'm sure.

Then, at night, last night, I was all over the place. My brother must have a good natured spy looking out for me bc he said, "Are you on drugs?" and I said, "What?" but it's true, it probably looked like this because I was ALL OVER town. No, I was not on drugs. I told him, "I haven't been on painkillers since Canada when I was recovering from childbirth, 3 1/2 years ago at least, and I haven't smoked any marijuana since I was in D.C. with my fiance, 2 years, and I haven't had a drop of alcohol since November of 2010 when I moved from Wenatchee to TN, and I don't have a problem with alcohol either, I just decided it doesn't feel right when Oliver is suffering. Now, I'm going to eat some nuts since I'm so nuts." And I took out my tin of nuts and ate them behind this wall at The Black Dancer.

After I blogged yesterday, about the House of Flying Daggers, I went to a coffee shop to eat my eggs (all 9 of them) and lo! it had carpeting that reminded me of the House of Flying Daggers. Seriously. And then there was a ballroom too. I walked in and thought, "You have got to be kidding me."

Then, I ate all the eggs. And then I walked past the menu thing to see a giant Egg entre with the egg in the shell and a Russian kind of faberge egg in the gift shop window (I didn't go in). I walked to the bathroom and prayed. And I felt very good prayer. Very good prayer. I then asked God to have me read something that was meaningful or to be read at that time, and I ended up on Samson. At the part where he says, "Okay, tie me up (to be handed over to his enemy)" and his bonds are loosed and fall like flax from his hands. And then he takes that donkey jawbone and uses it as a weapon and then the whole part about how he "lies with a prostitute" and then someone wants to ambush in that moment but he stands up and strikes. Then I read, he meets Deee-lie-ler. Delilah. So she keeps asking him what his secret is and he won't tell. And she keeps asking and finally, he tells her. Everything is in 7s. She cuts his hair with a razor and then he is taken by the enemy. I love the entrance of the next line..."But his hair began to grow back again." It makes me think of the chia pet but in slow-mo, with his shaven head sprouting. So he prays and says "God, just one last time" and takes hold of one pillar with one hand and then another pillar with his other hand and brings the house down. I read the whole chapter and then really not that much else. I just thought, the last time I read this was in TN on that guys porch.

After praying, I went out to get lost and then decided to read about Marx in the park. One low-flying red-bellied plane after the other flew past and I finally realized it was a flight path that I was under. At first I thought, with scorn, "Oh sure, bring out the planes. Send in the parade." But no, it was natural. I was right under the flight zone. Other planes went past as well, not just the red-bellied ones, but I noticed the red ones because I was reading about, you know, Marx.

I thought, "No property?" Will form my thoughts later.

Then I walked past a tennis court after reading. Oh yeah, and I ended up next to a little stone or brick bridge over a river, like the tiny one from the Scottish moors.

I took a shower at the gym, noticing Obama giving a message and then I pulled my hair back into a ballet bun and put on make up and left and then ended up at the Opera House first, of Margo and Bill. Then I walked to this atrium area and said to God, "Please don't let the birds poop on me" and they didn't. I was so glad. There were a zillion birds in these trees and I could her all these spattering noises and I thought, "What am I doing? I'm asking to be bombed." But none of them got me. Which was just great because the whole point was to then stand at the headstone of a memorial that said, "SACRIFICE III". After this, I walked to another water memorial and I said to God, "Help me to walk to the names you want me to stop at." I saw the first couple of names and they were all donor names under a thin veneer of water. So I didn't look and then I prayed to God to have me contemplate a name that I came to and I looked straight ahead and then stopped, turned and looked.

Oh just guess.


Okay, no, it wasn't "Cohen", though I walked past a Cohen on my way to the gym. Don't ask how I knew, I just did. It came out to me like a radar: COHEN.

No, guess what? It wasn't even a name I stopped on. It had all these names above and below and where I stopped it said:

"Once Upon A Time..."

Of all things. I looked and above and below, just regular names. But in the middle some odd break from names to have "Once Upon A Time." Is that not WEIRD? I thought it was so weird. I stared and my eyes got big, just at the randomness of having landed there, and not expecting at all to see that. You can see it for yourself. It's there by the Performing Arts Center and Opera House. And then I did an about-turn. It wouldn't have been weird if I hadn't prayed first maybe.

It was like this (sample names):

Elaine and Gerald Messeir

George and Jill Compton

Charlotte Addleson

Charlie and Ginger Taylor

Once Upon A Time...

Ben and Marianne Latner

Diane and Marcus Rosencrantz

Next, I walked over to this other area next to a 7-11 with a courtyard of blue lights and I said, "Well that last thing was interesting. So now direct my steps." So I walked to this area, up the steps and then backed up and I felt I was supposed to walk backwards. Try doing that and looking normal. Maybe this is why my brother asked if I was on drugs. I didn't make it obvious at all though. I walked up the steps like normal and then turned and backed up slowly as if just getting a better view of something and then I looked over to my left and a table of 3 young men were eating inside of a restaurant and then I turned and faced a window with one section blue and the other section orange. The best part was that when I took a few steps backwards, when I finally turned around to walk straight, I tripped over a stone. I must have looked like a sight. I was thinking, "How far back God? and backwards?" I didn't know.

I just did a google search on "walking backwards" and it says this used to be a custom for someone who had seen a monarch! it looks like maybe in other countries they do this sometimes, but I was wondering why I felt impressed by God to walk backwards and I just did it, discreetly, to do what I felt I was supposed to do, and I typed into a search "walking backwards, tradition" wondering if it meant something. I don't know. But I knew to do it after I saw the "Once Upon A Time." I guess it's a tradition in China and in Japan as well. I walked forward until I got to the new stairs and then I walked backwards. I guess it's also done in some religious sense for Muslims and Jewish as well, and then in puerto rico. Found some things about luck as well. Walking backwards for luck or to confuse demons. I don't know why I did it, I just knew to do it. And then I stood there for awhile.

The next place I went to, because after this I called up my brother, was "The Black Dancer" and I was trying to find a private place to talk. I said, "I think I'll find someplace to sit that more private in just a minute" and then I found it behind this wall at The Black Dancer. I sat down and my brother said, "Are you taking oxycontins or something? Seriously. Are you on drugs?" And I said, "What are you talking about?" And I gave him a rundown of all the vitamins I take and what I don't take and then he said, "I don't know, you've been all over." I said, "I just gave you an organized list of my vitamins and minerals, what do you mean all over the place?" And after we were off the phone I thought, "I guess I was walking all over the place for sure."

There is no family tradition, in my family for walking backwards. I swear, I've never done it before either. It just came to mind and then I asked God, "How far? how many steps?" and I waited and didn't know so I discreetly moved back, like I was just enlarging my view. I took less than 20 or 15 steps. Less than 15 but I don't know how many exactly. I didn't get a number, just a time to stop. I was right across from a large tree on one side, to my right, and then I turned and looked at this window and I saw these 3 guys and wondered, "what's the deal here?" as they were just eating their dinner. I think I got closer to the window and peered in from a distance and they stared at me like "who is the crazy lady at the window?" and I couldn't figure it out. (don't worry, it wasn't like I was right at their window staring or anything, I just looked in a little). I didn't know if it was to face the traffic ahead, people passing by, or to see what was to the right or left or what! But the monument with the Once Upon A Time was in front of me when I walked backwards.

So then I jauntied my way around the block with my brother on the phone and ended up at The Black Dancer behind a wall with my hair in a bun and cracking the rubber lid to the tin, "Well," I said casually, "I'm eating nuts since I'm nuts."

Then I walked back to a computer with the empty tin in my hand, it was tin and had a plastic lid and these 2 gay men passed by and I said, "Hey, you need a piggy bank?" and offered the nut box.

Earlier that day I said to a man, as this couple was standing on a tall block and kissing dramatically in front of anyone, "Look at that. I wonder why no one ever butterfly kisses in public." He said, "What's a butterfly kiss?" and I said, "It's a kiss with the eyelashes." He cracked up laughing.

Oh, but by the way, someone has been using technology since I've been here this nitht and that is not a lie either. Someone has been using something while I've been here. Someone started using technology, actually, when I was in the Arts and Performing section. Right after I stopped and was on the Once Upon A Time mark. I'm not even kidding. Right after that, I walked away and then someone started using something on me. I told my brother that as soon as I turned a corner, around this building on a block, it immediately quit. And then it started again, and affected my heart. When I was behind the wall at the Black Dancer, it quit again. But someone has been using something all night against me. Seriously. I had a few breaks, when I moved locations. When I went around the block for example, around a tall building, it quit. And then it's been happening since I've been at this hotel, almost all night. I left at one point and it quit and it was like I was cooling down. I haven't had a constant problem like this except for just a couple of times. It hasn't been too bad here but there is still gang activity against me.

Don't you think that's weird though? That someone would just start doing this to me, after I was standing at the "Once Upon A Time" mark? It's like someone is tracking my every move, and the smallest thing sets them off. I don't want to sound like I'm making a huge deal out of it, but it's almost like they are afraid of something, because who would do this unless they felt it meant something or they were worried about something? I mean, so what, and no normal person would make a big deal about it unless they were worried for some kind of good cause. It's like the smallest symbolic thing, if it's positive, no matter what or how small, is enough to set someone off.

I have noticed most of it, when it's happened here, from hispanics. Some kind of hispanic group. It happened to me at this Zazza hotel, when a bunch of hispanic workers were on the other side of the room but that was the only time; at the gym next to hispanic women showering (just one or two coming in); at the Adolfus this evening when a hispanic man approached and he was the only one around and I felt this severe pressure in my head like and then he walked off and it quit. Right after I had blogged that no one poor is using technology. It's still true, but it's easier to pass of in the U.S., where this kind of thing is actually available.

I think anytime someone gets worried, they want me to sound crazy. Because yes, I know it "sounds" crazy. And this, combined with my ability to feel sort of freely eccentric and creative to a small degree, has made it easier for them I think.

I was just thinking about Hitchens. Could you imagine. Him standing next to me while I'm walking backwards. I think it would be like The Accidental Tourist where the conservative man is next to the woman with the crazy hair and artsy clothes, all freespirited and nonchalant while his feeling of propriety is being violated just to be in the same space. Hitchens says, in the play, "You had me at Hello, Jesus Loves You".

Thank goodness. Someone turned off the energy field. I am not being targeted now. It quit right after I wrote this last sentence. It's 6:26. Either someone across the street had to work or someone on the other side of the wall quit what they were doing, or...what?

Oh, that reminds me of an interesting symmetry yesterday. I wandered and got lost and ended up right next to a quote by Winston Churchhill about "we build a building and then we remold it". I can't remember it now but the same idea was in the book by Peter Singer about Marxism.
Anyway, more on it after I actually finish the book.

I just looked up a link about Hitchens and I guess he started taking a new drug. I haven't looked him up for months. But this one article says he started taking an experimental drug in January of 2011. I wonder when it was that I thought he was in remission. I wonder if he has ever been in remission? I guess he lost his voice to it, from what I just found now. Sometime at the end of April, he lost his voice. I wonder too, if they ever found anything they thought they could cut out.

I seriously have no had any of the technology stuff since about 6:30 a.m. It's like someone went to work or got distracted here at work by a coworker or someone got in the way. I believe it's religious. It's mainly coming from a religious group. I don't think they'd get their backing as tight as it is if it wasn't. I think it's a combination of something religious and jealousy through gang (doesn't have to mean they look like a gang) politics.
I think maybe, not sure, Hitchens is either eating or should eat, more foods with Vitamin A. Maybe I'm wrong though bc I don't know why I thought of this. I might pray and see if I can think of anything.

I looked and there's stuff mainly popping up about Vitamin D, and some about A too. Really, all the vitamins get mentioned, but I was thinking of him eating peaches, apricots, carrots, or things high in beta-carotene.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Monkey Arrest & The Department Of Justice

I read the news about a cartel leader going down and don't even know what to think anymore. Was it this cartel that has tortured me and my son?

Every time a cartel leader is arrested, I wonder who is dirty in the DEA and drug/gang teams that might want another cartel to prosper above another.

It's not like the police don't pick and choose who they go after.

If anything, it sometimes makes things much more dangerous for others. Some of these mafias are only in place to begin with, because the police have their own gang or mafia and use their authority to do what they want and oppress others or arrest just the people their friends want them to arrest.

There have been mexican people involved with my situation, but also, some of the people following me over to Canada, they were not Mexican. A lot of them were caucasian.

Not only that, I notice the Mexican and American governments seem to go after the cartel leaders who are not strongly catholic. And I've also noticed that any gang that seems to be trying to defend someone in the U.S. or making a point to send a message to protect the children of some, why is it that the U.S. then sics their people out on them?

They can't help me or my son, but they can go after anyone they think might, in any way possible, be trying to protect my child by sending a message? Even if it's not remotely true, I have noticed the way the media writes things, and anything that remotely hints at an idea that some group is trying to protect my son or me or anything, someone in the U.S. goes after.

I write about Taliban? Let's find Osama and kill him. I write about support from Eastern India? let's go to E. India and make a deal to put them in the CIA's pocket. Is there a Mexican mafia that shows any kind of effort to protect my family? There are people who HATE me SO MUCH they literally target whole mafias to get rid of them, in order to keep anyone from helping us.

This is seriously how corrupt it has been.

I mean, some group in the U.S., that has friends in the U.S. government, has been interested enough in directly trying to find and target anyone that might be attempting to assist, or who they THINK might be assisting, even if it's not true.

THEY are the mafia. Why isn't anyone looking at my claims and reports and checking out the people who are living in the U.S. and working in the intelligence? I mean, some of these people are responsible for allowing torture of my son and I.

I didn't see any Mexicans around when I was being tortured and burned at the Russian Baptist church that one service. I'm not saying that some Mexicans are not seriously violent and criminal, but it's not just Mexicans and their turf wars. It's white people. By that, I mean, caucasian, whether Russian, Irish or U.S. ethnicity. And blacks too.

I have really noticed, in following some of the news, that there is very clear and strong evidence that some group is navigating through groups to target, based on their personal and private hatred of me and whatever threat they feel I have posed, by making claims about their lying, false arrests, kidnapping, or torture of me and my son.

I know nothing about this guy they just arrested. I have never heard of him before. However, if he's part of the group that made a recent announcement about how they don't torture others or target kids and children, this might lead someone in the U.S. that DOES torture little kids, to think this mafia is one that might help tortured children.

So someone dirty and more criminal and corrupt than any of these cartel members, someone in the U.S., who is the kind of group that is willing to torture kids and moms, they are using their internal power in the government to go after cartel leaders that are killing men but declaring and announcing, "We do not believe in torture of kids or the innocent or women."

How strange.

So those who laugh at rape claims, and carry U.S. government authority, and who not only allow but enable torture of women and children in the U.S., THEY target guys that...what?

Don't know how to do it "slick" like they do?

What? They don't have the money to use the same technology and kill and harm "The old-fashioned way", in a way that is obvious? They don't do "clean" or "white" torture, like the U.S. does?

They don't have the money and technology to fight like the rich dudes in the U.S. who have buddies in the FBI and CIA and local police teams, so they do it more dramatically, by cutting off heads. Like the Taliban.

These groups are not using sophisticated technology, in general, to harm people. They are using brutal killing methods and tactics to make a point, because they don't DO what the rich white enable the gangster streets in the U.S. to do.

Here's what I noticed...For all I know, this Michoachan group was bad for my son and my family and others. I have no clue. But this is what I noticed...

I wrote something on my blog about how Al-Quaeda at least didn't torture women and children with technology, and I didn't hear of any examples of this. So I blog about this, how they don't torture, and all of a sudden, here comes a Mexican cartel sending a message publicly that this is also how they operate. They state anyone who "Kidnaps" and "Steals" and continues to do bad things (like what's been done to my son) will be held accountable and they also state they do not believe in torture of women and children.

Next thing we know, someone has zeroed in specifically on this cartel, and wants to take them out.

They are not the ones using technology to torture. I don't think so. Maybe I'm wrong. I also noticed something very similiar with the cartel leader who was Mexican and arrested while wearing a green t-shirt that said "London" on it and had the number 2 on it (I think). I can't remember his name, but I do remember that when he was arrested with help from the U.S., it was like right after I had written something that later, in hindsight, could have made it sound as though he was allied to help protect my family.

I mean, all these people are NOT protecting my family and they have no involvement at all, but the point is, if someone who has charge of operations, ever seems to think someone IS helping my family at all, they beeline for them. I mean, going out of their way to beeline.

And yeah, I don't think think this cartel was especially catholic-practicing, so, hand it to the Catholic-dominated U.S. intelligence and law enforcement to target any cartel that isn't Roman Catholic. Not to say that there aren't catholics involved, but just the fact that the religious beliefs were not especially Roman Catholic, is exactly why the U.S. Catholics in charge of DEA and drug and criminal stuff went after THIS cartel.

And the minute they take out one cartel, they leave the rest of the people in a state of imbalance, which is not to say they shouldn't ALL be gone, because no wants to deal with cartels anyway. However, picking and choosing, follow the line.

Follow the pattern and the line. Which cartels have been targeted?

And then track that to the U.S.

Someone in the U.S., in intelligence, is picking and choosing for their own interests and to back the operations of other cartels. So it's not like the U.S. and the Mexican police aren't, some of them, dirty.

People don't resort to chopping off heads, either, unless they don't have technology to compete with. Those with money and resources, who have the most members, power, and money, are using technology for white and clean torture. That's how they keep people in line or punish or torture. They don't have to chop heads. Why? that would be messy and lead to their arrest. It's not slick enough and the chances of getting caught are much greater.

I would want to know, as Head of Intelligence,

What is being done with detection of use of technology and the infiltration of the mobs.

They're running after bottom line stuff, people who are poorer and desperate enough to chop off heads, when the real criminals are using sophisticated technology.

Sure, it's harder to catch, but what happened to the whole purpose of having "spies".

Is the entire spy-force dirty too?

There is no reason why what's been done to me couldn't be infiltrated and caught, unless a larger and richer group is getting protection from someone who works as the head of a major intelligence organization in the U.S. There have to be middle men but there is someone enabling them as well, and giving them a kind of confidence of elusion, and this is someone in a senior position. That's my take, at least.

My opinion is that it's big enough, and dirty enough, that good intelligence, if getting a whiff, could seriously have been killed off over it. If anyone is getting close, it's going to be (or would be) extremely dangerous. This may be a superior and someone who has a lot of backing, and has worked at this and getting people in to protect himself, and some are probably women. This is the kind of thing, where someone might be told to go into line of fire or put in a dangerous situation without back up, or accidents are hoped to happen--I feel that it's bad enough, that it's probably been done already. It might also feel like, for the person who is making discoveries, that each time they turn around, another stake is popping up around. Like in the movies, when you thought someone was the good guy all along and then you realize this person has, unbelievably, been part of torture of a woman and child and has gained access to the top positions and appointed others who are dirty to encamp around it, to keep anyone who has integrity to having a better look themselves.

Probably, safety has been destabilization more and the same group that has the power and money, that uses the sophisticated technology, is the one that will continue to be protected.

The group that is criminal is the same one everyone says is "impossible" for me to fight. The same group that makes my life "impossible" is the one that has access to technology and they are professionals, low-level gangsters, and medical workers and those who have more money than they even do, are over them and dictate.

"It's impossible"

"It will be impossible"

"No one will believe you"

"I don't think you're going to get anywhere"

And then, to try to protect me, the best they can do, in desperation, is hope some gang and corporate mob with women involved, thinks about leaving me alone if I'm duly mentally ill enough.

No one expects me or my son to be protected, when they already know the intelligence is predominantly corrupt and blocking investigation, so plan B is to claim I'm mentally ill and hope they leave us alone. Like playing dead.

Those who are involved in the most dangerous mafias are also FT employees for The Department of Justice.

One of them will also be one of the primary directors and supporters of the funding or efforts to psychoanalyze me and pay psychics and remote viewers to use me as a target. The Patriot Act works as a tool for discovery for the criminal as much as those who have a legitimate need to try to protect the interests of the country at large. Some of the U.S. officials are using The Patriot Act for protecting their immediate interests, friends and family. They have abused it for this reason alone and in order to discover who is talking and if anyone is catching onto who is responsible for crimes of torture. One cannot promote crimes and torture, without having psychics try to tap into that person and then something like The Patriot Act, for checking lines, wires, phones, email, computer and library check out. The "bad guy" in the office needs to know what is going on, to keep from being discovered himself/herself. As long as he/she has an excuse for always checking and has some legal provision to just check things without telling anyone, someone who has tortured or been responsible for facilitating the crimes, is going to want to check ever gap. He/she will have colleagues that are like-minded and support their own goals, and they will listen in for any dropped hints, from any direction, that might lead to their own incrimination. When you're working at or for the DOJ, it's no small matter. You are going to cover all your bases. Especially when you're white-collar and have a family and don't want to end up in jail or see a LOT of others that are friends, in jail as well.

pulling an all-nighter spider

I have no reason to be up all night except that the women's shelter here said if I wanted a bed tonight, to be in or at the door at 11 a.m. and then stay there all day. So I didn't want to do that and I'm up all night doing nothing.

I had no reason to write "spider" except that there was some kind of internal rhyme there.

I figured out what happened with the pink spots on my blue and white towel. I had thought someone dyed the bench and was wondering what the h--- because it happened on the 29th, and matched (almost) what happened on April 29th. I thought it was some kind of bizarre trick, but NO! I'm an idiot. It was my B12 pill that melted in my back pocket and somehow double marked and stained my towel. I went into the sauna and sat down on a towel in my denim jeans and marked the towel and then I was complaining to everyone how awful it was when others vandalized property. It was a flamingo pink color. I took paper out of my back pocket tonight and saw the paper was pink and then remembered I'd put a soluable pill in my back pocket.

I seriously thought someone was playing this weird trick on me.

I don't know how it marked opposite sides of the towel though. It's still sort of weird that it happened at all, just because it was so like the other time, and on the same date, a month or two later.

One thing was cool today, really interesting.

Here is where I say, "Please give me my son back!"

I was in the elevator with some strangers this afternoon and the man made some innocuous comment, really general and I quipped, "You must be in stocks and bonds!" and this other man stared at me and the man I directed this to said, "I'm in bonds." I said, "What?" and he said, "I'm a lawyer and I work with bonds." This other man looked totally freaked out and made a quick exit and then I second guessed and said, "No, you're not. Really? Do you have something to prove it?"

And he said, "I do," and he reached over and gave me a business card. I said , "Okay, I'll look it up!" and I put it in my bag, inserting it into my Bible and then thinking "I will have to see which part of the scriptures that card landed in". I didn't do it on purpose, to put in my Bible even, it was just there on the side of my bag and I randomly put it there. And then later I thought, "I put his card in my Bible. I wonder where it is." So then I got something to drink and I went off the elevator and I opened the Bible up and the last name, I looked at it and it was Raynor. So I took my Bible out and the card was tipped and sticking out with just a small triangle showing of it at the Bible and then it said, at least where I looked, on the page, "Once for all, I have sworn by my holiness--and I will not lie to David--that his line will continue forever and his throne endure before me like the sun." (Psalms 89:35-36)

I'll put a link to one of the meanings for "raynor" above.

So anyway. I AM guessing things that are accurate and I feel the State of Washington had some inkling that I was doing this and they tried to cover it up with some "mental illness" claim when my son and I were being tortured and attacked for having a gift. I think someone knew that if I had this gift, my son likely would as well. I was writing to people online about how smart and advanced his development was. And then we were attacked and it altered everything, permanently. I've been experimented with, by people who have known all along. And my son taken from me to make this possible. Where the line is between gangster or mafia and black operations led or allowed by government officials, I don't know. I'm thankful to people like Mr. Raynor for letting me see for myself, that I was right about something. I said to him, "Did you see the look on the other man's face? he looked sort of freaked out when you said you were a bonds lawyer." Mr. Raynor said, "He probably got out of there before you guessed what HE did for a living."

I think those whom I've named as having been corrupt or doing wrong to me or my son had a lot of motive to try to say I was mentally ill and cover up for what others were doing. The thing is, it wasn't even stocks that came to mind first.

Bonds came to mind. But I thought, "Well, that's Stocks and bonds" and so I quipped about this and he said, "I'm not in stocks, but I AM in bonds. I'm a lawyer who specializes in bonds." I didn't even tell him my first impression was just bonds. I almost said, "So you must be into bonds." But then even after he confirmed it was true, I doubted myself.

I don't want anyone to think I'm right all the time, with guesses. But I know for a fact that I've been correct too often for some to feel comfortable.

My son and I twitched all night, at night, in East Wenatchee. We were so ill we were almost faint. I several times almost passed out and was so ill that I couldn't get off the ground. I was almost blacking out. The pain in my lower stomach and lower back was excruciating and the painkillers were high and did nothing to help. My son and I were having our feet cramp up into charlie horses and curling under at night as well. Once, my son cried out in his sleep and raised one arm straight up in the air, and was twitching at the same time. They were interior twitches, where it was just under the skin. We were being warmed up unnaturally and when we finally got away our bodies went into such shock my son contracted a severe case of whooping cough, so bad we almost took him to the ER. It calmed down, but then we both had bronchitis. His wheezing and contraction of his lungs was from the shock of going from being overheated by technology all the time, to a normal environment. Canadian people witnessed the curling and WARPING of my son's toenails and my own nails. My SON SUFFERED.

And then he was forced to suffer further, by being stripped from the only person who loved him enough to be willing to leave the country, and willing to die herself, to save his life.

People have really been getting away with a lot lately. Just taking this whole game and "mental illness" joke a little too far, mocking me while they know others are still using technology on me but doing it in a way where they can't get caught and hopefully keeping it "white" and "clean" as far as torture goes. Make sure there are no marks.

Meanwhile, I can give an entire list of things my son and I have suffered.


Being I'm psychic and because not only that, I was attractive, talented with an ability to write beautiful music and poetry, and someone didn't want ME and my smarts, getting in their way. Some group knew that the constant publication of the Willamette Week article about me, which was defamatory, was grounds for lawsuit still, and they knew I could file again, so they wanted to make me sound like I was fitting their story. And others were sick with jealousy and worry that I was able to file my own lawsuits and have Judges generally keep them up for 2 years. I filed 2 MAJOR lawsuits at a time, while still going to college overtime, with 20 credits and a 3.6 GPA, and still sang, wrote music, tended a garden, started a PT book buying business, worked as a CEO of Student Activities for a college, and I ran to keep in shape, and went to church when possible. And I still went out on a Friday night now and then, to go dancing and have a drink. And everyone asked where I got my money. On top of everything, I had better budgeting skills than most of my peers. I did all of these things, on barely enough to live off of as it was. I recruited people to help and who volunteered and tried to make it fun. And I used ingenuity to save money. I didn't get ANY help. I did it on my own, and then I told Christa Schneider the only thing that could keep me down was physical illness.

I've been sick ever since. Starting with a few months after I was asked how I wanted to die.

I did ALL of this. By myself.

This SCARED the h--- out of seriously powerful groups.

What other young woman do YOU know, personally, who has done all this, who proved she could do all of these things at one time? and do them well? Give me a name of ONE woman who has done what I have done.

I was a threat.

Then my son came into this world, and I started writing internationally about how brilliant he was. I couldn't understand it myself. Suddenly, someone wanted to tear us both apart and make us useless. They wanted to cut off MY LINE. Who has been promoting themselves and their groups in my place?

While I was being TORTURED and drugged, and assaulted, shot up with harmful drugs, falsely imprisoned, set up, threatened, poisoned, and witnessing my son go through the same. They took a woman who was outstanding in every way, and remarkable, and sought to DESTROY her life. And then rob her child of any chance.

That woman is ME.

They have gone after my family and friends and anyone who tried to help as well. WHY would anyone do these incredible things? I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I was so far out of their league they had to use TORTURE against both me and my son.

Anyone who wanted to pull a deal for me, to get me out of this situation, probably gave up at some point, after I was attacked again and then repeatedly cited with false arrests, and discredited. I lost my poetic voice. I acted like a torture victim and I was deprived of the decency of the truth, that I was reacting to torture.

"You think you're 'special'" . This is what my enemies said to me, repeatedly. "YOU think YOU'RE SPECIAL." And then they tore into me and every single time I tried to stand up, they went after me with blugeons like some kind of disgraceful hypocritical mob, and some of the vultures stood there waiting to see if I'd sell my body to get out of being tortured and kept out of work, housing, and reputation.

Who is saying "You think you're special" now?

No one. After they stole everything I ever had, they continued to torture and use me and my son. And no one was going to say I was special at all. I was not going to be special anymore, if they had anything to do with it. I was going to be less than human. They were going to turn my son into an animal.

After I was dragged down far enough, it just became fun to follow me around and mock me as I had to figure out how to even feed myself.

No one was worried that I was "special" anymore at least, but they still tried to make sure I was periodically jailed or thrown into a psych ward, or kept out of work and shunned, for good measure. The more of an outcast and embarrassment I seemed to be, the less chance there was of my "recovery".

My son was tortured, abused, traumatized beyond repair. Treated by some, like an animal. Told not to cry. Told to dance and perform for others. Punched. Beaten. Cut. Made to watch loved things die. Burned with acid, and if we dared say it was true, the State that is seething with corruption was going to blame it on my family or aunt and uncle and take him out of the family altogether. They used blackmail to get everything they wanted.

Now they are faking motions for "Appeal" for a case that is a set up and a fraud to begin with. Every attempt I've made to go to the FBI is overshadowed by my being thrown into jail, into a psych ward, or harassed non-stop and tortured and discredited so I can never get to someone.

In the middle of oppression by those who hated me for being, they thought, "Special", I was then used like a guinea pig. Never compensated or allowed to work and do my own thing freely. Used while I was kept down, like a slave. Jail and psych wards used as containment centers for further experimentation.

That wasn't even enough. They hadn't broken my spirit, so they kept harassing me as well.

I don't know why my entire family doesn't leave this country and relocate altogether. I asked my parents, "WHY are you staying here? Don't you know that you can get passports and start over somewhere else, and with your licensing, make a better life? Do you like watching what is allowed to happen to your daughter, son, and grandson? What makes you WANT to stay here and tell me, WHAT makes the U.S. such a great place with this going on? WHY do you even WANT to stay?" I haven't received an answer. I love the U.S. and many of the people, but when the law enforcement and intelligence is totally corrupt with people allowing my family to be tortured under their knowing and watchful noses, there is something seriously wrong.

A lot of good things have been happening with sort of revelations and learning from scriptures and feeling encouraged by God. But in all this, I just cannot hardly believe any of these things have happened to me and my son at all. And I need my son and my son needs me.

art house jail break (house of flying daggers)

This morning I had no plan. Still don't, other than to pursue a volunteer effort I called about over a week ago. It's working with children.

I've never seen the movie "House of Flying Daggers" but I went to the news this morning and read about a prison break by Al-Quaida. It was briefly mentioned in an msnbc line but then I couldn't find it. Went to CNN and couldn't find a word about it. So I went to the BBC and there it was. An article about a prison break from Yemen. I found it interesting in that it followed this idea of creating an illusion of a fight in order to distract from the ultimate plan or another strategy. So I read this and then I read an article about the "falling crime in U.S." and agree with the BBC commenters, that this is a totally misplaced idea, that "crime" is falling. The rate of crime is falling, because police are not taking reports. Which actually means the reverse--that there is far worse corruption than there has been in the past and the law enforcement and intelligence communities are ridden with pests and have become almost completely ineffective. They can't take care of petty crimes, guilani style, and criminals get away with torture, and some incredible things. The rate of reported crime is down, and crime is actually up. It is more dangerous now in the U.S., than ever.

Then I wanted to look up music and typed in "art house music" and selected one that said, "House of Flying Daggers". I've never seen the movie but I'll post the clip above. Then I read the review about it from wiki and it's about 2 police and a deception and one falling in love with a woman they were only using as a lure for tracking someone else and then everything flips and it turns out that nothing is as it seems. It's about jail breaks.

Following the jail break news, I thought it was a nice note.

The other day, when I found the clapping of the hassidic jews matched the drums of the ethiopian muslims, I always think what a cool montage or video I could make.

I almost took filmmaking.

I really wish I had and I did make an attempt. I was sort of being pushed out a little but I probably could have gotten in if I'd stayed in college. It was at Portland State University and I wanted to take film making.

I got the idea when I was always coming up with ideas for "short shorts" and wanted to do a humorous one on cat obesity in America. I took several art film classes and historical cinema classes and felt inspired I guess. I've written about this before.

I have been listening to this song over and over. While I listened, I didn't watch and then I thought, "Okay, wait for the right moment to look" and then I clicked and ended up on this part where this woman has a salmon-peach-pink colored scarf and is doing trick work with a dagger or sword and it reaches out at this man behind a desk and then he tosses a bowl her direction and she frees herself to take hold of the sword with her hands instead of using the scarf, and strikes it in the middle and it shatters into pieces onto a butterfly symbol in the floor. I don't know why, but seeing this almost made me feel like crying.

This is how women should be portrayed. As fighters. Not the submissive waxing woman by designer clothing counter, or lunching with a bunch of moms talking about Maytag washers and dryers. That's my opinion, and actually, every woman is different. I prefer to think of myself as the fighting type. It is also possible to be feminine and be an activist, feminist, and fighter. I think the whole concept of what a feminist is, these days, is totally misunderstood. To me, it's not about "women's rights" where it usurps the rights of the unborn child, this is not the cornerstone of feminism for me. To me, feminism is sometimes the women who end up in homeless shelters because they are too proud to take family or friend support and most often, because they refused to lean on a man. They are trying their best to be independent and most are punished for it, through being stigmatized. People always ask, "Where is your family?" when they see a woman in a homeless shelter. They should be asking, "Where is your man?" because really, the U.S. has no more of an evolved idea of woman's role in life or her abilty to be self-sustaining and supporting than any other country. I feel there is an illusion of women's rights in the U.S., but almost every successful woman in the U.S. is tied to a man. Look for the ties. They are there. If it's not through marriage, it's through who a woman slept with and what jobs she was offered through these kinds of relationships. I see very few truly independent women in real world terms. Even the career women--are they really independent? financial independence at the price or cost of doing favors for some man or being married or linked to some man, or some man's daughter?

Stronger women are found in homeless shelters than in offices.

I sense such good energy writing this post and having found this music clip and just everything from this morning, how it's falling into some kind of message. A really beautiful and artistic message and expression and God knows everything. People think they can hide from God, and look, what do you think?

I'm not anti-man either. For the record. I just think a woman should try to be a whole person in her own right first, which is what I've tried to do and been suppressed from accomplishing.

Anyway, it was nice to see so many correlations with prison breaks, and strategies of duplicity, from what I was talking about with Project Fortitude, the al-quaida prison break, house of flying daggers, and my own life.

I want my son back. My son should be returned to me without any "appeal" when this appeal and legal charade has been nothing but a lie, a fraud, and a charade.

I am his legal guardian and my son was illegally kidnapped from me, in violation of international and domestic law.

And then I was used and my son has been used.

I think too, some very clever psychics have presupposed things that could happen in the future and attempted to twist and turn the meanings and mislead others, to direct them away from helping me and my son, or caring about us, or believing God is for us and not against us. I feel sorrier for them than anyone else, because when you pick a fight with God, the outcome in the final set, is never good. Whether it's seen in my lifetime or not, God doesn't forget anything.

For scriptures, last night I curled my hair and grabbed another Bible because I wanted to read something at random, not knowin the layout of this other Bible that was different in size and new to me. Then someone turned out the lights and I couldn't see anything. I only wanted to read a small part to have something in mind while I curled my hair up. So I took out the Thomas the Train figure I have that matches the one for my son, and it has a headlight that lights up when you press the button so I got it out, and pressed the button. It said, "Cinders and ashes!" and shone a light on I Chronicles, this part where it is said,

"David said to Solomon his son, be strong and courageous and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged because the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished."

I just tried to focus on this and the idea that God is with me. I didn't feel like curling my hair either, but I did it. I just wanted to sleep. Then I thought, "You are eating like a pig and you can't keep your fast (or giving up of) laziness to stay up and curl your hair like you said you'd do?" I thought, "I am not on my face before God all the time but my entire fast of meat is for God. I said I'd fast my laziness (whenever possible) and yet should I add something?" I thought, no, just keep the fasts you have already. It's not necessary to add anything else other than prayer. (I thought, even if I'm indulging myself in foods besides meat, which I like, I have bones in my chest that don't need to be more visible and it's not healthy).

Then, I didn't have any great insights, but when I closed my eyes to pray, I almost started to see something but in a different way, like I was starting to see into a different time of day in another country. It was nighttime here but other there it was daylight. It was hard to describe or recognize though, because it was like starting to see out over a horizon, like , I don't know how to describe it. It was almost like seeing over a dashboard. Like the bottom half was dark, and then there was this plane or expanse and above it was daylight and in the distance some kind of land.? I guess it was almost like seeing over the board of a plane or car dashboard, or something and it was daylight there. I didn't think it was a plane or car though, and maybe it was a hill or something. Something above a surface, approaching and coming up, was a landscape and it was daylight. I guess it was about 10:30 p.m or 11? whenever lights went out.

And I saw a rose. I didn't see a literal rose, like rose in bloom, but this rose design. Right in front of me and it wasn't a literal rose, but like a design and then I thought, "Why am I seeing a rose?" It was like art noveau, and it was separate from what I saw of the daylight. It was different but while I had my eyes closed and was praying and it was sort of like a flat drawing or pen design, woodcutting, something, of a rose. Took up my center field of vision when I saw it. There was nothing else around it when I saw it. I was praying in general, God help me, help my son and family, bless those who love you and help me to be strong for your glory and bring to my mind anything I should change, (that sort of general prayer). And I saw these things and then later at the end I prayed for all the countries briefly and then all the psychics, seers, prophets, from all backgrounds (I named wicca, voodoo, kaballah, christian word of knowledge people, everything, atheists), and asked God to show them he cares about them and to use their gifts for good and to fight for and speak up for the rights of children to not be forced to be psychics or harmed for such research. And that was how I ended my prayers.

I'll try to find the kind of rose design I was seeing. It won't be exact I'm sure, but sort of the idea.
Someone is saying something about "guard the gift" (8:03). It just came to me right now. To guard the gift. But not sure what that means. I know it's about psychic gift, but I don't know in what way.

By the way, in case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm not very psychic or very good. I think I have a small gift and cool things happen sometimes, but I'm really not great and I'm not a prophet either. I try to do decent things and hope something sometimes helps or encourages others, but I don't get it all the time. I do know that when I get it, I don't lie about it. Like, for example, I wouldn't lie about the whole "femur" episode.

And then, yesterday, I saw Obama wearing this short sleeved white shirt and thought, "Did I get it right about Vladdie? when I saw him in a white shirt?" because I had wondered if it was long or short sleeved, just like the one Obama wore the very next day. And I saw it again on the day Obama wore it, it came to mind. I wasn't sure, bc what I mainly "thought" I got (not very good at all) was the collar and style of shirt but I wasn't sure about sleeves and then I thought, "No, his work shirt is blue...or does he have a white one too? is he still working there? because I thought he was going off to college soon." I thought, if it's a work shirt it's probably short sleeves.

Obama is a little bit psychic too, by the way. I think he gets a few tips from others in the background, who are even more psychic maybe, like his faux cameramen who stand there and signal to him, but he is slightly psychic. I think he's tormented by it a little though. I don't know if he really wants to be used so much in that capacity. It's a lot of weight.

I keep listening to this song from the video clip and found a title for it and it's called:

"65 Days of Static: Radio Protection".

Really different title. I am thinking hardddd...? DOH! There's a homer simpson nod to the guys last trying to read my mind at dinner.

I said one of them should be in the CIA and was the perfect "type" and then I was cracking up with this other man about how he would be like Elmer Fudd and no one would ever suspect him. Then the other man, his Dad, cracked up and said, "You're right! Awe yew a tewworist?" and then I walked out to the song, Crashing into You played by a band, at "I'm king of the castle, you're the dirty rascal...crash into you."

Which made me laugh out loud when I heard it from the band as I was crossing the street, "yew dirty wascally wabbit. Awe yew a tewwawist?"

Anyway, I'm going to try to find the rose and then I have other things to do. This morning I read at random from Psalm 139, "Lord you have searched me and know me."

It was sort of like this, but this one isn't it. However, I am quite sure that I am, indeed, equivalent to "10 ninjas" and maybe better. ;) Link is up. #2

It wasn't a side view design but like looking into the center of the rose, like the view from link 2 and it wasn't adorned with spirals on the outside. It was just like 1 rose and nothing else and I didn't even see leaves. I just saw the rose, opened up and it was a design.

Oh this is weird. I just noticed there are roses on these drums. I decided to look for a different Flying Dagger song and saw one in the line up with the woman wearing the scarf and I clicked on it and it said it was the drum dance. I didn't even notice these in the other clip at all. They were too small and I didn't know they were drums either. Then, I clicked on this other link, by balusu007, and the first thing I saw, while trying to look up "rose images" was the center rose on these drums.


And last night I saw this book in the shelves and it said, "Dance" but the first part was torn off. It was some kind of dance, but only "dance" was there.

Do I win a prize or something now?

I think I forgot to breathe. I just watched the whole dance and I forgot to breathe. What in the world is going on anyway? Am I the only one who thinks this is weird? Here's link 3 for the drum dance. Posted. it's called arundhathi drum dance.

The roses look the same, on the drums, but they're different.

What's the deal with the lima bean.

Have I already seen this and commented on it? Something feels like deja vu. All I know, is that the same kind of rose on the drums is what I saw last night when I was praying. I couldn't see all the detail, but it was a general idea. I'm still trying to look, but it was, from this clip, most like the rose depicted on the __ drum...let me see, no, I saw something different, more of a simple design, but like the kind of rose on these drums. And I didn't see color, just the form of a rose head on, taking the whole center. But it's still weird, the whole thing unfolding this way.

At any rate, this woman has a tragic ending. Change ending.

Is it a lima bean or a pinto bean? It has spots.

Then I looked up the beauty dance where she sings. I like the drum dance much more. It's more spirited and a little bit more of a display of intellectual or other gift or challenge and then. And I love how she takes the sword at the end and brings it down in triumph. I like both of them and the cool part, is that it's the same woman in both, but they have different moods. But I like both ideas. I also started to laugh at the end, when she breaks the bowl and the woman in the balcony looks scared for a minute. Sort of like they're all enjoying the performance and then in that moment, something surpasses the expected and almost scares them.

I think I'm not going to look for the rose design now. I already described what I saw, in general and I don't want to make guesses about what, exactly, it was. Probably someone else knows and God knows they will know too. So it's for them to know maybe. If not, it's just for me to know, that God wanted me to see this. I saw it for awhile. I saw it and then opened my eyes and closed them and saw it again. It was there for awhile.

Okay, looked still. It was hard to see, so like I said,, I can't be sure except for the general idea that was right in front of me. But it also sort of looked like this link I found, to a ring, like looking at one of those roses from straight above (in the photo it's tilted) and just one, not a bunch. But it was just a rose design sort of like that and yet I don't know if it was an engraving, a drawing, or design or just that God wanted me to get the general picture. I would say it was sort of like the old fashioned english rose symbol but I think maybe it was more of true rose design instead of flowing out with even petals to the side. Will show both. Here is the ring one: 4th link and here is an example of how it sort of appeared in the mind's eye to me, called "fludd rose": 5th link.

I'll stop there. I think it was more of the true rose design, like in the ring but as if looking straight down on it and not seeing whether there is depth or not. It was almost sort of the rosy cross design or kind of art nouveau or something and I didn't see it in color, I saw it as this very large design that faced me head on and took up my entire field of vision in the moment I saw it.

I'm stopping with 5 sample ideas (in general) because my son is 5 years old so I'm doing this for luck. The ring one is probably the closest idea. The ninja one, first one is pretty close too. I mean, I saw it and thought, at least it's the right view or perspective and the general idea.

As for the daylight impression, I don't know where it was. But I instantly thought it was another country because it was nighttime here. So I felt it was in real-time, through the eyes of someone else, maybe, but probably real-time.

I looked up views of horizon, daylight on images and didn't see what I saw so I went to "plane, view of horizon, daylight" and then found the closest thing but it was much brighter and without clouds I think, and yet this is the idea of how I saw the view but the computer server doesn't want me to put it up. So I looked at the link and after I clicked on the photo I saw it has a title for "artbeats". It's from a plane from the cockpit but it's not exactly what I got. My view was stretched out further to the left and right. It's titled under "cockpit view, flight taking off under" but it was bright and sunny, everything very nice. It wasn't overcast and I think there were some buildings or things off in the distance, small figures and things but I didn't catch that much. It was either from a plane cockpit or coming up over a hill and seeing a panoramic view of light and land.
I took a couple books with me, to glance at after I try to find out about volunteer work. One is Marx by Peter Singer and the other is 1984 by George Orwell. I figured they go hand in hand but I don't know when I'll get around to reading them. I think I don't know what communism is really, because I said, "I think communism is any kind of deprivation of free will" and this man looked at me and said, "No, that's facism".

I have 9 hard boiled eggs with me today. Must eat all. I took 5 (unlimited number we can take) this morning and have 4 from yesterday evening and after reading Adele Davis's book again, I am not afraid to eat so many all at once. People recovering from heart attacks eat a dozen or more a day. It's good cholesterol, not bad. They also contain lecithin and I couldn't find granular lecithin so I'm going for the eggs.

I tried to go to red, white, blue films (the french 3 trilogy) on youtube and someone blocked my access with "blocked! white supremacy!" and then "white pride!" so I think someone is maybe just screwing around with my ability to look things up. It says it's a filter word. ? and there was one for "xxx" which I never typed in, awhile ago. Anyway.

I looked up the composer of music for the french 3 and found zbigniew preisner and when I looked at the choices I saw a woman's photo with her hair done like mine so I am curious. It's called "We Will Never Forget" (A Woman in Berlin). Her hair is done like mine today but it doesn't mean anything. Just made me curious. I curled my hair but it went flat so I twisted it to the side and put the back into a bun like this. The point of my curling my hair is to keep a fast, not that it must remain curled. A couple of times I've done it twice, but once if I get that done, is good enough. So anyway, I like this music.

I got some impression, while watching this part of someone saying to another person, "She was drugged" or "they drugged her". The wiki on the woman is one about the real person--I guess it's a true story. I haven't read the section from the movie itself yet.

Here is the song, from the Soundtrack of A Woman In Berlin. Link 7. In German it's called "Anonyma--Eine Frau". Hillers, the real woman, has her wiki profile on just her name as well. She didn't get a good reception because other women didn't identify with her or felt she was an embarrassment or, it says, perhaps the same thing had happened to a few of them and they want to relive it. But she was a refugee. Link 8.

I found the movie review and the tagline is "World War II Ends and Her Story Begins". It's about a woman fighting to survive in the aftermath of a war when the land is overrun and taken by those who are her enemy and then, I guess, one of the enemy agrees to offer protection.

It was filmed in the North region of Germany, in Westphalia. My parents are actually getting me a ticket to visit at a bus station in Westmooreland. I wonder why anyone is in denial about use of me, at all?

It is clear to everyone, what has happened. And if I wasn't initially used and targeted for mind control research or to allow others to abuse, it happened later. My son has been abused as well.

I am probably this same woman, and maybe I landed on "We Will Not Forget" because at the start of this post, I know I wrote God Will Not Forget. And that is the truth. God does not forget what has happened to me on account of my and my son's enemies.

Anyone attempting to twist what I would be led to, for their own reasons, is only twisting and attempting to alter fate. They see it coming, and try to head it off.

I prayed, before I landed on this, I prayed to God, help me to go to the right thing next, something important and this is what I was led to. A Woman In Berlin with the song "We Will Not Forget". To me, it's a stamp with God saying He does not forget. Which is why I am positive that in the end, my God will avenge his own name or will correct the injustices. I say My God, because I don't think we all believe in the same God or things would never be done "in the name of God" that are not from God at all.

The other thing I thought of last night is with regard to bowing. Aside from a courtesy nod of the head or something, I don't believe in it. I thought, "If I were someone royal, I would make a new law that no one is to bow to me but bow to God instead." Sort of like, "Instead of giving us a gift, would you like to give a gift to God instead?" David and kings of the past, who honor God, bow along with everyone else, to God. Not the Pope, not some supreme godhead, but in honor of God alone. If someone doesn't want to bow, fine, but if they are going to bow, don't bow to me! (oh, and by the way, it has nothing to do with elizabeth or anyone royal and doesn't fit in with the last thought I had either, but that's just it.

And I resent having people attempt to say "You're catherine" today and then playing some game as if whatever I do on this particular day is to be ascribed to someone else. I am myself, and no one else. I do not speak for anyone named catherine, katherine, or cathy. Whatever I do, good or bad, is in speaking for myself.

This is what I mean by having someone foresee what God is going to do and how I might be led or directed and then attempting to put some other meaning behind it and making everything into some kind of joke or game or idea that THEY have something to do with it. They don't!

God is the one who leads me, if I follow him (and I am not perfect and don't always do that). No hoodoo voodoo man or woman is out there, wiggling their fingers around and chanting magic spells and causing me to come across certain websites or ideas. God leads me to certain things and if it's to me, it's about me. Just as it is for anyone else and their lives.

Instead, I feel what some kind of wacko has tried to do, is, having a gift and foreseeing what might come up, they attempt to claim it's about something totally different and try to own it.

That's like trying to own God and it's a big mistake.

If my parents foresee something, for example, and highlight it, that's one thing. But having a bad person trying to make a game out of how God works in our lives and wanting to claim they are the wizard of oz or some kind of master, is full of ego and anyone should see through this immediately. Anyone claiming to put spells on others or try to maneuver them around is not a good person.

There are people who have word of knowledge or prophetic gifts, but those who love God will always TRY to highlight God. However, there are also people who USE "God" to try to acheive their own plans. That is called "taking the lord's name in vain" and it's not swearing, it's when someone trys to get legitimacy for what they want by saying "THIS IS God's will." I believe sometimes things are God's will, yes, and there are true prophets but that's exceedingly rare. If it's God's will, so many things will line up and it will come to pass. This doesn't mean, though that bad things are his will. It's hard to explain.

I only write this because I've literally discovered later, that on a certain day someone was attempting to say whatever I did was going to follow in the pattern for someone else's life! Like, they would say, "Okay, whatever she does today is what _____ would do" and then they have seriously tried to import some kind of meaning for another person.

What has more likely happened, is that instead of someone trying to cast a spell or infuse a person with someone else's spirit (which is totally black magic), they have or know of someone with a gift as a seer, being able to see into the future and in an attempt to alter it, throw other explanations out there. One persons idea of a symbolic "long train" might be a wedding dress train and then someone else could come in and say, "No, they have no future married. It's a 'long train' like a subway or train to China kinda thing."

I mean, people even try to mix up clear signs God sometimes DOES give, by trying to tamper with it and muddy the waters. Which is why sometimes we just have to use good common sense and temper the "signs" with prayer and confirmation as well.

Then too, I've seen a lot of "ego" in some who want to be thought of as better seers or "calling it!" than they are. And that's just plain ego. It might not even have anything to do with them at all, but they might want to have their own importance as a "seer" enhanced, and so they claim "I always knew!" or say things they didn't know.

I don't disregard or disbelieve things, I only think it's a good idea to be careful to not be led astray from what really God wants and then what another group of people might want.

It says to fear God, not man. God is the one to follow, if not perfectly, carefully and knowing it's only by grace and cutting yourself slack. When I get really down and I'm harassed, sometimes I freak out but then other times I just think, "I don't care what they're implying. I know what YOU said to me or what you want me to do or how you feel about me, or my son, etc., and if you are for me, you are boss." (even if everything is still bad for awhile). Sometimes, people want others to doubt you or they want others to view you in a different light than is true, and other times, they want you to doubt yourself. If they can take away your own self-confidence, they feel better about themselves. If they take away the confidence others have in you, they feel beter about their agenda.

Oh no Will! I just looked up Will Wagler's facebook. That photo. I didn't have him in mind for the above, in fact I hadn't thought about him for weeks and months, but just came to mind to check out his facebook. I think it was because of this Enya song that started to play where I was. I heard the song and thought about him I think. I'm really just all over the place with this blogpost today, so don't assume one idea is following the next one. Think of me as not getting to a linear order and then point.

I was noticing the surveillance camera photo. It looks like the art I just checked out yesterday. There were seriously sculptures and things that looked just like that.

I have to get something for my brother tomorrow because it's his birthday. But I don't know what yet. Can't afford very much, and I was just in an art book and giftstore yesterday that had mini repilcas of things like this. That's just what he wants too--surveillance. I almost used the word trickery in this post too. But I didn't.

I sense good energy. Have for awhile. It's now 11:50 a.m. and now I have to look up this volunteer thing and get going.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Bible Weirdness & UK Psychic Network (blackbird)

I don't do anything weird when it comes to religion. I just pray, read scripture, and listen to worship music sometimes.

Today something sort of weird happened though, not super weird, just slightly weird, and then I will write about a blackbird thing that happened that corresponds, I guess, to someone who wrote to me from the UK or at least using the UK psychic network forum, asking me about dream interpretation. It was maybe not a European person, but maybe a U.S. or other person, just using the site annonymously.

But first the Bible thing. I've been grumpy, so I'm not perfect, and sometimes, God probably gives us slack, knowing what we're dealing with. I opened up my Bible to read something this morning and got Habakkuk 3:14-19. About "yet will I praise him". Then, I had just been in the sauna and I was upset because someone put pink dye on the bench and it got on my towel. There was a man with the number 12 on his jersey and I just started looking at these 3 different men who had come in at different times, with suspicion. Not only that, it was almost like the spots of blood I had on April 29th, but those spots were definite circles and only 2. Today, someone got the wise guy idea to do something to my towel when I was in the steam sauna, steaming my hair in curlers. There were 2 pink blotches on different sides and then a tiny green spot in the middle. I then walked into the women's lockeroom and all these women in pink came in and I just felt peeved. I said, "Does this happen in the gym all the time or is just special for me?"

Then I opened to Habakkuk and read the passage while doing my curlers. And then, this is really weird...I looked at my plastic bag that had been holding the curlers and there were these milky white droplets on it. I don't even want to say what it looked like, but it looked like a man's you-know, fluid or something. It did. And then I thought, what in the world and big eyes and then I randomly turned to a new section in the Bible and guess what it was about? I was staring and thinking it looked like semen (sorry, but how else can I describe the next part?) and then I turned right to the one section in the Bible that talks about sexual things and being pure and marriage. I thought, "Thanks so much for the nice reinforcing symbolism here. Way to get your point across." Well, there are many sections in the Bible about sexual things, but I landed on this: I Corinthians 6:18, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body." And then it goes on to the section about marriage, Ch. 7. I personally haven't been intimate with anyone for about 2 years, but still, I saw how it was brought to my attention. Then the 3rd section I turned to was one of many about kingdoms and 12 tribes and I don't want to say which one bc I don't want anyone to try to guess or impart meaning to it. This one stood out to me because the guy wearing 12 had been there and then I was calling my Dad and complaining about my towel being dyed, and it cut off at 12 seconds.

I didn't look for work today as I had thought I might. I was going to, but I might be doing something else so I was waiting for a call from my parents and wandered all over kingdom come instead. I had no plan and ended up from the gym to the art museum. I hadn't even known where it was and I walked right into it. So I couldn't afford to pay to go in but I walked around and looked at what I could, and saw these kids there too. It was the Dallas Art Museum, and then the Sculpture Museum and the Chang Crow Museum. My favorite part, where I felt this wash of calm energy come over me, happened when I circled the Henry Moore "2 figures reclining" sculpture by the Dallas Art Museum. As I walked and stopped, fixing my gaze on 1 angle and then another, I realized, it was meant to evolve and change as one walked around it and it did. I thought, "I know how to look at art! and I don't even know what I'm doing." But it was cool, to stop and study an angle but then keep moving and see it changing shape and form. I thought it was really fun and thought I'll bet my son would like this too. And I enjoyed so many other things too.

But then I was just looking for a grocery store and I ended up all over the place, I mean, and sort of followed and finally I thought, "Go into the Jewish cemetary." It was right there. I was trying to get to the grocery and then it was there and I had passed it before, on a different day, and knew not to go in. Then for some reason, I felt it was okay to go to the cemetary today. I had just passed some guy that looked like Prince Charles from the back, next to this big truck and I was on my way to the grocery and there was the cemetary. So I prayed, "Okay, where am I supposed to go in here?" And I just walked foward and felt I would know where to stop. And this man was putting a lot of green branches and trimmings in the garbage can and I walked past him and then I stopped when I was right across from this gravestone that said Cohen. I think I figured that was good, because it's been Cohen this and Cohen that lately, and not my idea either. I think there were other names I noticed as well, but I saw that one and then thought, "you have to be kidding me. Not again."

Then, the Charlie man comes into view as I bent over to pick up this green branch in front of the Cohen collection and waved it up at the gardner and said, "You forgot some brush!" I was waving the leafy branch up over my head and then the Charlie faker came into view and said hi or something and I thought, "Huh?" scooby doo style.

Then, I was just all over the place and finally I was trying to get back to find this baby blackbird (I haven't mentioned this yet) and got lost again and was peeved with everyone following me and said, on the phone, "What do they want? a big show?" and then, just immaturely decided to cut through the cemetary again to get into town, because it was a beeline. I crossed at davidoff and ended up on the other diagonal past a card that said "free". Anyway.

I got back to the baby blackbird and it was still okay.

So, there was this person who wrote to me, on the psychic network, and this is when the papers fell after this person told me about a dream they had about paper, and at that moment, all these papers fell on their own. Very eerie. And then they asked me about this dream they had (maybe same person?) about blackbirds. They told me they had some dream about 2 blackbirds in a garden and then one flew off or away and the other was gone. It was 2 and then 1 and they couldn't see the other one. It was in a garden they said.

So last night I was saying I would rather die than be accused of being mentally ill all the time and refused work and college, and had just had it. And then I found this baby bird with one wing outstretched and awkward on the patio and I was afraid to look at it at first. I told my mom on the phone, "I'm afraid to see how it is because if it's suffering, I don't have a gun to put it out of its misery with." But I went over later anyway, and then checked in with it and it seemed out of it and tired or dazed and its feet were curled up and warped. After a long time, I finally picked it up and held it for awhile and gave it water from my fingertip for a long time and then I finally made a bed for it, with ferns. I just picked some fern after feeling the leaf above and it wasn't very soft so I set it on a blanket of fern. And then I figured I'd check on it in the morning. There was a mother and father bird and they were cawing but the baby couldn't get back into the nest. It was mainly the mother bird and baby but the mother stayed up in the tree. So I didn't know if it had just fallen or what. Then there was a torrential downpour this morning. I got to the baby bird in the morning and sort of glanced but not looking and I didn't see anything so I figured it had flown away somehow or something happened to it.

Then, I was sitting there at the table, in this garden section, and it was a walled, waterfall garden around the sides and then some foliage and trees in beds that were above-ground and then hard marble or concrete floor.

So I sat there, hoping the baby bird had been okay and I was worried it had died and someone took it away and then I heard this peeping and cawing and the mother flew down from the tree and hopped over to where I had laid the bird, and was making such a racket, after seeing the mother bird fly up and down a few times, I thought, it's still there? So I walked over again and looked and there it was! and it had its eyes sort of shut and was shivering from the rain but it was alive! but it was hidden from view further underneath the fern. Then, I ate my hard boiled eggs and cheese and thought, "I have to look again" and got up to throw out my coffee cup and the third time I looked at it, it stared and me and said, "CHIRP!"

It looked so lively and I was shocked because the night before, it was out of it and I stroked its head lightly and was giving it water for a long time. Anyway. I sort of thought about this dream someone told me about, but it was their own dream, not mine.

I thought about taking it to a bird refuge but then I sat and watched it more and though it's handicapped or crippled, the mother is caring for it and feeding it, even though it's not in the nest, swooping down and watching protectively. The only thing I feel reticent about is that they might be victims of torture actually. No, I'm serious. The one had its feet curling up in a really unnatrual way and was dazed in a weird way, like drugged or dazed or stunned and couldn't sit upright with balance. Today, it was different and it was able to be upright. But not last night. And then I noticed the mother's feet today. One foot is missing. She is flying and getting around, but she has only one foot.

So it makes me wonder if there is some kind of animal cruelty going on.

Which would be good cause to have both of them in a protective refuge. Ya think? I thought, "No, the baby bird, though crippled, might die if taken from the mother because there is a clear bond between them and she is caring for it and the mother bird knows best." But then again, how does this baby get around without a nest and yet it's not just the baby that I have a suspicious feeling about, but then note the mother, there is something not right about the mother too. What are the odds?

I don't know exactly what kind of bird they are. I think they're blackbirds. They caw like ravens and look similiar but are slightly different. The mother is slightly brown and black and the baby is black and with a little white on the top, under the feathers, with long raven-like beaks. They both looked black at night.

I think someone is doing to birds and animals what has been done to me and my son. Technology.

Whoever is responsible is a sicko.

There is no reason why the baby bird should seem dazed and stunned as if in a stupor, last night, as if almost drugged, and then have these feet all curled up and unable to control cramps like that, and then no stupor the next day. The feet were still curled, but there was no stupor.

And I told my mother, last night while I was in that garden area that I was feeling technology effects MYSELF while I was sitting there. So it was me and these birds and it's going to affect birds a lot more than humans.

Just like what happened to me and my son in Wenatchee, when even our cat ended up with this totally bizarre kinked tail out of the blue, and crooked legs. Our kitten was fully normal, in every way, until the kitten, my son and I waere tortured in East Wenatchee with technology. And as soon as I said, or blogged about the kitten and how we could use the cat for evidence of what happened to us, the cat just disappeared. Overnight. Someone stole the cat and got rid of it to conceal evidence of crimes. The cat's tail and legs became crooked and physically altered from technology and when we were all being tortured at the same time, that cat was acting out like it was crazy. I wasn't the only one who sounded crazy--the cat was not normal. It was irritated, agitated, and not normal. Racing through the house like it's tail was on fire and crying out, and then all of us were unable to control our bladder functions. We all got diarrhea when we were being tortured. The cat couldn't make it to the litter box. I made it to the toilet of course, but not without almost passing out first. My son had the same problem.

We were TORTURED. WE HAVE BEEN TORTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. And if the U.S. doesn't take care of it, or has no interest in what kind of shoddy internationals would do this, then THEY are directly RESPONSIBLE for being a part of it.

My son and I are victims of torture.

Do you want a dream interpretation? Or do you just want the truth.

And of course I'm going to "sound" crazy when this is going on. Of course.

I recently read this preface to The Eye of the Needle and it's about a historical fact I wasn't aware of--it talks about how the Germans were thoroughly convinced there was this big planned attack on one shore. They were getting all kinds of wireless signals from telegraphs, and sighted huge ships collecting, and people, and overheard all these spy communications. As it turned out, they were "dummy ships" and dummy posts, and it took thousands upon thousands of people, working together, to create such duplicity that people believed what was essentially a cover for something else going on. While the English created this false appearance of being in one corner, they were distracting the attention of the Germans away from what was really going on.

It took thousands of people. That's what they did. I don't think they called it "a conspiracy" though...what do you call it when this is happening during "times of war"? It's not conspiracy, no one ever wants to call it "A conspiracy", so what do they call this kind of game?

I enclosed a link to the wiki for Eye of a Needle by Ken Follet. It sort of describes the charade I'm describing, and it went by the name "Project Fortitude".

Imagine the possibilities today, if they could do that then, imagine what is done now, in creating distractions and dummie set ups to conceal what the real truth is, and imagine how many people might be involved and get away with not having it called "a conspiracy". I just added, for link 2: the wiki for "Operation Fortitude".

What has been done to me and my son is beyond comprehension. It is almost unbelievable and yet I am not nuts and I've told the truth. It has happened and is still happening. The torture may not be as constant and bad as it was when we were in one place in E. Wenatchee, but it's been bad enough. And those who have made covers for criminals go to church, or don't go to church, and have gone to extreme lengths to include people they know in government positions. To have others say I'm mentally ill is adding insult to injury--an understatement to say the least.

My son and I have every right to be free and I deserve to have my good name restored.