tired

I am so tired. I have nothing to do to try to stay up but type.

I turned to 3 different sections of the Quoran the other night when I looked at it. First, I landed on "The Prophets" and then "The P___" (something else sort of like prophets) and finally, "The Bees".

I thought it was great to end up on the prophets section and to find every religion has warnings about false prophets. And I skimmed other parts and there is a lot more in it that praises the same ideas that Judaism and Christianity praise. I found a section about David and they are into David and a lot of the same ideas. It's not the same, but you know.

I just noticed the cover of Eric Carmen's "Hungry Eyes". I never saw it before. I decided to put on 80s because it's lively at least.

I tried looking up Will Wagler again, for kicks, because I didn't click on anything earlier, but then I typed in "William Wagler" and got some article about "William Wagler, Sr., age 79, shot his wife..." and just cracked up. Wagler was from Palmhand or something like that, and he shot his wife in 2000. It's not funny, but I couldn't stop laughing, wondering if anyone ever tried to look him up when I typed in his name and found that article.

Today I read half of a book about Marx by Peter Singer. I almost fell asleep. I'm sure the Manifesto is more exciting. It was enlightening at least. I went out to a park under some trees and laid down and suddenly, I wondered who was trying to put an impression upon me. It was very noticeable and I could almost sense everything. Something sensual. Then, I felt someone was watching me and I was embarressed to take a shoe off because I thought, what does this look like? Cindyreller? But the side of my foot really hurt, just below my big toe on my right foot. That bunion area or whatever, where the bone sticks out, is slightly larger than my other foot so the other foot didn't hurt. And I laid out there and read this book about Marx and Engle and stopped at Ch. 8. I'll read the rest tomorrow (or today) I'm sure.

Then, at night, last night, I was all over the place. My brother must have a good natured spy looking out for me bc he said, "Are you on drugs?" and I said, "What?" but it's true, it probably looked like this because I was ALL OVER town. No, I was not on drugs. I told him, "I haven't been on painkillers since Canada when I was recovering from childbirth, 3 1/2 years ago at least, and I haven't smoked any marijuana since I was in D.C. with my fiance, 2 years, and I haven't had a drop of alcohol since November of 2010 when I moved from Wenatchee to TN, and I don't have a problem with alcohol either, I just decided it doesn't feel right when Oliver is suffering. Now, I'm going to eat some nuts since I'm so nuts." And I took out my tin of nuts and ate them behind this wall at The Black Dancer.

After I blogged yesterday, about the House of Flying Daggers, I went to a coffee shop to eat my eggs (all 9 of them) and lo! it had carpeting that reminded me of the House of Flying Daggers. Seriously. And then there was a ballroom too. I walked in and thought, "You have got to be kidding me."

Then, I ate all the eggs. And then I walked past the menu thing to see a giant Egg entre with the egg in the shell and a Russian kind of faberge egg in the gift shop window (I didn't go in). I walked to the bathroom and prayed. And I felt very good prayer. Very good prayer. I then asked God to have me read something that was meaningful or to be read at that time, and I ended up on Samson. At the part where he says, "Okay, tie me up (to be handed over to his enemy)" and his bonds are loosed and fall like flax from his hands. And then he takes that donkey jawbone and uses it as a weapon and then the whole part about how he "lies with a prostitute" and then someone wants to ambush in that moment but he stands up and strikes. Then I read, he meets Deee-lie-ler. Delilah. So she keeps asking him what his secret is and he won't tell. And she keeps asking and finally, he tells her. Everything is in 7s. She cuts his hair with a razor and then he is taken by the enemy. I love the entrance of the next line..."But his hair began to grow back again." It makes me think of the chia pet but in slow-mo, with his shaven head sprouting. So he prays and says "God, just one last time" and takes hold of one pillar with one hand and then another pillar with his other hand and brings the house down. I read the whole chapter and then really not that much else. I just thought, the last time I read this was in TN on that guys porch.

After praying, I went out to get lost and then decided to read about Marx in the park. One low-flying red-bellied plane after the other flew past and I finally realized it was a flight path that I was under. At first I thought, with scorn, "Oh sure, bring out the planes. Send in the parade." But no, it was natural. I was right under the flight zone. Other planes went past as well, not just the red-bellied ones, but I noticed the red ones because I was reading about, you know, Marx.

I thought, "No property?" Will form my thoughts later.

Then I walked past a tennis court after reading. Oh yeah, and I ended up next to a little stone or brick bridge over a river, like the tiny one from the Scottish moors.

I took a shower at the gym, noticing Obama giving a message and then I pulled my hair back into a ballet bun and put on make up and left and then ended up at the Opera House first, of Margo and Bill. Then I walked to this atrium area and said to God, "Please don't let the birds poop on me" and they didn't. I was so glad. There were a zillion birds in these trees and I could her all these spattering noises and I thought, "What am I doing? I'm asking to be bombed." But none of them got me. Which was just great because the whole point was to then stand at the headstone of a memorial that said, "SACRIFICE III". After this, I walked to another water memorial and I said to God, "Help me to walk to the names you want me to stop at." I saw the first couple of names and they were all donor names under a thin veneer of water. So I didn't look and then I prayed to God to have me contemplate a name that I came to and I looked straight ahead and then stopped, turned and looked.

Oh just guess.

Just GUESS.

Okay, no, it wasn't "Cohen", though I walked past a Cohen on my way to the gym. Don't ask how I knew, I just did. It came out to me like a radar: COHEN.

No, guess what? It wasn't even a name I stopped on. It had all these names above and below and where I stopped it said:

"Once Upon A Time..."

Of all things. I looked and above and below, just regular names. But in the middle some odd break from names to have "Once Upon A Time." Is that not WEIRD? I thought it was so weird. I stared and my eyes got big, just at the randomness of having landed there, and not expecting at all to see that. You can see it for yourself. It's there by the Performing Arts Center and Opera House. And then I did an about-turn. It wouldn't have been weird if I hadn't prayed first maybe.

It was like this (sample names):

Elaine and Gerald Messeir

George and Jill Compton

Charlotte Addleson

Charlie and Ginger Taylor

Once Upon A Time...

Ben and Marianne Latner

Diane and Marcus Rosencrantz

Next, I walked over to this other area next to a 7-11 with a courtyard of blue lights and I said, "Well that last thing was interesting. So now direct my steps." So I walked to this area, up the steps and then backed up and I felt I was supposed to walk backwards. Try doing that and looking normal. Maybe this is why my brother asked if I was on drugs. I didn't make it obvious at all though. I walked up the steps like normal and then turned and backed up slowly as if just getting a better view of something and then I looked over to my left and a table of 3 young men were eating inside of a restaurant and then I turned and faced a window with one section blue and the other section orange. The best part was that when I took a few steps backwards, when I finally turned around to walk straight, I tripped over a stone. I must have looked like a sight. I was thinking, "How far back God? and backwards?" I didn't know.

I just did a google search on "walking backwards" and it says this used to be a custom for someone who had seen a monarch! it looks like maybe in other countries they do this sometimes, but I was wondering why I felt impressed by God to walk backwards and I just did it, discreetly, to do what I felt I was supposed to do, and I typed into a search "walking backwards, tradition" wondering if it meant something. I don't know. But I knew to do it after I saw the "Once Upon A Time." I guess it's a tradition in China and in Japan as well. I walked forward until I got to the new stairs and then I walked backwards. I guess it's also done in some religious sense for Muslims and Jewish as well, and then in puerto rico. Found some things about luck as well. Walking backwards for luck or to confuse demons. I don't know why I did it, I just knew to do it. And then I stood there for awhile.

The next place I went to, because after this I called up my brother, was "The Black Dancer" and I was trying to find a private place to talk. I said, "I think I'll find someplace to sit that more private in just a minute" and then I found it behind this wall at The Black Dancer. I sat down and my brother said, "Are you taking oxycontins or something? Seriously. Are you on drugs?" And I said, "What are you talking about?" And I gave him a rundown of all the vitamins I take and what I don't take and then he said, "I don't know, you've been all over." I said, "I just gave you an organized list of my vitamins and minerals, what do you mean all over the place?" And after we were off the phone I thought, "I guess I was walking all over the place for sure."

There is no family tradition, in my family for walking backwards. I swear, I've never done it before either. It just came to mind and then I asked God, "How far? how many steps?" and I waited and didn't know so I discreetly moved back, like I was just enlarging my view. I took less than 20 or 15 steps. Less than 15 but I don't know how many exactly. I didn't get a number, just a time to stop. I was right across from a large tree on one side, to my right, and then I turned and looked at this window and I saw these 3 guys and wondered, "what's the deal here?" as they were just eating their dinner. I think I got closer to the window and peered in from a distance and they stared at me like "who is the crazy lady at the window?" and I couldn't figure it out. (don't worry, it wasn't like I was right at their window staring or anything, I just looked in a little). I didn't know if it was to face the traffic ahead, people passing by, or to see what was to the right or left or what! But the monument with the Once Upon A Time was in front of me when I walked backwards.

So then I jauntied my way around the block with my brother on the phone and ended up at The Black Dancer behind a wall with my hair in a bun and cracking the rubber lid to the tin, "Well," I said casually, "I'm eating nuts since I'm nuts."

Then I walked back to a computer with the empty tin in my hand, it was tin and had a plastic lid and these 2 gay men passed by and I said, "Hey, you need a piggy bank?" and offered the nut box.

Earlier that day I said to a man, as this couple was standing on a tall block and kissing dramatically in front of anyone, "Look at that. I wonder why no one ever butterfly kisses in public." He said, "What's a butterfly kiss?" and I said, "It's a kiss with the eyelashes." He cracked up laughing.

Oh, but by the way, someone has been using technology since I've been here this nitht and that is not a lie either. Someone has been using something while I've been here. Someone started using technology, actually, when I was in the Arts and Performing section. Right after I stopped and was on the Once Upon A Time mark. I'm not even kidding. Right after that, I walked away and then someone started using something on me. I told my brother that as soon as I turned a corner, around this building on a block, it immediately quit. And then it started again, and affected my heart. When I was behind the wall at the Black Dancer, it quit again. But someone has been using something all night against me. Seriously. I had a few breaks, when I moved locations. When I went around the block for example, around a tall building, it quit. And then it's been happening since I've been at this hotel, almost all night. I left at one point and it quit and it was like I was cooling down. I haven't had a constant problem like this except for just a couple of times. It hasn't been too bad here but there is still gang activity against me.

Don't you think that's weird though? That someone would just start doing this to me, after I was standing at the "Once Upon A Time" mark? It's like someone is tracking my every move, and the smallest thing sets them off. I don't want to sound like I'm making a huge deal out of it, but it's almost like they are afraid of something, because who would do this unless they felt it meant something or they were worried about something? I mean, so what, and no normal person would make a big deal about it unless they were worried for some kind of good cause. It's like the smallest symbolic thing, if it's positive, no matter what or how small, is enough to set someone off.

I have noticed most of it, when it's happened here, from hispanics. Some kind of hispanic group. It happened to me at this Zazza hotel, when a bunch of hispanic workers were on the other side of the room but that was the only time; at the gym next to hispanic women showering (just one or two coming in); at the Adolfus this evening when a hispanic man approached and he was the only one around and I felt this severe pressure in my head like and then he walked off and it quit. Right after I had blogged that no one poor is using technology. It's still true, but it's easier to pass of in the U.S., where this kind of thing is actually available.

I think anytime someone gets worried, they want me to sound crazy. Because yes, I know it "sounds" crazy. And this, combined with my ability to feel sort of freely eccentric and creative to a small degree, has made it easier for them I think.

I was just thinking about Hitchens. Could you imagine. Him standing next to me while I'm walking backwards. I think it would be like The Accidental Tourist where the conservative man is next to the woman with the crazy hair and artsy clothes, all freespirited and nonchalant while his feeling of propriety is being violated just to be in the same space. Hitchens says, in the play, "You had me at Hello, Jesus Loves You".

Thank goodness. Someone turned off the energy field. I am not being targeted now. It quit right after I wrote this last sentence. It's 6:26. Either someone across the street had to work or someone on the other side of the wall quit what they were doing, or...what?

Oh, that reminds me of an interesting symmetry yesterday. I wandered and got lost and ended up right next to a quote by Winston Churchhill about "we build a building and then we remold it". I can't remember it now but the same idea was in the book by Peter Singer about Marxism.
Anyway, more on it after I actually finish the book.

I just looked up a link about Hitchens and I guess he started taking a new drug. I haven't looked him up for months. But this one article says he started taking an experimental drug in January of 2011. I wonder when it was that I thought he was in remission. I wonder if he has ever been in remission? I guess he lost his voice to it, from what I just found now. Sometime at the end of April, he lost his voice. I wonder too, if they ever found anything they thought they could cut out.

I seriously have no had any of the technology stuff since about 6:30 a.m. It's like someone went to work or got distracted here at work by a coworker or someone got in the way. I believe it's religious. It's mainly coming from a religious group. I don't think they'd get their backing as tight as it is if it wasn't. I think it's a combination of something religious and jealousy through gang (doesn't have to mean they look like a gang) politics.
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I think maybe, not sure, Hitchens is either eating or should eat, more foods with Vitamin A. Maybe I'm wrong though bc I don't know why I thought of this. I might pray and see if I can think of anything.

I looked and there's stuff mainly popping up about Vitamin D, and some about A too. Really, all the vitamins get mentioned, but I was thinking of him eating peaches, apricots, carrots, or things high in beta-carotene.