Thursday, June 16, 2011

this morning & hello margo

I had a dream. I think it means something but I might be wrong too. I don't know. And then there was a lot of detail but by now, I have forgotten every single thing except for one part.

My favorite thing to find this morning is a verse from Exodus 33:22, "As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the cleft of the rock and cover you until I have passed."

I found it after listening to Delirious this morning: Did you feel the mountains tremble, then the song "my glorious" and I wondered what verse it references and I found several but I liked this one.

Earlier this morning I turned to the Song of Moses and it was the first thing I read, from the "apple of your eye" part through that paragraph. keep me as the apple of your eye? And I read about the radiant face of Moses, which also reminds me of the passage in Exodus. Exodus 34:29-33. I can't find the song of moses right now, but I tried, and it wasn't the one that is song of miriam and moses. It was different. I'll find it later. And then in the new testament I can't remember what I read. I just read snips here and there, not a lot.

My dream, upon waking, was about Prince William. I don't know why I should even write about it because maybe this is why I am dragged down as I am, for sharing things I shouldn't share. But then I think, well, if I'm not supposed to share, why would I even have the dream? I am human, and I sometimes wonder if I always need to share or if it's just that I WANT to share, for some ego-reason. I think, most of the time, I don't mean to do harm by it, and no one can help what they dream, whether it's right or wrong, good or bad. What bothers me, was that there was so much to it and I've forgotten all of it except for one part. And this is how my dreams have been, in the last week. I mean, I am dreaming storms of dreams and I can't remember any of them. But they've all been very detailed.

I also want to write about Texas, by the way, and my impression of the state, or first impression, which I'll do later. And my ideas about a sense of energy from town to town.

I have thanks to give as well, for not being cited with failure to appear for the latest hearing. Which was really good, and I did make an attempt to appear by telephone or in other ways. Glad there is no fear upon me for a warrant though. And, I am glad to say no one has tried medicating anything I've had to eat or drink here (thank you God and thank you Texas).

Back to the dream, in a minute.

Okay, it really bothers me, because there was a huge detailed scene before this last part. It was in color, and all of it very full of meaning and message but I can't remember any of it. This is how the dreams have been lately. What's the point of dreaming either, if I can't remember any of it?

At the end, there was a message and it was something like "God chose Kate to be his wife" or something, She was chosen by God. But then I questioned in the dream what this meant and it was like he, William, didn't choose her and then it was also some idea that God was not God Himself but someone who was like a godfather of a mafia. So instead of having this impression that it was the will of God Himself, I woke up with more of an impression that William had been pressured. And something about the picking and choosing having been the result of some godfather head of some major organization. I don't know who though, and there wasn't any indication in the dream.

There were things in the dream before this, but that's the part I can't remember. I woke up with this in mind: "He was pressured and it wasn't his first choice" and then right at that moment, right after I woke, I heard someone rattling something metal. I don't know what it was but someone was in a room next to me and it sounded like metal on metal. Almost a clattering at first, or sounded like something had been dropped. And that was the end of my dreaming for last night. I sort of got up after that and then read a little bit and got up to go.

I bought an eclair (second day in a row) and coffee. I really like the custard and cream filled donuts and even though I shouldn't spend money, I wanted one this morning. It was really good and the donut place wasn't krispy kreme but I thought the quality was just as good.

As for Texas, people seem sort of optimistic here. It's a friendly place, in general, I think. I think I once read this, about Texas, and maybe it's because there are so many people here who were given fresh or new starts in life. I read so much about violence in Texas, that I sort of wondered what it would be like, but there is an underlying calm energy, or positive energy. I still experience harassment and some problems, but I don't feel this negative turbulence. The problem is, while I feel a sense of happiness from somewhere here, I had someone say there were no jobs here and I'm feeling like maybe there are no jobs here for me. I sense a kind of happiness or peace from somewhere, that I am in Texas and I don't know why.

In Knoxville, I really liked the town and the mystery but there was much more turbulence. I think it had to do with the nuclear plant being there. There is a lot more going on in TN than meets the eye. In Nashville, I sensed bad or negative energy near the research facilities of Vanderbilt. It made me wonder what kind of immoral research was being done there because of this heaviness or feeling of oppression that I picked up in this one spot. Sort of a check, making me wonder, "what is going on over there?" With Knoxville, it was more of a political check and subterfuge. I attributed being blocked and pressured there in different ways, to a kind of hypocrisy with some who have maybe made christianity a kind of "cover" for other things that are not christian at all.

My brother loves Texas, I guess, maybe that's part of the good energy but I wouldn't know why. He sort of has an idea that he might like to live here. He likes latinas and black women. Which is really weird to discover, about my own brother, after he's dated and married white women. But umm...yeah, he's not fronting. He's serious, and you should hear the enthusiasm in his voice when he starts talking about the hispanic/latina and black women. I think he likes being bossed around or something. haha. I thought it was sort of funny when I found out he was dating a latina (part black? or maybe just latina?) from the Dominican Republic at the same time I was dating someone from Colombia. He was talking about going on some river rafting trip with a van full of black guys, and I thought, "We are really turning out to be the multicultural family." I told him recently he was starting to sound like my Grandpa Garrett (who first married a white woman, Dolores Davis (my Welsh biological grandmother), and then a latina (Rosella, my grandma Rosella from New Mexico who is Mexican), and then finally a Malaysian (Belinda). And all the while, joking with a grin that "I like my women the way I like my coffee--hot and black." It's sort of eye popping to hear it from your own brother. I said, "But all of your past girlfriends have been white! and Carmen was white!" and he said, "If I get married again, it's going to be to a woman who is latina or black." (my eyes bugging out). It made me think of Prince Charles and something I heard about a covered-up taste or preference for black women that some didn't want out of the closet. Charles and Iman. Charles and anybody except Naomi Campbell. Imagine how she and the Queen would get along. No. Imagine Naomi and Valerie in a real cat fight. Oooh lah lah--I wonder who would win?! Fire and Ice. Who said little girls were made of sugar and spice? Naomi would have her nails and Valerie would go after pressure points. I'll bet she was a biter as a child (Valerie). I have to look that up and see if there is anyone online about Valerie and being a biter. Probably not. The royals keep a tight lid on that kind of thing. Naomi would pull hair before Valerie would. She is also maybe Princess Pushy for literally pushing, and not just figuratively. I wonder if she and Diana ever got into a pushing and shoving fight. With Anne standing in the corner, folded arms across chest, eyebrow raised. He was talking about Miami, Florida because of the women too. It doesn't matter what the job statistics are, he wants to be where it's hot and women are hot (to his taste).

I can't find anything about Val and biting. It's just Val and cats, cats, cats (in the people comments). Tiana the Terrible.

(I wondered why Tiana came to mind for Valerie and had to look it up. It means "princess" in Greek. lol. Princess Terrible, or, The Terrible Princess)

TeeeAHnah the Teeerrible. What kind of pie in the window today? What big oven mitts you have!

I don't know. Little Red Riding Hood and the scary wolf just came to mind, and Val standing there with big oven mitts.

"The better to punch you with, my dear" she said in reply.

I wonder if she is a big baker. Because I just had this impression of her turning and with big over mitts covering her hands. Just joking around with some of this, too. But yeah, oven mitts. Not little pot holders but the kind that cover the whole hand.

I looked for something about her cooking and found some comment by her husband about her being a 'wonderful cook'. Anyway, I got the impression when I saw her, tall, in a dress I believe, and turning to look behind her at me (or someone) and she has a large oven mitt covering at least one hand, but I thought it was both hands, big oven mitts. turning to look behind, to the right.

I was looking for "oven mitt" and ended up on this random clip about Princess Margaret. How strange. It speaks of her running around with a burning or flaming frying pan. For some reason, the little kitchenette in the hideway sort of seems deja vu. I see so much sadness and reservation in her eyes, in the clips of her courting Anthony Jones. I put the clip I watched up above. Can't you see it? Look at all of the first clips...she's going through the motions and can hardly disguise it. I didn't know she was so beautiful bc I've only seen older photos of her. I saw the photo of Armstrong and instantly knew he was an egoist and unfaithful to her. I didn't like the energy emanating from his photo. She looks SO unhappy! Everyone is talking excitedly about the wedding and she looks like she's going to her own funeral.

I had some idea of someone still apologizing to her. I'm sorry Margaret.

And then I ended up on this song, at random, "Priere" by Sonia Wieder-Atherton. I thought of looking for a kaddish like that oppressor song and randomly picked this one and didn't know what Priere meant. So I looked it up and it means, in french, "Appeal" or "prayer", "asking" or "entreaty". Then I found something about "My love for you is as the flight of birds, as the song of blackbirds and the dancing of waves." I guess I clicked on it because I thought about this one photo of Margaret at the window looking sad with a blackbird on the sill. She wasn't the world's best actress I don't think--her eyes say too much. Not a fault, to not be the best actress either, but she's pretty easy to read. She sounds like she was a lot of fun and laughing all the time, but she must have really loved that Townsend man, or missed her father, or had some sadness about something because it seems so deep.

In the word definition, prayer comes up first for priere but I didn't see it. I saw the next one, right beneath it and it was "appeal".

This is so sad. I read this thing about her announcement not to marry townsend and she writes about the prayers of those who prayed for her "happiness". And she wasn't happy at all. It also says Townsend finally settled in France. They told Margaret if she wanted to marry him, she had to give up her royal rights, her "privy purse" (allowance) and leave England for 5 years. She decided not to do it. Townsend said he didn't have the weight to counterbalance what she would have lost. He only died in 1995.

I think, and not knowing anything, this was some kind of remarkable tragedy. Where good lost and someone really second-hand got a foot in the door.

I sort of then asked for a song for myself and randomly picked this one, and linked it but I don't know what the title is yet. It doesn't say and it's in french. It only says it's from strasburg. Strasbourg. Here's my french translation of what is written:

"an excert from the performance of sonia at a mini-recital, etc, ..." maybe from a cd called chant dest? (naive)? song is "Naive"? I looked it up and Chants dEst means "Songs from Slavic Lands" (?). That's the name of the CD and the label is Naive and I don't know yet what the name of the song is. Well, I cannot find the name of the song. Oh well. Some other day. It's sad, but I don't know what the name is. And then she kisses the scarf so what's that for?

I think I found it. It's a song by Prokofiev, named "Alexander Nevsky, Op. 78, Field of the Dead."

Hmm, not suprised. Didn't I just write and say, just yesterday, that what has been done to me and my son has not made me afraid as much as I feel dead.

God knows. God alone, and my enemy, knows, what has been done to me and my son.

There is my symbolic "Alexander".

I put up a link about Alexander Nevsky. I guess he was actually a conqueror. So it's a sad song or not? anyway. That's just for today I guess.

Then I randomly went to christian worship and chose at random, William Murphy III, We Worship You. Link above.

I decided to look up Saul of Tarsus, in honor of those who have tortured me and my son and persecuted me. I got a link that is for terrorists who persecute innocent people like us. I am including it above. It's from Harvard. Oh no, harvardhouse.

I also found links to sites about persecution. Here's a wiki about Paul's conversion from persecuting and torturing someone, or a group, to defending them. Linked up above.
by the way, I had no problems with anyone using technology against me until for about 5 minutes, here where I'm typing. The only woman in here with me was a black woman but I don't know who was around besides. It was done and then someone quit. And then she started talking about her pastor, in front of me, so I wonder if she did this to cover for something. It was done after I blogged about the song and Alexander. Probably over something else but took awhile for someone to figure out how to get over here and what they were going to do. Most likely, more crap over William of Wales, simply because I wrote about some dream. It seems like something done from the floor above though. Why would my heart be affected by some kind of laser or whatever, unless it's coming from the floor above and targeting this way? unless it's just because of the kind of fluid its composed of and being the largest organ, or 2nd largest. It could have been someone behind me too, on the other side of the glass I suppose. It wasn't very long, but someone let it pulse for at least 5 minutes and then quit. The other people in here today were white and then some of the staff is white and hispanic.

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