Wednesday, June 22, 2011

art house jail break (house of flying daggers)

This morning I had no plan. Still don't, other than to pursue a volunteer effort I called about over a week ago. It's working with children.

I've never seen the movie "House of Flying Daggers" but I went to the news this morning and read about a prison break by Al-Quaida. It was briefly mentioned in an msnbc line but then I couldn't find it. Went to CNN and couldn't find a word about it. So I went to the BBC and there it was. An article about a prison break from Yemen. I found it interesting in that it followed this idea of creating an illusion of a fight in order to distract from the ultimate plan or another strategy. So I read this and then I read an article about the "falling crime in U.S." and agree with the BBC commenters, that this is a totally misplaced idea, that "crime" is falling. The rate of crime is falling, because police are not taking reports. Which actually means the reverse--that there is far worse corruption than there has been in the past and the law enforcement and intelligence communities are ridden with pests and have become almost completely ineffective. They can't take care of petty crimes, guilani style, and criminals get away with torture, and some incredible things. The rate of reported crime is down, and crime is actually up. It is more dangerous now in the U.S., than ever.

Then I wanted to look up music and typed in "art house music" and selected one that said, "House of Flying Daggers". I've never seen the movie but I'll post the clip above. Then I read the review about it from wiki and it's about 2 police and a deception and one falling in love with a woman they were only using as a lure for tracking someone else and then everything flips and it turns out that nothing is as it seems. It's about jail breaks.

Following the jail break news, I thought it was a nice note.

The other day, when I found the clapping of the hassidic jews matched the drums of the ethiopian muslims, I always think what a cool montage or video I could make.

I almost took filmmaking.

I really wish I had and I did make an attempt. I was sort of being pushed out a little but I probably could have gotten in if I'd stayed in college. It was at Portland State University and I wanted to take film making.

I got the idea when I was always coming up with ideas for "short shorts" and wanted to do a humorous one on cat obesity in America. I took several art film classes and historical cinema classes and felt inspired I guess. I've written about this before.

I have been listening to this song over and over. While I listened, I didn't watch and then I thought, "Okay, wait for the right moment to look" and then I clicked and ended up on this part where this woman has a salmon-peach-pink colored scarf and is doing trick work with a dagger or sword and it reaches out at this man behind a desk and then he tosses a bowl her direction and she frees herself to take hold of the sword with her hands instead of using the scarf, and strikes it in the middle and it shatters into pieces onto a butterfly symbol in the floor. I don't know why, but seeing this almost made me feel like crying.

This is how women should be portrayed. As fighters. Not the submissive waxing woman by designer clothing counter, or lunching with a bunch of moms talking about Maytag washers and dryers. That's my opinion, and actually, every woman is different. I prefer to think of myself as the fighting type. It is also possible to be feminine and be an activist, feminist, and fighter. I think the whole concept of what a feminist is, these days, is totally misunderstood. To me, it's not about "women's rights" where it usurps the rights of the unborn child, this is not the cornerstone of feminism for me. To me, feminism is sometimes the women who end up in homeless shelters because they are too proud to take family or friend support and most often, because they refused to lean on a man. They are trying their best to be independent and most are punished for it, through being stigmatized. People always ask, "Where is your family?" when they see a woman in a homeless shelter. They should be asking, "Where is your man?" because really, the U.S. has no more of an evolved idea of woman's role in life or her abilty to be self-sustaining and supporting than any other country. I feel there is an illusion of women's rights in the U.S., but almost every successful woman in the U.S. is tied to a man. Look for the ties. They are there. If it's not through marriage, it's through who a woman slept with and what jobs she was offered through these kinds of relationships. I see very few truly independent women in real world terms. Even the career women--are they really independent? financial independence at the price or cost of doing favors for some man or being married or linked to some man, or some man's daughter?

Stronger women are found in homeless shelters than in offices.

I sense such good energy writing this post and having found this music clip and just everything from this morning, how it's falling into some kind of message. A really beautiful and artistic message and expression and God knows everything. People think they can hide from God, and look, what do you think?

I'm not anti-man either. For the record. I just think a woman should try to be a whole person in her own right first, which is what I've tried to do and been suppressed from accomplishing.

Anyway, it was nice to see so many correlations with prison breaks, and strategies of duplicity, from what I was talking about with Project Fortitude, the al-quaida prison break, house of flying daggers, and my own life.

I want my son back. My son should be returned to me without any "appeal" when this appeal and legal charade has been nothing but a lie, a fraud, and a charade.

I am his legal guardian and my son was illegally kidnapped from me, in violation of international and domestic law.

And then I was used and my son has been used.

I think too, some very clever psychics have presupposed things that could happen in the future and attempted to twist and turn the meanings and mislead others, to direct them away from helping me and my son, or caring about us, or believing God is for us and not against us. I feel sorrier for them than anyone else, because when you pick a fight with God, the outcome in the final set, is never good. Whether it's seen in my lifetime or not, God doesn't forget anything.

For scriptures, last night I curled my hair and grabbed another Bible because I wanted to read something at random, not knowin the layout of this other Bible that was different in size and new to me. Then someone turned out the lights and I couldn't see anything. I only wanted to read a small part to have something in mind while I curled my hair up. So I took out the Thomas the Train figure I have that matches the one for my son, and it has a headlight that lights up when you press the button so I got it out, and pressed the button. It said, "Cinders and ashes!" and shone a light on I Chronicles, this part where it is said,

"David said to Solomon his son, be strong and courageous and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged because the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished."

I just tried to focus on this and the idea that God is with me. I didn't feel like curling my hair either, but I did it. I just wanted to sleep. Then I thought, "You are eating like a pig and you can't keep your fast (or giving up of) laziness to stay up and curl your hair like you said you'd do?" I thought, "I am not on my face before God all the time but my entire fast of meat is for God. I said I'd fast my laziness (whenever possible) and yet should I add something?" I thought, no, just keep the fasts you have already. It's not necessary to add anything else other than prayer. (I thought, even if I'm indulging myself in foods besides meat, which I like, I have bones in my chest that don't need to be more visible and it's not healthy).

Then, I didn't have any great insights, but when I closed my eyes to pray, I almost started to see something but in a different way, like I was starting to see into a different time of day in another country. It was nighttime here but other there it was daylight. It was hard to describe or recognize though, because it was like starting to see out over a horizon, like , I don't know how to describe it. It was almost like seeing over a dashboard. Like the bottom half was dark, and then there was this plane or expanse and above it was daylight and in the distance some kind of land.? I guess it was almost like seeing over the board of a plane or car dashboard, or something and it was daylight there. I didn't think it was a plane or car though, and maybe it was a hill or something. Something above a surface, approaching and coming up, was a landscape and it was daylight. I guess it was about 10:30 p.m or 11? whenever lights went out.

And I saw a rose. I didn't see a literal rose, like rose in bloom, but this rose design. Right in front of me and it wasn't a literal rose, but like a design and then I thought, "Why am I seeing a rose?" It was like art noveau, and it was separate from what I saw of the daylight. It was different but while I had my eyes closed and was praying and it was sort of like a flat drawing or pen design, woodcutting, something, of a rose. Took up my center field of vision when I saw it. There was nothing else around it when I saw it. I was praying in general, God help me, help my son and family, bless those who love you and help me to be strong for your glory and bring to my mind anything I should change, (that sort of general prayer). And I saw these things and then later at the end I prayed for all the countries briefly and then all the psychics, seers, prophets, from all backgrounds (I named wicca, voodoo, kaballah, christian word of knowledge people, everything, atheists), and asked God to show them he cares about them and to use their gifts for good and to fight for and speak up for the rights of children to not be forced to be psychics or harmed for such research. And that was how I ended my prayers.

I'll try to find the kind of rose design I was seeing. It won't be exact I'm sure, but sort of the idea.
Someone is saying something about "guard the gift" (8:03). It just came to me right now. To guard the gift. But not sure what that means. I know it's about psychic gift, but I don't know in what way.

By the way, in case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm not very psychic or very good. I think I have a small gift and cool things happen sometimes, but I'm really not great and I'm not a prophet either. I try to do decent things and hope something sometimes helps or encourages others, but I don't get it all the time. I do know that when I get it, I don't lie about it. Like, for example, I wouldn't lie about the whole "femur" episode.

And then, yesterday, I saw Obama wearing this short sleeved white shirt and thought, "Did I get it right about Vladdie? when I saw him in a white shirt?" because I had wondered if it was long or short sleeved, just like the one Obama wore the very next day. And I saw it again on the day Obama wore it, it came to mind. I wasn't sure, bc what I mainly "thought" I got (not very good at all) was the collar and style of shirt but I wasn't sure about sleeves and then I thought, "No, his work shirt is blue...or does he have a white one too? is he still working there? because I thought he was going off to college soon." I thought, if it's a work shirt it's probably short sleeves.

Obama is a little bit psychic too, by the way. I think he gets a few tips from others in the background, who are even more psychic maybe, like his faux cameramen who stand there and signal to him, but he is slightly psychic. I think he's tormented by it a little though. I don't know if he really wants to be used so much in that capacity. It's a lot of weight.

I keep listening to this song from the video clip and found a title for it and it's called:

"65 Days of Static: Radio Protection".

Really different title. I am thinking hardddd...? DOH! There's a homer simpson nod to the guys last trying to read my mind at dinner.

I said one of them should be in the CIA and was the perfect "type" and then I was cracking up with this other man about how he would be like Elmer Fudd and no one would ever suspect him. Then the other man, his Dad, cracked up and said, "You're right! Awe yew a tewworist?" and then I walked out to the song, Crashing into You played by a band, at "I'm king of the castle, you're the dirty rascal...crash into you."

Which made me laugh out loud when I heard it from the band as I was crossing the street, "yew dirty wascally wabbit. Awe yew a tewwawist?"

Anyway, I'm going to try to find the rose and then I have other things to do. This morning I read at random from Psalm 139, "Lord you have searched me and know me."

It was sort of like this, but this one isn't it. However, I am quite sure that I am, indeed, equivalent to "10 ninjas" and maybe better. ;) Link is up. #2

It wasn't a side view design but like looking into the center of the rose, like the view from link 2 and it wasn't adorned with spirals on the outside. It was just like 1 rose and nothing else and I didn't even see leaves. I just saw the rose, opened up and it was a design.

Oh this is weird. I just noticed there are roses on these drums. I decided to look for a different Flying Dagger song and saw one in the line up with the woman wearing the scarf and I clicked on it and it said it was the drum dance. I didn't even notice these in the other clip at all. They were too small and I didn't know they were drums either. Then, I clicked on this other link, by balusu007, and the first thing I saw, while trying to look up "rose images" was the center rose on these drums.


And last night I saw this book in the shelves and it said, "Dance" but the first part was torn off. It was some kind of dance, but only "dance" was there.

Do I win a prize or something now?

I think I forgot to breathe. I just watched the whole dance and I forgot to breathe. What in the world is going on anyway? Am I the only one who thinks this is weird? Here's link 3 for the drum dance. Posted. it's called arundhathi drum dance.

The roses look the same, on the drums, but they're different.

What's the deal with the lima bean.

Have I already seen this and commented on it? Something feels like deja vu. All I know, is that the same kind of rose on the drums is what I saw last night when I was praying. I couldn't see all the detail, but it was a general idea. I'm still trying to look, but it was, from this clip, most like the rose depicted on the __ drum...let me see, no, I saw something different, more of a simple design, but like the kind of rose on these drums. And I didn't see color, just the form of a rose head on, taking the whole center. But it's still weird, the whole thing unfolding this way.

At any rate, this woman has a tragic ending. Change ending.

Is it a lima bean or a pinto bean? It has spots.

Then I looked up the beauty dance where she sings. I like the drum dance much more. It's more spirited and a little bit more of a display of intellectual or other gift or challenge and then. And I love how she takes the sword at the end and brings it down in triumph. I like both of them and the cool part, is that it's the same woman in both, but they have different moods. But I like both ideas. I also started to laugh at the end, when she breaks the bowl and the woman in the balcony looks scared for a minute. Sort of like they're all enjoying the performance and then in that moment, something surpasses the expected and almost scares them.

I think I'm not going to look for the rose design now. I already described what I saw, in general and I don't want to make guesses about what, exactly, it was. Probably someone else knows and God knows they will know too. So it's for them to know maybe. If not, it's just for me to know, that God wanted me to see this. I saw it for awhile. I saw it and then opened my eyes and closed them and saw it again. It was there for awhile.

Okay, looked still. It was hard to see, so like I said,, I can't be sure except for the general idea that was right in front of me. But it also sort of looked like this link I found, to a ring, like looking at one of those roses from straight above (in the photo it's tilted) and just one, not a bunch. But it was just a rose design sort of like that and yet I don't know if it was an engraving, a drawing, or design or just that God wanted me to get the general picture. I would say it was sort of like the old fashioned english rose symbol but I think maybe it was more of true rose design instead of flowing out with even petals to the side. Will show both. Here is the ring one: 4th link and here is an example of how it sort of appeared in the mind's eye to me, called "fludd rose": 5th link.

I'll stop there. I think it was more of the true rose design, like in the ring but as if looking straight down on it and not seeing whether there is depth or not. It was almost sort of the rosy cross design or kind of art nouveau or something and I didn't see it in color, I saw it as this very large design that faced me head on and took up my entire field of vision in the moment I saw it.

I'm stopping with 5 sample ideas (in general) because my son is 5 years old so I'm doing this for luck. The ring one is probably the closest idea. The ninja one, first one is pretty close too. I mean, I saw it and thought, at least it's the right view or perspective and the general idea.

As for the daylight impression, I don't know where it was. But I instantly thought it was another country because it was nighttime here. So I felt it was in real-time, through the eyes of someone else, maybe, but probably real-time.

I looked up views of horizon, daylight on images and didn't see what I saw so I went to "plane, view of horizon, daylight" and then found the closest thing but it was much brighter and without clouds I think, and yet this is the idea of how I saw the view but the computer server doesn't want me to put it up. So I looked at the link and after I clicked on the photo I saw it has a title for "artbeats". It's from a plane from the cockpit but it's not exactly what I got. My view was stretched out further to the left and right. It's titled under "cockpit view, flight taking off under" but it was bright and sunny, everything very nice. It wasn't overcast and I think there were some buildings or things off in the distance, small figures and things but I didn't catch that much. It was either from a plane cockpit or coming up over a hill and seeing a panoramic view of light and land.
I took a couple books with me, to glance at after I try to find out about volunteer work. One is Marx by Peter Singer and the other is 1984 by George Orwell. I figured they go hand in hand but I don't know when I'll get around to reading them. I think I don't know what communism is really, because I said, "I think communism is any kind of deprivation of free will" and this man looked at me and said, "No, that's facism".

I have 9 hard boiled eggs with me today. Must eat all. I took 5 (unlimited number we can take) this morning and have 4 from yesterday evening and after reading Adele Davis's book again, I am not afraid to eat so many all at once. People recovering from heart attacks eat a dozen or more a day. It's good cholesterol, not bad. They also contain lecithin and I couldn't find granular lecithin so I'm going for the eggs.

I tried to go to red, white, blue films (the french 3 trilogy) on youtube and someone blocked my access with "blocked! white supremacy!" and then "white pride!" so I think someone is maybe just screwing around with my ability to look things up. It says it's a filter word. ? and there was one for "xxx" which I never typed in, awhile ago. Anyway.

I looked up the composer of music for the french 3 and found zbigniew preisner and when I looked at the choices I saw a woman's photo with her hair done like mine so I am curious. It's called "We Will Never Forget" (A Woman in Berlin). Her hair is done like mine today but it doesn't mean anything. Just made me curious. I curled my hair but it went flat so I twisted it to the side and put the back into a bun like this. The point of my curling my hair is to keep a fast, not that it must remain curled. A couple of times I've done it twice, but once if I get that done, is good enough. So anyway, I like this music.

I got some impression, while watching this part of someone saying to another person, "She was drugged" or "they drugged her". The wiki on the woman is one about the real person--I guess it's a true story. I haven't read the section from the movie itself yet.

Here is the song, from the Soundtrack of A Woman In Berlin. Link 7. In German it's called "Anonyma--Eine Frau". Hillers, the real woman, has her wiki profile on just her name as well. She didn't get a good reception because other women didn't identify with her or felt she was an embarrassment or, it says, perhaps the same thing had happened to a few of them and they want to relive it. But she was a refugee. Link 8.

I found the movie review and the tagline is "World War II Ends and Her Story Begins". It's about a woman fighting to survive in the aftermath of a war when the land is overrun and taken by those who are her enemy and then, I guess, one of the enemy agrees to offer protection.

It was filmed in the North region of Germany, in Westphalia. My parents are actually getting me a ticket to visit at a bus station in Westmooreland. I wonder why anyone is in denial about use of me, at all?

It is clear to everyone, what has happened. And if I wasn't initially used and targeted for mind control research or to allow others to abuse, it happened later. My son has been abused as well.

I am probably this same woman, and maybe I landed on "We Will Not Forget" because at the start of this post, I know I wrote God Will Not Forget. And that is the truth. God does not forget what has happened to me on account of my and my son's enemies.

Anyone attempting to twist what I would be led to, for their own reasons, is only twisting and attempting to alter fate. They see it coming, and try to head it off.

I prayed, before I landed on this, I prayed to God, help me to go to the right thing next, something important and this is what I was led to. A Woman In Berlin with the song "We Will Not Forget". To me, it's a stamp with God saying He does not forget. Which is why I am positive that in the end, my God will avenge his own name or will correct the injustices. I say My God, because I don't think we all believe in the same God or things would never be done "in the name of God" that are not from God at all.

The other thing I thought of last night is with regard to bowing. Aside from a courtesy nod of the head or something, I don't believe in it. I thought, "If I were someone royal, I would make a new law that no one is to bow to me but bow to God instead." Sort of like, "Instead of giving us a gift, would you like to give a gift to God instead?" David and kings of the past, who honor God, bow along with everyone else, to God. Not the Pope, not some supreme godhead, but in honor of God alone. If someone doesn't want to bow, fine, but if they are going to bow, don't bow to me! (oh, and by the way, it has nothing to do with elizabeth or anyone royal and doesn't fit in with the last thought I had either, but that's just it.

And I resent having people attempt to say "You're catherine" today and then playing some game as if whatever I do on this particular day is to be ascribed to someone else. I am myself, and no one else. I do not speak for anyone named catherine, katherine, or cathy. Whatever I do, good or bad, is in speaking for myself.

This is what I mean by having someone foresee what God is going to do and how I might be led or directed and then attempting to put some other meaning behind it and making everything into some kind of joke or game or idea that THEY have something to do with it. They don't!

God is the one who leads me, if I follow him (and I am not perfect and don't always do that). No hoodoo voodoo man or woman is out there, wiggling their fingers around and chanting magic spells and causing me to come across certain websites or ideas. God leads me to certain things and if it's to me, it's about me. Just as it is for anyone else and their lives.

Instead, I feel what some kind of wacko has tried to do, is, having a gift and foreseeing what might come up, they attempt to claim it's about something totally different and try to own it.

That's like trying to own God and it's a big mistake.

If my parents foresee something, for example, and highlight it, that's one thing. But having a bad person trying to make a game out of how God works in our lives and wanting to claim they are the wizard of oz or some kind of master, is full of ego and anyone should see through this immediately. Anyone claiming to put spells on others or try to maneuver them around is not a good person.

There are people who have word of knowledge or prophetic gifts, but those who love God will always TRY to highlight God. However, there are also people who USE "God" to try to acheive their own plans. That is called "taking the lord's name in vain" and it's not swearing, it's when someone trys to get legitimacy for what they want by saying "THIS IS God's will." I believe sometimes things are God's will, yes, and there are true prophets but that's exceedingly rare. If it's God's will, so many things will line up and it will come to pass. This doesn't mean, though that bad things are his will. It's hard to explain.

I only write this because I've literally discovered later, that on a certain day someone was attempting to say whatever I did was going to follow in the pattern for someone else's life! Like, they would say, "Okay, whatever she does today is what _____ would do" and then they have seriously tried to import some kind of meaning for another person.

What has more likely happened, is that instead of someone trying to cast a spell or infuse a person with someone else's spirit (which is totally black magic), they have or know of someone with a gift as a seer, being able to see into the future and in an attempt to alter it, throw other explanations out there. One persons idea of a symbolic "long train" might be a wedding dress train and then someone else could come in and say, "No, they have no future married. It's a 'long train' like a subway or train to China kinda thing."

I mean, people even try to mix up clear signs God sometimes DOES give, by trying to tamper with it and muddy the waters. Which is why sometimes we just have to use good common sense and temper the "signs" with prayer and confirmation as well.

Then too, I've seen a lot of "ego" in some who want to be thought of as better seers or "calling it!" than they are. And that's just plain ego. It might not even have anything to do with them at all, but they might want to have their own importance as a "seer" enhanced, and so they claim "I always knew!" or say things they didn't know.

I don't disregard or disbelieve things, I only think it's a good idea to be careful to not be led astray from what really God wants and then what another group of people might want.

It says to fear God, not man. God is the one to follow, if not perfectly, carefully and knowing it's only by grace and cutting yourself slack. When I get really down and I'm harassed, sometimes I freak out but then other times I just think, "I don't care what they're implying. I know what YOU said to me or what you want me to do or how you feel about me, or my son, etc., and if you are for me, you are boss." (even if everything is still bad for awhile). Sometimes, people want others to doubt you or they want others to view you in a different light than is true, and other times, they want you to doubt yourself. If they can take away your own self-confidence, they feel better about themselves. If they take away the confidence others have in you, they feel beter about their agenda.

Oh no Will! I just looked up Will Wagler's facebook. That photo. I didn't have him in mind for the above, in fact I hadn't thought about him for weeks and months, but just came to mind to check out his facebook. I think it was because of this Enya song that started to play where I was. I heard the song and thought about him I think. I'm really just all over the place with this blogpost today, so don't assume one idea is following the next one. Think of me as not getting to a linear order and then point.

I was noticing the surveillance camera photo. It looks like the art I just checked out yesterday. There were seriously sculptures and things that looked just like that.

I have to get something for my brother tomorrow because it's his birthday. But I don't know what yet. Can't afford very much, and I was just in an art book and giftstore yesterday that had mini repilcas of things like this. That's just what he wants too--surveillance. I almost used the word trickery in this post too. But I didn't.

I sense good energy. Have for awhile. It's now 11:50 a.m. and now I have to look up this volunteer thing and get going.

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