Monday, April 4, 2011

Good Energy & Dreams

I feel good, full energy this morning but I think it's because for the last 2 nights I made a point of catching up on my sleep. I was looking worn and drawn and had circles under my eyes. I also have noticed less torture though there was one small incident yesterday. It was minor though and occured when specific guests were at the restaurant and then when they were gone, no problems. I am thinking too, that my son must be happy because one of his favorite persons, a young woman from South Korea, is visiting and he is probably very excited and happy to see her and getting a lot of attention. Last night was very interesting to say the least. I don't really know if I should write about it or not but maybe I'll figure it out as I write about other things. I checked my email and there is a note from my mother about something "encouraging" and I didn't click on it right away because I felt this way today too. Encouraged in some way. So I wanted to write and then read my mom's email. Obviously, I'm still having problems with the Blogger layout and this is all going to be one continuous post even though I am trying to insert spaces. *********************************************************************************** Dreams: I remembered my second dream from yesterday. It was that I was going through a planner and trying to put things together and organize and then someone showed me a Blackberry and I wondered if I should just get one of those. I remembered the dream when someone at work yesterday, took out her Blackberry and it refreshed my memory. Last night I dreamed all night about my son. It was just an ongoing dream about my son and the legal situation and some group getting involved and him being returned to me. Then, there was this other section right before I woke up--I was in a playroom helping put things away and I had deja vu from my dream over Strawberry shortcake placemats and a pink and white teapot. The deja vu was that I had seen this teapot and placemats before but I didn't know where. I said, "Where is the teapot?" after I put the placemats together, and I looked inside this dollhouse structure and didn't see them there and then someone gave me some kind of toy which was significant then but I don't remember it now and then someone gave me another small figurine, which was made out of glass. I didn't see what it was at first and it was smaller than my hand. But it was one piece and then a second piece and then I saw that it was some kind of glass horse and then a glass figure of a woman and I set the woman on the horse and then if I tipped it, it would rock back and forth on its own. Sort of like you had to set it in motion and then it kept rocking back and forth by momentum, or gravity, or whatever, like a pendulum. It was clear glass, not opaque, like you could see through it. It didn't look beveled either, and wasn't multifaceted, just smooth clear glass. I put it in the dollhouse through the roof and then when it was on a surface, I set the woman on the horse and then tipped it, like touched the head of the woman, and it started rocking. At first I thought it was an abstract figure or design but then it was a horse and a woman. The strawberry shortcake placemats that I put together were sort of like my putting menus together, but they were placemats that I gathered, and they were thicker than thin vinyl placemats and sort of like a foam material with curving edges or something. I think I have dreamed about the teapot before because I had deja vu about it after I woke up even, thinking, "I have seen that pot more than once" but don't know where so maybe in a different dream. Then the other thing was that at one point, my son, and I thought it was my son but then later it seemed like another little boy, who was inbetween 2 white (I think) and maybe blond men (one was blond but I don't know about the other one) was sitting inbetween them and it was like a movie then, and one man had sort of saved my son by default in some way, or wanted my son to think that he had saved him but something about it was staged or just happen-chance. So my son was sitting there and the other man knew the other guy hadn't saved his life but just took it good naturedly as my son said, "And he saved my life!" but it was maybe that someone was taking credit for saving his life when the other knew it wasn't exactly true or that it was random or that the other one had, in fact, been the one to save his life. But not wanting to take this from my son maybe, they were sharing in the attention or being supportive by sitting on either side of him. I don't know. It was sort of different. And then I woke up. Since I have never had a small glass figure of a woman and a horse, or girl and horse, I wondered if anything like this belongs to someone else and it somehow got into my dream. I then saw someone leading a little girl past me, in the playroom dream and there were 2 different sets of ?items and she walked to the pink ones but the blue ones were left for me and then in the dream it was some kind of shock and then it went to more about my son. Then I woke up and walked out and someone had put close to the same color of string out on the stairs that I was walking down. The turquoise sort of string. In the dream, it wasn't figurines or anything. It was probably just interference, they were like 2 gel filled items side by side, but I don't remember what. They were to my right as I knelt in front of the dollhouse with the glass figure and horse and the girl was led behind me around to the right past this and closer to a pink (I think) similiar item but not really sure about this part. Who cares, bc it was just a dream and was obviously a mish-mash of things. And the string thing means nothing I'm sure...then I saw a red string coming out of the bathroom. Who cares. The interesting part was my dream, not what happened afterwards. ************************************************************************************* The encouraging thing that I am debating writing about I think I will wait on and save because I am not sure...I think it's fine to share and shouldn't stir up any kind of animosity torwards me because it's only about me and my son I decided, but still. I might see what my mom has first. ************************************************************************************* My mom sent me a sermon by Kathi Pelton about God being our refuse in the storm and at the end it talks about having faith and how Peter had faith enough to go out into the water but when he began to doubt, he started to sink. So I think I might share what I got yesterday because I asked for confirmations and there are too many confirmations for me to ignore it. In the last 2 days, I have been getting, over and over again, messages about having faith and belief. How disbelief is not pleasing to God and how belief is essential. I asked God last night for one more confirmation and it came today with the message from my mother. So probably, that is confirmation. The night before last night, before I fell asleep, I turned randomly to some passages and I fell asleep after reading Psalms 78, which describes all the things that happened when the people grumbled against God and didn't have faith and complained about what he was giving them, how they expressed disbelief in God by saying, "Oh we are SICK of manna, can GOD give us MEAT? how about some MEAT!" so he did. But he was not happy with their disbelief and it worked against them. Then, at the same time, I am reading a book sent by my mother about how belief is essential for everything from casting out demons to healings, to many other things (the When Pigs Move In" book). So then last night, there were pastors and I started writing out the scriptures I was getting myself and what was on my mind. I turned to Luke and it was Mary's Song. Which I read from Luke 1:44-58 but then back up to the first part where it is said, "Blessed is she who believes..." Then I turned to Jeremiah 32:26 which says, "Is anything too hard for me?" and right at this point I started to pray for someone to be healed and for a few other things, to believe mainly, and then the woman pastor said to turn to the passage about healing where a boy with seizures was not healed because of unbelief and Jesus says, "I say to you, if you have a mustard seed of faith, you can ask the mountains to move and they shall be moved." She brought up this verse at the same time that I was asking for faith to pray for someone to be healed of something. And then, she went on, and I had already made notes in pen, into my planner, about what I was getting, and the notes start out: 4/3/11 Luke 1:44-58, "back to Blessed (underlined blessed) is she who believes...last night, read psalms before bed--all about belief what make God happy is our belief, psalms 78...what is the finger to thumb thing? last night, dream about man w/"2 badges" and then a dream about planner and all these things and I'm on a computer and decide to go to Blackberry for a planner. Jerem. 32:26, "Is anything too hard for me?" while reading Mary's song and then about Elizabeth's belief, a testimony going from a woman about how God will give us the desires of our heart...started praying about healing. "All things are possible">;Jesus healing boy with seizures, "Because of unbelief they have this" 2 Kings 22:35. (saw throwing up) All things are possible if you believe.." "************************************************************************************* Someone keeps taking out the arrow I had inserted, because that's what I have in my notes. I have an arrow after "all things are possible" and then I drew an arrow which points right and then I have written "Jesus healing boy..." but someone keeps taking out this arrow for some reason and inserting ">;" instead. I just wanted to make note of that and then explain what my notes follow. I first was writing about the scriptures I was getting while I was in chapel, on my own, and my own thoughts. Then I wrote "what is the finger to thumb thing" only because I looked over at this woman who kept looking at me and she had her hand up with a finger to thumb so I just made a note wondering what that was about (it was a tangent). Then, I described my dreams just for record. Then I wrote about how while reading mary's song, and about belief, how this woman from the audience (not the preacher yet) had been giving her own testimony about how she was learning to believe in God and have faith because if we trust God he will give us the desires of our heart. Then I wrote about how I had been praying about healing for someone and then then the preacher was talking concurrently about healing and how it requires faith and belief. And then the reference or note about (saw throwing up) was that the image I had while in chapel that night was of someone, a man I believe, throwing up but I didn't know if he was sick or if it was a spiritual thing. It was a woman I had been praying for healing for but then included a man quickly too. But I got the impression of a man throwing up and maybe having other problem too, closer to the start of chapel though I noted it up later. I first saw throwing up and then thought maybe I saw diarrhea as well, profuse. But positive about the throwing up. I wasn't trying to think of anyone in particular. I only said, "God, bring to my mind something you want me to share that will help someone, even if I don't know who it is." And that's what I got and I don't know who the person is/was. ************************************************************************************* The other thing that happened yesterday was sort of weird. I think it was God trying to say something because I don't see any other reason for this happening when it was so random. I was waitressing, and of course, my son and his return to me has been foremost on my mind. So I was just going about my work and got a receipt and I looked at the name for some reason. I hope the man doesn't mind, because it's not about HIM at all, but something else that this name was representing. It was Douglas Settles Jr. I got tons of receipts and I randomly put all of them in my apron pocket. For some reason, I took this one out and looked at it and I thought about Douglas County, where the CPS case for my son is. And when I saw "Settles" I thought about settling a lawsuit. When I saw "Jr." I considered both my Dad (who is a Jr.) and my son (who is a Jr. at least in a form bc of his passed on name and also who is the person I associate with douglas county, and lawsuits.) THIS sounds TOTALLY and truly paranoid-schtizo, to make anything out of a simple name on a receipt, and I never believed it was a "message" of any kind but it just caused me to think, because of the way it stood out to me, "I wonder if this is about my Dad or Oliver, and I wonder if Douglas County is going to end up settling over what they've done with my son?" and I put my receipt back into my apron pocket and forgot about it. I asked God to show me as well. Then, at the end of my shift, I was sitting down rolling silverware and I was eating some rolls with dressing in a ramekin. I accidentally dumped the ramekin of dressing onto my lap. It is the first and only time I've done this and I was upset because it was a lot of dressing all over the front of my apron. So I got up and I was embarrassed and I went to the kitchen sink and I lifted the apron up, while still wearing it, and put it into the sink and allowed some water from the faucet to go onto it and was cleaning it with my hand and then I realized my RECEIPTS and money! were in the pocket which was getting soaked and I was going to get all of the money and receipts wet. So I had the entire pocket already wet but I took out the money and receipts and stuffed them into a side pocket and I thought something was wet but didn't look and just finished cleaning my apron and then sat back down and finished rolling silverware and eating rolls. When I was done, a half hour later or more, I took the receipts out to account for them and the first one I pulled out of my pocket, or that was on the top of the pile that I pulled out from my pocket, was "Douglas Settles Jr." and there was a hole in the middle of the receipt where water had gotten on the receipt and made a perfect shaped "O". It was a perfect "O", right above the name "Douglas Settles Jr." and I thought, "I don't know how I could get a better answer to my question to God about if this is about Oliver and Douglas County settling a lawsuit." Not one single other receipt was even damp. And none of the money was damp. It was only this one receipt, the exact same one that I had pondered earlier that shift. What had happened was that a drop of water must have gotten onto this receipt and then it rubbed out a perfect hole or "O" into the middle of the receipt. It was perfectly centered too. There was no break on the edges of the receipt at all. This happened last night before chapel. Then I went to the chapel about belief and faith and "nothing is impossible" and then I dreamed about my son and had this other dream last night and I woke up this morning and thought, "I don't know what I should have asked for or believed in with regard to my life and my romantic life or soulmate, but if there is one thing I want and know is mine, with all of my heart, it is my son and I have not given him my full belief, even as I demand his immediate return, that it will really happen. And now is the time to believe." I thought, "Maybe I am too late to ask or believe for some things, that were mine to have, because I doubted or didn't know if I should even ask, but my son is something I have to believe in, and instead of just knowing what the laws are, and making demands without full faith, as I see all of this corruption, I have not given my 100% belief to God that this is going to happen and I have no need to make any compromises of my own either."

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