Thursday, April 28, 2011


Tonight was horrible.

I had someone steal my phone again today so I was trying to get a new phone. It's not funny anymore. I have people stealing from me left and right. I went to a dozen stores and no one had any cell phones suddenly, forcing me to spend hours on a bus or walking around when I could have been blogging and getting out the rest of what has been going on.

I am sure he came over to see me. I don't know why I think this or when but I think so and that's why some of the people I stay with kept my curlers from me or my locker key or other things. There was this weird panic. He probably just wanted to know if I looked okay in person or get a view of this person who writes about his Mom all the time. I'm sure I disappointed. It's not like I have a lot to work with these days unfortunately.

I think what upsets me the most, is that bad people have gotten away with being criminal and evil and they are still coming across as "good" somehow.

So I thought I would just write tonight because I can't sleep after all the harassment that's been going on. For some reason, not as much torture though, which is nice. In general, the last 3 days the torture really died down and I don't know if they flew to England for the wedding or what. But it's a nice break. I came to this one hotel and there was something going on, but it's quit for now. Ahem. Don't sneer at me over my "flew to England" comment sir.

I guess I'll write about a couple of random things and then on to other stuff.

I asked God for a dream last night before I fell asleep. I didn't really get one I don't think. I had dreams but I don't remember all of it. The only parts I remember were these 2 parts where in one, someone was instructing me on what to wear with some bronze sandals I got (2nd hand) that I haven't worn yet. They come up through the toe and wrap around. This woman was telling me, "You should wear these with _________ pants." And there was some word for the pants but I don't remember what it was. In my dream, they were pants that were sort of loose but cinched at the bottom and came below the knee to about the calf. I don't remember if there were pockets or not. And in the dream I said, "You're right! I don't know why I never thought of that" and in the dream, I was thinking how it was perfect for these shoes and why hadn't I ever thought of such a thing. Then the other part of my dream was that I was standing in front of the mirror and either I noticed or another woman noticed first, that I had a huge loop from a section wisp of hair that stuck out like mouse ears and framed my ear. I said something like, "It's the Queen Elizabeth look." But that was all. It's all I remember.

Tonight I ran into some people from Sweden. When the man was leaving I don't know why it came to mind to say goodbye this way but I said, "Toodleloo". I never say "toodleloo" but it came to mind with him and then he walked out looking dazed but maybe that's how he always looks. I don't know that he was a good Swede because I noticed the military technology effect when he was next to me and when he left, not any longer and it hasn't happened since.

I had a couple of cars try to run me over tonight. One brushed by, driving fast, so close that they grazed my arm, the entire length of my arm. The other car wasn't going to stop and ran up right in front of me and then swerved at the very last minute. I am not kidding. I had to walk alongside a gutter by the road, because there were no sidewalks and someone thought it was funny to have a van go by very slowly that said, "American Gutter" with New Jersey license plates right behind it. Other plates were New York.

Then, I am telling you, there have been some very BAD things happening and I am not lying about any of this, and I'm very serious. My son Oliver has been tortured and continues to be tortured. As for me, it's been ongoing and someone is getting away with permanently ruining my voice, among other things. And it is true what I've said about a lot of it having to do with Jewish and Catholic. I am not lying about this.

However, it was so weird because I was being run into and harassed, and I thought, "Maybe I will just walk and ask God questions and pray and think about things tonight" instead of taking the bus. So I started to do this and then I was being mocked and run over practically. I think there were a few Asian people who care because I noticed. Some haven't been very nice to me but I am noticing there is some group that might care about me and my son. So I finally thought I had to stop and ask to call a taxi because I couldn't walk. I tried going down this one street and this woman just swerved her car right in after me and then drove by but it was all odd. I decided to walk to an apartment and saw this sapphire blue jeep or SUV and just thought, "Avoiding that door" and iI don't know why. Then, out of all things, I don't just end up at a Jewish woman's house--I end up at a More-Jewish-Than-All-Jews-International house. I couldn't believe it. I went around to the back and then picked an apartment and rang the doorbell and someone came downstairs and opened the door. I stared. I thought, "WHOA. She looks really Jewish" and she was helpful and nice and said no problem to use a phone (because all the stores suddenly were out of cell phones). Then I sat down and I thought, "What in the world?" She had a huge thing that looked like a giant mennorah on the floor across from me and a painting on the wall with a huge triangle in the middle of it, and then a triangle etched in the floor where my feet were, and then some book on the table that said something about New York. I didn't really look around too much because I was just trying to use the phone. At least she was decent and I didn't get a weird vibe from her but I don't know that I could say the same about maybe some of her associates or fellow Jews. She was wearing pearl earrings, a headband, this Edward and Belle shirt and then heart pajama pants that had a spring green string and then these packages and things I sat in front of all were spring green which at least made me think of my son. I decided to call police to report the cars that ran against me but then they said they would come out to the place and I didn't want that so I asked if I could call later and find the call for documentation if needed but they said it wouldn't show up unless I made a full report. I decided to just go back and took the bus. Then I ran into a guy who was Catholic and decent enough to look up a hotel I was looking for. However, I need to get back to writing about other things.

Today it was just like everything was over. It was a day where I was followed around and mocked, but the hype wasn't there as much. It wasn't as much of a pressured drive to get at me, they had relaxed enough to just bask in their work I guess. Which also said to me, this really was in part about this wedding and that I was viewed as a threat or concern. Before, at specific points, it was full force pushed and driven harassment, spells (seriously), torture, and an extremely determined attempt to block, alter, and force my direction. In the last 3 days it's been more laid back, like their work is done.

The times when these groups made such a driven and concerted effort was a few months after I split from my ex, and Mykal Holt right away went into full action to bring people into town to harass and assault me and she kept saying not to call Alvaro. Over and over.

I noticed another time was when I was at Steve Mays house, right before someone then said it was over and too late. This was when I had super hard hitting torture all the time, constant basis and it was after I was in Bainbridge I believe.

In Bainbridge and Seattle, I was chased all over and surveilled and assaulted and it was a massive, driven effort. I lost my singing voice, my tongue was burned, I got weird pigmentation changes after severe internal bleeding, and then next saw my son to see he had gone through much of the same.

Then after I was told "It's too late" I truly thought I was going to die again. I hadn't thought I was going to die since my son and I were in East Wenatchee and we were both dying. We were tortured so badly my son could no longer speak and it's not autism either. I was almost passing out. I prayed to God and believed we would die if we stayed there. And we would have. Then, at Steve Mays, I again thought I was going to die. I had no options and I was systematically tortured and I honestly couldn't take much more. My body was reacting as well with heart problems, I was getting laser marks on my face from assault from a distance, my stomach cramping and hurting when the dog and I were taking a walk, my legs swelled up to hideous proportions, and I lied about being pregnant, just out of the hope that maybe if someone thought I was pregnant they would stop. I was totally celibate but I said this to ward off being tortured. I noticed around this time that I was being told it was too late, Harry was reported as paying $10,000 for a round on the house in some celebration and I thought it was so odd that I had lost my voice, bled internally and profusely for a few days, been chased by Australians, Canadians, Israeli, a few Pakistani (just wondering what was going on), and others, and then I was almost dying in Wenatchee and someone was making toasts. People were joking about the beetles in my room, and finding other things to joke about and nothing was said or known about torture. My son's torture was far worse and I was made powerless to help him, in America. He was so tortured he was coming into visits tired and weak and with dark circles under his eyes. He tried to tell me what was wrong and then the State workers coerced him to lie and he was punished if he didn't lie to me. He also showed evidence of having been hypnotized.

Then I kept trying to get work and figured I would but things got very bad. I missed talking to Alvaro and/or missed something or someone and then at some point, it shifted after not talking for so long and then I sensed something else was going on too. It was a hard core and driven effort to have me jailed as many times as possible, charged as much as possible, kept out of work and out of unemployment, and an attempt to move me on to some man as well. It was unbelievable and then I was just systematically tortured. By the time I was at Steve May's house, it was every single day, almost all day. Before that, I was getting literally assaulted by people in the community while walking out in public or writing at a cafe. There were some who went out of their way to do it. But then I was at a house too, where it was constant. All of these people I had to stay with stole from me. The only one who didn't steal was the Royal Ranger guy. ALL of the others, stole from me. Actually, also this one woman's house who had the military boyfriends, no one stole from there, I don't believe. But that was it. Everyone else that I stayed with after Alvaro, stole from me. That was on top of the torture. Oh, and maybe Shannon didn't steal from me and I still have to get those things back but I had no place to store them before.

When Alvaro moved out, Mykal brought some boyfriend over and they played an alien movie and left it on every single night. They put dead spiders on the counter for me to see and just did some bizarre things. My silk engagement shirt was taken, a few other articles of clothing, and things.

Before this, with Alvaro, nothing was stolen except for my underwear. A lot of my underwear and he said we should move sometime. This guy from Morocco that I stayed with, at that apartment my work shirts were stolen repeatedly. My shirts for working at the Post Pub. Aside from that, it was my cell phones. Someone was constantly finding a way to steal my phone. Today, someone had to have taken it out of my back pocket and how I didn't know, I have no idea. They pickpocketed my cell from my jeans backpocket.

Everyone got away with it all.

The stealing wasn't even the worst of it, although Steve Mays stole and allowed others to steal everything from me, even personal photo albums. I knew he had invited police to look through all my things because I had an image of this. Of my belongings spread out on a table.

I am going to take a break and come back to this. All I know is that now I know a lot of the harassment and torture was because of concern about royal interest and maybe others being caught for things they'd done to me or my son, but I look back on the timing of when the "surges" were, for going after me, and they always coincide with some turning point or fear about me at some point, or wanting to solidify something. They did surges just like the military does. It was a driven concentrated effort and it involved criminal torture of both me and my son.

Back in a little bit.
I'm back. I went to a fast food place and then thought, "You complain about medication, poison, and you haven't learned?" I was standing there, wanting to order like any normal person and thought, "You are not being very smart. Go to a gas station." So I went to a gas station to buy things from packages, cans, bottles, and the like. I got (small selection): Red Bull, cashews, gardettos, fig newtons, cheetos, granola bar, snickers, fruit cocktail and a 5 hr. energy drink. I walked out or while still in the store the thought came to me, "keeping a vigil". And now I have to look up vigil bc I don't fully know what it is. I looked up "diana, on torture" out of curiosity, since I'm writing about torture of me and my son and wondered if any of hers was literal and then I found something by katie couric which I haven't read and I think I'll disagree with it and then a few other things. Something about Kate being more grounded than Diana. I could have been reading all these things and I never did.

I shut it all out, except for seeing a couple of clips about the Queen and randomly, photos of William in childhood. I guess I feel sorry for some things I wrote or said, not about disagreement of the marriage, but other things.

("I am not in love" I just got from someone out there in the universe. Probably a crossed wire)

I feel upset that I am being put through this right now, unable to write the way I might want to, or say the things I might want to say, or feel whatever I should feel, about my son, about torture, and about everything. I am still seriously medicated. I do not have any normal hair growth yet, at all, and this is a proof positive sign for me, combined with worse memory and cloudy and poorer eyesight and no creativity--it is a sure sign I am very seriously medicated.
I am doing the best I can, as someone surviving all these things and medication without my consent too.

I tried to get a phone with international calling and they were taken off of the shelves of every single store I went to. It was really bizarre, as if someone thought I might make a rush call tonight somewhere. Where? but all the stores that carry them took them down and put them in the back. I am not joking. I went to a ton of stores and the last one I went to, by the time I got there, every single one of the cell phones had been taken down. At the other stores, they only had nationwide calling phones available, but all the ones for international calls were put in the back. I know this because they were there and then all of a sudden when it became known I only wanted one with international calling, all the international phones were gone. I went from one end of Nashville to the other. Gone. So I didn't settle. I didn't buy anything at all and I won't until what I want is back on the shelf. I'm definitely not getting TracFone ever again.

I just read the article by Couric. I think her description of how Diana and Kate are different is exactly one of the reasons I don't think "she's the one". No one expects her to be Diana, but she's too normal. What is wrong with being slightly eccentric and interesting? It's like the world wants to fawn over the stable, staid, ordinary person who is not even interesting at all aside from her family having money and her looks and beautiful hands. It was a wonderful thing that Diana was not "acclimated" like Kate is. Kate is peer pressure conscious and has lived with her family the whole time almost. She does what she's told to do and has never shown any kind of independence in anything. That doesn't mean she's a bad person, but she's sort of boring and doesn't inspire anyone to do good works.

I have no frickin' clue why I'm suddenly sensing good energy again but I do. And it's really weird because I am saying criticisms but it must be right and someone out there must be agreeing in spirit because it is a very good feeling that has just come over me and it's not because I'm trying to be mean or elevate myself. I am only trying to be not to harsh but also honest with what I think.

Anyway, that's aside from the periphery concerns I have, about who is running the show in the background. And Kate may be "smart" but she isn't smarter than Diana. Diana was smarter and yet she had press that made her sound like a dimbulb at times because she tried to be modest and also had a different learning style. If Diana led a tortured life, it was because we can all thank God that she had a moral conscience and a backbone that she was able to bring out into the open later. Those who have a compass like that, might be tortured because others are afraid of this as it is challenging something. It is almost a good sign that she felt tortured. It might mean she was doing something right. As for being acclimated, Diana married young, but she had acclimated her entire life. She was raised around the royals and played with them as a little girl and went to their parties. It's not like she never knew was the spotlight was about. She was a clever, clever, girl. Also, Diana was grounded. If she hadn't been, she would have lost her mind after the first month. Even the fact that she looked at Katie Couric as if she had two heads, shows she was grounded. Slumber party? At age 30-something, in the "empty house"? Are you kidding?!!! Yeah, that's what she wanted--a sleepover with Snitches & Bitches. She wanted her SONS. This is where some of these journalists just get everything wrong. I understand her to some degree because we share the same Myers-Briggs make up and it's a rare personality. It doesn't mean it's unstable and nuts and fragile. She was stronger than Kate will ever be.

(And she wears her hats a lot better too. I just saw a side-by-side photo of Diana and Kate wearing these fluffy feathery things on their heads. It was on the website ANU where the writer doesn't speak english very well, but it's on an article about "Dodi warning kate to call off marriage" . On Kate it is sitting atop her head like a growth and on Diana, this hat is just...she was an artist and she knew symmetry. Kates hat is perched right on on top of her head and stands out with all these colors and things and Diana's blended in such a way the hat was not a piece of it's own work but the complement of the wearer--she is wearing a tan jacket and a white lace blouse that is high at the collar. Her hat is almost the color of her hair and just...I don't's stunning. Kate is not an artist. If she was, she would know how to pick out and wear a hat. I don't even know why she was told to major in Art History unless it was designed to put her in proximity with William. I guess he changed his major, so maybe it worked out that way but I still wonder.) She is an administrative type, which administrative types (most of the world) like. She will be a fine businesswoman and keep the whiskey inventory well. As for being a thrilling partner, good luck. I do not believe they are soulmates. I think they love eachother and are friends, but I do not believe they are soul mates. I'm sure she worked on a few things that helped with some matters of intimacy but I don't know. Between just not feeling she's the one and then all of the scary things that shadow whoever is connected and supporting this, I think it's a tragedy to allow those who enjoy torturing and harassing and killing others, to win in any form. All for the sake of pride and power. And, I guess, to have someone there who will maybe never thrill but will also not rock the boat. I feel sort of sorry for her in a small way because I don't even think this is her calling at all and yet I'm sure her whole family and others have pressured and coaxed it along. If William wasn't a prince, this relationship would have been over years ago. The only reason she stayed was because he was a prince in a royal family. And that is the honest truth.

I clicked back to the article by Katie Couric and saw the Queen is going to dub them of Cambridge which is no surprise. Didn't he used to play with his mother at Cambridge? It's a place with memories of his mother who went home to an empty house because she didn't move in with HER mother like Kate would be inclined to do. Kate will never go home to an empty house because she will be sure to follow all of the rules, is this correct?

The article by Katie Couric says Diana had "such a sadness" about her which is said as if it's wrong. Kate does not have a sadness about her, William does. He's getting married with PTSD. This is just a GRAND idea.

It's almost daylight and I'm going to have to get a cell phone today. I was talking to my mom and I was asking about cell phones and she said she had a 5 year contract and then when it expired she had to renew to a 2 year contract and now it's been 7 years. She said my Dad never had a 5 year contract and only got the 2 year contract. He's been signed up with them for just 2 years.
Hmmm, a whole bunch of people just came in. I think they had been drinking. I got my son a Thomas train and had an extra one which I was going to return because I had it shipped, but I have decided tonight that I'm keeping it. So I just took it out of the box and set it in front of me. It's a little wooden Thomas train. I decided to take it out because it helps me to feel closer to my son.
After I wrote the part about cell phone contracts and people came in, someone used military technology to torture me. It wasn't happening before that. Before that, it was peaceful and I sensed the Holy Spirit, not torture. But then I guess someone didn't like what I wrote and started this up.

I looked up Cambridge and saw the crest has two seahorses at the base which reminded me of something. Someone I knew liked seahorses.

I wrote to my aunt and asked her not to let my son see the royal wedding.

It would be a slap in the face. I feel, for any child that suffers or is tortured, along with his mother, having had proximity to those who could stand up and defend against evil, with even the knowledge they have alone, I feel it is a shame for my son to watch the expense and pomp that go into supporting criminals who backed this marriage.

I never want my son to see one of the reasons why he was refused visitation with his mother and why his mother was pursued to have her life permanently altered and ruined. "Do you remember when _______ happened Oliver?" It was over "this". Oliver, do you remember when your mother was promised you would see eachother whenever you wanted? when everyone started being nice to you? and then do you remember when people were mean to you again? it was over "this" and you were sold back into slavery and abandoned. No one stood up for you Oliver. No one who had power to stand up for you, ever did. Oliver, your mother suffered and almost died for you. She almost died for and over the royal family, more than once. Those men who patted you on the head or on the shoulders, not one of them ever reported child abuse and trafficking to anyone. Not one of the military men ever confessed to what they had done to your mother or who was paid to harm your mother. And Oliver, some people know who is responsible and your mother doesn't want you to look in and see those people at attendance for this wedding. Instead, I want you to imagine your mother is squeezing your hand and looking straight ahead. Your mother is with you in Spirit and will not pay respect to those who have not respected the value of life enough to voice their opposition to torture, corruption, and murder.
Even if I have a place in my heart for some of the royals just because I ended up caring a little.

Some of these officials know and they stand in assembly in England as two families take vows to eachother and to whomever they hold contracts with.

As for my own country and the President and those in intelligence, how could you and how is it possible for you to even conduct business as usual.

I'm not going to publish the names of people I worked with while being tortured here unless I'm fired and even then, I don't know if the names are accurate. If it sounds strange that I still want to work, I need the work. They are Catholic, Jewish, and military connected with one man having a Colombia connection as well.

My family wanted to help me pay off a college debt so I could get back into college this year but someone else interferred knowing it might make me look productive and as if there was hope. The people instructing my family have deprived us of any hope. Our hope is in God and it will be a miracle if He saves us. No one in this country yet has done a thing.

Why am I doped up right now as I speak?

If this was a good country, why am I on medications without my family knowing about it (they say) and without my consent? I have been used and experimented with. If I do not find a lab in the U.S. that will objectively test me for unknown substances, I am leaving this country to be tested somewhere else.

British people were around when I was doped up last. I saw them watching me and heard their accents and saw the looks of relief when they believed finally someone was able to dope me up. That was at the Holiday Express off of Broadway. I knew something was wrong and then it was too late. My mother and my aunt started trying not to cry about that time too. Possibly because something was going down and they knew it. I don't think it was all happening there but it had to have been coffee from the Holiday Express, a salad and salad dressing or salsa from work, or pancakes plate at McDonalds. There was no other place where I took food from and all of a sudden, I went from starting to get normal energy back, and being righteously angry, and remembering all my orders, to doped up. There was an immediate effect and it has lasted a month almost. I think I got another round somewhere too, but don't know when although, oddly enough, I felt strange after eating the tootsie roll and dots, but I don't know if the sugar just triggered something to kind of kick in again.

I have no special insights today. I sort of had an impression of someone holding out a bracelet or necklace with equally sized "o's", holding it end to end without its being fastened.

I just looked at the cnn page which has William and Harry in the carriage and that's all I'm going to look at. I saw he is wearing red and I got one small thing 2 days ago, that he was wearing a bright red but it didn't make sense bc I didn't imagine red for a wedding. But I saw a bright red. I don't really know if I thought it was on Harry or William but I believe I thought William. But that was it. Didn't get anything else. Haven't asked about Middleton's dress and I have no clue and I haven't tried to guess. I asked to see something about William and I saw red and thought it might be for the wedding. I actually had this come to mind a long time ago, not super long, but awhile ago, and then thought, no, probably not. I wonder what Harry is thinking.

I like Beatrice, Eugenie.

That's all for now.

I have no idea what is going to happen when the medication wears off because I am not taking any risks at all now. I don't know if what I was doped with is going to last a month or 3 months. I have made vows before, not to eat this or that, but I will be very true to my vow this time. For one full month I will not eat a single thing that I don't choose myself, from a supermarket. Nothing out in the open. I was thinking it was even stupid of me to eat Krispy Kreme donuts when anyone could put something in one and give it to me. I am just not eating a thing like that.

I went to CNN once more to find something to comment on and they put it on another photo, of William and Harry standing outside the carriage in a hall with some pastors. I will say this: They look very nice. I think that I like the red black and white too because I remember my son looked very well after some man visited or played with him who was tall with dark brown hair and wearing those colors. I thought, "If Oliver just waved at that man like that, and was so happy to see him, he must have had contact with my son and was good to him." Out of all the people Oliver came across at the State office for a visit with me, he perked up the most noticeably with that man, whoever he was. I was thankful to see that. I like all the other colors too of course. I tried to get my son a red, black and white race boat and they told me it wasn't available and forced me to get something else. But I got my son the red, black, and white racer shoes and refused to buy any of the ones I found in the store because they were all navy blue and not what he wanted so I held out and got him other ones. Anyway. And I almost bought him a bright red jogging suit and looked at it for a long time at Macy's. I sure hope William and Harry were not squeezing hands in that carriage because how weird if I wrote about my son imagining squeezing my hand seated next to me and that's what they were doing then. I think I wrote this, about squeezing my son's hand, at around 3:30 a.m.

I am wearing 3 black shirts today.

I was wearing a black turtleneck with blue jeans yesterday and then I was sitting at a bus bench and got cold and added on my second black shirt--one with the loops that got looks when I wore it at the restaurant. And then I put another thicker black turtleneck over that one and was warm.

I spent all night in The Embassy Hotel like this, without any make up on, junk food snacks, and a Thomas the Train sitting on the computer dash. I'm about to go to the gym and shower and wear the same thing.

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