Unseen Army Backing Me

Last night, though, on the way to the George Washington Hospital, I kept hearing the song in my head, by Coldplay, "I'll See You Soon."

I'm not sure why, but although I can't see any evidence, on the outside, that anyone is looking out for me or investigating anything, I "feel", instinctively, someone, or some group, I don't know which, is taking a closer look at things. I think someone wants to protect me and my son, and that they believe me. I don't know how to rationalize this, because I have no evidence, but I feel someone fully validates me and believes me, even as crazy and unusual as my claims are--they know, or believe it's true. I don't know why I know this. I wish I knew who this was, and who these people are, and I don't know why you're in hiding, and disguised from me, when I need these people.

I have an invisible army behind me, that I cannot even see, and I walk forward, thinking I'm completely alone and not believed, but for some reason, they cannot reveal themselves.

I don't know why. These are not people who say they want to "help" me and yet don't believe me--these are people that actually really believe what I've been saying.

I feel this instictively, the way I puzzled at whether I was having twins, the way I "knew" the moment of conception with my last pregnancy. The way I knew it was the MRI that killed the baby/babies.

I don't know if this group has always been there, or has been recently assembling, and I don't know why so quiet. I do not know why. But I feel it.

There is also a group that hates me. Is not just "hostile", but lives with a vengeange, and really hates me. It is as if an inner voice, not audible and not a "voice" like "talking to me", but I just hear, as if a character from a movie, saying, "They hate her. No, you don't understand. They really hate her." I feel there is someone out there who is trying to explain to others, about motives or a group's hatred of me. No, it's not paranoia, and it's not a "voice" telling me people are out to get me. It's this reasonable, level-headed, person in regular everyday clothes, who is trying to explain what is going on against me, to someone else.

I don't know why this is in the shadows either.

When I say I feel something or "know" something instinctively, or sort of "hear" something, it's not a voice or voices, it's, for example, when I write an "image"--for example, when I wrote an image about the dialogue of two brothers or friends, about corn and corn stuck in their teeth...their "voices" and their dialogue comes to me. I can "hear" it in my mind's eye. It's not like I'm "hearing things" but more like a story is writing itself and I'm told what to write down. I don't have to work at it---it just comes to me easily.

I want to say thank you to NJ guy. Saw you today, noticing me. Thank you...I can tell there is something good about you and thanks for your interest.