I had dinner with a Mexican family today. First new neighbors I met in my hood. I talked to them and to four other people today, to get some feedback and they all thought I was either getting a warning/threat, or that something "creepy" was going on.
This is what I was concerned about. I got the email from Alvaro, in which he stated his situation was "dangerouso". I read this email from him which had been sent the day before, just as I had been listening to lastfm.com again and all of these death and dying songs came on again. The same thing that happened in D.C. First I had a disney station on and Pinnocio songs kept coming on in every imaginable language. Sort of different, and not usual, but whatever. Then, I got song after song about dying when I clicked to a different station. Especially, songs about some Ex-Lover is Dead type stuff. What the hell am I supposed to think? It's not part of the normal lastfm.com program. So, here's Exxon saying he's in a dangerous situation and then all these songs about how an ex lover is going to die. Song after song.
Then, he doesn't answer his phone or email when I write back to him. I got nervous, because I think I'm a caring human being, even as others are trying to play mind games.
And then there's this guy coming in the very next morning, and he and his buddy seemed to know who I was and sat at the bar next to me. Then the one guy kept looking at me and after I asked if he was Italian he said yes, and then said he liked NY but that it was "dangerous" on the East Coast. He ended by saying "Remember, Life is short." His friend wouldn't even look me in the eye. I didn't even get a good look at him. I was thinking he seemed nice and direct but then, considering all things, everyone is saying all of it is strange.
I got this message, Life is short, said to me two or three times by the Italian guy. After hearing all this death song stuff. Which happened on the East Coast too.
I called the Dept. of State guy this morning, because I was worried. The night before I had all the weird song stuff again and I called the state guy who acted like he didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do with HIM. I mean, I don't know. He asked me for the birthday of my fiance. I thought about it and knew the date, but didn't know what to say. I didn't know what he was planning to do with the information. He asked if he'd done anything criminal. I said no but thinking about it, I realized probably. But why was he acting like I had come to him? He and his friends came to ME at the cafe.
The radio thing has happened a few times. Once, after I said to Alvaro I'd marry him, I turned on "80s music" on lastfm and I'm familiar with what they play on that station, and all of a sudden, HE, my fiance hadn't done anything. He hadn't touched my laptop but what came on? Mariachi music and Mexican music. song after song after song. Then one 80s song. Then all this Mexican stuff and Latin American stuff again. I looked at Alvaro, and said, "What is going on?" and he was laughing but it was like he was surprised but it was a joke to him. I think he knew who was able to do that. He wasn't shocked at all.
So what am I supposed to think?
This didn't just happen a few times. It happened all the time when I was on the East Coast. Just a few times recently. And then whenever I talk to him for a few minutes, if I reconnect with him, I get all these guys calling me up like "I hope we're cool and everything". ? Like they don't want to be on his bad side. How do THEY know? It's like I am on an intercom. I swear to God.
Then, I got home today and noticed all my stuff was gone through and I didn't know why. I noticed one bottle seemed to be missing and then another vitamin bottle was on my dresser and my bags were gone through. My black and white photo of me was turned back around the other way. It wasn't upside down anymore, as I'd left it. I thought maybe police had come through but my other housemate said it was the owner, the original housemate. I don't know what she was looking for but she didn't hide it that things had been gone through. I don't know if she was missing something or what. I do think I had three bottles, all empty, on my dresser, from prescriptions and one was missing. My prescription bottles were in a vase where Alvaro had placed coffee from Colombia. It was like a shrine when he left. Coffee from Colombia, the bar of Ivory soap, and my b/w photo turned upside down. I think I put the bottles there but I don't remember. I do know there were three and now there's two.
I don't know why she would bother to turn my photo up the right way.
The two other things which I don't want to sound paranoid about but which I noticed, was with that number 40 and then 4 too. If it wasn't 13 it was 40 for my life, or 4. Alvaro bought a bunch of apples and put exactly four on the bottom of the car floor. Then, when he left and other housemate was gone, 4 apples were left behind. Now THAT, I know, cannot be guessed about. I know that...It is a coincidence I'm sure. But I notice details and the thing is, people who know me, know that I notice details and get "messages". But maybe they just wanted me to notice all these things and write about it and sound like a schitzo talking about seeing patterns everywhere. What I've been in the middle of though, goes way beyond simple number coincidences.
The other thing pointed out to me specifically, TODAY, by my roommates, was that there were "two very deadly and poisonous spiders" on my hope chest. There had been a flower bouquet there so I asked if they had come from that and they said they didn't know. But there were two different types and both poisonous they said.
That's another thing that's not a big deal, right? It shouldn't be. Two different varieties of DEAD poisonous spiders on my hope chest?
What kind of fucking florist has tons of poisonous spiders in the bouquet? But that is no big deal to me. Seriously. Who cares about spiders and numbers. That's irrelevant. What is NOT irrelevant or imagined is the music shit. That is not normal and I had the Italian guys in D.C. following me and cracking up laughing when they saw I was getting nervous. Then Alvaro is acting like it's a compliment or special notation when all the Mexican music comes on.
And I'm on my fucking government issued laptop in D.C., going to a chatroom and the three people who decide to chat with me, first time in forever, are telling me there is such a thing as "people with power" and I notice they got into the chatroom using some other kind of method and didn't have the same icons as everyone else. That was the last time I went into a chatroom. I was on the house network. Also, on that computer, it already had messages on the fucking laptop. I am not kidding. That sounds weird, but, for example, when you start to click for a search on the computer, for google for example, options pop up in the scroll bar beneath. Well, traditional options are normal. But there were these options that when read, spelled out a paragraph, or there were these really long strings on subject matter that was specific to MY life. Like, the "people with power" gave me the nickname "Lucy" and said it was for "Lucy in the sky with diamonds." Then, I would type up something that had nothing to do with ANY of the vocabulary terms and this would come up anyway.
I don't know. How do I explain this to people who live normal lives and don't believe anyone would be interested in mine or in, who knows, "livening" up either their own or my own life? I don't know.
The spider thing doesn't seem too strange, unless you think how they are different specifically poisonous types and how one of my exes had cobwebs on his elbows. Spiderman and Spiderwoman.
I know too many people in intelligence and/or mafias.
It's really exciting. But it's a lot more fun for those who are in on the whole game and who know if they're on your side or not.
I am listening to jukebox or whatever and hear this Johnny Cash song, "What Have I Become."
I know who I choose if I have a choice. I know who I would meet in secret and who I lust for and who has moved me. Wrong or right, right or wrong?
lol ;) just teasing.
No, I don't know. I think I know but I don't know. I know bad things have happened and I don't...Well, actually, now that I think about it...who was trying to set me up?
I don't want to be involved with anymore spies, undercover anybodies, or mafia anyone's.
I just want my son and I will move on to better things, or if you want a fucking revolutionary who is going to come back and wreck havoc, just go ahead and take my son from me.
The problem for you, is that you just don't know which way I'll go, do ya? yeah, cause i'm the fuckin' ORIGINAL LC.
Get that? THE ORIGINAL LC.
The fuckin' original loose cannon.
Tuck that ass in and run baby.
I'm savin' some for the one who knows what I'm sayin' and maybe he will brave me sometime. No, I'm not going on any frickin' meds.
Think about it. No more imagination? what a dull, dull, world.