Monday, May 25, 2009

Revisiting Old Diaries Today

I am getting a headache and need to do some work around the house but I'm not feeling well. I got some of my old diaries out. Started with my first diary and it's a disaster. Just embarressing. I write about clothes, shopping, Nintendo, movies and music, swim meets, and boys, boys, boys. There are only a few interesting or funny parts. Like one part I read, about the time we had to perform a version of "Cyrano de Bergerac" and I was playing Cyrano and I wrote about (but had forgotten) that I had chosen a mask with an elephant nose for my disguise. LOL.

One sort of "this is my life" entry I wrote was in Feb. 1990:
Dear Diary,
I'm so tired--yesterday was a nightmare, after the game in thorp we stopped to eat. Will had been crying so I wanted to find him. Steph and myself ran to Mc.Donalds, Burger King and 25 different gas and grocery stores. I fell and ripped my jeans along with skinning my knee. Well, we ran 1 1/2 miles. We were so tired and went back to Arbys where everybody else was. I explained the situation to Michelle E. and I saw Will across from us get up. I am so stupid! ...
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This one cracks me up...Jan. 11, 1989:
...The Jr. and Sr. High are going on a wilderness treck this spring. It's going (if it happens) to be 2 days in nowhere with all my friends, guys/girls, and teachers. I think it sounds great , and here's the best part; I was worried about not being able to curl my hair, but Anitra has a butane curling iron!
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Here's an early one, December 22, 1988:
Dear Diary,
As I sit here in my great-grandmothers rockingchair by the fire to write to you, it seems today's come to an almost perfect end. I wrote some letters to Stephanie; she's seriously going to Europe, London, Austria germany, and Switzerland in 4 days from now for three weeks! She's bringing me back souveneers she said. I watched some t.v., a REALLY good soap, and did some chores, but mostly I went in my room, shut the door, played Christmas music, and thought about a lot of things. I've been thinking too much, I think, about boys...
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From Oct. 22, 1989:
...Melanie called and asked if Steph was at my house. I didn't want anyone to know and feel bad they weren't, so I stuttered, "What? you mean at my house?"
"Yeah, is she there?"
"Why?"
"Cause I have to talk to her--is she there?"
Then I said something stupid, "I'm not sure, let me look." How retarded. Then Steph got on lthe phone and told Melanie3 not to tell anyone she was over at my house. Steph told me Melanie thought we were hiding this really big secret or something...
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I ate all 7 chocolate bars in 1-2 days before I could sell them,
From Feb. 25, 1990:
Dear Diary, I am listening to the song "that's what friends are for" and I decided to write. I have a tremendous stomachache but I deserve it. the school's selling chocolate bars and I was planning to sell a box. So far, my only prospectors have been myself. I have devoured 7 $1 candy bars. I'm going to return the rest of the box to the office.
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From Dec. 18, 1990:
...Then school started. My first day of public school after going to (private school name) for three years. It was a major shock. On the first day I had trouble with my combination lock, I didn't know anyone, and it was awful. I couldn't believe people actually SWORE a lot and I was told that my Biology teacher was a pervert, my Health teacher was a lesbian, and my Spanish II teacher had a mental breakdown last year. Well, I'm getting used to everything now and life is wonderful. I made some very sweet friends and let me tell you about Robin...
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From Feb. 4, 1990:
...I asked him why he was so upset Friday...(part omitted for privacy). He likes Michelle SO much--I was SO sad for him cause Michelle likes him as a friend only. I love him so much! I love Michelle so much! I hate life. I like Will, Will likes Michelle, Michelle likes Will as a friend. She's so afraid of me getting hurt--I am truly more concerned for them. I have no right to be upset. My problems are so trivial and stupid. I like Will so much it hurts--I'll never let them know though, it'd just add to their problems. I hope Will and Michelle do get together--I will be happy for them but I do care. I couldn't sleep last night at Stephs. I can't cry--this feeling of total sadness over everything engulfs me. And I must not show it. I don't want to make anyone anymore upset or depressed than they are. I know things will work out...
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Feb. 26, 1990:
...I felt like I was invisible and that was the state I wanted to be in, when, after school, he talked to Michelle in her car. I wanted to know what they were talking about and peeked from behind a truck. Will saw me and I jumped back--mortified...
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August 26, 1991:
...Cross-country has started and I am pretty out-of-shape. Robin is going out for football this year since his awesome soccer coach left. Wait--There's an awesome song to dance to. WHOOooo! I'm back. Oh, about Robin, I'm scared he's going to break his neck. It's a brutal sport. About Robin, I think I'm lfinally starting to lget over him. We never "went out" but just about a month ago, we made out. I think it'll last me for a while. It was my first kiss on a warm moonlit summer night and then the second time it was in the afternoon--OH! ANOTHER COOL SONG! BE BACK!--in some lweeds. I could elaborate, but I'd rather not on paper.
...I'm not worried about a boyfriend yet at all. I don't really care if I have to stay single for even a year or two. I just want to date, have fun, and make some friends. And I don't care what people think about me either, if I want to be friendly with an unpopular crowd, I don't want to care what anyone else would think. Hopefully next year will be a lot of fun and I think it will be. It's all in a person's mind. I'm making up my mind to have an awesome Junior year. ME, a junior! Awesome! IT'S UNBELIEVABLE! (EMF)! One thing is for sure, I'm not going to worry about any "Stacy's". I'll have to remember that. But you know, when I think of that hussy and Robin...Monica told me she thought EVERYTHING happened. I think it's a discusting display of over-active hormones, lustful minds, and lack of self-control. I actually shouldn't be talking about lack of self-control, but I'm definitely going to be a virgin until I'm married, THAT'S FOR SURE!!! I just can't believe it. I didn't even suspect until Steph and Monica told me I was dumb and extremely naive. It makes me SOOOOOOO MAAAAAAAD!!! and at the same time, I guess I can understand. If I wasn't a Christian I probably wouldn't see anything wrong with that, but it's just terrible. What I did was pretty awful too but I can't even imagine...Well, I CAN imagine, but...
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From March 30, 1990:
Dear Diary,
Will has "terminated" his relationship with Michelle and today he was nicer than usual. Uh oh! I don't like him and I don't want him to go for me now! 'd feel like a stand-by, a fill-in for Michelle. I saw a really good movie the other day called "The Phantom of the Opera." I'd rate it as high as Anne of Green Gables and Avonlea.
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