Sorry, But I Miss Colombia

I don't know. I still miss Colombia. Even though I don't know everything, and don't know who to trust, and even though a couple things were "different"...

I like Colombians. I like how they're respectful and their manners and the way their children behave.

I went out last night just to work on computer. Had a couple drinks and wanted to dance. Had too much to drink but he'd had more.

He said he was Mexican but I thought Puerto Rican. As we were driving off, an officer sort of waved with a smile. This guy says he's a local. He drove a very nice car too.

But I guess money doesn't make the man.

He was really nice, and funny, but something was missing. He said something about the Secret Asparagus service that was really funny and cracked me up, but I sort of liked Alvaros personality more. Even though he didn't know a fucking word of English. Barely. There was some deeper connection with A. that went past language. And he's into revolutionary ideas and change for people and countries and we didn't talk about it a lot, but it was still there.

I don't know what A. was up to, but our personalities clicked. Not that the other guy isn't nice and funny, but just different.

And, I didn't like he wouldn't take no for an answer for about 10 fucking minutes. I had to practically push him off. He didn't do anything wrong, but if I say get off of me, get the HELL OFF of ME. But he'd had a lot to drink. I mean, it was fine.

But still, I don't know. I want someone who has the personality of Alvaro, and the manners, but who is able to be loyal, and who kisses like Alvaro's cousin, and...I can't imagine better physical chemistry than there was with A., but he's such a womanizer, he's probably that way with everyone? Oh, and I had a very good chemistry and intellectual connection with Chris, but he was always annoyed and impatient with me.

But I do miss the way Colombians are. It's a different culture but maybe it sort of fits my personality. I don't know. It was really nice to go out and dance last night though.

BUT, then I got home and I was locked out and thought my housemate had changed locks...

I had to sleep at someone else's house. Then I had to climb through a window after taking off the screen and then realized the deadbolts were totally tampered with. NO one had changed the locks, they'd been fucked with and turned around and the key wouldn't work.

Then, SOMEONE really did steal from me. When someone went through my stuff, I still had my silk pink blouse from my introduction to the Colombians, and the b & w photo was still there but today I saw these two things were GONE. The only things missing. That b & w photo of me and my silk shirt.

I don't know what the hell is going on.

The guy I was with last night, said his brother was into dealing and stuff but he wasn't or chose not to be. I don't know if he was telling me the truth or not, but I tried to guess things about him and he said I was right.

I said I saw a red ribbon. Something to do with a red ribbon or line, in the family. I saw yellow. I saw "initiation" and he denied this and I wouldn't back down and insisted there was something to do with an initiation and then finally said okay, he had been initiated into a gang when he was 14. He acted shocked but how do I know for sure? I said there was an orange tabby cat. And I said I saw "private" and that was the first thing but he didn't seem like a very private person. I didn't know if it was private like military or private like kept to himself, and that's when he said he was with the Secret Asparagus. Private was the first thing that came to mind.

But you know, there were things about Alvaro I definitely didn't like. And so many mind games and telling me one thing and doing something totally different. I felt played. I don't know if he really loved me or loved his property or, if he was really getting a tarjeta verdes, just wanted to protect his interests.

Some really sketchy things were going on.

I seriously don't think I'm ever going to meet anyone who is right for me or who I'm right for. There's always some problem. Always something in the way and something, I don't know...

When I went to the convenience store with the guy last night who said there was red inthe family, a guy who was wearing a blue and white jersey with number 34 came in and was checking everything out and then I noticed all these vehicles outside when he left. I don't know what that was about.

I like Mexican food better and maybe Colombian culture a little bit more. I like different things about the different countries.