Death Threat & Other & "Self Serving"

I just had a couple of comments from people which I'll respond to later, but one of them is the same thing as a death threat. The woman wrote in to say she hoped I was killed in a drive-by. In my opinion, that is not only to incite violence but indicative of a violent personality which would do such a thing.

Not only that, this person tries to deny the gang violence that is already present in the area which most people are well aware of, and gang violence does not just come from things which are seen on the outside, but things done in secret, which are more difficult to catch.

Why do "drive-bys" anymore anyways? Isn't that "old school"? I would think, if non lethal and other weapons are available through military buddies or on the black market, that it's easier to harm people that way and control and punish them, and then claim the person is crazy and that nothing is really happening.

People who have power, or semi-normal lives on the outside, do not want to jeopardize themselves and others and go to jail for doing something obvious if they can do something just as bad and have a better assurance of getting away with it.

Hence the appeal of non-lethal weapons and equipment. Gets the job done and no one knows who did it, as it can be done from a distance, and sometimes there is even little evidence to prove what's happening, especially if your buddies at the hospital or clinic are going to cover for you.

The gang and governmental violence of this area is not "drive bys". It's the use of military and other non lethal weapons that harm to the point of almost destroying someone, but without leaving more visible marks. Harder to trace, and easy to dismiss.

What would you do, if you were involved in something you shouldn't be involved in, or wanted to hurt someone without getting caught? Would you fire at someone, when the ballistics will track your ass down? Would you lay hands on someone when it's possible DNA will be available? Or would you take advantage of newer technology that is exceptionally strong and which can be used to torture people? And then lie and cover and claim the person is "delusional" and "imagining things"?

Not only that, it's certaintly easier to blend in with the "good guys" isn't it? You could even be in law enforcement or the military and look like you're serving your country, while you are misusing and misappropriating your resources.

What about the rich? Do you really think the rich are going to put their hands on someone or shoot at someone if they know their money can buy other ways to hurt people without it getting traced back to them?

Here's an example: Take your victim, your "enemy" or whoever YOU have made yourself hostile torwards, put them in a room, and blast the hell out of them with technology. Then let them go and tell everyone "Nothing happened. That person is just nuts and mentally ill. Where is the injury? Where are the marks?" and blame memory loss and internal bleeding and twitching and failure of reproductive organs and disorientation on "psychological problems".

Sure. Now, just find out where someone lives and do the exact same thing, and who will ever know? Hell, you don't even have to take them to a different location or kidnap them?

Seems pretty fucking easy to me.

People who try to incite violence against people who try to do good and who try to call attention to a big problem in order to spare their SON and OTHER PEOPLE too, should lose their "license to drive". I have never directed any ill wishes even, on any particular person, because I know it is not in MY hands but in God's hands. I have never taken any kind of violence, ever, into my own hands or asked someone else to do it either.

But if I pray to God, for help and justice, and to restore order and peace, by whatever means necessary if people do not quit their own violence, I am called a "pig".

People who are more conservative or who want to conceal themselves better, or who maintain a facade of religious practice, do you think they want others to know what they do and how they hurt others? Some of them probably wouldn't even like the idea of actually pulling a trigger, but as long as they don't have to see what is happening, or come face to face with it, they will take the cowards revenge, which is when someone attacks another knowing they have an unfair advantage.

That's what bully's do.

My problems haven't been with poor people, generally. Maybe some hate me and are easy to bribe, sure, but they do it for the people who have the money and power to bribe with.

What I also find incredible, is that this same woman who says I should be killed, calls me "self serving".

If I were "self serving" I would have joined the gang a long time ago. Don't you think that would have been easier and more "self serving"? If I were self serving and cared more about MYSELF than what is right, and what I feel God cares about, and greater principles, and things that affect a LOT of people, if I were so self serving, I would have given in to the peer pressure a long time ago, and gone along to be a part of what everyone else is involved in.

I would have served myself by taking the easiest path. If I were self serving, I wouldn't care about other people as I have cared, or even bothered to speak up about some things which don't even affect my own personal life at all.

If I were so self serving, I wouldn't have spent all of my money, when I had money, in volunteer work and helping the needy and poor.

If I were so self serving, I wouldn't be one of the few individuals you will ever meet, who is willing to part with a dollar or two out of the last $10 in order to help a homeless person.

If I were so self serving, I wouldn't even bother to pray for others and I would only be praying for myself and my life. Instead, I have usually done exactly the reverse, praying for everyone else except for myself and my son, and forgeting to ask God for what we need, which now, is justice.

If I were so self serving, I wouldn't be interested in sharing what insights I get as they come to me, if they help others, and I certaintly wouldn't do it at a risk of sounding crazy, when that does not benefit my case.

If I were self serving, I wouldn't say or write one single thing that wasn't in perfect CONFORMITY to the majority opinion and following.

If I were self serving, I wouldn't be willing to lay my life down for my son, whom I do not treat as a messenger or an alter ego of myself, but whose life and beliefs I value as independent from my own. I would not be a sacrificial mother, I would be a self serving one, that thinks about herself and her needs and wants before the needs of my son.

If I were self serving, I would be joining a lot of organizations and even a church, just so I could be a part of a larger group and serve myself by being trying to form alliances. Instead, I am open minded and try to go where I sincerely feel I can help and I am willing to be friends with someone from any group, no matter what it is.

If I were self serving, I wouldn't care about people or certain subjects or topics which make my life more dangerous. I would serve myself and do what I could to be the best fucking "social climber" I could be, and use my talents for "networking" for my own self serving purposes. I wouldn't be sleeping on a floor in tribute to my son and I wouldn't be pushed down by others who punish me for NOT being like them.

You can go ahead and call me a pig, if you like. I have never claimed to be perfect, and if I were "self serving" I wouldn't even admit to my faults and expose my own errors and problems and issues. So call me a pig, if you don't agree with me, but "self serving" is...a stretch at best.

On the other side of things, the opposite of self serving would be a "martyr". While YOU call me self serving, I have other friends who have told me "Don't be a martyr. No one likes a martyr."

I never asked to be a martyr either, or tried to be one. I only tried to do the right thing, as best as I could, withOUT being "self serving" and when some people hate you that much for it, they make you into a martyr themselves. It has not even been my doing.

I didn't ask to be persecuted, and I didn't ask to be a martyr. I cannot control the actions and responses of others, to someone who refuses to go along with things she doesn't understand or agree with. I cannot control the decisions of people whose hatred has consumed them, or whose own worry about being caught over wrongdoing, has made themselves my enemy. I didn't ask for enemies, and I didn't ask to be a martyr.

But if holding my head up, and doing my best, and trying to keep myself from giving into peer pressure, and trying to protect my son at all costs, makes me a martyr, than that's what I'll be. The record shows that I have been punished for being the exact opposite of "self serving". I have tried to serve my son's interests and the interests of the general public and have always been interested in equality and justice for all. I have done what I felt was right and honorable to God, despite being pressured, intimidated and tortured and seeing my son suffer as well. I have been willing to accept worse torture by standing up for my son and trying to advocate for him.

What I have learned, is that I was gullible. I was and am a good person who is willing to help others and who thinks, mistakenly, that others are as selfless and willing to contribute to a common goal as I am. But no, instead I find others are more likely to contribute to a goal only if it benefits them directly and as soon as possible.

I don't see anyone making great personal sacrifices in Wenatchee or this area in general. Who is it, that I've not yet met, who is sacrificing what they want for themselves, or who is forgoing the easy road, in order to try to serve others instead of themself?

I could sound self righteous too, I'm sure, by pointing out I have not exactly been "self serving", but the difference, in my opinion, is that I didn't set out to be a martyr for the sake of praise and notice that I am poor me, a martyr and persecuted for trying to stand up for what is right and good.

No one likes a martyr. That's what my friend said.

I wonder why.

I haven't set myself apart to be alone and to enjoy martyr status. I didn't go to the top of the mountain for clearer and broader perspective to say, "Look at me!" I have constantly said, "Please join me." I have always had an open door and tried to encourage others to be brave and work together. I didn't isolate myself--others isolated and alienated themselves from me, by choice.

And then, because of the persecution, I have had to be more careful about who I trust because once you're at the top, others want to pull you down, into the same valley, to be like anyone else who isn't ready for the climb, or worse.

There is an inverse equation to perspective of top and bottom. Some think of success or being at the top as clawing ones way into the highest financial or power sphere, and view others as not having the strength or luck to get to where they are. Others think of success or being at the top as enlightenment, having gone through trials and making it through, and then seeing others below who have not yet been challenged, or who refuse the challenge and encouragement.

I've tried to say, "Come on! Keep going! Look at the view from HERE!" and others have tried to pull me down, into the camp where all the money and power is, which also comes, sometimes, with a personal price tag, which it shouldn't. Some people don't want to have to look at the person on the top, because it reminds them of the climb they were unwilling to take. Others worry, frantically, that having someone so visible, talking about how great it is to be free, might "inspire" others to leave the colony and take a risk to find out for themselves how beautiful it is, and how peaceful, and panoramic the view.

Someone at the top, could be calling out, yelling, "Come on!!! You can do it!!!" and for that, they get shot at with arrows. For that, their food supplies are cut off. Some don't even get to the top because they wanted to be there.

Some of us get there because we took a few steps forward, never thinking we would go so far, and not even wanting or asking for it, and then others were yelling to get the dissenter out and thought they were pushing exile. Not realizing, they were actually helping that person along, to fulfill a destiny.

It doesn't mean it's a destiny of glory or material gain. I would encourage reading Siddhartha. One could also think about how Jesus was crucified at the top. At the top of the mountain, after being pushed to carry a cross that he couldn't carry on his own.

People who are persecuted for being different or for having principles, never ask to be isolated. They usually want others to get involved and come alongside. They also don't think they're better than others, which is the entire reason they make personal sacrifices to HELP others. If they thought they were better than everyone, they wouldn't care about anyone but themself. They wouldn't buck a system that is corrupt, that's for sure. The only people who accuse someone who tries to do good, of being "self righteous" or thinking they are better than everyone, are the people who don't want anyone to notice how selfish they are.

When MLK fought for civil rights, the people who hated him were those who told him he didn't know "his place". They didn't want anything to change and didn't like his way of making what they did look selfish, or unholy, or corrupt and unjust. Some people saw his point, and began to rally, and others just hated having a light shone in their direction. When Princess Diana fought for children's rights, for their right to safety, she was compiling a dossier that cast a light on large groups that were willing to harm children for the sake of their own personal interests, which were self serving. Some didn't like how "Profiting From Misery" made them look. When JFK and Robert Kennedy talked about the poor and how some part of government wanted to strip away the democracy and independence of the people, they were killed. Others have taken stands which are smaller, and lose family and friends over it and are called nuts for not going along with everyone else. It is not easy to follow ones conscience. And larger groups usually know that if others agree and join in the cause or support that person, THEY will suffer great losses. Usually monetary and sometimes political or power. The abolition of slavery cost a lot of landowners and their crops fell apart. The abolition attempts to end landmines would cost billions of profits and who is more important? Rich countries and their leaders and elite or the African and Cambodian children? Shaking up a system in America that was gaining momentum for some privatized groups would also have costs.

There is always a motive to attempts to slander someone and keep them down. It helps others to feel as though they are "up" and getting ahead, and if they are jealous, or don't want to be reminded of what their own weakneses, it makes them feel better about themselves. Those who think this way are the ones who try to keep everyone from seeing how it benefits the majority to pursue due process, true justice, and equality, liberty, and independence, and freedom. Those with the most to lose, will do whatever they can, to incite hatred and violence against someone who is trying to do good which might upset the balance, or the scales.

The adage "Don't fix it if it ain't broken" reminds us that if something IS broken, it must be fixed, if it's going to be of service. If people are trying to hide the fact that it's broken, the real problem never gets fixed. There are plenty of people who want to get or stay rich or receive the benefits of going along with those who are, who try to sell others a broken product. Half the time, it seems, once they realize people will coming to them if they need help, they can profit off of this. One could take a perfectly good product from the shelves, called Justice, and smash it with a hammer, in a location where it's difficult to find, and then sell it to others, knowing these people will have to pay out of their own pockets for the repair. This system in Wenatchee, and probably elsewhere, is like a car with mechanical problems and people keep driving the same car, and it's the only car all the dealers want to sell, and it's because someone is profiting from the money that flows in from all the repairs which have to be made. Some people will intentionally create problems for the purposes of having an excuse to give other people jobs or make people pay to have the problem fixed...hence the justice system today.

That's how it is for most. But then throw in someone who is trying to just go by the rules and have a normal life, and forget it. Throw in someone who notices something is wrong, and all the people profiting want to silence that person. And then, when the person persists, they rally a whole community to punish that person by defaming them and trying to scare others that one individual might cost them something. If someone is self serving, they will back down and shut up and join the crowd and peddle the broken goods like everyone else. If someone tries to have principles, they take a step in a different direction, and end up climbing a mountain they never thought they'd be climbing when they don't even like to hike in the first place. Why? Because the whole mob is pushing them out and their principles have created a stress or tension where something has to give. So to punish that person, they give them a cross and push them along.

Then, the individual has a choice. Surrender and go back and join the group, or go forward. There is no other "option". One is told to sacrifice liberty and the right to free speech and join the group, or have your principles and suffer for it. So I suppose some look around and back, and remember the comforts of going along with anything and everything, and thinks, "I'm going back" and they might look up and see the climb ahead is hard, and not want to be forced into isolation, but then others may have seen something that is beautiful and been willing to go ahead and then encourage others to see the benefits.

I guess it's inverse in a lot of ways. In some ways, leaving what is easy and material is hard but then there is a view at the top, even if it's lonely. No one ever tries to be inclusive there, it's just what happens sometimes. On the other hand, while one is at the top, some suggest you are being self serving, not even realizing you ended up at the top because of your desire to serve more than yourself and more than the status quo.

What I believe, is that some people die because of the stand they take. Some don't die and are tortured instead. Some make a difference in a short life and others are able to make a difference over a longer period of time, and sometimes it seems something is in vain while other times, it's not. Sometimes, things turn around.

I just don't feel that I have to accept being called self serving or a martyr. I haven't been self serving but I haven't asked to be a martyr either. I am told there is no other option, but I disagree. I don't have to give up my son and say "peace" and take whatever is thrown at me silently and not fight for what is right. I also don't have to succumb to peer pressure or societal pressure to try to get ahead.

Even if it is hard, I have the right to ask for justice.