Sunday, February 21, 2010

No Problems While Walking & Vibe

I had absolutely no problems after I left the house and was walking. There was absolutely no twitching, overheating, nothing. I felt completely normal again except I began to feel slightly nauseous like my body was getting a break and then I felt sort of sick.

It's coming from this laptop or the location. I tend to think most of it is laptop. So something gets activated or something.

It's not psychological either because I have no way of knowing what's causing it predetermined desire to have it be one thing or the other. I'm totally objective about it.

I don't think my problems now are just because of some relgious matter or what someone might think in particular. It isn't just one religion if there is any impetus at all. I have seen very hateful behavior from people I wouldn't think would do this.

Today while walking, I picked up on more energy and vibe of the town. A lot of the out of town people went back out of town. It was quieter. But not just quieter, some of the out of area people left.

I also noticed there were some very sad people out there and I realized, even in the middle of a lot of mockery and everything, that there were people who are very upset and who care. Who do believe me and believe in me. I was surprised today to see this but thank you because I needed to see this from some people.

I wanted to say I noticed one latino man in a red and white shirt in a sedan and I wanted to say I noticed, and don't worry. Por el hombre en la camisa rojo y blanco, no nervioso, yo noticia ti y es okay, no triste...en mas tiempo menos problemas. Gracias a ti por tu corazon.

I also saw people in other colors of course, I wasn't singling out color but just what I saw from an individual here and there. It doesn't matter what you're wearing, I can see, when someone is tranparent, how they care or not. It's harder with those who are not so transparent but there is a look in the eye, it seems, that a lot of people cannot guard against. Los ojos son la mirror de la espiritu.

What I don't like still, is that there is some very triumphant or self serving thing in the area that has nothing to do with my son. Some people really care about him and others care about soemthing else and I can't always ifigure out what it is.

Saw a man in a grey and white sweater too, looked eastern european and I could tell, you care. I have seen it.

I did notice about 2 international people in town. I just intuited it, that even if living here, your allegiance or nationality is from another country. Saw one Asian woman and one european or caucasian woman.
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Now that I've said this much, I can say, right now, it is definitely the computer. I have no idea what is being done, but it's been networked out to some other administrator and my controls change on a daily basis.

At this moment, I can say I know for sure that there is something being done with this laptop. It was even worse at the other house so I don't know if there is something which can make it worse, but it's this laptop and the first time I had any problems with it was after Chris, from this town, was around it. That's not to say someone couldn't have just suddenly decided to mess with me after this point, but because it began after I was hanging out with him, I wonder. Chris Rozollo. My white jacket also disappeared with him and I never got it back.

So this is who people here refer to as "vanilla" and "9". Town lingo. But I don't know if I just started having this problem with the laptop because he or someone was able to actually access it and do something,, or if anyone can somehow trigger a laptop to react or do weird things. Some of the things Chris did seemed to be good and other things I wasn't sure about. Like most of the people I've been around lately in my life. I can't tell if they're out for themselves or trying to help. C.R. said he was Catholic but I'm quite sure he was Jewish and I don't know why he'd tell me he was Catholic, not that it matters one way or the other.

I think all of the people, or men, I've been involved with lately, have done good and bad or pretended one thing or the other and I am just not sure what all of the motives were about. There have been some very serious special interests, for some reason, around me, but I cannot tell why or what for.

Even if some man didn't like me at all, that is not to say they would do harm to my SON. I understand this.

I am more concerned with, and MOST concerned with, how my son is doing. Whoever is around my son that treats him well and protects him best--but not just because others get bullied, that's the most important thing.

I have nothing FOR or AGAINST any group at all, whether they are blue, red, or neutral, whatever. I really don't. I really just want my son to be okay.

However, it also concerns me that there could be people who really have the best interests of my son at heart, and yet their efforts go in vain because some other group that maybe doesn't even care as much, tries to foul things up because they're stronger or something. Maybe tries to make people who are helping the most, and have the best hearts, look bad.

So I really do not know what's going on, but I care most about my son and because I am his biggest advocate and am perceptive and very guarded and vigilant about him, I feel he needs to be returned to my care. I will speak up if no one else will. People may try to harm us, like they could anyone, but no one is going to have granted access because of intimidation, because I do not fear for my life when it comes to my son. Perfect love casts out all fear.

I think some people care about my son but some have done really disgusting things and then threatened my aunt and uncle not to tell. Really disgusting things. I don't think C.R. has done that, I don't think, not to my son. I cannot even picture that but I know some others have done really horrible things. I think it's possible someone just targeted me more too, after I knew him, or because I my ex was out of the picture. I am just not sure about everything yet. I know I had problems and then I didn't and then I did again. I have had almost all the people I've stayed with, do weird things or things which made me question what kind of harm was coming to my son. Well, not ALL.

I am curious as to why my son will have "good weeks" and bad weeks, and how it is like people take turns getting to him, and some of them are normal and good people and others are malicious and bad. But with some, my belongings have been stolen, and different things destroyed. Any documentation I might have to help me get ahead is destroyed or stolen. I have even had a place to live here and there but while I'm staying with someone, mind games are played and/or evidence which I could use disappears.

I don't want to say anything bad about him--there have been strange things with a lot of exes but good too.

I feel some people want to make my family look bad to try to take him entirely, which is why I think my father feels they are the best option for now, but I don't know.

I feel, in my heart, that someone is going to come forward and tell me. I have had a few people say a couple things, but I feel someone out there really is deliberating. I believe that someone has been thinking long and hard about sharing some things with me but doesn't know how to do it.

I will pray for you tonight, whoever you are, that you will speak to me or find some way, somehow, to let me know what is going on, in full, without endangering yourself and those you love and care about. I honestly don't know how it's possible either, but if somehow, you could let me know it would help.

If anyone really does have something to share, I know that it would be very difficult to find a way to safely tell me and explain some things. My phone conversations get out to everyone, my visits' content gets out to others, and my computer is always hacked.

Honestly, it sounds ridiculous but if someone could even mail me something with letters cut up out of a paper...so no one knows...and then I think, no, if someone is worried about a government person, or anyone else who is infiltrated, they might be able to trace it to the U.S. postal drop box and who knows if there's a webcam...etc. I have no idea how someone could really get what I need to know, to me, safely. I don't want anyone to die trying to tell me what they know, but my son and I really need your help and I am someone to trust information too, because no one cares about my son more than me. If I have to take the blame or punishment for exposing something, I will do it, but I need people who are willing to share with me. And I really don't know how but maybe you have better ideas than I do.

Please take care of yourself and be careful and I will be praying. Mabye too, there is someone you know who has integrity you could go to, but if you don't trust anyone else, you can trust me. For the sake of my son, please let me know.

Thank you and God bless you. I need to pray more and I'll try.

The image of the man who was getting up, the last one I had, the man had blond-brown hair. Not brown but some variation. I saw a moment where someone was trying to get up.

This doesn't mean there are not others, with brown, red, dark brown, and black hair, who are good people and who need the very same encouragement. But this flash I saw, I don't know why I saw it, and I wasn't going to share but have decided I would. More blond than brown, and either sick from something or was getting beat up, or going through what I've been through. I think it was for that night in particular or whenever I saw it but maybe it was a flash from something else.

My second image, which just came to me, as I was thinking about this again, was that I or someone's mother would take this face inbetween her hands and say, "You can do it." But I don't know what it is about.

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