Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My Rock

This morning there was a goof-up on my part.

Last night I had a bad feeling. Things were good but I sensed something very sad and down. I couldn't sing last night, during chapel, for some reason, but I still know things are in control.

However, at work a few came in who wanted me to screw up and then it was like 2-3 other tables were there to hear which was horrible.

You can tell if someone wanted you to screw up if they look "happy" or satisfied about it, rather than disappointed or how any other normal person would act. But a few came in almost whispering orders so I could hardly hear them, and then there were a couple of miscommunications. So then I was flustered and made a couple mistakes on my own.

By that evening, even though I know there are good things in store and to think positive, and although I know I'm a great waitress and will excell at it again, I was just bummed.

Something last night, in the "energy" was not good.

I called my mother and she said not to worry about it but I knew I was right. She said things were fine there so that's good, but even if it's not about my son, I know it's about something else that affects my life because otherwise. Because I really feel that it's more than intuition and is sometimes the Holy Spirit telling me something isn't right or that there is something going on that isn't right that is communicated to my own spirit.

At one point, I was upset with someone too, and I went to the restroom and prayed and got a scripture about the blind man who wants to see and how Jesus will heal him. That helped me to change my attitude, to realize everyone needs God and our shortcomings and sometimes the betrayals and set ups we go through, are a result of that need for God and for grace. Which I need as well.

I got up this morning and the energy felt better than it did last night. But I prayed for the day and that I wouldn't make mistakes and then right off the bat, I forgot something.

I have been getting a lot of things done, which makes me happy, but to forget something small, really upset me, esp. after I prayed.

I asked why this was allowed to happen and then kept thinking about Job, how God allowed Satan to have power over Job. It wasn't that Job did anything wrong, but God allowed others who did not have a right attitude, and Satan himself, to test and be successful in their powers against Job. And it wasn't that God wasn't "with" Job either, but sometimes, I am trying to remember, God's greatness is magnified in our weakness.

I can't see how this could be magnified with my forgetting a key in my locker. It makes me feel like I am totally without memory, or forgetful about an important thing that should be second nature. But for some reason, even something like that was allowed to happen.

I had to choose how to deal with it. Was anything valuable there? No. So I could keep going and then make a call when possible to have someone get the key for me.

It still made me feel like this was letting my enemy triumph over me, in a kind of proof that I cannot be trusted.

But I kept thinking about this song about grace and how it is God's grace, and not always what we do right, that saves us. Even if I screw up, for some reason, this could be part of a greater plan and I cannot doubt God, and give my confidence over.

I prayed for a good scripture from the Y box again, as I was thinking about these things and walking away from the key, to attend to it when I got in. I asked for something positive again, and I got "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2.

I tried to think about how sometimes we slip but God keeps us from falling and sometimes when we fall, God helps us to get back up.

With God, all things are possible, and nothing, not Hell or High Water will stop that. He is the formidable force.

I also found out last night, that I'd been sending text messages to someone in the Universe that I don't even know. All kinds of personal stuff and I was sending all of them to the wrong number and not to the family number I had thought they were going to. I was sending the texts to a home phone number, which cannot receive texts, because it's not a cell phone, and so someone else who has that number for a cell, may have been getting them.

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