Thursday, February 3, 2011

My Music This Morning & Grant Research

This Jesus card fell out of my locker and sparked the song to my mind this morning, "Jesus, Lover of My Soul" so I found a link for it: It's a hillsong version I haven't heard before. I don't remember who wrote this song. The video has a Prince William chair in it.

Last night I turned to Isaiah which says "Arise, shine, your light has come" and joked about how it had to be a joke because I was right underneath this huge flourescent light with my new bed assignment. Then I saved the place and read it again this morning before I got out of bed, thinking how beautiful this is...this passage. And the next chapter I really love too. It's sort of like song of songs in the poetry sense, I think.

I'm playing "Father I Adore You" now.

I met someone from New York this morning, after buying a York peppermint patty this morning and thinking I might meet someone from NY today, or about Sarah Princess of York. Then I randomly asked this man who passed by what his ethnic background was because I couldn't exactly pick it out but I thought maybe it was unique and he was from NY and blushed. I didn't think New Yorkers ever blushed!

I'll just post what I listen to here, without going into it: this one has a quilt collage that made me think of my mother.

She's making a quilt and really getting into it--even going to a quilt camp. At one time, I had been saving all kinds of fabrics and scraps for making a crazy quilt and wanted to do something really creative with it--tell a story with it. I saved my white dance dress for the longest time, in my hope chest and then finally took it apart and kept pieces of it to use for a quilt later. Eventually, just everything was taken. But I had saved some pieces from even my childhood, fabrics I used to drape around myself and pin or tie together and imagine what I would make with it.

Most Holy One:

I just found out from my mom that the book she's reading isn't the Serpents in the Sanctuary one. It's "When Pigs Move In".

Rich Mullins' "Calling Out Your Name":

I inquired about a grant research position for the Homeless Newspaper yesterday and they said they need someone who already has experience so I think I'm just going to research grants on my own and do one independently and then inquire about salary at a later date. I will do other volunteer work for them in a 2 hour slot but I can still work on the grant research idea.

I also inquired about being trained to be an EMT today. Just yesterday I was thinking about CPR and First Aid certification when this supervisor brought up renewing my food handler's card. So I thought about how I need to renew my CPR and First Aid too (I've done it maybe 5-7 years when I worked more with kids but it's expired and if something happened to someone I'm not sure I would remember what to do, which doesn't make me feel very comfortable).

I was looking up CPR and randomly clicked on EMT and found I might be able to just go ahead and get certified to be an EMT on the side. It's not work I would want for FT, but just a skill to have, for my own peace of mind.

I'm doing grant research today, for homeless. I guess it's what I fell into this morning. I was going to run other errands today but I have to do this tomorrow.

I guess I have to apply for a Grants ID and register with the U.S. Department to find and submit grants on behalf of organizations. So this is what I'm doing! which is not what I thought I would be doing this morning...


I tried doing this in Wenatchee but I was pushed out of even doing volunteer work. I'm not kidding. I could have done any number of things and tried, and signed up to volunteer and people there were refusing to allow me to work or even volunteer! It was horrible.

At least here I was able to volunteer and do some floral arranging and have other ideas of things I can do.

This also is reminding me to add something else that I did in Maryland, which was entrepreneurial in nature, where I was rounding up all the unemployed people (a lot of hispanics) who needed work and I was starting to organize and coordinate them for work in construction and other labor. Sort of like an employment "agent". I just saw people without work and figured out what the need was and how to maybe benefit both parties (help find them work with a very small 'finder's fee' for myself) and was looking into non-profit start ups again (which is something I researched years ago in Oregon, over 5 years ago). I talked with the people hanging out around the 7-11, recruited, and passed out my name and number and explained how I was trying to coordinate work for others. I was researching how to be licensed but in the meantime, gathered up information (names, numbers, and if they had the proper ID or work visas and papers or not or which ones they had). I was only going to charge something like a one-time finder's fee that was, I think, a small percentage of the first paycheck and then nothing later and if they lost work, I was going to pay a part of it back if they were not retained for a couple of months at least...I was doing it sort of as a job idea for myself and sort of to help others by not asking for much in return).

I had a lot of response and wanted to continue but then I had medical problems for the longest time with the miscarriage complications. I did this after I worked at The Post Pub and before I worked at a place on 14th where I met my ex-fiance. I did it for about a month? maybe a little less, but every single day, hit the pavement and talked with people--total strangers and went to where they hung out at convenience stores and then knocked on a few doors and talked to people on the sidewalk and passed out information. Then I wasn't able to work because of the miscarriage problems and my lower back hurting so badly and I was with my ex at that time.

When I got back to Washington, the only thing people would allow was for me to marry. Some didn't even want that. And then they systematically convinced people to keep me from getting work, and jailed me on false arrests when I did get work so I couldn't go. I looked for work harder than I have my entire life. There was no reason for me to not be employed. I then signed up for over a dozen volunteer organizations from small to large and I was ignored or told to come in and then that they didn't need anyone. I was forced out of volunteer work, I guess, because even that might look too "productive" or "normal". And during this entire time, tortured on an almost daily basis, and literally, as I watched my son suffer and be at their mercy as well. It is one of the most shocking things I have ever been through--to see whole groups of people go along with this kind of thing. I was also forced out of housing and asked all the time if I was getting back together with my ex or not.

I chose the most independent path in the middle of this. I didn't call up my ex for help, except emailed maybe once during horrible and severe torture. I didn't hook up with anyone and I resisted all kinds of set ups but I was falsely arrested and lied about anyway.

My son was lied about, and lied to, and kept from his own mother. This is where I thought I cannot believe this is the United States and I don't know what kind of country I'm living in.

Anyway, waiting to hear back on a couple of volunteer things. And my battery is now charged 100%--I can't believe this cord is still working but I'm making it work!

I sort of anticipated a response from one woman that might not allow me to do the grant research so I started looking at other homeless organizations that could use the money or assistance. And then, I was right! I got her email and she didn't want any assistance in that area at all, so I was right to go to a non-profit site and look at other places which might benefit. And then I'm still doing some kind of volunteer work that would just be basic, for them, which I'd already agreed to do anyway.

I don't know how I "knew", I just already knew she was going to turn me down for some reason, before she wrote back or anything.

At least, I feel when one door closes, another one opens and I feel I was inspired to look into things for a reason. I signed up for the newsletter in the meantime. I also feel my direction or focus on what I would most enjoy researching in grants, might not be grants for newspaper publication as much as basic housing and other employment for people. The newspaper is employment at least! and awareness, but I know a lot of people who are still having to live in shelters because they're not set up for their own housing and I think this is something I could work on. I personally, with my son, wish to go straight from shelter to my own apartment or house. I don't want to be on state assistance at all for obvious reasons, with my son in mind. But there are a lot of possibilities for people to take advantage of govt. grant money and have their own place, and I want to look into this a little more.

I was hired for work, which is all I'm going to say, because I don't talk about my work when I'm working or might be working, but I have other things I want to do at the same time and the supervisor was okay with that.

I also talked to a woman who brought up her hand arthritis and I'm going to have to look up natural cures and remedies.

I was just thinking about the day or evening my Ex "found" all the phone numbers and contacts of men who wanted to be hired for work. I never really thought about it until today, but I didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't spend a lot of time explaining my business venture to him...I just said, when he had his hands full of all these papers and everything, "I was trying to help some guys find work." He had asked, "What is THIS?" and looked at me strange. He still sort of looked like he didn't believe me but why go into detail? If he wasn't going to believe me then why should I care to elaborate? It was when we were still in a townhouse and before we moved to a larger house in the suburbs.

I am not a completely open book. I have my things that I share or don't share, whether small or large. Nothing dire, but just things that if, in the moment I don't see a point in sharing, I may as well not share. I mean, I don't think my Ex knew how many witnesses I had who were neighbors to me who saw what a great Mom I was either. He probably read some of the statements after I added them online. All of it was good and proved what the State said about me was false. But none of my lawyers entered this into the record. Even though they were all freely given statements and established that I had over 20 people saying the same thing: that my son was extremely happy and well adjusted, and that I was an exemplary mother.

I had a TON of contacts. I mean, I had names of hispanic men up the ying-yang. Other nationalities too, but this was the main group because I thought I could help them most, with a little contact work and translation. I first got the idea when I saw so many of them hanging out around the 7-11 with nothing to do. Then I branched out. I maybe had 60+names.

By the way, the Attorney General Anne McIntosh was aware of all the statements that contradicted what they claimed was true about me. She knew this and knowingly lied and perjured herself and had others perjure themselves, in court, to falsely accuse and defame me.

It was the exact same thing as the Wenatchee sex trials. People did not mistakenly say false things. They did it with full knowledge that they were wrong.

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