This will sound very strange but I don't get "visions". I get sort of "mind's eye" things, where I see an idea in my mind but it's more vivid than normal. You know, like imagination enhanced, but never as if it's in the room next to you as a separate thing. Like, not "in person". Almost always, this is while praying but very rare. The most outstanding thing I think I ever saw was a kind of moving, tunneling-in "sight" of President Obama's femur. That has to be the weirdest thing.
I think some people see things every single day and have outstanding abilities, my parents being among this group, but I am not. So anyway, the last thing I had in front of my eyes in a different way, was of the "vegan" thing, and a woman, and it was different because it happened after I prayed and had my eyes open and was moving off of my bed and this time it was sort of a picture in front of my eyes, not as much "mind's eye". Definitely not "hallucination" though. I mean, right state of mind.
So then yesterday it was something different. I am not sure what to think of it actually.
I got up in the morning, thinking about children and angels, and reading scripture about this. For whatever reason, I wasn't going to share this publicly but I am doing so now
just bc maybe someone can figure out what it's about (but no lying spirit prophets please).
One part I wasn't going to share was that I fasted on just herbal tea until about 6 p.m. I ate something small a little after 6 and actually felt sort of wrong about it later, like I shouldn't have, but didn't know why. However, I only share the fasting part because it was in a spiritual sense that earlier I prayed. I prayed this short prayer to God, I don't know why, I said, "Let me feel or see an angel God." That was early in the morning. It didn't have to happen, and I didn't expect it, but I thought, God, if you want to show me something, could you let me see something?
I thought about the passages of how children's angels see the face of God and how we are covered in the shelter of his wings, says the Psalmist.
I thought later, briefly, about how my Mom saw one as a child, a fully human looking person but an angel, and my brother says he saw one as a kid. If my Dad has, he's never said so. I know I never have, at least not in my own understanding I haven't.
So when I told my Mom about the vegan thing she said, "If it's an angel it comes looking like a person" and I said then, "Well I don't know--that's what it was, and it was sort of in front of me but only lasted a second." It happened instantly after I prayed a short prayer and then was moving off of my bed.
So this time, yesterday, I wasn't fixating on it, I spent maybe less than 5 minutes total even praying and thinking about it combined. So I asked, and then I forgot about it.
I was extremely tired, with fasting and not having a lot of sleep from the night before. I had no idea I was that tired, but after I wrote my ethics case study paper, I took a nap and was napping. I napped before writing it too.
So I was napping with my eyes closed, but I wasn't asleep. I wasn't dreaming either. I suddenly saw this black raven or crow, right next to my head, maybe it was sort of a dream but not really because I was awake. But it was so clear, it was like a dream. This bird was right next to me, and picked something up with it's beak and set it down and did this again and then all of a sudden, it flew over my head and on top of it and I could "feel" it. It ruffled it's feathers and wings over my head and it was very soft and not scary, it was peaceful and not frightening at all. The weirdest part was that I not only saw it, I felt it, and I heard it. I heard this rustle of wings and feathers just as if it was over my head. When I opened my eyes, I saw there was no bird in my house. My screen door was still shut and I was lying on the couch.
It was so tangible it wasn't a dream because I felt it too. I saw the bird leave perched next to my head and then cover my head with its wings and it fluttered them and I just felt sort of a softness and light breeze.
So I thought this is sort of Native American or a weird spirit maybe, but I am not completely sure. It didn't feel evil and there was no message with it. I had prayed earlier that God would show me an angel but it wasn't a person, like an angel would visit you. I was fasting, so it wasn't like I was doing anything weird.
So today I thought, "Well, I guess Elijah was fed by the ravens."
So if God used ravens and his spirit through them, to feed Elijah, maybe it's not a weird source. Maybe not an "angel" exactly, but something else from God to show something. ? I think it's true if you're fasting, sometimes there are deceitful spirits (anytime really) that can show up and try to confuse things, but also, I can't disregard that it was possibly from the Holy Spirit and a different kind of answer to my prayer.
I would say, when I saw the crow, or whatever, it was just inches from my face. Very close-up. It was close enough that I saw it was a crow or raven and not a blue jay or something else. Then it flew over my head, sort of on top of it, as if my head was fully covered by it, but it wasn't heavy. It was very light. It stayed over/on surrounding my head until I opened my eyes because I heard this rushing sound with it.
I just got out my Bible and was looking for references in Psalms and the first one I found, so far, is this: "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings, from the wicked who assail me, from my mortal enemies who surround me." (Psalms 17:8-9).
It's not the one I was thinking of, but is a reference.
The next one I find is Psalm 63:7, "Because you are my help, I sing n the shadow of your wings."
Here's the one I sort of thought of, but all the others go with the same idea: Psalm 91:
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty...Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge...for He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone..." (Psalm 91).
There are many other references along the same lines. This is why I think it was an answer from God, to my prayers but I wonder why it was a crow or raven? It wasn't scary, and it wasn't weird like "the birds" or like angry birds were attacking, it was like Holy Spirit but it wasn't a dove, it was a crow or raven this specific time. It had the head and beak of a black crow or raven. On our property we have crows/ravens, robins, sparrows, blue jays, doves, and other birds (finches, blackbirds, starlings).
I guess people might have an idea sometimes, to wear feathers in hats to symbolize being under God's wings or angels wings or something. But since the psalmist and others use this so much as a figure or symbol, I wonder if others ever had visions of such a thing. Like a shadowy feathered cover of wings over ones head in a peaceful way.
UPDATE (7:25 p.m.):
I might clarify a little. I briefly asked my Mom about this, over the phone and she has no idea. I am aware of govt. stuff and one thing is that usually when I feel it's God, it happens instantly, while I'm still praying. I figure this doesn't give anyone (a govt. "sender" or experimenter) time to even try to interfere or influence. So really and truly, I know the Obama thing was from God and when I asked about William's color for a certain day, I got it instantly, and there are other things. As for this, I think it's possible it was God, but there was time inbetween when I prayed and when it happened so who knows. I thought about the angel theme in the morning, and that morning I did not have a good feeling. I had a very bad feeling that morning, until I got up late and started reading the Bible. It was yesterday I guess. Then I asked God around 11 or so, while outside, if he wanted to show me one or let me "feel" one, that would be okay with me. Or the presence of one, I thought. And I left it at that except I did think about how one time in my life, when it was 1997, I had my house in St. John's and those days I prayed for at least 1 full hour every day, sometimes up to 3 hours, for all the countries, and people I knew. So one day I was telling God how much I loved him or worshiping God, and all of a sudden I felt someone touch my thigh but no one was there. But I was fully awake, and I wrote it in my diary. It was about mid-thigh, on just one leg, and it was like someone had pressed their fingers right into my thigh. It is the only time something like that happened to me and I knew for sure that it was God or the Holy Spirit, or something like that. I thought "the presence" of, or something. It was very shocking and I didn't tell anyone for years but I wrote about it. It was sort of like a "hi" touch, to let me know someone was really there and listening. I was not psychotic or delusional--it was spiritual and I was employed FT and was involved with youth at church and very social. It was one occasion directly connected to prayer to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
So this is why I am not sure about this thing that happened yesterday, because I remembered how I "felt" touched, and so I asked for that or to see an angel, and then so be it, forget about it and if God wants to He will. I forgot about it, wrote a paper and took a nap, and then I was lying there resting with my eyes closed when it happened. And what was different was that I "felt" it, as if I had literally had it happen and could feel it. It wasn't beating of feathers or sharp or like a bunch of downy feathers, it is hard to describe. It was like a presence and being surrounded, above my head, but I could feel this fluttering too, and hear it, but it wasn't like, it was sort of like a breeze but all around my head, and the presence of a bird there. It is extremely hard to describe.
When I opened my eyes to see how a bird got in my house, it wasn't there. And that's when I thought what was that? at first, I wondered if it was some Native American thing or this photo of Princess Margaret with the crow at her window came to mind. I have no idea why. Well, I do know why, it's because I wondered what the significance of a crow or raven is. And there are just a few photos that stand out in my mind and one of Princess Margaret with a crow at her window, looking so sad and pensive, stood in my mind when I first saw it (I thought she must be so sad over "whatshisname") so I thought of it again, because I wondered about the crow. But then I remembered, I had asked God to show me an angel or let me feel the presence of one, in the way of feeling touched as I once was, and realized, it maybe had just happened. Because it didn't look like an angel, but the way it surrounded me and how I felt it, was the answer to my prayer. I still am not sure about symbolism, but that's what it was. My mother said maybe it's to trust in God's protection and I thought yeah and said to her, "But why a crow?" The first thing to my mind was being under the shelter of the wings and Psalm 91.
Then, I guess, some govt. person or seer wanted to mess with what they knew I had gotten, and put up a link to Kate Middleton. She's uh, not an angel and has NOTHING to do with the crow which was the answer to my prayer. It's sort of annoying to know someone is so desperate, they are trying to intercept every single thing that comes to me, whether by thought or from God. At any rate, I found the link someone put up, to her, later that night, hours after I already knew God answered my prayer with the crow. I didn't check my email for blogger stuff until I went online that night. And that was after 7 p.m. or so. I made a response right after I read the comment, and it was night by then. What happened with the crow, which was the presence, happened between 1-3 p.m. in the afternoon. I think it was around 2 p.m. I just looked up when I emailed my professor and it was 1:56 p.m. so it was between 2-3 p.m. Anyway.