Father Of New Baby

The father of my unborn baby is the same one who made all of the bizarre comments, who I later figured out some other things about as well. He's the same one who said, "Here's another one in the hole" and "Give me one of your infamous backrubs."

I tried to dismiss the warning signs, even when I noticed I wasn't getting my mail, and found out he was baptised Catholic, and some other things. He said he was trying to help me and I thought he was at first.

But he lied about so many things, and then the shirts were disappearing and one reappeared at work, and I couldn't get the box of discovery from him which I had received late. He kept saying he'd bring it and then made excuses.

He was also and is also friends with the guy who said I could rent from him and then yanked the rug out from me last minute, when I had nowhere else to go (he's also catholic).

I think my radar didn't go up properly until I became pregnant. All of a sudden, that very precise and crazy "mother's intuition" went up to top levels. I started putting 2 and 2 together and it wasn't a pretty picture.

I still had to and have to work with him, and he's nice and funny and seems okay to my face but then I find out he's stirring things up behind my back. I think he's trying to cover for things now, because he knows I can prove there was some kind of relationship with him and if someone connects him to anyone I know, or who is connected to things I thought I was leaving behind, they'll wonder.

I was so deluded I even thought I might be falling for him, but honestly, it was like the MINUTE I got pregnant, I snapped out of it. Those comments he made, especially, kept coming back and I kept getting a very bad feeling.

I can separate the father from the child, which is why I can keep this child. But I feel badly for the child, about the father.

My son's father, I have ZERO bad feelings towards. Even though he lied to me about not being married, I still know he is essentially a good guy who had no agenda against me. He and I talked things over too, and respected eachother. He didn't have a lot of money, but he tried to help out with things too, like prenatals and food and things. I feel he is a friend and I care about him.

This other guy has lately been playing the sympathy card, blaming his "badness" on drinking and what he claims is bipolar disorder. I care about him enough that I don't want him to hurt himself and I think he needs help, but there is other stuff about him he'd hidden from me, and I am uncomfortable with this.

I don't really know who he is and it seems to me that he had information about me from the beginning. I just think it's odd.

Basically, I would never live with him again or be intimate with him again. I do not believe I can trust him. And while I would NOT wish to collect on child support from my son's father, and think it's best for all parties to keep things private, for the sake of the father's family and children, I DO believe I have a right to collect child support from this guy, and feel I should ask for it.

I really do not believe it is in the child's best interests to have ANY contact with this guy, but I think he should pay child support.

I have made mistakes, but I am learning from them.

I still believe my children can be and will be, best of friends, despite having different fathers. I will love them differently but equally, and I am happy with two. I don't think I'll be able to have children after this anyway, but I won't be trying either. I have no interest in getting pregnant again, unless possibly, for one more if I were married to someone I really cared about. I really am quite happy with what I've got. I never felt I needed more than my son anyway, and was perfectly content with him, and satisfied in every way, but having one more, I know I can love this one too, and that it would be good, as I've said, for my son to have a comrade and I think he'll be a great friend to this little one. I also think this little one will be special.

I'm having a slightly more difficult time bonding with this one, not because of the child or father at all, but because of thinking about my son and also worrying about what CPS or someone would try to do with this one. I'm not singing as much, and watching funny things on T.V. so I'm laughing so the baby can hear the laughter. Also, sad to say, I'm not eating as well as I did with my son. I am still eating very well, from all food groups, but with my son, I ate all organic. I can't afford to now, and I'm eating a little more junk food this time around. I can't exercise either, like I did with my son, because it hurts my body and I'm experiencing a lot more fatigue with this one. With my son I was still running at 2 months. I can't do it anymore because my pubic bones start to hurt. I think it's the laxity and the pubic bone separation.

What I know is that this new one will be just fine and their environment will be different from the father's, so there's nothing to worry about.

I'm sure the name of the father will come out at some point, but I'm not willing to publish it online for some time still. Some people will figure it out already, but I'm keeping it off of the web for awhile.

As long as I find good people who are not trying to screw me, which will not be found in D.C. services clearly, or in Wenatchee services, we will be fine. There is no way in HELL I'm having this new baby anywhere NEAR Washington state.

Yeah, this guy is the one who is a swinger with anything on legs, who has a partner, which I found out about later, and whose mother is a Professional Dominatrix with an upperclass clientelle. I'm told she has very good looking and well groomed men entering and leaving her high rise. She recently "moved" her dungeon, er, office. Then, supposedly, his father died in rehab while being treated for alcoholism and drug addiction.

And no, I didn't know all of these things and wouldn't have suspected. Who suspects grandma is a professional dominatrix anyway?

No one can accuse me of going after any man's money either, because he is allegedly poor, though I sometimes have my doubts. He uses a taxi far too often and goes to music venues and clubs more than poor guys do. I have no idea. I just thought he was the type I could be unattached to, who was interesting and just a fling. Some of the stuff he says publicly embarrasses the hell out of me. He's 24 years old. Hmmm. I felt a kick. Probably baby saying, "stupid, stupid, stupid." Well, it's a little early to feel movement, so maybe it's just some serious heartburn or an ulcer. LOL.

For some reason, the Kenny Roger's song comes to mind: "You gotta know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away, and know when to run..."

I know when to run at least. Thank God I know when to run.

I don't know, I don't want to post his name, but the comments he made, and other things, combined, just have me a little concerned in general. I feel maybe I should publish it just in case someone has info or something to share with me. For my own protection, I feel maybe I should disclose this information. Something that is also a little odd, is that when I was writing this post, my hands were on the keys of the keyboard, and the arrow for the mouse, which the mouse controls and which my hands were not on, moved from the far right bottom corner of the screen, all the way to the top, in a zig zag motion. I didn't touch the mouse. Mabye this happens a lot with computers, but the last time I saw it happening, was when I was on a Washington state computer in Washington state, and a witness saw it and said she'd verify, and then at my house in the orchard.

So I'm just making note of this.