What I am Thankful For

I think, why I have been strong, is that I had a good foundation to begin with. People tried to chip away at it, but it was still my foundation, and it held me up.

I didn't become like them. I think they wanted me to, and that they hoped I would appear, to everyone, as a corrupted or ill person, and they'd take pleasure in doing this. I think it was a challenge to them, to ruin my reputation and try to provoke me to self-destruct as well.

But what I am thankful for, this Thanksgiving, is that I didn't collapse under their weight. I am still who I want to be, at the core. All the other things, which surround and beautify the exterior, are adornments. The core is what matters.

I have the satisfaction of knowing, that while I have lied for a good cause, I have never lied about another person, to cause them damage just to satisfy or protect myself. I never stooped to those levels. I never falsely accused someone, or tried to gather others about me, to hound or destroy someone.

I know I am good, and that I am the same person now, despite my change in some values, as I was then. At the core, I have not changed at all, and if anything, have only been TESTED, and I've seen myself tested, and can now be proud of what I was tested with and was able to withstand. Without their weaknesses, I never would have known just how strong I am, by the grace of God, because you never really know what you're made of, until after-the-fact.

I can still play the song "Galileo" by the Indigo Girls, and be thankful that I stood up for the truth, no matter what the consequence.

My roommate asked me the other day, if I was willing to DIE for all of this. I said, for 'what'? And he said, for exposing different things, and the Catholic church stuff. I said I was. I told him I wasn't willing to die for myself, if it was just ME, I would have quit long ago. But what I know, is that if there is corruption that affects ME, it is not going to be contained to affecting me alone. A corrupt government official will not just pick on one person--thought they may have a favorite. The demonstration of what some were wiling to do to me, shows such frailties in the core of others, that are easily corruptible and will do the bidding of others with ease, whether it's right or wrong and no matter who it affects. I have seen the mixture of church and state in government, medical care, and law enforcement and intelligence, and if these people will try to intimidate me, they've done it to others and got away with it, and they'll do it again. If what I expose unearths a vein of corruption which will affect others if it not removed--I am willing to even die over bad blood. But that is not my wish. My wish has always been for justice. I haven't seen anything resembling justice yet.

But what I do know, is that I'm thankful to myself, and to God, for helping me to be strong and for giving me wisdom. I am glad I am not one of them and wouldn't trade their positions, power, and money, for who I am--even broke and powerless, not even for one day.

I am thankful for my son, that he has such a mother, who will fight for him, and who used what God gave her, and has made the most of it, to avoid worser consequences.

My Thanksgiving Day will be spent finishing up ttsomls, and working on complaints. I can't do everything at once, and I decided, today, to eliminate what was holding me back the most--the CPS bullshit. I can get ahead faster, by leaving them behind temporarily, and don't think I don't know what they'll be up to. I know exactly what their plans will be. This isn't stupidity--it's strategy.