Explanation for What Was Happening

I am smart and sane. I know past blog entries sound nuts and know how "radiation" and "tazer" allegations sound. I'm not an idiot. Obviously. If I wanted to blow everything off as the symptoms of a narcotic addiction, I could have my son back, who was taken from me as, I'm told, a result of my blog (so much for "free" speech). I knew if I kept quiet I could keep up an appearance, and I knew writing would make me sound nuts. I know I can deny it all now. Or pass it off as something else, which I've been tempted to do. And, of course, if it's not "narcotic addiction" or strange reactions to medications, of course I know it then sounds mental and psychotic. I'm fully aware that it sounds, on the face of it, like "paranoid schitzophrenia". Which, by the way, is the best possible defense against any allegation or complaint by me of wrongdoing and illegal activities by others. And, if I so persist in stating what was happening was/is true, of course then I appear to actually be firmly convinced and unshaken in my belief that such incredible events or pangs were taking place, which is then evidence (or should be, of course) of a "grave disability" to the extreme. Oh, if only I were not so damn smart. My intelligence, I've noticed, and ability to articulate and convince people of many of my arguments, has been used against me, and it is implied that I have only passed myself off for sane because of this intelligence.

If SO intelligent, though, why would I shoot myself in the foot? Ahhh...the perplexing combination of high-minded morality and intelligence. My firm convictions and spiritual persuasions; values and philosophies, so strangely held with super-human martyr-like audacity, seem in keeping with schitzophrenia, no?

I will tell you why I am not suffering from narcotic addiction, or paranoid schitzophrenia, and why I am more convinced than ever of my original discovery and insights. If it is to my own detriment, so be it, because it is the truth and I'm sane enough to know the truth, and while intelligent to know how to "save myself", I will not. Because someone besides me should be held accountable for what has been happening and I will die firm in my conviction, and I have means to prove what I have been talking about.

I never should have quit writing. It was bad advice. And if only someone could have prevented me from writing until I saw the psychiatrist and was on psych meds, someone could claim my sudden "sanity" now and disappearance of all pain symptoms that we had before, is the result of a cure.

Cure indeed.

It wasn't narcotics because I left the area with my son and was still taking narcotics but the pain was gone almost immediately. All the symptoms disappeared and I regained my period. It wasn't mental because mental illnesses worsen under stress and my stress levels went up 200% when we left. I took my son across the Canadian border (legally) with $100 in my pocket and nowhere to go. Then other events transpired which were even more stressful than that. And yet the pain was gone almost immediately with a few residual side effects. One thing I noticed, after 2 weeks away, was that my fingernails were growing out and the healthy nail coming in was totally different from the severely warped nail that was growing out. Even my son had warped nails, which was especially noticeable on his big toe on the left foot. I noticed our nails were returning to normal and yet there was no difference in diet. I did a little research and found evidence of radiation is found in fingernails, or can be measured. I still have evidence on my own person but don't have the money to test for it and prove it. I need a lawyer and even a lawyer is going to think it sounds crazy, but it's true.

I had my hair permed and my son's hair was cut, but I saved clips from each of us and stored clips in different locations. Some back at my old house before we left, and others after we left. There is a chance it may be measured in hair but I don't know for sure.

If my pain symptoms were somatic and the result of mental illness, my son wouldn't have had the same symptoms, and when my stress level increased, the symptoms wouldn't have gone away.

After the first or second day in Canada, I still had severe residual pain in the lining of my stomach--a very bad burning feeling. I ended up at a Canadian hospital with one of my regular migraines (on schedule) and they gave me an IV with 3 things in it: ____, DHE, and something else. Someone tried to claim I went to ER on overdose of pills or something but that wasn't true. I called the ambulance for migraine and that should be documented on the ER call. When they put the IV in, the first thing they added didn't affect my body at all. Then the nurse told me she was putting in the "DHE". I've never had DHE before. When the DHE went in, all of the horrible pain symptoms flared up. My entire stomach was burning, the pain radiating down my thighs burned, and my spine and back were 10 times worse. The ache/burning was terrible and I asked them to stop the IV. I told her it was burning. She said that wasn't a normal symptom of DHE. The first thing they put in didn't affect my body at all, but the DHE interacted with whatever state my body was left in, after what I believe was severe radiation. Somehow, it seems whatever damage was done to my body with the radiation was heightened, or the pain of it was heightened, for some reason, by DHE. And yet the DHE instantly almost killed my migraine headache. They added the last, 3rd ingredient to the IV and I felt nothing again--no change except the still-heightened pain aroused by the DHE.

Once my migraine was gone I realized it was the first time I've ever had instant migraine abortion with zero sedating after-effects. No one, in my 10 years of migraines in the U.S., had ever tried DHE and it WORKS for me. I didn't even have to sleep it off. But I was wondering about the pain interaction with DHE, why would DHE bring out the pain symptoms???

I went to the bathroom in the ER. I looked into the toilet before I went and nothing was there, which may be crass to mention, but I am defending my position here, and need to include facts. So I only urinated, and then when I got off and was about to flush, noticed a quarter-sized piece of flesh/tissue in the toilet that was off-white in color, and another nickel-sized piece of tissue/flesh as well. There was zero blood. Just off-white tissue that had come out of my body. I left it in the toilet and told the nurse to have a look. She said she noticed it and asked me if I was pregnant. I told her, truthfully, there was zero chance of pregnancy as I've not had sex since I was pregnant. But there was off-white tissue in the toilet from my body and my entire intestinal lining, pelvis, back, thighs, and spine, were on fire.

Someone needs to shirk off the duty to consider the most likely and possible and start believing in the horrible and the almost-impossible. Because without an advocate who believes me and can put 2 and 2 together, who has a scientific background and knows something about radiation and effects, and without the money to test for possibilities, I lose my son.

I have angered, as someone I will not forget put it, "some big people". I am reasonable. Someone needs to listen to my reason and believe me.