Happy Valentine's Day Bear

Happy Valentine's Day Oliver. I thought about you all night and couldn't sleep. I hear, Granny and Grandpa said you seemed quieter and more subdued than usual. It breaks my heart and I want to see you now, and will come as soon as I can. I'm working on some things to get you back right now, and I'm trying to do what will be best for the long-term. I love you so much it hurts but I know, and it sounds like, we're both strong. I'm so proud of you. I am sooo proud of you. The worst part is that I comprehend what's going on, and you don't know why I've disappeared and you cannot even articulate how you feel and what you want and need right now. I am told you said "McDonald's" the other day when you were driven past a fast food joint. This was our special play place, even in Canada...I took you twice a week and climbed after you in the play structures and bought you french fries. I know you're thinking about me. Don't worry honey because it will be okay. You will understand everything when you're older but it doesn't make a difference now. I hope you can be strong and heal from this. We are survivors. You have always been strong, and I know you suffered with me, with the pains for months, and you were brave. At least I got you away from that. I don't regret leaving, and would do the same thing all over again, but wish we'd left and I'd known what was going on, earlier.

I told you on Christmas and New Year's (which we decorated for) that the next holiday was Valentine's Day. I had planned to decorate and make some things for you. And, I told you, "You get CHOCOLATE on Valentine's Day!" and you perked up and gave a laugh. I hope someone gives you chocolate today. I love you. You are my one true love.

Your mama