Thank You To The Irish

I want to say thank you to the Irish guy I ran into at the Catholic church awhile back. Actually, not that long ago really, sort of recent.

He will know and I'm sure he reads this blog.

Thank you, sincerely. You have a good heart, I believe you, to great extent, though it's not everything, and I believe in you, even if that sounds strange.

I always liked Irish eyes. I like both kinds, Protestant AND Catholic and I am not sure what the difference is. ;)

Also, thank you to the Irish guy in D.C. He will also know what I'm talking about.

Stay strong Irish. All of you, and thank you.

Oh! One more Irish shout out. To the Irish man who was worried about me when I was in Maryland. Saw eachother in the grocery store, and I know you were looking out for me. Thank you, sincerely. I think you were wearing a Notre Dame shirt but I can't remember. I just remember your face.

By the way, you guys are pretty smart. I appreciate your concern.

I should write about a woman I met while in Bainbridge, who was full Irish. She said one parent was Protestant and the other Catholic. She grew up in Ireland during "The Troubles". While we visited, she showed me all her books because she was a used book sales person. She brought out some old edition of "Ulster" something or other, wrapped in plastic and gave it to me. She wanted me to look at it. I didn't even take it out of the wrapper, because I was too busy eating.

She said she had a brother who was a policeman in Ireland. All the guys there would have to check under their cars to be sure nothing was there, like a bomb. One day, he was bombed somehow and lost a lot of time but still lived. He eventually quit because he was disabled. She, this Irish woman, kept saying, "Why would you want to take down the Catholic church?" and I said, "I didn't. I never did. But that's what some people thought and others just spread that around." When her husband got in, she asked me the same question and I answered the same way. She said she was Protestant but later I wondered what the whole thing was about because I didn't know why she brought out the Ulster book. I wondered if she had thought I would dig into it or something but I wasn't interested. I was more interested in my lunch and hearing her true story. So she said it was horrible. She said people were killing people left and right.

She said you HAD to KNOW what religion someone was, because if you ended up on the wrong side of town, you could get shot, bombed, or have multiple vandalisms. She said it wasn't like it is in the U.S., where people don't really care. I told her, maybe some people do care, but it's not as commonplace as it was in Ireland. I told her I felt the Irish would believe me, no matter what religion they were, simply because they understand that it's possible for anything to get out of hand and then reign it back in.

So she told me some different stories and then I asked her, my main question was, "So how was peace acheived?" She didn't say much but just said, "I guess everyone got tired of the fighting." I asked again, "But do you know how they did it?" I wanted to know exactly how it was done. I asked, "How did they get to peace?" and she said it took some time but they just called a treaty and quit. She said it's been that way for awhile. I guess if someone tries to spark something or start things again, the larger group reigns them in and doesn't allow anything to escalate and both sides do not support the ones who step out and do things on their own.

So anyway, it was really interesting. It was the first time I got to speak with someone who was really from Ireland and had personally experienced what they called "The Troubles".

I left, and that book was still in the wrapper. I am more interested in personal stories of survival, triumph and victory for all sides, and in how peace is accomplished. It was no small thing for the Irish. But they did it, and have maintained their treaty and they have a huge story to share with others, by their example.

When I think about some of the things I have gone through, and when I think some things seem to be impossible and I don't even understand what it's all regarding, I like to think about this.

And I'm not saying the Irish are better than any other group. I just think they have an amazing story of survival as a whole.

First, they had to fight to even stay alive and retain their culture to begin with and then when they did, they were still fighting to stay alive in the middle of new divisions, and conflicts which may or may not have been provoked. They could have killed eachother off, basically, and instead they agreed they had more in common than not, and they supported the right of all children to exist equally and to have a safe place to live.

They stopped taking out vengeance on their own and sought and prayed for, peace. And even if some people would want to spread disinformation to stir things up again, and even if some who have more power or money want to keep them at eachother's necks, they rose above it.

So they all went from being Gaelic or Celtic, and having music and a culture and language, to having others want to quash it altogether. They managed to retain not only their culture, but their beautiful music and at least some form of their language as well.

My father used to talk about Ireland and when I was a little girl, I remember asking "Why can't the Northern part have their own land or their own country?" and my father said he didn't know why not.

Whether it's having defined borders or not, everyone deserves to have a safe place to live and I do not support bullying or violence, of any kind, from anyone and I think it's a huge deal that these two major groups have been able to rise above it.

I know there are still tensions, and I read something in the news recently, about how the IRA believes there is some connectionn with UK or Libyan or something or other. I didn't read the whole thing but I know it's a new tension and I hope it is resolved peacefully.

At any rate, I have been wanting to share my experience with meeting this woman and I also wanted to thank a couple of people for some things, but it is not to negate what anyone and everyone else has done either.

There are a lot of other cultures and groups with similiar history and story.

It is just something I thought of, after seeing a lot of green shirts this afternoon. lol. :)

My father was always talking about survival stories and had a great admiration for those who were smaller in number or strength in some way, who made it against the odds. He talked about Northern Ireland a lot, and had sympathy, and he also talked about Israel and especially liked the story of the 6 or 7 day war. There was no country preference that I ever heard of, but I just remember hearing little stories here and there. He had a pretty good appreciation for other cultures, including latin or hispanic, because his step-mom was Mexican and she was and is the grandmother I've known most of my life. Then the next woman my grandfather married was Malay, so that was another culture too, that I learned a little bit about.

Work With Latino Company & Images, Prayer

I checked about working for a latino company and they're hiring. So I'm going to discuss more with him at a later date.

I also went to the college to get application materials and ask some questions. I saw a doctor I recognized, biking, and he made a point to be friendly. I can't remember if he is a doctor or lawyer but I know I know him. I can't remember much about him except that he was usually pretty balanced but I really cannot remember why I remember this. I'm sure he is a doctor, now that I think about it.

I was going to go to the Catholic church for the prayer chapel this afternoon but instead I ended up going to the college and then I was too tired to go afterwards.

I sort of had a small image come to mind recently. I guess I should clarify images. There have been a few flashes of images which I know or believe, are something real. I totally disregarded everything in my other post which I should delete. I guess I went overboard, because I wrote something and then I felt like a lot of people were thinking I had prayed over a poem or something, and I didn't even know what I'd written, and I got scared. I didn't know if I'd written something bad or good or just nonsense. So, I went overboard saying all my images were fiction, because they're not. I have had a few things happen which I've later discovered really did mean something, so I know sometimes that is true. However, if I just write a poem, I don't want people to think I THINK it's God-inspired, because a lot of time I'm just trying to write freely. But no, there are a lot of images which I've not made up, and I do believe that it's intended to be a good message to someone, most of the time.

I don't want to write about the image I had today, except privately, but I have been praying more that I will know when to write and share and when to not write anything. I thought the point was to have something touch someone that didn't have to make meaning for me, personally. But I prayed for wisdom, and that God would help me to discern whether it's something I should write, whether I understand it or not, or if it's something I'm supposed to just keep to myself and pray about.

I went overboard last night, trying to disclaim everything altogether, because I didn't believe anything I wrote really made much sense and it wasn't like I got a picture of anything in an inspired way. For example, when I saw the fire, I really did see that and it came out of nowhere like I was seeing a movie, and then I later knew it had to do with the heart of Jesus, or felt that's what it was. Later, I saw one which had roses but I didn't know if that was just my imagination or really something that came to me out of the blue.

So I am trying to figure things out too, because I don't know what is something to share that is good and what is something to share that's supposed to be private and for me to understand later.

At any rate, I would love to work for a latino or bilingual-type company, to work on my Spanish, which needs work. I think, if I have to take pre-requisites for nursing, I am also going to take Spanish.

I just had the thought--maybe nursing and praying is a good combo. Maybe figurately, this is a way of "raising people from the dead" in the sense that you're there to help, the best you can, in practical ways, to keep someone alive or in good health, and then also, you can pray privately, on your own, for the people too. I mean, not that you bring that into the workplace, but you can pray in your own mind and pray for doctors and other nurses too, to know what to do.

I've had a lot of nurses showing support in the last week or more too, so that was encouraging. I had been thinking about it but then almost dropped it and thought it might be impossible if there wasn't water under the bridge, because where would I do practicum and internship? But I found it was this huge weight and relief to find grace and an opportunity to change myself and be allowed to turn something around for good. Other people did this, and they didn't have to, and I'm thankful. It also makes me more optimistic in general, and relieves my anxiety and even some of the bitterness I was beginning to feel.

I went back to the housing place to get a couple of things and even Teria was pleasant. In a lot of ways, I have much to be thankful for and I should count my blessings more.

Hey! GOOD NEWS! For Everyone! I Got A Job!!!

Okay, not official yet, but this IS good news, and I think it's good for everyone because I now have a GOAL. I can focus on something besides others and figuring out what past problems stem from!!!

I can officially go to NURSING!

I say officially, because I didn't know if I could even apply to the program if I had nowhere to practice an internship, and I would really like to right things, straighten out, and "fly right".

But I didn't know if I'd be allowed to practice at any hospital or facility and I just found out...I can!!!

So I already contacted the nursing program people and they said everything should be fine, and then I got an okay from a hospital about practicum, if I were admitted to the nursing program.

I think it's a sign that this is what I should do. I want to do it, it would be good for me, my son, and everyone, and I could genuinely help people. I could actually DO some good instead of harm that I've caused talking about who knows what and being bored with nothing better to do than blog.

I was very bitter this morning, and griping and going back to complaining and, I think it's natural, but I felt very down. Then I got the email just now, and I think it has saved me.

I also think I am going to save a lot of other people heartache or further concern.

I have direction and an acheivable goal and I know I can do it. I also want to do very well at it, and really strive to be the best nurse I can be.

The worst part will be math. I will have to go back and do math.

But now I can focus on something else and just put things behind me. I am still concerned about my son, but I am moving forward. Thank you so much to those who are making this even possible, it's still my work to get it done, but THANK YOU.

I needed this and it is just as good as getting paid in advance. I feel optimistic and I hope I can be an asset to the community and to the medical professionals and turn things around in this regard.

I don't know what the other stuff is still about, but please, whatever is going on, I am asking those involved to please stand by and just allow me to have a normal life and do something good. I can help your children and I might even be able to help you, should you need it in an emergency.

I'm careful enough to want to do a very good job for patients and not overlook their concerns, and I'm interested enough in science to hopefully be an asset to doctors. I also think I would work fine with other nurses, and hopefully, we'd all be on the same page of wanting to take good care of people.

Thank you so much, again.

I was feeling very, very, trapped. I don't feel trapped anymore.

Computer Hacking Today

I had more computer hacking today.

I was working on a Works document, that was in a Works format, and I was looking up vocabulary to see what different words meant.

As I was looking stuff up and adding defs, someone started changing the lowercase to capitals when it wasn't at the beginning of a sentence.

Someone also then changed an entire word, erasing, instantly "esperanza" to replace it with "sporrans" which is an Italian word. I don't even know what sporrans is and I didn't write it down, nor did it come to mind and then I replaced it.

I had "anello esperanza" written down and it was changed to "anello sporrans." I had the sentence above it as:

yeshua correar
anello esperanza

and then there was more and it was just a nonsense thing I wrote and then I was looking up word definitions. When I looked up the first part, it was "jesus" and then "correar" was coming up again as "to draw out wool to pull it into something" and then I was looking up the next words and they were, first, "anello" which I found out was italian and means "curly", so then after I wrote this down, someone changed the next word from esperanza to "sporrans" and when I looked it up it said it was the front part of a scottish man's kilt. some pocket in the front. I erased it and it popped back up. I erased it again and it popped back up. Then I had someone changing the symbols so I couldn't get proper punctuation.

I checked my networking in the control panel and it said I wasn't networked to anyone and the firewall was on.

I've had a few problems where I had disconnection issues and then it said to check with the network administrator who was in charge. I don't have one. I AM the network administrator.

I would never, EVER, unconsciously write "sporrans" down when I already had a different word and it wasn't like it was deleted one letter at a time. Esperanza was there, and then the whole word just disappeared and it was sporrans in place of it.

Reading it that way, it ended up sounding like some kind of dirty poem about hair near a certain part of one's body.

Someone had to know Italian to do this and have it mean something. And no, I didn't do it. I had to look the word up, and the word never came to mind and I didn't write it down. And yes, this kind of hacking is possible, and any computer person will tell you so.

Thanks To U.S. Workers

I don't know why U.S. workers are thanking me for anything, when I'm left in the middle of a huge mess and they KNOW it's not even my fault.

When do I get to thank someone for stepping up and at least covering my housing?

I don't even know why I was being thanked at all, when I've done nothing and not had any assistance, and I'm supposed to be in danger and on the streets, so THEY'RE people can do whatever they want them to do or they don't have to help me at all?

I'm sorry, but I don't get it. Thank you for what?!

When does someone from the U.S. actually show me their thanks by helping me out? And why am I left to this town, where others know I'm against a wall and just lied about left and right?

Any ideas?

Oh, maybe the whole idea is that I am supposed to go on medication when these people who might really know what's going on, know I don't need it.

It would be nice, to see thanks in a practical assistance form. It's not like I haven't been trying, and some of these people KNOW this. They KNOW.

So what am I being "thanked" for, I'd like to know.

Thanked for allowing them to keep and retain some guy who may have wanted to help me? Thanked for not marrying someone from a different country who could have possibly helped me financially?

What the HELL am I being thanked for.

And tell ME what I should be thankful for too, if you don't mind.

Consider Yourself Warned (the Truth)

I have tried making peace and tried to alleviate concerns.

I have followed directions and advice.

In return, I have had people lie about me, continue to directly HARM MY SON, lie about me to have me kicked out of housing, interfere with my attempt to get work, and medical professionals in Wenatchee and certain others continue to lie about my mental health in order to try to get something on me to discredit me with. The last time I tried going in for migraine treatment, the Dr. Marion tried to give me an antipsychotic and asked a ton of questions about mental health and then I have people writing in claiming it's really just for nausea. Not with all the related mental health questions, it's NOT.

The big thing, is HARM of my son.

I had a few things happen to me as well, even while at the Haven of Hope, but when I saw my son and saw it was clear someone was purposefully torturing a 3 year old boy,

WHY do you think I should keep my mouth shut about ANYTHING?

You think that's a "warning?" For what?

I have already said I don't know what's going on, and that's true. I have ALSO gone so far as to say a bunch of stuff is fiction, to try to protect my son and myself because I don't know it is that I've said, that was threatening in the first place.

However, if you people WANT me to go through my whole list of names and those who have played mind games and done weird things, and put it online publicly, I will.

I've already given some lists to people in case something happens to me. So if something does, there will be people investigating those on this list and their connections.

I am asking, for the very LAST time, for someone to QUIT harming me and my son.

If I see one more sign of physical injury and suffering, AT ALL, on Oliver, or if it happens to me again, I will not hold back.

I have done anything and everything I can and I have shown I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I am still good for my word.

But enough is enough.

I am not going to be written down as mentally ill first, and then watch as the suffering continues and no one believes me.

I would also keep in mind, that even if I have never had anything to report on anyone, and even though I don't know what's going on, some other group just MIGHT. HOW do you know, someone isn't investigating my claims?

I haven't said anything secretly, but HOW do you know that one of your own didn't go forward and talk to someone? You DON'T. And if you don't know that, the more you do, the more you continue to jeopardize yourself and those you love, by putting yourself out there, and doing things that are being kept track of, not by me, but potentially others.

I wouldn't think, for a minute, that this is all just something that I've noticed and no one else is aware of.

You really do NOT know. You DON'T know who is looking over your shoulders, but if they are, there's a whole group of them too, and they probably have authority to do something about what's going on and have actual legitimate info on why it's happening.

I, personally, DO NOT know why these things are going on. I haven't had anything to say to anyone about anything.

But I look at my son, and how my attempts to get on my feet are constantly thwarted, which prevents me from just going on and leaving this all behind, and what incentive or motivation do you leave me with? for not going public about the mind games?

You leave me with nothing.

Without housing, I cannot get my son back. Without a job, I cannot get my son back. With the continued lying and assault on both me and my son, you do not show me that you want peace, nor do you give me ANY assurance that good things are in store if I do what you want, or shut up, or say it's all fiction, or try to make peace.

I would think, the smartest thing to do, would be to drop it.

I've dropped it. If I were part of any group at all, I would be doing what I can to help me succeed so I can have my son and have a normal life which is busy and full of other things to do besides trying to figure out what this other mess is.

That's what I would do. The more you put yourself and others out there to try to play mind games or to hurt me or my son...you're not gaining anything.

You're only putting more information out there about yourselves, and you're not accomplishing any kind of resolution for the whole. You're not threatening me or "warning" me anymore than you already have, because I don't know why you're doing this and what the threat is, so what is the point of trying to make a point?

However, if you want someone ELSE to make odds and ends, heads and tails of it, I will put everything down, and I will tell the truth too, keeping Teria in mind, and I will say anything and everything I know, just to hope someone else who is already looking into this, will be on it.

This is my final warning.

I am not doing this "I tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried" stuff anymore.

I keep having people threaten me and try to remind me about "don't you want your son back?"

You show me NO reason why I would ever get him back, you do nothing to help me secure work and instead try to disrupt this and my housing, and when you HARM him and I see the evidence, you do not give me any reason to believe if I do whatever you want, things will work out.

I am still trying to work things out and alleviate concerns. I am not giving up. But this is the last warning. I will still look for work and give that a little more time. I will try to find other housing and give it a little time.

As for harm to me or my son, one more thing, and that's it.

You leave my son alone and if you are not directly responsible, you make sure those who are, get the message. Loud and clear.

Images & Full Disclaimer (READ THIS DISCLAIMER)

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words coming to mind at prayer tonight:
al-o-wen (don't know how it's spelled but ahl-oh-when pronunciation--made me think celtic or northern european but could be middle eastern?)

bob
aaron
ezra (bible or name)
ishmael (maybe name or symbolizing country)
israel (maybe name or symbolizing country)
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hey, all i have to say is "don't ask, don't blame". i have no idea. a key to things i don't even know about. don't blame me if there's a pandora's box. i am immune and i do not see all, know all. i just asked god to please give me something that someone would absolutely know is beyond my own understanding and that it would be good. don't ask, don't tell. i dunno what i write.

also, do NOT take ANY of this seriously, because if someone thought I just gave info out or makes more of it than is even there, that would be very wrong. I don't know what I just wrote and was just goofing around. I had NO ONE in mind, and I'm not sending any kind of message to ANYONE.

I was playing around with words and rhythm and then just words, for fun, because I enjoy looking stuff up that I don't know. Also, none of this goes in any order and isn't intended to. Many different interpretations can be read into anything.

Do NOT take me seriously on this stuff and DO NOT think it's a message from God. Sure, I pray sometimes about who to pray for, but that's all I prayed about. For the names I got to pray for, that was what I prayed and only God knows who they are and what they need. For all the other stuff, it's just playing with words. Period. I mean, if it means something good to someone, anything, then good. But it's not I am a prophet or a seer. Well, we all know that. But I'm serious. Anything I write is for fun and if anything comes of what I write, I hope it is for peace and nothing more.

Like, for example, I'm going through to see what my first poem says, and I just used words that rhymed and made some stuff up. So after the first two verses, I read it means golden and then something about cursed. Not so nice and not at all in the vein I meant to write. I was only writing with sound in my ear.

I didn't pray before I wrote that, either. I only prayed before I got a very small list of people to pray for. Like, 5 names, and I asked that it meant something to someone.

After reading this last poem and especially after I wrote earlier about colors, in no way am I writing for this or for any group or anything. No wonder this one guy told me to be careful what I wrote in even a poem or idea or image. Well, I can assure all, it wasn't to mean anything and it is NOT any kind of "sign" from God. The only part i would give credibility to is and are the names I pray for when I ask God to show me what to pray or who to pray for. I say this, and I sincerely hope people understand that half the time I write fictional stuff for my images and poems, and the other rest of the time...I don't know how to explain it. The only part I ever take seriously, is the names to pray for. And usually, I just ask God to bless these people, who are in mind, and to help them with what they need or what God wants to do in their lives.

Maybe I'll just delete this. I think my writing causes too many problems. I want to leave the above for a little bit though, so that if anyone IS reading this, they understand exactly where I'm coming from and how this is NOT intended to be taken. It is NOT intended to be taken seriously. I mean it. I walk out and I get thumbs up and then frowns, and I'm wondering what the hay I just wrote and I've no idea, and was just going for creativity. If people take all my free writing seriously, that could cause something like world wars. I mean, it is NOT, well, it's like getting a fortune in a fortune cookie--means nothing and is random but what I write is even MORE random. So don't make a big deal about it and don't think I am personally making a big deal about it, except to say, IT's not supposed to be a big deal.

Oh, and "exeter" wasn't on my prayer list. It was just a random word that came up later and went with the other random string of words that I wanted to look up for increasing and improving my vocabulary.

It would be extremely, and exceedingly, foolish, to think any of this, what I write about images or ideas or anything, is serious. It would be extremely wrong as well. It's also wrong to think most of the "images" or nonsense stuff, or poems, or whatever I write, is intentional or "god-driven". It's not. It's called creative writing and imagination and I've proven i've got on. An imagination that is. that same thing goes for any vibe which I know I have felt while praying but also, cannot determine anything in particular and has nothing to do with one person or group in particular. I know I feel it when i pray or I'm supposed to pray. That's it. I never know who or what I'm supposed to pray for though, well sometimes, until I've already started praying. I pray my own stuff, and then ask for guidance in what else to pray about, if there are things I don't understand, or people who need prayer while I don't need to know details of why. and then I do that, I just pray and that's it.

Oh and by the way, this is NOT one of those "read between the lines" things. I'm telling you straight, this is the way it is, period. It is not to be taken seriously and I mean nothing by it or with it and no prayer went into it either. I pray before I pray for people, period. Sometimes if I'm writing in english, and from my heart, I might pray for a good poem idea too. That's it. Other times, I get a mind's eye of something and it's not serious either. It's just what any writer has happen and it's called getting an idea for a poem, story, or whatever. Even a "flash" of insight, isn't usually insight, but something that comes with trying to be creative and in the creative writing process. It's not psychic and not cryptology either. I'm not trying to send hidden meanings and messages to anyone.


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