I listened to Cruella De Vil, thinking about my son this morning. Then "Call Me Irresponsible" came to mind.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlePsVrExPo.
At this house I went to last night, the guy opened the door and right there in the corner was the painting of The Girl With The Pearl Earring. Then I recognized a Monet or...I was thinking it's not Monet, but of the red haired girl in the blue dress.
One thing, about the Down's child, that little boy was so cute. He was the most endearing and sweet. The parent and grandparent referred to their other kids by name but not him and I wondered why. I didn't know if he was theirs or not, even though he looked like the other kids. And then I said the children had such pretty complexions, and they said the two did, yes, but I was thinking of the Downs child as well. He was waving, and happy, and paddled over to me and was inspecting what was in my bag and sort of hugging and then he gave high five and low five. I paid so much attention to him, because he was so sweet, I recognized to pay attention to the older girl too, so she didn't feel left out, and she was really cute too. After seeing this Downs boy though, who was 2, I thought maybe Downs isn't exactly mental disability or low IQ in the traditional sense, it's some other kind of disordering that then can affect certain processes, because he was able to sign a ton of things that a lot of kids are not able to sign or even speak at that age, and he was walking before most kids his age. You could tell he was Downs right away because of the facial features, but I thought, instead of being a burden, which maybe it is in some ways when they're older, they must be a blessing, because they bring so much joy and affection to others. To me, that little boy seemed pretty smart...he was getting into things and curious, and could sign and walk and interact, and it was just like there is some other thing, like autistic kids have sometimes, where maybe you can't do everything others do for some reason. I might look it up today.
Well I don't know. I looked up a little information and it says there is always mental retardation of some form, but I think maybe this is true in most cases, it might affect this, but after seeing what an IQ test is all about, I don't know that a standard IQ test is adequate for determining what someone's full abilities are. IQ tests measure some things but can't measure other things, and I'm sure a lot has to do with expectations of the parents and providers and the kind of instruction someone gets, as is true for "regular" people too. With some injuries, you hear about people being able to understand everything but unable to communicate what they know and understand, like those who have had strokes, and some of these disorders, if you have a learning ability it might make it more difficult to learn some standard things the same way as everyone else, but I don't think that means someone is inherently less intelligent. I met this little boy and changed my mind about Downs. To me, he acted like any normal 2 year old, except maybe had difficulty articulating speech, so the signs worked for him. Some of these disorders make me think that in some cases, it's more like something is just trapping the intelligence that is actually there, but finding it more difficult to express.
Probably, at least this child will be fully independent when he's older. I know that's not true for all Down's kids. But with anyone, even regular kids, if you have a high standard of expectations for them, I believe most often they rise to the challenge. A lot of kids get so dumbed down and the bar is set lower, and it's assumed they cannot do more.
The little girl was really smart and picked up on my name right away. She was very cute.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Dream & Car Crash
I didn't dream much. Still tired today and probably have to get iron supplement. I briefly dreamed or saw an image of a bog or some kind of swamp, actually, just the image of a word "bog" and I think "mill". Then something about an art piece of the head of a dog, lab, which was a photo or painting, recessed, with a box frame around it which protroded. Brown or tan dog. Like a box, an apple crate box, but in the recess the head of a lab type of dog.
That was it. I woke and realized I didn't explain what happened in the last car crash. I realized it sounded like I just walked away from it but I didn't mention the fact that I waited but saw they immediately both drove to the side of the road and then others were there and everyone was walking and fine. So I knew there were not injured badly and it was a fender bender.
As for the other thing, my reaction might sound odd, but there was something else to it and it wasn't just, well, I don't want to get into it.
Energy feels fine this morning but I guess I have to make some calls because so many people have been trying to imply someone has died, that I might have known. I have no idea.
That was it. I woke and realized I didn't explain what happened in the last car crash. I realized it sounded like I just walked away from it but I didn't mention the fact that I waited but saw they immediately both drove to the side of the road and then others were there and everyone was walking and fine. So I knew there were not injured badly and it was a fender bender.
As for the other thing, my reaction might sound odd, but there was something else to it and it wasn't just, well, I don't want to get into it.
Energy feels fine this morning but I guess I have to make some calls because so many people have been trying to imply someone has died, that I might have known. I have no idea.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
MOTIONS? By Public Defender? Not Being Nice Anymore
I asked my lawyer today, WHAT have you DONE?
I asked him WHERE the motions were for expedited hearing were, that he promised months ago when he took my case.
I asked WHERE the MOTION was for audio recording.
WHERE the MOTION was for an independent psychological evaluation.
WHERE the MOTION is to fix the state's claim they don't have to make up visits THEY scheduled to be MISSED on federal holidays, out of the blue.
WHERE THE MOTION is for increased visitation.
WHERE the access to legal resources is, when I was promised the use of fax and phone and then his firm LIED to me about this and refused to let me use it hardly at all, only in the first weeks, and then quit.
I also asked him where he went, when he went "out of country" because I'm certaintly interested, when he has time to go out of the country after my information is supposedly in, but not enough time to reply to my email requests for an appointment to get a hearing special set. I am probably not the only one who might be interested in where he was going abroad.
What? the banks in the U.S. don't work as well for fucking laundered money to screw me over in this case?
This is BULLSHIT.
This firm should go completely out of business. They promised me one thing, and then stuck me in the back, and stuck my son in the back with it as well.
Any of the most remedial things which could have, and should have been done, have NOT been done. I could have done these things for myself even, if this firm hadn't LIED and told me I could use just the basics to have access to getting documentation and trying to file my own stuff.
Where is my FUCKING country? Where are the FUCKING people who are supposed to control corruption and fucking crime, abuse of children and abuse of the system? And where are the FUCKING people paying me for FUCKING screwing with my mind so they can do their FUCKING experiments for the military under another auspice.
I met FUCKING CIA people, and Dept. of Defense people, and right, all of a sudden I'm Miss Hot Item and now my son and I are NOTHING? I didn't just meet fucking CIA workers, I met others too, and where the FUCK are you?
FUCKING GET YOUR FUCKING ACT TOGETHER.
GET ME A REAL LAWYER or get involved and FIX THIS SHIT.
Yesterday, I was walking by, down the sidewalk, and this one car that went by, had one wheel that needed grease. Just one wheel and you could hear it for blocks and miles. Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky.
I don't care if I have to be a squeaky wheel for my son to get the grease--I know what I want and what is best for my son, and if you don't want all fucking HELL to break loose, you are going to get this straightened out.
I have NEVER asked for special favors. I asked for my fucking American citizen "check" to be recognized, on the most basic of levels, involving my SON and my right to be a mother without people harassing me, assaulting me, or trying to derail and discredit me.
I am NOT fucking asking for too much. I have asked for basic, basic, things, and even been willing to be screwed over to some degree, in exchange for my son.
What do I get? I get the fucking USA hump and dump and FUCK YOU.
You fucking ALLOW my son to suffer, and do NOTHING for him and then try to put it off onto other people like you don't have a clue when you know exactly what's going on.
Not to mention some of the incredible hypocrisy I've seen by "religious" who have been involved, and I really don't want to drag all of that out into the limelight.
The CIA and FBI know exactly what the gang problem is, as well, and they just go along with it, and even USE people in these gangs, to get their own agendas taken care of.
I am sick of the corruption. How many military men can I list?
This last lawyer has had THREE MONTHS to do something. NOTHING has been done. The state has just rolled on with their lying and corruption.
I am now being told I have to go for a psychiatric evaluation when I have the RIGHT to a second, independent psychological evaluation before going to some state paid doctor who will be fed a bunch of BULLSHIT that I wasn't even able to defend myself over properly, EVER. And I have NOT had a "professional psychological evaluation" either.
This firm promised to give me access to fax and phone. Those are BASICS pal. They lied. They promised to make motions and set special calendars. They LIED. They said they were going to do a whole bunch of things and totally LIED.
They stalled for THREE months, while others in the U.S. government stalled on getting my unemployment money to me for SIX months, knowing I was then effectively BLOCKED from doing ANYTHING for my case or my son.
This is obstruction of justice and RICO, and has all the bearings of a major Section 1983 case, which would be civil, and yet there are unique elements to this case which make many factors criminal, not civil.
I don't even want to get my list out.
I just found out that Michelle Erickson, who barged into my visit with my son for the ?th time, unnecessarily, and who tried to force my son to be with me while she harassed me, I just found out that all she "had" was something about signing a release form, which she could get from my lawyer. She purposefully tried to interrupt and provoke me, and harassed me, for this.
And this is not all.
I am so done with being nice.
I asked him WHERE the motions were for expedited hearing were, that he promised months ago when he took my case.
I asked WHERE the MOTION was for audio recording.
WHERE the MOTION was for an independent psychological evaluation.
WHERE the MOTION is to fix the state's claim they don't have to make up visits THEY scheduled to be MISSED on federal holidays, out of the blue.
WHERE THE MOTION is for increased visitation.
WHERE the access to legal resources is, when I was promised the use of fax and phone and then his firm LIED to me about this and refused to let me use it hardly at all, only in the first weeks, and then quit.
I also asked him where he went, when he went "out of country" because I'm certaintly interested, when he has time to go out of the country after my information is supposedly in, but not enough time to reply to my email requests for an appointment to get a hearing special set. I am probably not the only one who might be interested in where he was going abroad.
What? the banks in the U.S. don't work as well for fucking laundered money to screw me over in this case?
This is BULLSHIT.
This firm should go completely out of business. They promised me one thing, and then stuck me in the back, and stuck my son in the back with it as well.
Any of the most remedial things which could have, and should have been done, have NOT been done. I could have done these things for myself even, if this firm hadn't LIED and told me I could use just the basics to have access to getting documentation and trying to file my own stuff.
Where is my FUCKING country? Where are the FUCKING people who are supposed to control corruption and fucking crime, abuse of children and abuse of the system? And where are the FUCKING people paying me for FUCKING screwing with my mind so they can do their FUCKING experiments for the military under another auspice.
I met FUCKING CIA people, and Dept. of Defense people, and right, all of a sudden I'm Miss Hot Item and now my son and I are NOTHING? I didn't just meet fucking CIA workers, I met others too, and where the FUCK are you?
FUCKING GET YOUR FUCKING ACT TOGETHER.
GET ME A REAL LAWYER or get involved and FIX THIS SHIT.
Yesterday, I was walking by, down the sidewalk, and this one car that went by, had one wheel that needed grease. Just one wheel and you could hear it for blocks and miles. Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky.
I don't care if I have to be a squeaky wheel for my son to get the grease--I know what I want and what is best for my son, and if you don't want all fucking HELL to break loose, you are going to get this straightened out.
I have NEVER asked for special favors. I asked for my fucking American citizen "check" to be recognized, on the most basic of levels, involving my SON and my right to be a mother without people harassing me, assaulting me, or trying to derail and discredit me.
I am NOT fucking asking for too much. I have asked for basic, basic, things, and even been willing to be screwed over to some degree, in exchange for my son.
What do I get? I get the fucking USA hump and dump and FUCK YOU.
You fucking ALLOW my son to suffer, and do NOTHING for him and then try to put it off onto other people like you don't have a clue when you know exactly what's going on.
Not to mention some of the incredible hypocrisy I've seen by "religious" who have been involved, and I really don't want to drag all of that out into the limelight.
The CIA and FBI know exactly what the gang problem is, as well, and they just go along with it, and even USE people in these gangs, to get their own agendas taken care of.
I am sick of the corruption. How many military men can I list?
This last lawyer has had THREE MONTHS to do something. NOTHING has been done. The state has just rolled on with their lying and corruption.
I am now being told I have to go for a psychiatric evaluation when I have the RIGHT to a second, independent psychological evaluation before going to some state paid doctor who will be fed a bunch of BULLSHIT that I wasn't even able to defend myself over properly, EVER. And I have NOT had a "professional psychological evaluation" either.
This firm promised to give me access to fax and phone. Those are BASICS pal. They lied. They promised to make motions and set special calendars. They LIED. They said they were going to do a whole bunch of things and totally LIED.
They stalled for THREE months, while others in the U.S. government stalled on getting my unemployment money to me for SIX months, knowing I was then effectively BLOCKED from doing ANYTHING for my case or my son.
This is obstruction of justice and RICO, and has all the bearings of a major Section 1983 case, which would be civil, and yet there are unique elements to this case which make many factors criminal, not civil.
I don't even want to get my list out.
I just found out that Michelle Erickson, who barged into my visit with my son for the ?th time, unnecessarily, and who tried to force my son to be with me while she harassed me, I just found out that all she "had" was something about signing a release form, which she could get from my lawyer. She purposefully tried to interrupt and provoke me, and harassed me, for this.
And this is not all.
I am so done with being nice.
Getting Energy Up & CNN
I swear, I am so wiped out and for no reason other than, I guess, anemia. So I'm eating tons of steak and mushrooms and taking shots of molasses and I almost stopped to buy orange juice tonight and didn't and should have. I'll have to buy orange juice and more steak. I might look up things that are highest in iron.
I got to the house and was totally drained. Took a shower sitting on the floor. Tired, tired, tired.
Then I looked up news on CNN.com and wondered why they choose the oddest names for towns to broadcast the time and temps for. While surfing on their site, I saw temperaturesfor "Cool, CA", "Odd, WV", "Ideal, GA" and "North, SC". ? What happened to normal sounding towns?
I tried looking up information about the hostages and also about the missing girl, Aja Johnson. I know she's in Oklahoma but for some reason I got the idea they were trying to go to California but I don't think she has relatives there and that would be a long way to try to escape.
Oh, the other weird thing about CNN...I don't know, I once had a problem where I kept typing things into their search engine and none of the right things would come up. Tonight it was weirder, because I typed in the name of Aja Johnson and first, before anything about her, came up 2 articles about some guy standing competency trial, for the murder of 2 police officers, because they'd tried to medicate him without his consent and he showed "no improvement" and they medicated him for "paranoid schitzophrenia". I looked all over for any connection to the name Aja or Johnson and there was absolutely nothing.
I got to the house and was totally drained. Took a shower sitting on the floor. Tired, tired, tired.
Then I looked up news on CNN.com and wondered why they choose the oddest names for towns to broadcast the time and temps for. While surfing on their site, I saw temperaturesfor "Cool, CA", "Odd, WV", "Ideal, GA" and "North, SC". ? What happened to normal sounding towns?
I tried looking up information about the hostages and also about the missing girl, Aja Johnson. I know she's in Oklahoma but for some reason I got the idea they were trying to go to California but I don't think she has relatives there and that would be a long way to try to escape.
Oh, the other weird thing about CNN...I don't know, I once had a problem where I kept typing things into their search engine and none of the right things would come up. Tonight it was weirder, because I typed in the name of Aja Johnson and first, before anything about her, came up 2 articles about some guy standing competency trial, for the murder of 2 police officers, because they'd tried to medicate him without his consent and he showed "no improvement" and they medicated him for "paranoid schitzophrenia". I looked all over for any connection to the name Aja or Johnson and there was absolutely nothing.
Colors & Patterns (to address the normal people who live ? let me know)
This is a post mark designated to address some of the weird color stuff, that a few out of towners I guess, or out of staters, have questioned. So I'll address this and explain because I do understand that if it doesn't go on in other towns, it is really hard to swallow and sounds unbelievable.
Car Wreck Again & Other Incidents Tonight
There was another car crash today, as I was walking by. And then, a second one almost happened and I turned almost right before the brakes screeched, and then there was almost a third one. But the first one, really happened. A fender bender. Black car crashed into silver car. It happened just a few feet away but since I didn't technically witness it, as both cars had already passed me, I figured I didn't need to stick around. What was I going to say to the police, "I didn't do it?" Again? I didn't have my magic wand or the one with pom poms on it yet. I'm starting to think I will literally carry on around. Oh, no, the one with the eye on it. Just an eye.
It happened right after they passed me, so my back was to the accident but it was on the same block.
So I'm walking along, and I have no idea how so many people find things out this fast, but people were driving by, looking at me like I'd done it again.
I feel like I just got an intuitive quote from someone out there reading this, to the effect of: "I am never getting into a car with her."
So then I got the movie "The Cove" to watch and I was walking home and a truck kept passing and I thought was looking out for me. Then the second time, allowed me to pass in front of them, so I walked by and the third time, I wondered who it was. So I looked and there was a man with blond hair and definitely either Russian or German (I get them confused sometimes, facially...or even Polish? I don't know--medium to tall I think, lean but built or fit, and about 20-30 years old tops), I mean, with this background, wearing a grey shirt, and ummm, doing something to himself sexually.
So I couldn't believe it, and I'm walking by and then I look over and I can even see it from there, and I thought, ? and walked past almost and then stopped and looked at the license plate. I got it even though it was just letters and numbers. For some reason, when I called Rivercom, the dispatcher seemed to have an idea already that it was a letter and number combination all mixed together. It happened on 1st and Dana and I wrote the number down before I went to a house to call, but I decided I would save it in case I needed it later for something, and also, I had a weird feeling from the whole thing, that it wasn't exactly what it appeared to be. I mean, on one hand, yeah, on the other, ummm, hand, no, I thought there is more to this. I think I know exactly what it was supposed to mean, and it would match will some other information I got. Of course, if it happens again, I won't be thrilled.
So, this truck was white and then there was some blue truck behind but I didn't see who. I went to this house and then I started to get a bad feeling. The man said yes, report it, but I had started getting a bad feeling while I was in that house. The house? gorgeous. Nice collective clutter too, and they were all nice. But either while I was reporting, or something else was going on, I started to get the sad vibe or heavy vibe.
It was another contest or whatever, just more games, at this house too. Which I don't care for. When they went back and forth about what car to take and driving without a registered license plate or correct tabs, and everything around the house was monkey this and that, and then the lady comes home and it's more hassle about which car and take this one car, because she's just moved the rocking chair out of the front seat...I don't know how to put my finger on it, but bad vibe. I mean, lovely people! and kids were too cute, especially the one with Downs Syndrome was adorable. Absolutely adorable. But I don't care for the game of "Now she's at OUR house!" and the man is wearing green and then town decides then and there to turn on every green light available in the town, for me to notice as I'm passing by. And yes, this is what this town does and people in other parts of the world believe me.
I saw people with California plates and actually, someone in a BMW SUV, who passed by and were out of town and very normal and looked at me like they totally knew.
People are not idiots. You can do a lot of things to try to make someone sound crazy, but when too many people know, you're sort of screwed.
I realized today that people are getting interested in this town again and that a lot of people know about Wenatchee and what goes down over here. Somehow, some people all the way over on the East Coast knew.
SO, I am very exited to begin my movie about "The Cove".
In the meantime, I passed on all car ride offers as it was turning into this huge thing and they kept saying they insisted and I said, "It's no more dangerous for me to walk home now, at night, than it is any other night." So I said no, because I would rather walk all alone than do one more thing that is supposedly benefitting someone who doesn't even have the decency to tell me what the honor of my presence is benefiting.
I could go on.
So I just walked home and I noticed a few cynical rude stalkers, but others who drove by looked sad and worried. Probably someone heard the Rivercom broadcast, because this is a town that listens to Rivercom like it's Rush Limbaugh or some AM/FM station. I was starting to think everyone was an undercover cop. (for those who don't know, Rivercom is the "911" afterhours call center which is broadcast over capable channel if you can tune in.)
Oh, I guess the other thing that felt insincere and so made me uncomfortable, was when they asked how old I was and I said, "35" and they said, the women said they thought I was "18 or 19" and would never guess "35". Right.
It happened right after they passed me, so my back was to the accident but it was on the same block.
So I'm walking along, and I have no idea how so many people find things out this fast, but people were driving by, looking at me like I'd done it again.
I feel like I just got an intuitive quote from someone out there reading this, to the effect of: "I am never getting into a car with her."
So then I got the movie "The Cove" to watch and I was walking home and a truck kept passing and I thought was looking out for me. Then the second time, allowed me to pass in front of them, so I walked by and the third time, I wondered who it was. So I looked and there was a man with blond hair and definitely either Russian or German (I get them confused sometimes, facially...or even Polish? I don't know--medium to tall I think, lean but built or fit, and about 20-30 years old tops), I mean, with this background, wearing a grey shirt, and ummm, doing something to himself sexually.
So I couldn't believe it, and I'm walking by and then I look over and I can even see it from there, and I thought, ? and walked past almost and then stopped and looked at the license plate. I got it even though it was just letters and numbers. For some reason, when I called Rivercom, the dispatcher seemed to have an idea already that it was a letter and number combination all mixed together. It happened on 1st and Dana and I wrote the number down before I went to a house to call, but I decided I would save it in case I needed it later for something, and also, I had a weird feeling from the whole thing, that it wasn't exactly what it appeared to be. I mean, on one hand, yeah, on the other, ummm, hand, no, I thought there is more to this. I think I know exactly what it was supposed to mean, and it would match will some other information I got. Of course, if it happens again, I won't be thrilled.
So, this truck was white and then there was some blue truck behind but I didn't see who. I went to this house and then I started to get a bad feeling. The man said yes, report it, but I had started getting a bad feeling while I was in that house. The house? gorgeous. Nice collective clutter too, and they were all nice. But either while I was reporting, or something else was going on, I started to get the sad vibe or heavy vibe.
It was another contest or whatever, just more games, at this house too. Which I don't care for. When they went back and forth about what car to take and driving without a registered license plate or correct tabs, and everything around the house was monkey this and that, and then the lady comes home and it's more hassle about which car and take this one car, because she's just moved the rocking chair out of the front seat...I don't know how to put my finger on it, but bad vibe. I mean, lovely people! and kids were too cute, especially the one with Downs Syndrome was adorable. Absolutely adorable. But I don't care for the game of "Now she's at OUR house!" and the man is wearing green and then town decides then and there to turn on every green light available in the town, for me to notice as I'm passing by. And yes, this is what this town does and people in other parts of the world believe me.
I saw people with California plates and actually, someone in a BMW SUV, who passed by and were out of town and very normal and looked at me like they totally knew.
People are not idiots. You can do a lot of things to try to make someone sound crazy, but when too many people know, you're sort of screwed.
I realized today that people are getting interested in this town again and that a lot of people know about Wenatchee and what goes down over here. Somehow, some people all the way over on the East Coast knew.
SO, I am very exited to begin my movie about "The Cove".
In the meantime, I passed on all car ride offers as it was turning into this huge thing and they kept saying they insisted and I said, "It's no more dangerous for me to walk home now, at night, than it is any other night." So I said no, because I would rather walk all alone than do one more thing that is supposedly benefitting someone who doesn't even have the decency to tell me what the honor of my presence is benefiting.
I could go on.
So I just walked home and I noticed a few cynical rude stalkers, but others who drove by looked sad and worried. Probably someone heard the Rivercom broadcast, because this is a town that listens to Rivercom like it's Rush Limbaugh or some AM/FM station. I was starting to think everyone was an undercover cop. (for those who don't know, Rivercom is the "911" afterhours call center which is broadcast over capable channel if you can tune in.)
Oh, I guess the other thing that felt insincere and so made me uncomfortable, was when they asked how old I was and I said, "35" and they said, the women said they thought I was "18 or 19" and would never guess "35". Right.
Check On My Son
someone needs to check on my son. He keeps coming to mind and while he had a good couple of days, I think, in general, he needs help the rest of this week.
I have felt that mother's intuition, and he keeps coming to mind. Whenever my son would cry I could tell, because I was breastfeeding and it caused me to want to feed him and it's happened several times and I know he is either crying or distressed thinking about me.
I think he is worried he's not going to see me for a long time and he was greatly upset by what Michelle did in front of him. I think he's worried and maybe he's not being cared for well right now, I don't know. But I know I do not get this feeling, in my breasts, unless he needs me. And it's been a long time since I've breastfed and I can still tell he needs me. Even from a distance. Sometimes, this still happens. At our old regular feeding times. I still had milk even until very recently.
I called and left a message on the phone, for my son. I hope that the Avilas will let Oliver hear it, and it just says I had fun with him and I'm thinking about him and I went right back to the office and I'm waiting for him there for our next visit. Of course, this last part isn't exactly true, but he understands if I'm there at the offices, I'm still there. I told him I went for a really quick walk and then walked right back to the office and was waiting right there for him until I got to see him after the church day.
I notice he is usually fine inbetween our Monday and Wednesday visits, but that he is very upset by longer separations of any kind and isn't in as good of shape when he has to wait to see me for so many days.
************************
I feel something is better, or someone is praying at least. 2:06 p.m Much better, positive energy.
2:50 p.m., the energy feels okay in general, but I can still tell my son is needing someone to check up on him. I still have this feeling and know that he needs me and I hope someone will check on him.
I have felt that mother's intuition, and he keeps coming to mind. Whenever my son would cry I could tell, because I was breastfeeding and it caused me to want to feed him and it's happened several times and I know he is either crying or distressed thinking about me.
I think he is worried he's not going to see me for a long time and he was greatly upset by what Michelle did in front of him. I think he's worried and maybe he's not being cared for well right now, I don't know. But I know I do not get this feeling, in my breasts, unless he needs me. And it's been a long time since I've breastfed and I can still tell he needs me. Even from a distance. Sometimes, this still happens. At our old regular feeding times. I still had milk even until very recently.
I called and left a message on the phone, for my son. I hope that the Avilas will let Oliver hear it, and it just says I had fun with him and I'm thinking about him and I went right back to the office and I'm waiting for him there for our next visit. Of course, this last part isn't exactly true, but he understands if I'm there at the offices, I'm still there. I told him I went for a really quick walk and then walked right back to the office and was waiting right there for him until I got to see him after the church day.
I notice he is usually fine inbetween our Monday and Wednesday visits, but that he is very upset by longer separations of any kind and isn't in as good of shape when he has to wait to see me for so many days.
************************
I feel something is better, or someone is praying at least. 2:06 p.m Much better, positive energy.
2:50 p.m., the energy feels okay in general, but I can still tell my son is needing someone to check up on him. I still have this feeling and know that he needs me and I hope someone will check on him.
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