UPDATED: I have just found out there's been not only a bigger response to this post than most of the ones I've made, someone went into my blog and edited the scripture reference I gave. They changed it to a reference that doesn't even exist. So, for the record, I had I Kings 11:29-33. This is for the reference about the tribes and the cloth that was torn. I'm going to leave what someone edited it to, because it goes nowhere, and yet I need this as evidence and documentation of tampering on my blog posts. 11/13/2012.
Once upon a time, there was this very wicked woman. She was a very mean little girl who grew up to be a very mean woman but she was so beautiful no one believed so was so cruel. She tricked a unicorn one day, into believing she was a nice little girl. One day, when she had grown up and was a woman, she was sitting in a garden at the top of a tower. She thought it was this beautiful garden but didn't know it was actually a prison! She found out it was a garden unless someone discovered she was actually very mean. If they found out she had a very horrible heart, then the water that encircled this garden, which she could cross over on her little bridge, rose up into huge waves all around and became a stone wall.
She was in danger! She couldn't be in jail forever! This smart and mean woman weasled her way into a castle and tricked people into thinking she was Princess Potential. One day, a servant told her, "Madam, they want to paint your portrait please." She had waited a very long time, hidden, and hoping that when the world saw her, she could show her very best side. A portrait! A painting that would be seen by people all over the world! Not everyone could see her in person, but they would see a painting of her! What if someone saw through her Princess Potential Act (PPA)? She thought, "I need to look like I am good, so I had better buy some tortillas or make a very large pancake to stick onto the back of my head so it looks like a halo." She had been thinking, hmmm...what will make me look good? and she thought, "Aha! Angels! I should try to look very angelic and have a halo for my head." She didn't have a halo though! (MAKE A BIG SAD FACE for the mean mean woman here)
So she couldn't figure out what to make...a tortilla? a pancake? nan bread? she needed to have something that was big and round, as she imagined halos were. The first one she made fell apart. She kept kneading the dough, and when it was runny, added more and more and then she would take a ball of dough and roll it out. They were too floppy. Everytime she tried to bake it and fry it, it flopped over! Then she made one that held up, and was stiff enough, and her brother helped her make one. He thought it would work great and was really quite the little devious mastermind. "Ah, Chef Schwekky-wecky!" (SW), she said, "How marvelous! How perfectly piquant!" She held it to her head and it worked! Then a bird flew to it and began eating off of her head.
(I just had my entire half of my story erased)
I had a whole section about the brother rolling out a halo for this woman, and his Uncle yelling at him to throw him a ball, and he does and says, "Okay, but roll your own."
I had an entire section. they also deleted the line about how he was "brilliant, like a Brillo pad." They also deleted the part about how she finally had to make do with temporary halos and say her permanent one was "in the shop" to explain why she wasn't wearing her own halo and why the other ones were falling apart. So the excuse to fool the painter was to say "it's not mine" and that their real halo was being worked on.
I think that someone underestimates me and my memory. I am redoing it.
It's not as good as it was, but it's the general idea:
Her brother helped her with her business ideas and also had ideas about suing people, to help her look like a fighter, so she called him Schwekky-wecky and sometimes just SW (pronounced “sue”). He was brilliant, like a Brillo pad.
The bird made such a mess of the halo that when her servant entered the room, she screamed and said, “CALL A DOCTOR!!!! NOW!” She thought that someone had riddled the halo with bullet holes and hadn’t seen this mean girl ducking as the bird dove in to attack.
She said to her brother, “This is not going to work” and SW then came up with another idea. Princess Potential was dependent upon Princess Potential Act to help her keep up her disguise. So then her brother took another ball and rolled it out and baked it and this time he wrapped it up with tinfoil. He said, “There. Now if the birds see it they will be blinded by the glare and it will also reflect the sun.” PP knew right away that this wouldn’t work. This was not going to fool the painter! “No one has a silver halo,” she said, “Have you ever see a silver halo before? Or of tinfoil?” He admitted no, he hadn’t, so he took the tinfoil off and put something stinky on it instead. This should have worked, but after a half hour or so, the halo flopped over, or drooped, or settled down and shrank. Princess Potential decided to just use the halo as long as it lasted and then when it didn’t hold up anymore, to have her brother make a new one and keep making them, one right after the other. PP was going to tell the painter that she was having to use temporary halos because her own halo was in the shop.
She had heard of people doing this before, and excuse the halo they were using by saying it wasn't their halo.
So SW had a bucket full of balls of dough for making the halos, and when the painter arrived with his paints and easle, he was shocked. SW kept running out of the turret to grab a new ball of dough and roll it out and bake it. His Uncle yelled at him from across the water to give him one and SW threw him a ball and yelled, "Okay, but you have to roll your own". In the middle of this chaos, no one noticed what the unicorn was doing.
There was a unicorn around, but there were also a lot of baby white horses. One of the babies got trapped into the courthouse grounds and he didn’t want to be there. His life at the castle was going to be as a workhorse unless he had a very good idea. He knew what a unicorn looked like, and he wondered hmmm…could I? …should I….? hmmm…
He was a little older than a baby when he got this idea, so he was still young enough to POSSibly escape detection. He prayed one day, at the altar, with his mother, and even though he was only a little older than a baby, he thought like a grown-up and his mother was very clever too. His mother was crying, and crying, because she didn’t want her son to have such a difficult life. There was a horn on the altar. The sacred horn. It was the center candle in a candelabra on top of the altar. The other candles were silver, but the one in the center was gold and different from the others. The other candles were silver, but the one in the center was gold and different from the others. The other ones were silver and straight and this one was gold and curly. These candles were not just candles, they were pipes and horns and flutes. They provided both candlelight and music.
When the little horse went up to the altar with his mother, he reached out and took ahold of the gold horn in the middle and picked it up. His mother was about to stop him but then another one magically grew right before their eyes, into the place where this precocious baby had taken ahold of the sacred horn.
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(I was trying to think of what to write next and grabbed my Bible just to read something, not necessarily for the story, but just a break and you will not believe what I literally randomly ended up on. I am serious. I Kings 26:1-32. (around 6:25 p.m. or so), At first I thought, oh it's just about an official but then it's about someone, a prophet, wearing a new cloak. He then tears it into 12 pieces and says he is giving 10 tribes to another, and 1 tribe will be with those of David. But it doesn't say anything about the 12th tribe, where they went or what happened. 10 went to one ruler, 1 to another, and the last one, is not mentioned. At least not here.
Then I looked at the next section I randomly opened to and it was, "Jesus said to her, 'Mary'." It is about Mary Magdalene. I just read John 20:16. I don't think the Mary part goes with what I was thinking as much as taking the other part, about a "lost tribe" or mysterious tribe. Unless I think of how it goes with the plum line. Or, that Jesus was from a tribe.
Anyway, when I wrote about the sacred horn, I was thinking of my son Oliver. This is written for him and I had him in mind because in Wenatchee court one day, as a baby, he grabbed the microphone. He was so happily in my arms and I was standing in front of the Judge and Oliver reached over and grabbed the mic that was in front of us. He took the top off or I guess, just grabbed it, and Judge Harmon yelled at him. So I changed the story so that it is a reach of faith. Not that my son is representing the horse at all, I just had the idea because I thought about my son doing this and thought, how does the horn leave the altar? the mother takes it? or the child? and I decided, the baby takes it. I put it in bold because it was a bold move.
I am for Baby Rights. Do you support Baby Rights? Children's Rights are great. How about Baby Rights.
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They did not know that this was one of the secrets of the unicorn. A man came out from around a curtain and said, “This is why there are so few unicorns in the world.” The mother said, "What do you mean?"
The man said, "Have you seen all of the party hats?" He pulled out a tooter from his suit pocket and blew it out loudly. He said, “No one is looking for a horn, they want these tooters.” He nodded at them and said, "I’m not going to tell you what to do, you’ll figure it out."
That's what I have for now. I might finish the rest tonight but I sent what I had for now in case my son got it before his bedtime. If I add to it, probably will, I'll post it here tonight.
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The man put a party hat over the unicorn's horn and said, "Keep this on your head at all times. You want this group to think you are like them." Then he said, “No, you don’t need that. I don’t think they will see it. You will know about this and so will your mother, but the eyes of the others will not see it. Their eyes and ears will be sealed. When you meet the woman who is very bad, she will see you for who you are. Only the very bad will be able to see who you are because what is bad will always try to fight and counter what is good. They will seek you out and send out many spies, all over the world, to protect the secret of the others that they want to take power and control. Do not be deceived by those who have special abilities, because not all of these things are from God.”
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(this is part of the story but last night I looked again to see what happened to the other tribe. It doesn't say. 10 went to one place, and one to another place, and then the other? No mention of it. So I don't know. And then I went to the book of Numbers and in Numbers it says there were 12 tribes and then another one that they didn't count, so there were 13. The one they didn't count were the Levites, and they were in charge of the temple and the holy things. So 12 were counted, and then the Levites were there. So if there were 12 pieces of cloth and 10 went to Israel and 1 to Judah (at one point), I still can't find what happened to the other one.)
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Well, this isn't great but I had to write it fast to get it out to my son. Between this and cooking it was about 45 minutes I guess.
I think the painting has many stories and alternative endings but this is what I wrote tonight:
I have been thinking about you all day. It's probably close to your bedtime so I am going to hurry and finish the story and then we can always make up a new one another time.
So after this man told the baby horse to be very careful, he told this horse that the mean woman was living in a castle now. Her name was Princess Potential. The baby horse understood what he was saying. His mother also knew to be careful. They left the church and went home to their very green and beautiful pasture and stable.
The baby horse, whose name was "Chariot", grew up and even though he had the horn on his head, no one seemed to notice it. People and other horses sometimes asked why his name was Chariot. "Aren't you supposed to pull a chariot?" they said? and he was told other horses pulled chariots. He wasn't sure why or how he got his name, but Chariot it was. By the time Chariot was a little bit older, about 7 or 8 or so, he knew what his mission was. He was to sneak into the castle and find out where the mean woman was.
He was told the mean woman would know he was a unicorn. Some people wanted to capture unicorns, but they had to know which ones were unicorns. Some unicorns lost their horns because they were in danger of capture so they tried to disguise themselves. Other unicorns were captured and had it cut off, by people who wanted the horn and who thought it might give them power.
By the time Chariot arrived at the castle, he peeked around the door of the fence. There was a gate surrounding a moat of water that encircled the castle and up at the top where the mean woman was, there was a round body of water that circled around the garden completely with calm waters running through it, and then the fountain was said to be in the center but it only showed up at night and then the waters were like diamonds relecting light from the moon and smelling of jasmine. He knew if she was caught, the water would rise and turn into walls around her.
Somehow, he had to capture her without letting her capture him. He went into the garden one day after watching her and there was a painter there and man throwing balls around and rolling them out for dough. He pretended to be lost and wandered in carefully, and went up to the lilies and smelled them. The painter stopped because the horse was in the way, but the mean woman saw that it was a unicorn. She thought, "Oh! how perfect! If I can convince this unicorn to rest next to me, it will be even better for my image! the world will believe I must be kind and charming and good." The unicorn thought, "If I can only get close to her, and have her believe I am a unicorn by birth, I might be able to detect something about her that will show everyone she very dangerous."
So the mean woman told the unicorn to come close to her and Chariot walked over meekly. The woman didn't know that even though she could tell it was a unicorn, the painter didn't know. So the painter painted a portrait of a white baby horse but there was no horn on the head of the horse. He painted her with a hand above the horse's head, like she was about to bless or touch the horse's head, and she had her other hand under his feet.
While Chariot was close to her, she was batting her eyes and looking cleverly at the painter and when she had stood up to invite Chariot to go to her, she hadn't realized that when she sat back down her skirt was no longer covering a lamb lying next to her. The lamb appeared to be dead and she was hiding this from everyone. Her brother had killed a lamb when he thought no one was looking. He was worried the lamb was a spy or would uncover their secrets but the lamb was innocent--As innocent as a baby. Chariot saw this lamb and then suddenly, all at once, everything was revealed for what it was. The painter suddenly saw the horn on the horse and realized Chariot was a unicorn. The rivets of water running in a circle around the garden and the moat around the castle, rose up and then hardened into walls of stone. And the mean woman's halo could no longer be painted as a light halo but as something that looked like a tortilla, or a pancake, or nan bread.
At the last minute, when the guards came in to alert the castle and the court that there was a very dangerous and cruel woman inside, they did not know what to think when Princess Potential's servant came to greet them first. "It's her" she told them, "She is inside the garden telling everyone that her brother killed the lamb, but she knew about it too. She didn't just cover it up, she knew he was hurting the lamb."
Chariot knew the woman had been exposed. But he had to get out of there! So when the guards opened the door, they only saw a young horse running out. And the horse was able to leave even when the walls were up, and the doors were locked, because he knew how to pick a lock with the end of the horn. He did this very carefully and quickly and then ran out and ran and ran and ran until he found his mother again and he rested in the cool shade by the dandilions and the under the trees. They decided they would move because now the mean woman had discovered he was a unicorn and even if she was locked into the castle, she could still tell people about him and someone else who was bad might try to capture him.
The unicorn didn't even really have to do that much. He had thought he would be looking for something or waiting a long time, but she was so shocked to see a unicorn that she had forgotten all about the dying and then dead lamb, and that was when she exposed herself.
Chariot and his mother were safe but they had many more adventures ahead. And the painter, well, he was so suprised to see the unicorn horn that he added this to the painting but the halo always looked like a tortilla, or a pancake, or nan bread.
The end.
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