Updated Photos of Me

I am uploading some photos I just took tonight and then I'll add a couple from many that I sent my son. We are being tortured, and I'm still smiling. I was happy because I wanted pasta tonight and didn't feel like going to the store so my Mom gave me a box when I asked. ;)  I was seriously happy about it and then started laughing at myself, basically.  I don't eat the cheese--I make my own subs.

I try to think of things that will make my son smile and then I end up laughing half of the time with what comes of it.  I wrote my paper about torture (prior post) last night.  I need more time to edit it but thats it.  I wrote about the same story, comparing different things, many years ago, before I was ever tortured.

I had no idea I had that nose.  What happened to me????  I have a Roman nose too.  Which is odd now that it's captured that way, for me, personally, it's odd.  I randomly chanced upon a photo and was thinking about a nose, pondering, thinking, it never looked like that before.  And then it was me.  I had the same nose.  I have the same nose.

Oh, the Psalm I put at the top of the paper was only bc that was the day I wrote the paper and I thought it was interesting how there is shaking and similiar features and ideas in it as in the story.  I didn't like all connotations but thought of better ones with it.  I really do love God--But anyway, who am I telling that to?  my son?

I had other ideas for my paper.  Years ago, I contrasted it with television developments occuring at the same time, but this time I chose to focus more on torture because I wanted to write something that would put light out for others who are going through horrific things now.  

Down With Torture: My Paper (not very good)

Ascribe to the Lord, O mighty ones,
ascribe to the Lord glory and
strength
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his
name;
worship the Lord in the splendor of
his holiness.

The voice of the Lord is over the
waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the Lord thunders over the mighty
waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful;
the voice of the Lord is majestic.
The voice of the Lord breaks the
cedars;
the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars
of Lebanon.
He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
Sirion like a young wild ox.
The voice of the Lord strikes
with flashes of lightening.
The voice of the Lord shakes the
desert;
The Lord shakes the Desert of
Kadesh.
The voice of the Lord twists the
oaks
and strips the forests bare
And in his temple all cry, “Glory!”

The Lord sits enthroned over the
flood;
the Lord is enthroned as King forever.
The Lord gives strength to his people;
the Lord blesses his people with
peace.

--Psalm 29

Cameo L. Garrett
Professor Larison
Fiction/Fall 2012
Historical Analysis Paper

“The Yellow Wallpaper” As A Protest Against Torture

I believe Charlotte Perkins Gilman wrote “The Yellow Wallpaper” as an allusion to electrotherapy as much as the “rest cure”. While she doesn’t disguise her belief that the rest cure does more harm than good, I think she uses her imagination about the wallpaper to describe torture and being a possible witness to torture. In one sense, being confined to bed is likened to torture, but given the fact her own doctor was known to prescribe electrotherapy to his patients as part of the “rest cure”, and because this treatment was then popular, I think she is protesting its use through her story. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlotte_Perkins_Gilman.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman was born in 1860 and she died in 1935. At the time of her own treatment by the psychiatric community, in 1886-1887, in the United States, psychiatry was following the ideas for electrotherapy first proposed in Europe and applied in Germany, France, and England. After electrotherapy was introduced, and used at the time of the author’s story, Italy became the first country to use “electroconvulsive” therapy which was an even more extreme form of electrical shocks. (Wright, 1988). The technology that was underlying the means for this was by significant developments in electrical currents, radiation and precursors to radiation, and electromagnetic technology. http://www.physics.isu.edu/radinf/chrono.htm#top.
Four men who were prominent at this time were Hermann Ludwig Ferdinand von Helmholtz and three of his students: Wilhelm Wundt, Eihnrich Rudolf Hertz, and Eugen Goldstein. Hermann Helmholtz (1821-1894) was a doctor and a physicist who began studying physics while doing research on muscle metabolism, in 1847. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helmholtz. He was a discoverer of electromagnetic energy (1863) and the Helmholtz equation was named after him, as was the Helmholtz coil. These demonstrate the magnetic current loop which Charlotte describes in her story later, by using descriptions about designs in the wallpaper. Eihnrich Hertz remained under Helmholtz for post-doctoral studies after receiving his PhD in 1880. “In 1883 he took a post as a lecturer in theoretical physics at the University of Kiel. He became a professor at University of Karlsruhe in 1885 where he then discovered electromagnetic waves, building upon work by Helmholz. By 1887 he was experimenting with radio waves and in 1892, the same year that “The Yellow Wallpaper” was published, he demonstrated cathode rays could penetrate thin metal foil (like aluminum). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinrich_Rudolf_Hertz Eugen Goldstein was born in 1850 in Gleiwitz (now Gliwice) Poland. He studied at Breslau and later, under Helmholtz, in Berlin. Goldstein worked at the Berlin Observatory from 1878 to 1890. In the 1870s he studied cathode rays, and by 1886, he had discovered anode rays and named them “canal rays”. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugen_Goldstein.
William Wundt (1832-1920) was born in Germany (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_Wundt) and is considered to be father of experimental psychology and was mentored under Helmholtz. He built a laboratory in 1879 and was the first to combine the idea of psychology with medical or scientific research. He wrote a book called Jasmine Mayes in 1886 and is responsible for the famous expression: “heterogony of ends” which is to serve a different purpose than they are consciously pursuing.
Additional developments to the medical and psychics fields were quickly incorporated by the psychiatric community--Providing further evidence for Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s basis in writing “The Yellow Wallpaper”:
“Victorian asylum doctors had three main types of electricity at their disposal; galvanisim or “continuous current”; faradism or “induced current”; and frictional or static electricity, which had been in use since the 18th century, and which involved either giving the patient a “shock” by means of a Leyden jar, or insulating the patient, electrifying him, and then drawing sparks from the affected part. By the second half of the 19th century, frictional electricity was being used infrequently and asylum doctors tended to favor galvanic and faradic means of therapy (Stainbrook, 1948). Opinions differed as to the relative merits of each method and the clinical accounts suggest a trial-and-error approach with a great variation in the number of treatments given (Anon, 1871b; Allbutt, 1872; Newth, 1873; Anon, 1883b; Robertson 1884; Wiglesworth 1887). The length of a course of a treatment ranged from a few days to a few months. Electricity was usually applied in daily or alternate daily sessions, lasting 10 to 20 minutes (Stainbrook, 1948). During the session it was common practice for the electrode to be maintained in constant position during the period of electric stimulation. Stainbrook (1948) noted that over the 19th century there was a gradual “cephalic shift” in the placement of the electrodes which paralleled changes in the neurophysiological theories of mental illness. In the early years of Victorian electrotherapy, stimulation of the skin was the therapeutic goal and the electrodes were placed on the hands. However, by the latter half of the 19th century, doctors sought a more direct influence on the brain, and consequently the electrodes were placed on the head.” (Beveridge and Renzoine, pg. 157)
In “The Yellow Wallpaper,” we are introduced to the protagonist as she describes her location, and how she got there: “It is very seldom that mere ordinary people like John and myself secure ancestral halls for the summer.” (Gilman, pg. 172). These halls are like that of a Victorian insane asylum. She says, “…I would say a haunted house…” (pg. 172) and says her husband laughs off her concerns. She describes it as an English style house surrounded by English gardens and out-buildings. A few lines later, she is also mentioning there is a gate at the head of the stairs as well (pg. 176). She writes that both he and her brother are physicians and they have told everyone she is affected by “temporary nervous depression” and a “slight hysterical tendency” (pg. 173) but what can she do? They say she needs rest, and she disagrees and believes “that congenial work, with excitement and change, would do me good.” (pg. 173). Her prescribed treatment is “phosphates, tonics, journeys, air, exercise,” (pg. 173) and no work.
“I have a schedule prescription for each hour in the day…He said…I was to have perfect rest and all the air I could get.” (Gilman, pg. 174). She goes on to describe the room she is given as “It was nursery first and then playroom and gymnasium, I should judge; for the windows are barred for little children, and there are rings and things in the walls.” (pg. 174). Her room then, has bars on the windows like an insane asylum or prison, and there are rings in the walls, which she first assumes were for gymnasium reasons. She says the yellow wallpaper is pulled off in places, and commits “every artistic sin” (pg. 175), being dull and irritating, and finally destructive in contradictions (pg. 175); she says the color is both “lurid orange” and “sickly sulphur tint” (pg. 175).
This description of the paper as having a sulfuric tint is an allusion to sulfur baths given at hospitals. In addition, at this time in history, in insane asylums the feet were sometimes soaked in a bath of battery acid so the electrical charge could move up both limbs at the same time, and also at the same time of the discovery of anode rays, the electrodes which were placed on the body were called “anodes” by doctors in Britain; Galvanized electrotherapy was also used with “potassium iodine” (Beveridge and Renvoize, pg. 158-160) which may be also be a clue to why the yellow color of paper was important to the author. The treatments for psychiatry followed developments in physics: “For example, in copper refining, copper anodes, an intermediate product from the furnaces, are electrolysed in an appropriate solution (such as sulfuric acid) to yield high purity (99.99%) cathodes.” (Wiki, “Anode”)
The protagonist is there for a few weeks and is growing to like the room, all except for “that horrid paper” (pg. 176). It may mean to allude to paper for admission to psychiatric treatment or the paper that represents the treatment of many besides herself. I believe the first reference to electroshock therapy is at page 177: “This paper looks to me as if it knew what a vicious influence it had! There is a recurrent spot where the pattern lolls like a broken neck and two bulbous eyes stare at you upside down…Up and down and sideways they crawl, and those absurd unblinking eyes are everywhere. There is one place where two breadths didn’t match, and the eyes go all up and down the line, one a little higher than the other.” Here she refers to breadths not matching up correctly and creating uneven eyes. She later refers to breadths again as a kind of bandage which I believe she means to refer to the cloths applied to patients for electroshock, and the bulbous eyes as results of torture.
She reverts to describing the literal appearance of the room again, saying the former children ravaged it, with the paper torn in places and the floor gouged and scratched out, the plaster dug out in places, and the great heavy bed, which is all they found in that room, looking like it had been through “the wars”. (pg. 177). While she writes, “But I don’t mind it a bit—only the paper” this contrasts with her own writing that no one wants her to do (pg. 177-178). From here, it is uncertain whether the paper represents admission papers, that don’t line up correctly, or if it also refers to paper or cloths that are used to administer electroshock.
The strongest evidence that she alludes to electroshock and being chained to a bed for it, is found on the whole of page 179, “It dwells in my mind so! I lie here on this great immovable bed—it is nailed down, I believe—and follow that pattern by the hour.” This could be an allusion to being confined to a bed and, next, she may be describing currents and patterns for radiation and electricity used for electroshock, as she sees it in the wallpaper. Because the author was well-read, and because she herself went through the experience of receiving such treatment as “rest cure” by Silas Weir Mitchell, who was a proponent of electroshock (as most of the profession at the time), it is not unlikely that she would have studied science. Her protagonist states, “John says if I don’t pick up faster he shall send me to Weir Mitchell in the fall.” (pg. 178). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silas_Weir_Mitchell. She adds, a line later, “I had a friend who was in his hands once, and she says he is just like John and my brother, only more so!” She then mentions not wanting to give him her hand, which is an allusion to the use of electrodes placed on a hand for electrotherapy. (Beveridge, pg. 160). The protagonist confirms, “I don’t feel as if it was worthwhile to turn my hand over for anything…” (Gilman, pg. 178).
The author of this story, Charlotte, would have been familiar with the latest physics and science technologies that contributed to electrotherapy (later, electroconvulsive therapy was also introduced). She writes, “I start, we’ll say, at the bottom, down in the corner over there where it has not been touched, and I determine for the thousandth time that I will follow that pointless pattern to some sort of conclusion.” She begins to devote an entire section to describing the path of electrical current in the body, beginning from one end to the next, but she disguises this by using the wallpaper design as the template. She may be referring to inventions of the magnetizing current loop (Wiki, “Anode”).
Before continuing, the author makes a declaration about her own studies of electrotherapy. She studied at an art college but she uses this as a cover for describing science through the story’s character: “I know a little of the principle of design, and I now this thing was not arranged on any laws or radiation, or alternation, or repetition, or symmetry, or anything else that I ever heard of. It is repeated of course, by the breadths, but not otherwise. Looked at in one way, each breadth stands alone; the bloated curves and flourishes—a kind of “debased Romanesque” with delirium tremens—go waddling up and down in isolated columns of fatuity. But on the other hand, they connect diagonally, and the sprawling outlines run off in great slanting waves of optic horror, like a lot of wallowing sea weeds in full chase. The whole thing goes horizontally, too, at least it seems so, and I exhaust myself trying to distinguish the order of its going in that direction.”
“They have used a horizontal breadth for a frieze, and that adds wonderfully to the confusion”. A frieze is, as described by the footnote in the book, a “band” running along the top of a wall (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/frieze). In this description, I believe she refers to a band across the forehead for electrical shock. This form of electrotherapy had started in Victorian Europe and was later used again in Italy (“Bini and I fixed the two electrotrodes, well-wetted in a salt solution, by an elastic band to the patients temples” as cited in Wright, 1988). At this time, Gilman would have been aware of new developments including the electric chair in New York and The Frankfurt Council of 1891 in Germany. (Steinberg; 2008, 2011).
In her story she follows the idea of the course of electrical current in a body with, “There is one end of the room where it is almost intact, and there, when the crosslights fade and the low sun shines directly upon it, I can almost fancy radiation after all—the interminable grotesque seems to form around a common center and rush off in headlong plunges of equal distraction.” (pg. 179). “A cathode is an electrode through which electric current flows out of a polarized electrical device.” Cathode means ‘descent’, way down” (Wiki, “Cathode”). The other meanings for frieze are to describe a loop, which has importance at the end of the story, with symbolism of a noose, and the country of Phrysia, from which could be derived the similarity to the word “frigid” which is what her husband seems to be.
Another admission follows: “I don’t know why I should write this. I don’t want to.” (Gilman, pg. 179). The author talks about being coddled and confined by the bed rest, digressing, and we never know her name. The protagonist is refered to “my dear”, “darling” and “little girl” (pgs. 174, 181) but not by a name. Everyone has a name except for her and the people in the wallpaper. She speaks up for those people, saying, “There are things in that paper that nobody knows about but me, or ever will. Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day. It is always the same , only very numerous.” (pg. 180). They are like numbers, and although she says no one will know, she is already trying to share what she knows, through her writing. She talks of their escape and how she is haunted by knowing of their attempts, “The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern, just as if she wanted to get out.” (pg. 181).
“The color is hideous enough, and unreliable enough, and infuriating enough, but the pattern is torturing. You think you have mastered it, but just as you get well under way in following, it turns a back somersault and there you are. It slaps you in the face, knocks you down, and tramples upon you.” (pg. 182). Charlotte speaks of “convolutions (which is the same word origin as convulsions)”, the first long straight ray, and bars.” (pg. 182). She says these things define how it appears differently in different light. At night, the outside pattern reminds her of bars and there is a woman behind it, as plain as can be (pg. 182). Then she talks about feeling suspicious and becoming afraid of John, her husband, and his sister Jennie. She says it might have something to do with the paper—she’s caught him looking at it, and caught her with her hand on it. She says they acted surprised and said innocently not to let the paper rub off on you, but “I know they were studying that pattern”. She realizes they always knew about the pattern and pretended to her they didn’t see it. When she had figured it out, they tried to get close to her and pretend innocence. “John asked me all sorts of questions, and pretended to be very loving and kind.” “Jennie wanted to sleep with me—the sly thing but I told her I should undoubtedly rest better for a night all alone.” (pg. 186).
Then she describes seeing a form of evidence of “electroshock” at the baseboard of the wall. There is an odd smell that she can’t rid of and next “There is a very funny mark on this wall, low, down, near the mopboard. A streak that runs rounds the room. It goes behind every piece of furniture, except the bed, a long straight, even smooch (smear), as if it had been rubbed over and over. I wonder how it was done and who did it, and what they did it for. Round and round and round—round and round and round—it makes me dizzy!”
This is similar in design to the magnetizing current loop, as demonstrated in example by solenoid (metal coil wrapped tightly into a helix) which is taken from the Helmholtz coil designed in 1886. “An anode is an electrode through which electric current flows into a polarized electrical device. The direction of electric current is, by convention, opposite to the direction of electron flow. In other words, the electrons flow from the anode into, for example, an electrical circuit.” (Wiki: “Anode”) Anode is also another word for “electrode”, which is what was placed on the bodies of patients for electrotherapy. (Beveridge, 162). She says, “I have finally discovered something at last”; She talks about the woman behind the pattern, shaking it. She thinks there are a “great many women behind, and sometimes only one, and she crawls around fast, and her crawling shakes it all over.” She says in the middle of a ray, at daytime, she is still, and at night, she is shaking. The author says, “She is all the time trying to climb through. But nobody could…it strangles so; I think that is why it has so many heads. They get through, and then the pattern strangles them off and turns them upside down, and makes their eyes white!” She is referring to eyes becoming white, or seeing the whites of the eyes, which is to refer to the reaction to electroshock. “If those heads were covered or taken off it would not be half so bad.” (pg. 185).
The author says sometimes in the day, a woman is able to creep around the garden, and that she wants to get the top pattern off of the other one! (pg. 186). In some ways, this is an analogy to not only anti-competition and control of one group over another, but to the “sacrificial anode”, “In cathodic protection, a metal anode that is more reactive to the corrosive environment of the system to be protected is electrically linked to the protected system, and partially corrodes or dissolves, which protects the metal of the system it is connected to. As an example, an iron or steel ship's hull may be protected by a zinc sacrificial anode, which will dissolve into the seawater and prevent the hull from being corroded. Sacrificial anodes are particularly needed for systems where a static charge is generated by the action of flowing liquids, such as pipelines and watercraft.” (Wiki, “Anode”). “Anodos” in Greek, from 1831, means “ascent”, or way up for (electrons). (Wiki, “Anode”).
She says she has 2 days to get the paper off and she doesn’t like the look in John and Jennie’s eyes, so one night, she sees the woman crawling and shaking, and she jumps up to run and help her. “I pulled and she shook, I shook and she pulled, and before morning we had peeled off yards of that paper. I believe she writes this to compare a head bandage for shock therapy: “A strip about as high as my head and half around the room.” (pg. 187).
After she begins to pull down the paper, she says Jennie lies and says they wouldn’t have minded doing it, but she shouldn’t tire herself, -- “how she betrayed herself that time!” and “she tried to get me out of the room—it was too patent!” (meaning “to patent”, the electrical torture machinery). In the morning she sees only the bedstead nailed down with the mattress on it and remarks how the children must have torn the room up because even the bed was gnawed at. She pulls off all the paper, and it stinks and “the pattern just enjoys it! All those strangled heads and bulbous eyes and waddling fungus growths just shriek with derision!” Here it is implied these are demons of torture that had taken over because of the pattern, these demons that wanted to enter and inhabit the souls of the victims of the pattern. (pg. 188). When she has taken down the paper she says the women came out too, as she did. When John and Jennie go for her, she tells them the key is under the plaintain leaf. She is referring to a strip of yellow paper she pulled off, and calls it a banana leaf. She knows they treated her like she was “bananas” and lets them know she knows. Then she thinks about how she’ll have to go back to the pattern and instead, puts her shoulder to the smear around the bottom of the wall, where it has been rubbed from others going around, and she begins to creep around it. John sees her and she says, over her shoulder, “I’ve got out at last…in spite of you and Jane! And I’ve pulled off most of the paper, so you can’t put me back!” He faints. She has just refered to Jennie as “Jane”. She makes it clear, with her mention of banana leaves, that she has been like the others, a monkey, an ape, a gorilla, tortured in laboratory research, or experimental psychology, behind bars. If being herself means she is viewed as “uncivilized” or out of step with society, she is happy to be free. By putting her shoulder to the wall where the smear is, she is showing she is also removing the smear and smudge to her good name, and to the good names of those imprisoned falsely. He faints, because the well-hidden rope she has with her, she has tied around her own neck like a noose and it is trailing as she crawls along the wall. By this act she tells him she has escaped the anodes and cathodes and the scaffold.
The use of electrotherapy was popular in the Victorian era and then went out of fashion. (Beveridge, 1988; Steinberg, 2011; Wright, 1988). After World War II, it was viewed as an atrocity against humans, and as a form of torture to repress the will of those whose voice some didn’t want to be heard. Recently, since the 1990s, there has been renewed interest and application of electrotherapy, electroconvulsive treatment, electroshock, and other various forms of shock in medical and psychiatric fields. It has been reintroduced along with the newer technologies. In addition to this, there is new military and aerospace technology that has been employed and is in use against those that some want out of the way, for anti-competitive reasons and to assert their dominance and control.





Afterword
Charlotte Perkins Gilman allegedly committed suicide in 1935, the suicide note stated she “chose chloroform over cancer”. Whether her cancer was caused by exposure to radiation or not is unknown. At the time of her death she was an activist against electrotherapy and a proponent of human rights. Her husband, Houghton Gilman, had been killed one year earlier from a sudden cerebral hemmorhage in 1934, in Norwich, Connecticut. They had been on lecture tours together as activists, living in New York from 1900-1922. Following the death of Houghton, she moved back west to Pasadena, California, where she had also worked as a prominent activist and it was here that she died. (Charlotte, Wiki, 2012).
A.D. Rockwell (Flushing, NY) and George Beard Miller (NY) developed the idea of electrotherapy in the United States, killing a horse by public demonstration with 1,000 volts of electricity. They invented the electric chair, which Rockwell stated he preferred to hanging. The first electrocution by this chair was in 1890, two years before Gilman wrote her story. (Princeton, 2011).
Electrotherapy became less popular, in the United States and in Europe, by the end of the 19th century, being disavowed by critics like Sigmund Freud, until experiencing a revival in 1938 with electroconvulsive therapy, introduced in 1938 by Italians Bini and Cerletti. It remained a popular form of experimental treatment until World War II, was denounced as inhumane and an effort to subjugate the will of others, and began to see renewed interest and acceptable in practice in the 1980s-1990s to this present day, along with newer developments in physics. (Wright, 1998).
Electrotherapy was in use before and as a part of the “rest cure” until the “talking cure” came into fashion and electroconvulsive therapy became the latest method of shock treatments, along with lobotomy. Modern defenses, justification, and rationalizations for use of electroconvulsive therapy are found as recently as 2008, with mention of the Frankfurt Council of 1891 (which disavowed electrotherapy) as marginalizing electric shock of human beings. The modern medical attempts to find excuses for continued practice of electroconvulsive and shock “therapies” proves there has been a renaissance of torture, similar to that which was found in Italy in 1938. (Oxford, 2011).

Citation Page:
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“Frieze”. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/frieze. Wikipedia publishing. Last updated: unknown. Web. Access date: 29 November 2012.
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Plaigerism by "Jewel" (Theft)

I saw the heading about Bush Jr. in hospital.

I was later trying to access my college site, to work on a paper and I was able to open links or proceed though them and then I had a major "jolt" to the top of my head on the left side (usually the military/NASA do this to the right side of my head).

I don't have a headache. It was military/NASA targeted.

For the last few days, while thinking about how Fiona Apple stole music from me (Periphery) over a year ago, I have been thinking about singing my original version of "Standing Still" ...I mean, refering to the title Jewel gave to the song she stole almost word for word from me.

She changed a few lines.

I had an intro. I had a sort of regular question in the beginning, "Do you want me, like I want you? do you feel the same?"

and then went to a legatto after another line, "Do you want me? like I want you? or am I standing still..."

Then in the verses for my song, at one point I sang, "There's a man on my left and a burning bush to my right--you aren't in sight, you aren't in sight"

This is where Jewel changed one small thing but kept my melody and how many syllables there were and sang, "there's a choice between..." something like that.

Oh, I just checked. She changed "man on my left" to "dead end on my left". She kept all of my other words. She only changed "man" to "dead end".

This woman stole my entire song, I am not kidding, from start to finish. The only things she changed were a couple of words, trading them out for a different word, and she took my melody, the length of my song, the meaning, the descriptions in the song, and length of my lines. The only thing she omitted was my very beginning intro, because I opened it with a question, and then I elongated it with the same thing, drawn out while singing. I repeated the question.

I would like to know who in the FBI is responsible for colluding to help these people steal my song material. They would also try to make me sound nuts and attempt to prevent investigation. I am positive it's someone in the FBI.

It's not even like you can't blame her directly. Jewel chose to lie and call it her song, and put her own name to it when she didn't write the lyrics or the melody. So it's not like you can point to a producer and say "He did it, not her". Maybe she DID have someone record my song when I sang it at Cafe Lena, publicly, or in my house, or practicing with Erik Cedarberg. But ultimately, she is the one who attached her own name to it, and lied and stole it by plaigerism, and then this was the ONLY song that made the Top 40.

None of the other songs from Jewel's "CD" that included my song on it, made it to the radio. Not ONE made it to the Top 40, except for the one that she didn't even write, which I wrote.

Her career was over, and then the song she stole from me was the only thing that revived her career. So she then went on to make millions from it, and do talk shows and concerts.

Off of MY music. Note for note.

I would put all of my money on this next thought--that U.S. military guard who instructed doctors to drug me with Haldol, was connected to Jewel through her boyfriend or people she knew. I would also suspect something over Brad Uhl or the ER attendents. It was Nashville. Jewel had people she knew there.


NOT ONE of Jewel's other "songs" even made it to radio. It is possible she even stole the other song ideas, from other artists as well, as she did with me. She is a liar. But the fact is that she stole my song and it is the only thing that profited her career.

After this, I was being tortured. There was more than one person with a sinister motive to torture me and try to call me crazy. The fear with my writing in a blog was initially that I would be revealing myself as a writer, which would cast suspicion on people like "Jewel" and what crimes they were committing.

Every single penny from "Standing Still" belongs to me.

Pregnancy?

As I said before, based on the level of harassment, that was how I guessed it might be true this time (publicly).

If so, I hope and pray to God Himself the baby dies.

Knowing what I know about her and the criminals who have tortured my family, I hope any attempt to have a baby publicly fails.

If it is confirmed, then I guessed and confirmed it first, before the news, based on the exact same kind of serious and dangerous harassment that I experienced in Tennessee over her.

Her supporters are major criminals.

I read last night, thinking about it for a minute, randomly turned to a section about how David didn't kill Saul, it left it to God. And that is what I think will happen. I don't think anyone needs to do anything, or should--I think God knows her family deserves the worst and to be put back down after what they have done and what their supporters have done to us.

Before the extreme harassment that mimicked what I experienced in TN before her wedding, which tipped me off, I also noticed some brothers that live close to my house, driving past looking triumphant and gleeful and I have no clue how I knew it was about her, but I intuited it.

They knew before the rest of the crowd that harassed me. They are the same brothers that I've mentioned before, whose license plates and house number I took down.

I knew they had done something bad to my Mom and she was upset a few times, driving past their house (a year ago or so).

I know those brothers hate my guts, by the way they acted when driving past me triumphantly, about 2-3 weeks ago. I knew.

The other person driving past triumphantly, was Patty Otterbach. She went out of her way to smirk at me and I went up to my mother and said, how can you say she is your friend?

I will write down the house number of those brothers tonight. A few of them moved to a different house in town. But I'll write it down here. I will have to go out and collect that data, but I will do it, because they are not only dangerous, they are Middleton supporters that mocked me and my family. I intuitively "knew" several weeks ago. I will also describe more clearly what kind of harassment was imitated, that was done to me in TN first.

I pray to God any and every baby of theirs, dies. So be it.

UPDATED: I got the house number and a couple of plates but the main vehicles aren't there so I have to check later. There are 2 other vehicles.

I will explain what "kind" of harassment I'm talking about, and how it was like TN, as soon as possible but maybe not this week.

The house number is 1490 N. Ivy. The plate numbers are 871 DJN and SGG 288. This house is where these brothers lived and then two of them (I think) moved to a new house. They were really stalking me a little for a couple of weeks, and then...I'd have to think about exact timing, I saw the looks on their faces, and how they were acting, and I don't know...Maybe I'm wrong (!) but I had the thought cross my mind they knew something about Kate Middleton and they felt very smug about it. They have no reason to dislike me for anything, but I had a feeling it was her. The nudist woman. So this "different" reaction from them, combined with really serious harassment that matched TN all of a sudden, was a giveaway to me that possibly something was happening with her publicly. Otherwise, no one would go to the extreme lengths to match the pre-wedding harassment.

Since I've been here a year or so, a few other odd things have happened in the neighborhood, like the constant repeat of having the same car (jeep) with the same noise, ever since these teenage Catholic boys tried to run me off the road--no matter where I go or live, or what state, someone is suddenly buying or driving a vehicle like that around me night and day. So I'll explain that later. This has been repeated 4 times, in different towns and different states, so it's really been an attempt to go out of their way.

Removing Torture Evidence From My Mom's Hand

Something else just happened.

My mother went to a dermatologist who "offered" to "get rid of" a scar on her hand. I had already been thinking about this scar, and how it wasn't natural, and this was over a month ago. About that time, someone intercepted what evidence I was planning to add, and then all of a sudden, my mother has a new visit to a dermatologist.

The entire excuse was to get to this huge scar on my mother's hand, and remove it.

My mother called it "an age spot" but it isn't. She has no age spots even close to it, and when it occured, she wasn't even old or getting age spots. It was a mark from torture and it was larger than a dollar-coin size, and shaped like the State of Texas or Utah, and I'll have to look up the states to figure out which exactly.

I said, "You weren't even old, it happened in 1997." My Mom said, "I was old" and she said no, it wasn't in 1997. I said, "Are you saying it wasn't that long ago?" and she said yes and said, "It was maybe 10 years ago." I said, "You've been living in Coquille here for 10 years. I remember when it happened and when you were looking at it."

She had been really upset by it and it showed up all of a sudden, almost overnight.

I remember we lived at our house in Sherwood, Oregon, with the pond and the swans. I remember exactly how she looked when she was examining it upstairs in the diningroom.

They didn't move to Coquille until at least 5 years later. If anything, it happened earlier than this, in 1995 or so. I remember I was living at the house at that time, I wasn't visiting. So it was either when I was in high school there, from 1990-1993; or when I came back from the East Coast after working as a nanny in 1994; or when I was recovering from the hijacking of my car and wreck, which was in 1995. I am sure it wasn't later than 1997 and that seems to be around the time.

This is at a time when our dogs were falling off the deck from getting dizzy for no reason and when my mother also had the same symptoms and was throwing up all the time from vertigo. She was dizzy and nauseaous.

Also, she had the laser surgery done for her face around that time. So why didn't they do something with her hand then? She would have asked about it. I don't even know if possibly her hand scar showed up after her laser surgery, within the same week.

She was in her early 40s when it happened. I remember it happening in 1997.

Rewriting History: The Incredible "Shrinking" Kids

I found out over Thanksgiving that I wasn't the only one in the family whose medical documentation for height was being rewritten.

I have blogged before about how I was 5'4 1/2 inches in all of my medical records and then a doctor put me at 5'5 inches for height in one of them, saying I was 5'5, not 5'4 1'2. I was 5'5 inches from 2002-2004 or 2004 at least. I was used to writing 5'4 1/2. I always included the 1/2, and then I was measured by a doctor who smiled and said, "5'4 1/2 huh? You're 5'5". Without shoes or socks.

I didn't come up with my own measurements, medical doctors did.

When I moved to Cashmere, Washington, I was very shocked. It was 2005 when Dr. Hughes, an ER doctor at CWH in Wenatchee, smirked and said, "You're not 5'5!!!" and he was so upset over it, he called me a "liar" to my face. He literally said I had lied on my chart (the form you fill out before seeing a doctor). Then, in front of me, he crossed it out, and without measuring me wrote, "5'4".

He was so mad, and it was so important for him to shrink me down an entire inch. I was so shocked, I didn't say one word. He was yelling at me and then acted really weird and triumphant, changing my medical record. None of them measured me. This doctor just arbitrarily changed it and threatened me. I was never measured for height by any doctor after 2004. My last recorded official height, by doctor measurement, was 5'5.

So I found out from my brother, who is 6-6'1 feet, and you look at him and you know, "Yeah, he's at least 6 feet". He was always measuring 6'1 inches, and never less than 6 feet.

He told me when we were talking about things, it came up somehow and he said, "Yeah, for some reason I've been shrinking the last year or year and a 1/2."

For the last year and half.

So suddenly, he has doctors (or doctor) in Washington State, trying to shrink him down too. They are attempting to rewrite his medical records with him at less than 6 feet.

I was 29 years old, and had not "shrunk", and had just been measured at 5'5 inches by an Oregon doctor, until I got to Washington and someone tried to shrink me down a full inch. There was one police officer who then did the same thing with me, without measuring me, and forced me to change my height for my driving record too.

So all of a sudden, I had persons interested in altering and rewriting my personal statistics for my driving record and for my medical record. One even tried to change my eye color. He was attempting to convince me to change my driver's license record of my eyes from "green" to "hazel". They had been documented as "green" since I was a baby.

I saw my brother, and um, he is still over 6 feet tall. I had thought it was strange some were trying to change MY height in 2005, for the first time, and then I guess much later, they even did this with my brother.

I measured myself without shoes after what Dr. Hughes had said. I was 5'5.

Because of being literally threatened by a doctor, I remember I felt pressured to say nothing and to write down what he wanted.

But next time I have my records made, I'm taking it back. I am recording what is true, which is that I am 5'5 inches.

The reason I believe it is important is because something is going on--something fishy is going on, and is wrong. No one would care that much to change my personal history and medical records unless they were attempting to disguise and conceal earlier documentation of me at 5'5 inches, possibly mentioned by someone in writing, in a record. For some reason, it must be that there is a group that didn't want the person refered to, as being 5'5 inches, to be me.

So either it's an internal intelligence record that kept my name anonymous, or it's something else.

No one cares that much, unless it's important to some group to deceive someone(or another group) about who is who, and what their personal information was recorded as.

**************
Update: 12/14/2012. Yes. I am 5'5". I checked more than a week ago, almost 2 weeks ago, later, out of curiosity. There was a measuring tape someone had given me and I opened up the package and pulled on it and it was only up to 72 inches or something like that. There were no marks for "feet". So I put it against the wall, and markeed from floor up to where it ended, and then placed it on that mark and I stood on a carpet that sinks down a little, and I was objective. I was objective because I didn't automatically compute how many inches meant 5 feet, and what was leftover, and then I did the math and got the 5 feet and then saw what was leftover, "5 inches". I'm 5'5" and from now on, that's what I am putting down on all of my records. I was 5'5" in 2004, and earlier, and I'm still 5'5".

That one doctor who measured me and told me I was 5'5" (in Oregon) was accurate and correct, and the others who harassed me and said I was a "liar" and that they were marking me as 5'4" didn't measure me or base their judgements on whether I had been growing still or not. I still think it's totally bizarre some made such a big deal over it.

(Maybe next time I have a passport photo done, I'll wear blue lipstick too.)

My parents are shorter (My Dad is/was 5'10 or 5'11" and mom is 5'3") but my Dad's Dad and his brothers (except Tom, whose mother was shorter) were all 6 feet or taller. Grandpa Garrett was over 6 feet tall. His wife (biological grandma) Dolores is short and petite, but her brothers are tall. On my mother's side, her Dad was about 5'11" I think (not sure if he was 6 ft. or over) but her mother was like a Belgian Viking (Granny). Granny was 5'8" and her brothers and uncles all over 6 feet, as was her father. All of that Briegenzer stock. Her kids were all taller: Holly (5'8" or maybe a little less), Locklyn (5'6"), Loren (6') and then my mother is the only one who is average or shorter height (5'3"). I remember standing with Erica Wiltbank and comparing our legs and where they started, in high school (before I was finished growing). I was measuring 5'4 1/2" then and she was about 5'6"-5'8". Our waistlines were pretty much the same height. Our legs were about the same length but she had longer calves and I had longer thighs. I remember thinking I wished my calves were longer. Anyway. I'm 5'5" now and I was 5'5" in 2004 too.

Also, thank you to the woman who gave me that measuring tape, if she ever reads this. I don't think she will because this is sort of a hidden update and not made into a big notice, but if she does read this, it was very thoughtful, came in handy, and thank you again.

Ylang-Ylang

I know my nose is still good because I knew there was something different about a ylang-ylang I bought today. I said, "This smells sort of like the one I had as a girl, but it's...I don't know, "brisker". I had one that had a warmer smell to it." She said the only difference was this one said it was organic in the book.

I got home and looked it up and then found there are different grades and distillations. I didn't have ylang-ylang II or III from Granny. I had the original one, with the heavier oil and scent.

Then I tried to buy it again around 2000 or so, and the only one they had in the stores was ylang-ylang II.

So there is ylang-ylang (canangas latifolia), ylang-ylang (canangus odorata), ylang-ylang II, and ylang-ylang III.

I remember when Granny gave me ylang-ylang. I was a pre-teen and it was in a round vial. It wasn't a square bottle or little glass thing, it was an amber colored dark glass vial that was tube shaped and the lid screwed on.

I wore vanilla extract and had a pure aromotherapy roll-on tube of vanilla as one of my first perfumes and Granny gave me ylang-ylang before I was a teenager.

At least I'm glad to know my knack for figuring out scents is still good.

"Brisker" was correct! and the one I had decades ago WAS warmer! the other one wasn't distilled and was heavier oil and the one I got today, is lighter, and brisker. I like the heavier scent more...but this is okay until I get the other one again.

I think ylang-ylang is almost like honeysuckle, almost like jasmine, and has a note like vanilla that is warm. It's not so bright as strictly floral (though it is a flower) and it's not a musk. I never had musk.

Tortured Today (like my son)

I was tortured by the United States government today, again. It is every day, not just some days, that I and my parents and brother and son are tortured.

I was tortured to the top of my head to cause one of my eyes to pop out and bulge abnormally, which is what the evidence of my son's photo shows is being done to him while he is in school.

Not only that, someone forcibly coached him to imitate Edward Lee Howards smile. He doesn't smile only on one side of his face.

In his kindergarden photo he is smiling without being forced to smile on only one side. In his first grade photo he looks scared of the photographer, has no smile in his eyes at all, is doing a half smile on one side of his face, and he looks like he's been crying.

He also has his one eye bulging and popped out, which is not his natural state and is not how his eyes are.

You can see the tooth enamel dysplasia clearly. This is what hispanic female workers at the dentist deleted from his record. They are Mexican bitches. The Mexican bitch who worked there, smirked at me when I asked for my son's dental records because they already knew they were gone and that one of his records was deleted from their system. It was his first visit, at 2 months, where the dentist diagnosed him with enamel dysplasia due to severe childbirth trauma. It was in writing, because I had a copy and then it was stolen when I went to Canada with my son. After my copy of his records was stolen, that dental office removed it from their records.

It is really too bad that you can't remove the evidence from my son's teeth, because the enamel dysplasia is still there, and the fucking town of Wenatchee, and FBI conspired and colluded to conceal evidence to prevent him from having a medical malpractice suit and being compensated for his damages.

The U.S. government and CPS kidnapped my son from, not just to punish my family, but to take guardianship from me to keep me from suing on my son's behalf when they knew I was going to sue. Chief Jones, the son-in-law of AG Mary Anne McIntosh threatned me to move.

When I didn't move, they knew I could legally sue for my son while living in Washington, and that it would not be hard for me to find a law firm. So since I didn't move, the police, Dr. Butler, Stacey Stubblefield and her cop husband, and a bunch of others, including FBI, colluded and tortured us, and removed evidence from records while keeping guardianship from me.

Alvaro Pardo knew about all of it. He knew University of Washington altered and edited their records, and he knew the dentist office with the corrupt spics had deleted my son's records.

We were being tortured and had our house vandalized after drug lords and Italian mafia wanted to protect Dr. Malcolm Butler and dirty cops. It was the Italian mafia that the local police stood by next to while I was raped in Wenatchee. It was doctors, Italian mafia, and Mexican mafia that is connected to the Middletons. These people, are connected to dirty AG attorneys and dirty cops and FBI.

So today, I was in the health food store, and I could feel the top of my head being jabbed through aerospace/military technology. Then, it continued while I walked home. One of my eyes was protruding by the time I got to my house and looked in the mirror.

The United States has been using this form of torture against my 6 year old son Oliver, for two years at least, based on his school photos. They have only used this form of torture against ME, for about 2 months, or even less than that. I've had a "droopy" eye before, because of torture, and that has been for a couple of years. But causing an eye to bulge and pop out this way is different and they deliberately target the head and brain to do it. It is different from an eye that is droopier but with both eyeballs basically normal and not protruding. The United States has been torturing my son since he was a baby and they have not quit. They are even documenting this with his school photos.

They did the same thing to my brother Levi when he was in school. My brother was tortured, and in one of his school photos, for 1st grade I think it was, they have him looking cross-eyed when he is not cross-eyed and no one in my family is. They still torture my brother to this day.

They tortured my mother when she was a little girl to where she had huge dark circles under her eyes at age 8 or so. She was already a victim of the U.S. government. Then, on top of what they did to my parents, after they confirmed both were geniuses, they have since attempted to control public perception and what we can do, to keep us down. They have tried to dumb all of us down. My Dad got tested as being a genius in grade-school and they've been trying to dumb him down ever since. Same with my mother. With me and my brother, they made sure we were to look dumber than we were, or tortured us, from the start. They then did this to my son Oliver.

The United States has committed gross crimes of anti-competition against my family since the 1950s.

The United States is guilty of the grossest crimes against humanity and has lost all morality.

I guess it's only been for about 1 month that they have been popping one of my eyes out in this way, through torture. Before this, I was being tortured on the head, to different parts of my brain and I could feel it, and they were causing enormous lumps to form on my skull, because instead of targeting the area that puts pressure against an eye, they were creating intracranial pressure at a different part of my head and brain, which caused huge bumps.

It is NASA and aerospace/military industry. The United States is controlled by thugs with friends in government. It's nothing more than an Authoritarian state run by thugs. THIS is the United States that continues to try to assume an air of moral superiority over human rights with other countries. The U.S. has no moral advantage--it's gone. They allow thugs and people from other countries to control the military and aerospace in exchange for money.

They go back and forth with what ways they can torture my family and cause suffering.

My mother still has a bruised black and blue thumb with a half-moon underneath the top part of the moon of her nail.

Some freaked out whack job, assaulted and tortured my mother to create a 1/2 moon that is white on the top and a 1/2 moon that is black, underneath it.

This was done to my mother after I purchased a Vegan cream cheese and didn't open it up. It was Tofutti brand, which has a 1/2 moon symbol on top and then on bottom. It is a circle and has a line through it on the top design. The top half is a semi-circle in yellow and the bottom half is a semi-circle in blue.

My mother was deliberately tortured over that.

My parents were tortured over this, and by whack-jobs in the military who thought it would be funny or cool to do this to my mother.

It wasn't from an "accident" that happened at the gym. She was cruelly tortured.

Like me, my son, my brother, and Dad. We are tortured by state-sponsored criminals.

DEMANDS to U.S. Hostage-Takers of Oliver Garrett

I demand the return of my son and I demand an investigation of crimes of anti-competition and illegal "classification" of criminal activity by U.S. Military and CIA, and FBI backing them all these years. Local police have gone along with FBI.

I demand my son.

I am in a position to make some demands.

I can prove U.S. sponsored theft and torture of me and my family for profit. My son was kidnapped from me when we were tortured. The U.S. did not take him to quit our torture--they continued, and hunted us down when I attempted to get political asylum in Canada.

My son is being tortured.

None of the family "friends" were friends. I find out, my parents have been hostage all along and forced to help others climb to the top.

It wasn't "psychic intuition" that helped anyone steal my music and lyrics. It wasn't done that way. It was 100% illegal activity.

Things to go back up in awhile

I have not taken down the posts I made more recently, they are just hidden from view at the moment. I'll put them back up in a little while.

Words & Credit To "Stowaway from the Boiler Room"

My creative writing and arrangement of lines from various books for a class is interpretated through a chant I title: "Stowaway from the Boiler Room"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSS8QbbmLPY

Breathe, Eyes, Memory
Pg. 124. A lark saw a little girl, who he thought was the most beautiful little girl he had ever seen, from the top of his pomegranate tree.
(he drops the girl off to collect her heart and never sees her again)

The Woman Warrior
Pg. 70 “I do not give in,” she said, “There is no pain you can inflict that I cannot endure.” (the mother says this)

Pg. 183. “Are there really flags in Chinatown signaling what stowaways have arrived in San Francisco Bay, their names, and which ships they come on? “Mother”, I heard some kids say there are flags like that. Are there? What colors are they? Which buildings do they fly on? “No, no, there aren’t any flags like that. They’re just talking-story. You’re always believing talking-story.”

Pg. 29. “Pearls are bone marrow. Pearls are from oysters.”

The Barbarians

Pg. 326. “You have to tell me.” Is she joking? I am amazed she doesn’t recognize my “cousin”. Right then, I fall in love with the symmetries of our respective jealousies and hurts, the turbulent yin-for-yang, the eye for an eye, the world descending into a chaotic balance.”

Pg. 43. “A garnish of the green serrated leaves will set off the gold curves of carmelized apples beautifully— ”

Growing up in America
(Talking to the Dead, by Sylvia A. Watanabe)

Pg. 367. “While everyone was eating, I stole back into the parlor and quietly—ever so quietly—went up to the casket, lifted the lid, and looked in.”
(American History by Judith Ortiz Cofer)

Pg. 99. He had asked me to come over after school to study for an American history test with him.”

Caucasia

Pg. 413
“She was black like me, a mixed girl, and she was watching me from behind the dirty glass. For a second I thought I was somewhere familiar and she was a girl I already knew. I began to lift my hand, but I stopped, remembering where I was and what I had already found. Then the bus lurched forward, and the face was gone with it, just a blur of yellow and black in motion.”

Lone Ranger

Pg. 240. “But Lynn continually reminded (him) of his heritage, read him books about Indians in the womb and crib, gave him Indian books to read when he finally could do it himself.”

Pg. 131. “Got their own fry bread cooking in the oven. Got a whole lot of feathers in their warbonnets, “ Samuel ssaid as he walked into the motel. (a father referring to his kids and hearing from them).






Cameo Loree Garrett

American Minority Lit./Fall 2012
Final Project: “Stowaway from the Boiler Room”
(A creative chant)

A lark saw a little girl, who he thought was the most beautiful little girl he had ever seen, from the top of his pomegranate tree.
“I do not give in,” she said, “There is no pain you can inflict that I cannot endure.”
You have to tell me.” Is she joking? I am amazed she doesn’t recognize me. Right then, I fall in love with the symmetries of our respective jealousies and hurts, the turbulent yin-for-yang, the eye for an eye, the world descending into a chaotic balance.
While everyone was eating, I stole back into the parlor and quietly—ever so quietly—went up to the casket, lifted the lid, and looked in.
She was black like me, a mixed girl, and she was watching me from behind the dirty glass. For a second I thought I was somewhere familiar and she was a girl I already knew. I began to lift my hand, but I stopped, remembering where I was and what I had already found. Then the bus lurched forward, and the face was gone with it, just a blur of yellow and black in motion.
A garnish of the green serrated leaves will set off the gold curves of carmelized apples beautifully—
Are there really flags in Chinatown signaling what stowaways have arrived in San Francisco Bay, their names, and which ships they come on? “Mother”, I heard some kids say there are flags like that. Are there? What colors are they? Which buildings do they fly on? “No, no, there aren’t any flags like that. They’re just talking-story. You’re always believing talking-story.
He had asked me to come over after school to study for an American history test with him
But Lynn continually reminded (him) of his heritage, read him books about Indians in the womb and crib, gave him Indian books to read when he finally could do it himself.”
Got their own fry bread cooking in the oven. Got a whole lot of feathers in their warbonnets, “ Samuel said as he walked into the motel.
A lark saw a little girl, who he thought was the most beautiful little girl he had ever seen, from the top of his pomegranate tree.
“I do not give in,” she said, “There is no pain you can inflict that I cannot endure.”
A garnish of the green serrated leaves will set off the gold curves of carmelized apples beautifully—
Are there really flags in Chinatown signaling what stowaways what they have found?
Are there really flags in Chinatown signaling what stowaways what they have found?
Are there really flags in Chinatown signaling what they have found?
We came to this land as Indians, on continents
Unknown, undiscovered
Bone marrow deep is my old home but with me I bring living blood
I have come here to build up from my tears.
Are there really flags in Chinatown signaling what we’ve found?
Black like me, white like me, yellow, red, and in-between
Red like me, brown like me, …
Are there flags flying? Signaling what stowaways they have found?
Come over with me, hide with me, take this bus, come with me
After school I will teach you history, history--
Make history with me
Come with me, hide with me, run with me, on a bus, go with me
Come to my home after school
I will teach history--We can make history
While everyone is wondering we know, we do not give in easily
A lark saw a little girl, a little boy,
Come with me, run with me, go with me, on a bus
We will flee, we, you, me, you
Come with me, to my house, I will teach you
Are there really flags in Chinatown?
How do you sing? Teach me how you sing.
I have brought you my crib, my books, my womb, my knowledge, my heritage
But my heart, where is my heart? A lark
Saw a little girl who he thought was the most beautiful little girl he had ever seen from the top of his pomegranate tree
He dropped the girl off so she could collect her heart and
He never saw her again.






Citations/Bibliography

Alexie, Sherman. The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven. New York, New York: Grove Press, 1993. Pgs 131, 240. Print.

Cofer, Judith Ortiz. “American History”. The Latin Deli: Prose & Poetry. University of Georgia Press (1993): Rpt. in Growing Up Ethnic In America: Contemporary Fiction About Learning to Be American. Ed. Maria M. Gillan and Jennifer Gillan. New York, New York: Penguin Publishing, 1999. Pg. 99. Print.

Danticat, Edwidge. Breath, Eyes, Memory. New York, New York: Vintage Books Publishing, 1994. Pg. 124. Print.

Garrett, Cameo Loree. Original writing for chant “Stowaway from the Boiler Room”. Coquille, Oregon. November 25, 2012.

Kingston, Maxine H. The Woman Warrior. New York, New York: Vintage Books Publishing, 1975-1976. Pgs 70, 29, 183. Print.

Louie, David W. The Barbarians Are Coming. New York, New York: Marian Wood Books, 2000. Pgs 43, 326. Print.

Senna, Danzy. Caucasia. New York, New York: Riverhead Books, 1998. Pg. 413. Print.

Watanabe, Sylvia A. “ Talking to the Dead”. Talking to the Dead. Doubleday Publishing (1992): Rpt. in Growing Up Ethnic In America: Contemporary Fiction About Learning to Be American. Ed. Maria M. Gillan. and Jennifer Gillan. New York, New York: Penguin Publishing, 1999. Pg. 367. Print.

Hacking and Vandalism of My Work on Computer

I just had someone hack into my computer and destroy work that I made by removing and deleting part of a recording.

It was a total of 15 minutes and 45 seconds and a second was removed from the word "apples" to sound like "apps" or "ass".

It is vandalism of my work for college and something I have to upload online as well, and I have no way of removing or changing this now, to fit in the "l" part of "apples" because some obnoxious colluder continues to destroy everything I have and everything I do. Really funny. Real funny that someone thought it would be great to change a sentence about "curves of carmelized apples" into "curves of carmelized apps" which sounds like "abs" (win win Katie dummy) or carmelized ass. I don't know why everything I do has to be converted into some kind of showdown and favor for Middleton, and this vandalism vulgarizes my work. It is from a line from an author, not my own line, but I was using it legally for this project and I didn't leave out part of the word. I said the entire thing and then listened to the recording and played it several times before the time and word was changed.

My mother told me earlier this evening to come over at 6 p.m. and then something wasn't done, so in another 45 minutes.

It was 15:45 minutes/seconds exactly and I didn't plan it that way--that's how it turned out. Then she looked at me and said, "K" twice tonight. I say "k" for okay all the time and so does she, but it was more like "k" for something else. I intuited Kate Middleton.

This was from a music recording I was working on for class. It was only done after I uploaded it to the Everio program and then that same second was deleted off of the camera too.

Then, right after this was done, someone began frying everything plugged into my wall. The same way my desktop computer was fried, with some kind of military/NASA surge to the outlet. It started smelling like burnt rubber and smoke and I looked up and there was smoke coming from my wall and the outlet is shot. It's not shot completely, but it burned out enough to leave a mark. Not only that, whoever decided to do this, did this while I had a 3-prong cord plugged in, which is what they did when they blew up my desktop at my house in East Wenatchee in 2007 while torturing me and my son.

So tonight, my recording and work for a class I am graded on and that I pay for, with money, was vandalized and then my electrical outlet was surged to smoke and almost start a fire and ruin things.

I unplugged it in time, but I'm tired of this.

There is no excuse for degrading my work, and constantly, never knowing when to quit degrading me, vandalizing my things, and my property.

I was editing my recording to be shorter and choosing a specific part and that's when I found someone had sliced a second off of the recording and took of part of a word so it sounds vulgar or "funny" to someone else. It's not funny to me. It's not even a whole second maybe but less, and it sounds like nothing was done, but something was done, because I listened to it several times before I uploaded it onto Everio program that was on my computer and then it was altered.

I just listened to what was done again, and they removed part of "apples" to make it sound like "azz" the way Margaret Cho says "azz" for "ass" and this was done right before I go to a line about Chinatown.

So it was done for someone else's personal inside joke over Cho the Chinese comedian. My work for college was vandalized, hacked into, and vulgarized so some people could laugh at it.

I know what kind of joke they made it out to be, because that is the section that was removed and it is right before a phrase about "are there flags in Chinatown" from one of the books I have for the class. So someone tried to turn this into their own rendition of "funny" by removing part of my recording so my clear articulation of "apples" sounds like "azz" the way Chinese comedian Cho says it, and then they did this right before the next line (from text) about "are there really flags in Chinatown?" so someone tried to make a pun off of "flags" and make it into a FAG song instead of a flag song. Maybe I should be asking if there are really fags that torture other people, even kids, and use their money to hack into computer and destroy personal work.

There are parts that I thought were funny sometimes, but if I want my work to be funny, I don't need anonymous "help" to vandalize what I do and try to create personal jokes after hacking into my computer.

My Stolen Diary (Steven Speilberg) & Photos of Oliver Tortured

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