I got this from wiki, on "the sacred heart":
The Sacred Heart is often depicted in Christian art as a flaming heart shining with divine light, pierced by the lance-wound, surrounded by a crown of thorns, surmounted by a cross and bleeding. Sometimes the image is over Jesus' body with his wounded hands pointing at the heart. The wounds and crown of thorns allude to the manner of Jesus' death, while the fire represents the transformative power of love.
It applies to Mary too, not just Jesus. I like the idea of the fire being the transformative power of love.
Maybe my issues with Mary have been more that I haven't understood the devotion as well, since my own mother and I got into it a lot. I don't know. Maybe I didn't understand the perspective or something. I didn't know Mary had the sacred heart thing too, I've seen the iconocography or whatever of it, but I didn't notice the fire stuff. I only noticed the heart of Christ because I was more familiar with the idea and saw this prayer card once. Mary has the heart but I don't know if it's usually with flames to symbolize something, or not.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Theology On Sacred Heart
I got this from wiki, on "the sacred heart":
The Sacred Heart is often depicted in Christian art as a flaming heart shining with divine light, pierced by the lance-wound, surrounded by a crown of thorns, surmounted by a cross and bleeding. Sometimes the image is over Jesus' body with his wounded hands pointing at the heart. The wounds and crown of thorns allude to the manner of Jesus' death, while the fire represents the transformative power of love.
The Sacred Heart is often depicted in Christian art as a flaming heart shining with divine light, pierced by the lance-wound, surrounded by a crown of thorns, surmounted by a cross and bleeding. Sometimes the image is over Jesus' body with his wounded hands pointing at the heart. The wounds and crown of thorns allude to the manner of Jesus' death, while the fire represents the transformative power of love.
About The Sacred Heart & Other Ideas
It was a very strange day yesterday. That night, I looked up sacred heart and anything associated with it in the short timespan that I had. I also looked up visions of fire associated with it, out of curiosity.
I found a lot of stuff actually.
I didn't have any images last night. I felt enlightened and yet very sad at the same time. I didn't have anything, but just paced a little bit.
I walked out today and felt sadness. But peace too. The only image that came to my mind was when I was walking this morning, I saw myself, in my mind's eye, put my hand out, palm forward, like I was pressing to a wall or to glass. I don't know where it came from, but maybe I was reaching out to God or to the wall. Some kind of wall.
Yet there is a calm. I think I am being called to something and I need to do a lot of praying about it and thinking.
Yesterday, I was in a situation where I just kept my mouth shut for a long time. I felt there was a crown of thorns pushed onto my head.
I am turning in some work stuff and have interviews today.
Last night I was thinking, I have wondered who it is who loves me most, who would die for me. Last night I realized, even if there was ever anyone in my life who would do this, I don't want that. Why would I want this? I thought to myself, it is Jesus who died for me. I don't need a greater love than that. I don't want those I love, or who love me, male or female, to have to do what Christ already did for me. I have no idea why this idea came to my mind last night, but I just thought about it and realized it is wrong to say something like this.
When I was a little girl, I didn't want to see my brother being spanked. So I told my parents I wanted to take it for him. They let me, and I did. I took my brother's spanking. Which seems really noble, but really, what could have been even more noble, is for my parents to have decided no one should suffer and that the discipline or punishment should be removed altogether. No blame to my parents! lol. But it's sort of true. It is one thing to take someone else's punishment and then it's another thing for the punisher to just dispense grace altogether, for everyone.
I still remember that spanking too. It wasn't like I got a break. It hurt. I remember crying before I ever took it though, and it hurt me just as much to think about my brother being spanked.
I can't say I did that all the time. But again, I think the greater grace is when the entire thing is lifted and no one suffers.
But anyway, that's a thought that came to my mind last night, when I was thinking about the sacred heart.
I feel, today, a peace. I feel a little sadness but also a good energy and I just feel peace. I'm glad I figured out the vibe thing, because that was almost driving me nuts. I sort of want to know a little more about the Catholic faith, just out of curiosity, because some of the other, I don't know, I don't find as much in common in some ways, at least with the stuff about visions or images or whatever you want to call it.
I had another thought, I saw a lot of people praying on their knees, in a temple or synogue, hands down and then up and then down and then up. Just a flash of this but I don't know what group does this. I think it's maybe both Jewish and Muslim.
At any rate, I really KNOW, in my heart of hearts, that this vibe which I have even today, is prayer, and I know that I am right where I need to be and that all circumstances are where they should be.
I know that there isn't anyone for me, from my past, and that I have confused this with what my future holds, and that is to really consider something maybe totally different, which is different from anything I've formerly done.
I feel a peace and I feel I need to look into the Catholic faith more.
Last night, I asked this woman in my room, who is Catholic, about the sacred heart. She told me that it actually applies not just to Jesus but also to Mary. So then I thought I should look this up too. I sort of read a few things about it last night but this other woman was the one to explain a little more. She said it's complicated but I'm particularly interested in this whole idea.
I can't really SEE myself as a nun really. I think sisters are different though. And I still don't remember what an oblate is.
There isn't anyone I really want to be with right now. And I think too, that it's not for my future possibly. I've been celibate before and it's not a problem for me.
What was so bizarre, was that guy with the hat last night. That still cracks me up. "God Answers Prayer." hahaa. I mean, it was random. I wasn't even sitting there more than 5 minutes. It had to be less even, and he just comes walking by.
Well I guess I should thank all of these different groups of people who have been praying for me. I will pray more too!
I found a lot of stuff actually.
I didn't have any images last night. I felt enlightened and yet very sad at the same time. I didn't have anything, but just paced a little bit.
I walked out today and felt sadness. But peace too. The only image that came to my mind was when I was walking this morning, I saw myself, in my mind's eye, put my hand out, palm forward, like I was pressing to a wall or to glass. I don't know where it came from, but maybe I was reaching out to God or to the wall. Some kind of wall.
Yet there is a calm. I think I am being called to something and I need to do a lot of praying about it and thinking.
Yesterday, I was in a situation where I just kept my mouth shut for a long time. I felt there was a crown of thorns pushed onto my head.
I am turning in some work stuff and have interviews today.
Last night I was thinking, I have wondered who it is who loves me most, who would die for me. Last night I realized, even if there was ever anyone in my life who would do this, I don't want that. Why would I want this? I thought to myself, it is Jesus who died for me. I don't need a greater love than that. I don't want those I love, or who love me, male or female, to have to do what Christ already did for me. I have no idea why this idea came to my mind last night, but I just thought about it and realized it is wrong to say something like this.
When I was a little girl, I didn't want to see my brother being spanked. So I told my parents I wanted to take it for him. They let me, and I did. I took my brother's spanking. Which seems really noble, but really, what could have been even more noble, is for my parents to have decided no one should suffer and that the discipline or punishment should be removed altogether. No blame to my parents! lol. But it's sort of true. It is one thing to take someone else's punishment and then it's another thing for the punisher to just dispense grace altogether, for everyone.
I still remember that spanking too. It wasn't like I got a break. It hurt. I remember crying before I ever took it though, and it hurt me just as much to think about my brother being spanked.
I can't say I did that all the time. But again, I think the greater grace is when the entire thing is lifted and no one suffers.
But anyway, that's a thought that came to my mind last night, when I was thinking about the sacred heart.
I feel, today, a peace. I feel a little sadness but also a good energy and I just feel peace. I'm glad I figured out the vibe thing, because that was almost driving me nuts. I sort of want to know a little more about the Catholic faith, just out of curiosity, because some of the other, I don't know, I don't find as much in common in some ways, at least with the stuff about visions or images or whatever you want to call it.
I had another thought, I saw a lot of people praying on their knees, in a temple or synogue, hands down and then up and then down and then up. Just a flash of this but I don't know what group does this. I think it's maybe both Jewish and Muslim.
At any rate, I really KNOW, in my heart of hearts, that this vibe which I have even today, is prayer, and I know that I am right where I need to be and that all circumstances are where they should be.
I know that there isn't anyone for me, from my past, and that I have confused this with what my future holds, and that is to really consider something maybe totally different, which is different from anything I've formerly done.
I feel a peace and I feel I need to look into the Catholic faith more.
Last night, I asked this woman in my room, who is Catholic, about the sacred heart. She told me that it actually applies not just to Jesus but also to Mary. So then I thought I should look this up too. I sort of read a few things about it last night but this other woman was the one to explain a little more. She said it's complicated but I'm particularly interested in this whole idea.
I can't really SEE myself as a nun really. I think sisters are different though. And I still don't remember what an oblate is.
There isn't anyone I really want to be with right now. And I think too, that it's not for my future possibly. I've been celibate before and it's not a problem for me.
What was so bizarre, was that guy with the hat last night. That still cracks me up. "God Answers Prayer." hahaa. I mean, it was random. I wasn't even sitting there more than 5 minutes. It had to be less even, and he just comes walking by.
Well I guess I should thank all of these different groups of people who have been praying for me. I will pray more too!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I Was Wrong, Family Praying Instead--Prayer Vibe
Well I have deleted the last post because I was wrong about something.
It wasn't that anyone left. I thought maybe someone was close to me, in proximity, and then left, and that this is what I was sensing, but I was wrong.
So I am just an idiot.
I didn't see anyone from my past lately, or haven't at least, but I thought I "knew" something or was picking up on something but I found out it was my family praying for me.
I was RIGHT about the "vibe" but I was totally wrong about the source. It was my frickin' family.
I think now, that it is time I consider celibacy and maybe even becoming a sister. I am pretty much not even joking.
I started thinking, if this vibe is all about prayer, and I've had it my whole life, before I ever met anyone I've known in the last many years, I think it's a prayer vibe.
I feel it when I am praying for others and I feel it when others are praying for ME.
I felt it right after I gave names to pray for, friends, and it happened right as I bowed my head to pray.
I think it is the holy spirit but that sounds a little strange to some.
So I think, really, I want no one back and no one is here anyway, so I think that's a sign.
I used to pray for hours at a time and I would feel this way. And it does come and go and has nothing to do with music or people or even circumstances. It's just prayer.
I don't know. Now I'm confused because I thought it had something to do with someone I might know, or know in the future, but I guess it might not. I never felt this "vibe" when I was with anyone in particular, so I think it's just that it's prayer all by itself, to God.
So then I wonder if I'm supposed to be a nun again, which sounds nuts but it wasn't nuts to me at one time in my life. At one time, I was seriously contemplating it and I'm not even joking.
I used to pray so much and wished there was a church open for me to pray at all the time and I wondered why most Protestant churches didn't have churches open for this. So I just prayed at home. I just read the Bible at home and prayed for people, and of course I wasn't perfect or holy but I didn't do half the stuff I've done since. I followed a pretty strict moral code for myself.
I am seriously wondering if this is something that I am being called to, and if this has anything to do with the fire that I saw the other night, because I was reading a book about prayer and then I just saw this fire, and it reminded me of the fire from the sacred heart of Jesus.
I once asked Fr. Joachim about it and he said no, he said at best I would be a good oblate and not really a nun because he thought I was too "lively". I can't really see myself as a nun because I have a hard enough time with the community house stuff.
But I don't remember what being an oblate is. I think it's sort of like being a sister except you don't live in community housing. I can't remember exactly.
My family would flip, probably. I don't think they'd care so much, except that they've wanted me to be married for so long. But I felt I couldn't marry my ex for some reason--something was holding me back, and maybe that's it. Maybe it's that I'm never supposed to be married.
The only thing is, I still want my son. I still want to have him in my care and I don't even think sisters do that. And I'm not Catholic right now, and I'm not even Mormon, though I was thinking about going to the Mormon church on Sunday to meet some other women who I could have things in common with. This woman asked me who I was talking to the other day and it was a guy, about getting together to meet some more women in the area, to do creative things with because it's hard to break into this town.
It might sound VERY strange to a lot of people, but it's not totally off the wall for me. It's not like I've never thought of it before, and I also told the monks, that when I was 11 or 12, I remember saying to myself, or thinking in my heart:
"I'm never getting married." I don't know why I felt this, but I felt like I knew it. I never forgot it either. I always wondered why I felt this or somehow knew this.
I also have been wondering what the "vibe" is about and I think it has to do with prayer. It couldn't be about some man in particular if I had this when I was younger. That doesn't really add up. I am starting to think if I notice it when I am praying, then maybe the other times are just notice when other people are praying for ME. And for some reason I've been thinking maybe there were sisters praying for me. I have no idea where this came from. I wasn't thinking about it myself, but it kept coming to my mind.
This is totally HILARIOUS--this guy just walked by and I asked him what his hat said and it said, "G.A.P." "God Answers Prayers". HHHAAAAHhhhaaaaaaa. I am totally not kidding. He just walked by with a dog on his shoulders. Then he said to me, "Are you guys closed?" I said, "I don't even work here" (I'm outside using wifi because I thought this was important enough to note).
How totally bizarre. God Answers Prayers. I am NOT LYING. I wish everyone could track this guy down to believe me. I will tell you which way to look--he went torwards Mission. Oh wait, it's Miller.
I think it might be some kind of weird sign. That was totally bizarre. After he left, I started to laugh. I feel like, how in the world did this guy just so happen to appear out of the blue, at this very moment, with THAT hat on?
That was really, really, strange. I think I have some praying to do tonight.
I don't get it. But I sort of think that maybe there is something there. I mean, that's so random, that right as I'm writing this post, and thinking about being a sister or something, this guy walks by with that hat on.
I don't know what to say to that. Except that maybe I've been wrong about a lot of things and I need to pray even more to figure this out.
It's kind of weird because of the sacred heart of Jesus images I've had lately and then that fire image. That's totally new to me. There was nothing in the fire though, and no heart around it or anything. It just looked like fire but it made me think about the sacred heart after it flashed in front of me. As to who that guy was, he looked a lot like this guy at the Safeway today but I don't know who he is.
I feel sort of embarrassed now. Like, ashamed or humbled or humiliated. If all this time I was thinking it was a guy and then I find out it's about being a sister, I am totally humiliated and ashamed. I think I need to look up more about the sacred heart of Christ stuff because for some reason, I think it applies to me in some way. Fr. Joachim used to say I was like Teresa of ______, can't remember...and then Br. Ansgar said like Aristotle at one point. My logic, said Ansgar. I can't remember, but a couple of monastic orders were mentioned but I don't know if they had anything to do with sacred heart stuff.
It wasn't that anyone left. I thought maybe someone was close to me, in proximity, and then left, and that this is what I was sensing, but I was wrong.
So I am just an idiot.
I didn't see anyone from my past lately, or haven't at least, but I thought I "knew" something or was picking up on something but I found out it was my family praying for me.
I was RIGHT about the "vibe" but I was totally wrong about the source. It was my frickin' family.
I think now, that it is time I consider celibacy and maybe even becoming a sister. I am pretty much not even joking.
I started thinking, if this vibe is all about prayer, and I've had it my whole life, before I ever met anyone I've known in the last many years, I think it's a prayer vibe.
I feel it when I am praying for others and I feel it when others are praying for ME.
I felt it right after I gave names to pray for, friends, and it happened right as I bowed my head to pray.
I think it is the holy spirit but that sounds a little strange to some.
So I think, really, I want no one back and no one is here anyway, so I think that's a sign.
I used to pray for hours at a time and I would feel this way. And it does come and go and has nothing to do with music or people or even circumstances. It's just prayer.
I don't know. Now I'm confused because I thought it had something to do with someone I might know, or know in the future, but I guess it might not. I never felt this "vibe" when I was with anyone in particular, so I think it's just that it's prayer all by itself, to God.
So then I wonder if I'm supposed to be a nun again, which sounds nuts but it wasn't nuts to me at one time in my life. At one time, I was seriously contemplating it and I'm not even joking.
I used to pray so much and wished there was a church open for me to pray at all the time and I wondered why most Protestant churches didn't have churches open for this. So I just prayed at home. I just read the Bible at home and prayed for people, and of course I wasn't perfect or holy but I didn't do half the stuff I've done since. I followed a pretty strict moral code for myself.
I am seriously wondering if this is something that I am being called to, and if this has anything to do with the fire that I saw the other night, because I was reading a book about prayer and then I just saw this fire, and it reminded me of the fire from the sacred heart of Jesus.
I once asked Fr. Joachim about it and he said no, he said at best I would be a good oblate and not really a nun because he thought I was too "lively". I can't really see myself as a nun because I have a hard enough time with the community house stuff.
But I don't remember what being an oblate is. I think it's sort of like being a sister except you don't live in community housing. I can't remember exactly.
My family would flip, probably. I don't think they'd care so much, except that they've wanted me to be married for so long. But I felt I couldn't marry my ex for some reason--something was holding me back, and maybe that's it. Maybe it's that I'm never supposed to be married.
The only thing is, I still want my son. I still want to have him in my care and I don't even think sisters do that. And I'm not Catholic right now, and I'm not even Mormon, though I was thinking about going to the Mormon church on Sunday to meet some other women who I could have things in common with. This woman asked me who I was talking to the other day and it was a guy, about getting together to meet some more women in the area, to do creative things with because it's hard to break into this town.
It might sound VERY strange to a lot of people, but it's not totally off the wall for me. It's not like I've never thought of it before, and I also told the monks, that when I was 11 or 12, I remember saying to myself, or thinking in my heart:
"I'm never getting married." I don't know why I felt this, but I felt like I knew it. I never forgot it either. I always wondered why I felt this or somehow knew this.
I also have been wondering what the "vibe" is about and I think it has to do with prayer. It couldn't be about some man in particular if I had this when I was younger. That doesn't really add up. I am starting to think if I notice it when I am praying, then maybe the other times are just notice when other people are praying for ME. And for some reason I've been thinking maybe there were sisters praying for me. I have no idea where this came from. I wasn't thinking about it myself, but it kept coming to my mind.
This is totally HILARIOUS--this guy just walked by and I asked him what his hat said and it said, "G.A.P." "God Answers Prayers". HHHAAAAHhhhaaaaaaa. I am totally not kidding. He just walked by with a dog on his shoulders. Then he said to me, "Are you guys closed?" I said, "I don't even work here" (I'm outside using wifi because I thought this was important enough to note).
How totally bizarre. God Answers Prayers. I am NOT LYING. I wish everyone could track this guy down to believe me. I will tell you which way to look--he went torwards Mission. Oh wait, it's Miller.
I think it might be some kind of weird sign. That was totally bizarre. After he left, I started to laugh. I feel like, how in the world did this guy just so happen to appear out of the blue, at this very moment, with THAT hat on?
That was really, really, strange. I think I have some praying to do tonight.
I don't get it. But I sort of think that maybe there is something there. I mean, that's so random, that right as I'm writing this post, and thinking about being a sister or something, this guy walks by with that hat on.
I don't know what to say to that. Except that maybe I've been wrong about a lot of things and I need to pray even more to figure this out.
It's kind of weird because of the sacred heart of Jesus images I've had lately and then that fire image. That's totally new to me. There was nothing in the fire though, and no heart around it or anything. It just looked like fire but it made me think about the sacred heart after it flashed in front of me. As to who that guy was, he looked a lot like this guy at the Safeway today but I don't know who he is.
I feel sort of embarrassed now. Like, ashamed or humbled or humiliated. If all this time I was thinking it was a guy and then I find out it's about being a sister, I am totally humiliated and ashamed. I think I need to look up more about the sacred heart of Christ stuff because for some reason, I think it applies to me in some way. Fr. Joachim used to say I was like Teresa of ______, can't remember...and then Br. Ansgar said like Aristotle at one point. My logic, said Ansgar. I can't remember, but a couple of monastic orders were mentioned but I don't know if they had anything to do with sacred heart stuff.
Vibe & Images & Prayer
I want to make note of innocuous, good things:
1. Yesterday, at about 4:20 p.m., the strong vibe that someone was praying. Right before and after this older man and woman left the Hart's Fish & Chips place. Woman with white hair, and they had salads and beer. I was out in the back smoking and felt someone was close to me.
2. Right before prayer yesterday, after I gave a list of names with no details, to be prayed for. I guess it was around 7:30 p.m. or later. I prayed first to God, "please! give me names I can say out loud to be lifted up where it won't get me into trouble."
3. Today, beginning around 2:40 p.m. and still strong. started when I thought about that man and woman from yesterday but could have been coincidental.
*********************
images: last night, right before I was about to go to sleep, I had two flashes which came into my mind's eye, about 10 p.m. or so.
1. flash of a man's face, still in a truck, i think, or same man who I saw in the truck in an image once, and yet this time, just the face but i couldn't totally see the face again.
2. maybe 20 minutes later--fire. right before i fell asleep, this huge blaze of fire flashed in front of me. It was the size of a campfire blaze or fireplace blaze. that's all it was and nothing else. just fire with nothing around it. no one around it, just this fire right in front of me and then it was gone almost as soon as it appeared. i wasn't thinking about fire that day or anything so it was out of the blue.
I had been reading a Catherine Marshall book about prayer before I started going almost in and out of sleep and saw these things. My mind wasn't on anything else. I don't know what it had to do with though. It was just a face that I couldn't see and then it was later, separately, this fire, and yet I didn't have the vibe with it but it wasn't a bad thing. It was like a normal fire thing. Nothing good nor bad about it. I don't care if it sounds weird, it was just a normal, in the mind's eye thing
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I think it's very possible it's really about a connection that is from a distance too. I don't know. Could just be lots of prayer--who knows.
It's not what I'm focusing on today.
I got a lot of things done. I'm not going to say what anymore though. But I got some things done and have more to do today.
Am I supposed to completely quit blogging??? I would, because I've nothing negative to write about anymore, or details of my day, but I guess I'm thinking maybe I won't be able to find out what this thing is if I don't document it. How will he or they know? I could do it privately, but what if it's never known.
I sort of want to share some of the things I don't understand, because I feel someone else will make the connection.
************************************
This guy I had the image of twice...not the one for me or anything nor do I associate a negative or positive vibe, but I could better define what he looked like.
He has tawny-blond brown hair and a wider face, sort of angular or not. Longer sort of hair at least not very short, but ears length.
I saw a man whose face sort of fit, today at Safeway and had to do a double take. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt and shorts and went to the deli. He sort of fit, enough to make me look again. But he looked a little bit older and the other one is 22-40. Well, this guy at Safeway looked about 35 or 40 or so but I got the impression this other guy is younger than that.
But I think the image is just a connection to someone who I know or who is in my life, but for this particular one, i don't even think it's romantic. It's just connected to my life or someone I know or some event surrounding me or something.
this guy who I have seen twice in my mind's eye, is not necessarily someone I think is someone for me. But I've just had this person come to mind. I don't know if it is good or bad but just an image.
I can see some basic features. Tawny blond-brown hair, and longer, ear's length, or above but the rest is a little longer I think. Wider face but not overly wide or long, and somewhat angular but can't tell exactly the definition. Younger, between 22-40 or so.
I think it is someone different than someone from my past. And I did see a man at the Safeway today who actually had the same type of hair and face shape. He went to the deli and was wearing a dark blue shirt and shorts.
This other guy was younger I thought, but sort of fit the face and type of the guy at Safeway. I had to look twice but still didn't get a good look at his face.
Also, it wasn't like he was someone for me. It was more like he is just someone who has something to do with my life. But I don't have a good or bad vibe from him. I just know he's connected to something.
I'm positive, absolutely, that this guy is just somehow a figure involved in something to do with my life. I don't know why I've seen this flash in front of my eyes more than once.
I can't really see the face at all. But, I don't want to combine this image of this guy with the other vibe I talk about, because I never have the two together so I think they're two totally separate things.
Somehow this one guy is important but I don't know how. Could be good or bad.
Then, the strong vibe could be absolutely nothing more than a lot of people praying and I sense it. I still sense it and it's strong but it really seems like prayer more than anything else.
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Well, sounds a little out there now, but someday it may be a big discovery and I can say I wasn't making it up. And whoever may involved will know too, that I haven't made it up.
Oh yeah, and I have felt this before, years ago, but only connected to prayer. But I sort of think it could be a combination of prayer and something in particular.
No. I am not going to become a nun. But yeah, I used to think it was what we describe as "the holy spirit". However, I think it could still be in connection with something else.
Or, I DO have a twin, and they're not evil but some kind of holier than I am angel who has been looking out for me all my life.
Sometimes, I have felt this while I was praying for others and then other times, I have felt it without praying at all but sensing someone else is thinking of me or praying for me. I definitely have felt this before, while praying for others.
1. Yesterday, at about 4:20 p.m., the strong vibe that someone was praying. Right before and after this older man and woman left the Hart's Fish & Chips place. Woman with white hair, and they had salads and beer. I was out in the back smoking and felt someone was close to me.
2. Right before prayer yesterday, after I gave a list of names with no details, to be prayed for. I guess it was around 7:30 p.m. or later. I prayed first to God, "please! give me names I can say out loud to be lifted up where it won't get me into trouble."
3. Today, beginning around 2:40 p.m. and still strong. started when I thought about that man and woman from yesterday but could have been coincidental.
*********************
images: last night, right before I was about to go to sleep, I had two flashes which came into my mind's eye, about 10 p.m. or so.
1. flash of a man's face, still in a truck, i think, or same man who I saw in the truck in an image once, and yet this time, just the face but i couldn't totally see the face again.
2. maybe 20 minutes later--fire. right before i fell asleep, this huge blaze of fire flashed in front of me. It was the size of a campfire blaze or fireplace blaze. that's all it was and nothing else. just fire with nothing around it. no one around it, just this fire right in front of me and then it was gone almost as soon as it appeared. i wasn't thinking about fire that day or anything so it was out of the blue.
I had been reading a Catherine Marshall book about prayer before I started going almost in and out of sleep and saw these things. My mind wasn't on anything else. I don't know what it had to do with though. It was just a face that I couldn't see and then it was later, separately, this fire, and yet I didn't have the vibe with it but it wasn't a bad thing. It was like a normal fire thing. Nothing good nor bad about it. I don't care if it sounds weird, it was just a normal, in the mind's eye thing
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I think it's very possible it's really about a connection that is from a distance too. I don't know. Could just be lots of prayer--who knows.
It's not what I'm focusing on today.
I got a lot of things done. I'm not going to say what anymore though. But I got some things done and have more to do today.
Am I supposed to completely quit blogging??? I would, because I've nothing negative to write about anymore, or details of my day, but I guess I'm thinking maybe I won't be able to find out what this thing is if I don't document it. How will he or they know? I could do it privately, but what if it's never known.
I sort of want to share some of the things I don't understand, because I feel someone else will make the connection.
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This guy I had the image of twice...not the one for me or anything nor do I associate a negative or positive vibe, but I could better define what he looked like.
He has tawny-blond brown hair and a wider face, sort of angular or not. Longer sort of hair at least not very short, but ears length.
I saw a man whose face sort of fit, today at Safeway and had to do a double take. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt and shorts and went to the deli. He sort of fit, enough to make me look again. But he looked a little bit older and the other one is 22-40. Well, this guy at Safeway looked about 35 or 40 or so but I got the impression this other guy is younger than that.
But I think the image is just a connection to someone who I know or who is in my life, but for this particular one, i don't even think it's romantic. It's just connected to my life or someone I know or some event surrounding me or something.
this guy who I have seen twice in my mind's eye, is not necessarily someone I think is someone for me. But I've just had this person come to mind. I don't know if it is good or bad but just an image.
I can see some basic features. Tawny blond-brown hair, and longer, ear's length, or above but the rest is a little longer I think. Wider face but not overly wide or long, and somewhat angular but can't tell exactly the definition. Younger, between 22-40 or so.
I think it is someone different than someone from my past. And I did see a man at the Safeway today who actually had the same type of hair and face shape. He went to the deli and was wearing a dark blue shirt and shorts.
This other guy was younger I thought, but sort of fit the face and type of the guy at Safeway. I had to look twice but still didn't get a good look at his face.
Also, it wasn't like he was someone for me. It was more like he is just someone who has something to do with my life. But I don't have a good or bad vibe from him. I just know he's connected to something.
I'm positive, absolutely, that this guy is just somehow a figure involved in something to do with my life. I don't know why I've seen this flash in front of my eyes more than once.
I can't really see the face at all. But, I don't want to combine this image of this guy with the other vibe I talk about, because I never have the two together so I think they're two totally separate things.
Somehow this one guy is important but I don't know how. Could be good or bad.
Then, the strong vibe could be absolutely nothing more than a lot of people praying and I sense it. I still sense it and it's strong but it really seems like prayer more than anything else.
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Well, sounds a little out there now, but someday it may be a big discovery and I can say I wasn't making it up. And whoever may involved will know too, that I haven't made it up.
Oh yeah, and I have felt this before, years ago, but only connected to prayer. But I sort of think it could be a combination of prayer and something in particular.
No. I am not going to become a nun. But yeah, I used to think it was what we describe as "the holy spirit". However, I think it could still be in connection with something else.
Or, I DO have a twin, and they're not evil but some kind of holier than I am angel who has been looking out for me all my life.
Sometimes, I have felt this while I was praying for others and then other times, I have felt it without praying at all but sensing someone else is thinking of me or praying for me. I definitely have felt this before, while praying for others.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Thank You For Prayers
I had the "vibe" I speak of, after my visit with my son this afternoon. It's all I want to write about.
Sure, there are still things going on, yeah, but I don't want to focus on any of it. The only things I want to focus on and pay attention to are the good things.
Someone is close to me, or a lot of people praying or something, and i first noticed it at about 11:40 a.m.
I guess I still want to document this just in case someday I can go back and put it together.
I noticed it a few days ago too, but I had so much going on I didn't pay close attention. But I noticed it all at once, very powerful, at about 11:40 a.m.
And who knows, it crossed my mind that a whole group may have been praying and I just picked up on it. I don't know. I even wondered if it was sisters at a mass, or it could be anything at all. I've thought it has to do with a particular man, but I won't know for some time I think.
But I know and I feel it.
I think somehow this person already knows who they are but I don't know. Sucks to be me. lol.
It's extremely strong right now. It is right now, 1:23 p.m. and I'm done writing.
I am going to work today. I am doing papers and I am working!
Sure, there are still things going on, yeah, but I don't want to focus on any of it. The only things I want to focus on and pay attention to are the good things.
Someone is close to me, or a lot of people praying or something, and i first noticed it at about 11:40 a.m.
I guess I still want to document this just in case someday I can go back and put it together.
I noticed it a few days ago too, but I had so much going on I didn't pay close attention. But I noticed it all at once, very powerful, at about 11:40 a.m.
And who knows, it crossed my mind that a whole group may have been praying and I just picked up on it. I don't know. I even wondered if it was sisters at a mass, or it could be anything at all. I've thought it has to do with a particular man, but I won't know for some time I think.
But I know and I feel it.
I think somehow this person already knows who they are but I don't know. Sucks to be me. lol.
It's extremely strong right now. It is right now, 1:23 p.m. and I'm done writing.
I am going to work today. I am doing papers and I am working!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Held My End Of The Deal
I asked for advice and made a deal. He said, "If I tell you what to do, will you do it?" I said yes. He told me to get a job the next day.
I had to get a few other things done at the courthouse and then unemployment, but then I went door to door and finally went to a place where I really liked the owners. They remembered me and want me to stop by and I could even start training tomorrow.
I have a job.
I just have to fill out paperwork.
Not blogging much anymore but I wanted to prove I could do it. This is where my focus is, not on others, but on my own life and getting basics under control.
I asked what I could do for peace and I was told to start working and get a job the next day.
So, I said I would and did.
Peace.
I had to get a few other things done at the courthouse and then unemployment, but then I went door to door and finally went to a place where I really liked the owners. They remembered me and want me to stop by and I could even start training tomorrow.
I have a job.
I just have to fill out paperwork.
Not blogging much anymore but I wanted to prove I could do it. This is where my focus is, not on others, but on my own life and getting basics under control.
I asked what I could do for peace and I was told to start working and get a job the next day.
So, I said I would and did.
Peace.
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