NFTN 17: All Shut Up And No Place To Go

I used the Suburban when I was off-duty at the Shore. But there was really no place to go. Once I drove through a town with a ridiculously narrow road. Cars parked on either side of the street and one almost had to pull over to let the other go by on the opposite side. I was used to driving a station wagon, but it was far different from driving a huge Suburban. One day, I committed a hit-and-run. Sort of.

I was driving on that road and WHAM! hit the side mirror of another car that was parked. It broke off, but I was so panicked, trying to stay on the road and not hit an oncoming car, I didn't get a good look at the car. I tried to go back and find it, but couldn't find it. So I drove away. I told the Thebault's, who were thrilled, (Brian especially) when I told him I didn't know which car I hit so I left. Now that I think about it, maybe I should have gone to police? But I did make a good-faith effort to find it. The Thebaults told me how that wasn't as bad as what one of their foreign nannies had done. One closed the garage door down on the car, and was inside, and freaking out. Lisa laughed hysterically when she told me, tears almost coming to her eyes.

When back in Bedminster, I wanted to use the car to go to church mainly. There were no churches at the Shore--just casinos and nightclubs. I tried the most local church, and found it stiffling, so went in search of another church and the Thebaults were angry about my use of gasoline. I was working overtime and not paid for it, but they made a big deal about going more than 10 miles to a church. They lived in the middle of nowhere. They stopped filling the car up with gas. Then I was trapped. Not only did they try to restrict my use of the car, when I was told from the start I had unlimited use of the car, they would spring the "You're babysitting tonight" surprise on me, last minute, every single night they knew I was planning to get together with my friend Kelly. She went out and I rarely did. My workday ended at 7 p.m. and then I was technically free--unless I had to babysit.

My contract said I would babysit 2 nights week in addition to working 7-7. I ended up babysitting closer to 3-4 workingweek nights and one weekend night at well. And I was never given any notice. It was part of the way to "manage the help".

I told the Thebaults I wanted to go to church. I also told them I wanted to see Kelly at night. I don't remember being able to go out with Kelly once while with the Thebaults. When Lisa kept popping the babysitting surprise on me, I started giving them notice in advance. I thought perhaps they were forgetting I had plans already. What was typical was that I would tell Lisa I was going out one night, and let her know in advance and remind her that day. Then, about 10 minutes before 7 p.m., when I was off, Lisa would suddenly tell me, "I need you to babysit tonight." She claimed they hadn't known in advance. They gave me no notice when they went out, had others over, or went to PTA meetings. It happened over and over. She constantly usurped my plans. Then I was harassed by Lisa and Brian, who would tell me I didn't really know what being a nanny entailed, and that I was to be available to them around-the-clock, and they would basically tell me I was naive, stupid, young, and a bad nanny. When they continued to tell me these things, I began to doubt myself. Which was what they wanted. It made me more compliant.

I was not a foreign au pair. I was not stupid. I had an entire history behind me of good experiences with families and their children, and references to prove it. I knew the Thebaults were wrong, but I still began to doubt myself. I understand now how it is possible to be brainwashed, exploited, or abused, even if one should perhaps "know better".

I started giving Lisa advance notice, on a calendar, and with her approval. Lisa would go so far as to "approve" my future plans and dates. And then she deliberately rescinded her "okay" and would tell me again, last minute, that I had to babysit for them.

I was prevented and discouraged from going to church and I was prevented from going out with friends. I was not being paid for overtime and then they started making me pay for new things, like gas. I was isolated. I was becoming a slave.