When the Drug Dealers Are "The Good Guys"

The weirdest thing happened. I wrote a post mocking the "apple a day keeps the doctor away" proverb, for serious chronic pain, and then a few days later, I'm at a clinic for a narcotics refill, and I'm looking at posters on a board for upcoming conferences. One was entitled: "Let Food Be Your Medicine!" and gave details about the benefits of good nutrition. The seminar was run by a nutritionist (I believe) and was open to people with chronic pain, and conditions specifically listed were "fibromyalgia", "chronic fatigue syndrome", etc.

Let Food Be Your Medicine. Okaaaay...I was just reading an article about a woman with such severe and painful fibromyalgia, she drove 9 hours from Washington state to Oregon state, just to get her 3-month prescriptions for narcotics. I'm mispelling fibro, but I'll fix it later. I really don't know enough about either disease to comment, but I have heard that these conditions are constantly undermined by doctors; patients are doubted, and told it's in their heads. Is the problem diet? I wonder how many of those with chronic fatigue or fibro, are health nuts? And still have problems anyway? While good food and proper nutrition are essential to well-being, should we really "let food be (our) medicine"? Or become members of the Church of Science?

If someone is a major couch potato, or has no understanding of nutrition, and eats only junk, I think this course would be excellent, whether someone has fibro or not. But I sort of felt the ad implied a suggestion that these people with fibro and chronic fatigue were sick, of their own fault, because they were junk-food junkies.

I know quite a lot about nutrition. My mother is a health nut and I am as well. I know about homeopathic medicine too. Hot peppers for colds, tension headache, and metabolism stimulation; garlic for colds; apples for longevity and mental stimulation; chocolate for seratonin and as an antioxidant (dark choco for antioxidants/milk chocolate for brighter holidays); kelp and apple cider vinegar as tonic and metabolism aide; salmon for omegas; nuts for minerals and omegas; oats for energy.... I could go on. You name the fruit, food, or beverage, and I will name, on the spot, its health value and even some arguments for and against the theories. When I was a little girl, my mother read (before she entered real estate) books on health and nutrition, horses and dogs, and romance novels. As a teen, I foraged into her Victoria Holt "gothic-romance" novels (enough to know this author wrote under another name) but found nutrition and natural remedies a more fascinating read.

Besides knowing all about foods, I am well-educated in minerals, herbs, and aromotherapy, color therapy, and art therapy. I've used epsom salts in the bath; boiled peppermint and lavendar leaves during a migraine attack; sniffed out a good Aveda oil, and painted the walls in my house: gold (for wamth), orange (for energy), and bright periwinkle blue and dark green (calm and inspiration). During a time of particular stress, I didn't want to drop out of college, and instead rearranged my classes to include my own mixture of "art therapy"--graphic design, oil painting, and poetry, and I played guitar. I am creative and open to experiment, using one thing for another. For example, pouring the boiling peppermint and lavendar mix into a foot bath with scalding temperature, to draw the blood down from my migraine head. I have also put egg whites on my face, honey in my hair, parafin wax on my nails, and made my own leg hair wax from sugar and honey (and it works! a middle-eastern woman gave me the recipe). I began educating myself on these things when I was 11 years old, telling my mother to use sunscreen when she was outside, and buying a natural Henna for my hair. I have always been into preventative care, maintained a healthy lifestyle, and tried all kinds of natural "biofeedback" treatments for pain. I suppose I was even experimenting on others...even on a psychological level...I sang my childhood slumber friends to sleep at night, and in the 2nd grade I devised a "nurse station" at the jungle gym on the playground. If a kid got hurt, they came to me, and if it was an injured knee, I would apply pressure to his arm until there was minor discomfort, drawing his attention away from the pain of the knee. Kids would jump around saying, "It worked! It worked!" and I was hero-nurse until I bored of the game and moved onto something else. I knew about principles of "distraction" and biofeedback intuitively, and later read up on it for myself.

Not only have I good eating habits, I have been an athlete most of my life. I won the Presidential Fitness Award in jr. high, for doing more pull-ups than the boys. I ran hard, and took cross-country/track/cheerleading and dance. My best race (the one I was good at) was the 800 meters and it's a killer. I hated it the most (it wasn't over quick enough and you still had to sprint the whole way) and yet it was the one I was good at. I easily picked up skills (skiing, windsurfing) and I was the most flexible person on any given track or cross-country team. I stretched out and warmed up right. I also took swim lessons while I was young and wasn't bad on a swim team. Until I was seriously injured, and even afterwards, whenever possible, I've been an athlete.

And yet it doesn't matter how much granola I eat, water I drink, or races I limp through at a walk (now), I need medications and narcotics specifically, to come close to alleviating pain for my particular symptoms (which will at least partially remain a mystery to some for now). It has nothing to do with addiction, it's not psychological...I've TRIED everything else. There are plenty of other people in my shoes, whose symptoms and reports of pain are not understood or are suspected as "in their head".

The few times I went to physical therapy, they showed me exercises I already knew, from sports coaches. The only manual or physical therapy that works for me is deep tissue massage, and asking for that from an insurance company is like asking for coverage of manicures. In the same way, I'm shocked by how many doctors "don't get" narcotics for chronic pain. It's almost viewed as the worst evil, when it has done me and plenty of others, the very most good! Narcotics have a better safety record, with fewer side effects, than most newer medications for pain or problems (ex. Topamax--save a seizure, kill a brain). Prior to injuries, I wouldn't even take aspirin. No one in my family has substance abuse issues, and my parents never even had alcohol in the house. We're a bunch of Puritan Protestants, on both sides of my family, all the way back. My parents are professionals and even drive newer Lexus SUVs. I'm from sort-of-working-lower-middle class.

But the minute a doctor meets someone they don't know personally, from church, family, through teachers or town, in Washington state, and especially in Eastern Washington, anyone who requests or needs narcotics is suspect. Worse than suspect--condemned and guilty criminals. If a doctor hasn't known you from birth, or your family, the only way most will trust you is if you're driving up in a Mercedes, or hold an influential and respected position for work. I've never had a problem, or a "past", and never smoked a joint or did drugs or abused prescription drugs. I've been directly offered drugs once in my life. There is NO ONE who could come forward with a claim they gave or saw me do any kind of illegal drugs.

Once I told a nurse that I had to "borrow" a couple of pills from someone-- (5 mg. Vicodin) for a severe migraine when I was out--and I told him that I "gave them back" when I got my refill. The nurse freaked out, as if I'd admitted to killing someone and burying them in my backyard. The nurse freaked out about this, and FORGOT that several times I had left whole bottles of narcotics sitting on the pharmacy shelves, when I didn't need them, and was able to pick them up months later when I did finally run out. I was given narcotics for very severe pain inside my lower back (left side) during my pregnancy. I was complaining of my symptoms for almost a month, and the pain got worse. Even after the narcotics, it worsened. I had to go to ER because of the pain, where they found out I was in preterm labor, almost 2 months early. I was having contractions. I went in because the pain was so bad in my back I couldn't even walk. It was the same pain I'd reported forever, which grew worse. The labor and delivery people didn't know what it was from, and finally had me give a urine sample. Ooops. Suddenly I was on an IV with treatment for a serious kidney infection, kidney stones, which was so bad it had started my labor. I didn't WANT to be on any narcotics during pregnancy, but I was finally in such pain I had to ask. The doctor looked at me and said every woman feels "back pain". After I was treated for the kidney infection, the pain went away. Almost immediately I was better, and within a week, it was absolutely gone. I told the doctor about it the next time I went in to see him. What did he say? He told me the baby's head must have changed position. I reminded him that the baby's head had been engaged for quite awhile, and he'd confirmed it. He tried to write out another big prescription for narcotics. I told him no. He kept pressuring me to take the narcotics. I looked at him like he was nuts (which, I later found out...he is!) and stated clearly that my pain had been from the kidney infection and now that it was treated and the pain was gone, I didn't need the narcotics. And yet, my doctor told people I had substance abuse issues (he told doctors I'd taken "narcotics" during pregnancy) after I delivered my son and forced me to speak with a social worker. This was Dr. Malcolm Butler, medical director for Columbia Valley Community Health. Only 2 or 3 months after the traumatic delivery of my son, I was questioned about an innocent situation which was no big deal, after I started asking serious questions about the cover-up of my traumatic delivery and my and my infant son's very serious injuries (my son and I BOTH have confirmed permanent injuries because of the childbirth. The doctor and hospital knew ahead of time--I was begging, crying, for hours, for a C-section, telling them there was a problem. I had given my doctor and midwife prior notice that the first time I saw a Gyn, she told me it would be impossible to have children naturally because my pelvis was too narrow, and that even carrying would be high risk. The docs said maybe things would relax with horomones in labor, and when they didn't, and I knew it, they forced me to push for far too long, tore me up manually for hours, broke my bones, forced my son's head past the bones and injured his head/damaged his teeth enamel formation, and I was left with severe and permanent prolapses and broken tailbone and pelvis. My son has had two different pediatric dentists confirm he has enamel dysplasia, which they said had to have been caused by childbirth trauma, or severe illness such as the jaundice my son had because he couldn't break down all the blood cells from his broken head--my son had to be placed under bilirubin lights and 3 months later, his bilirubin count was 5.--something...Five-point-something, and THAT's only the HALF of it!).

I have been refused narcotics before, when I've been in very severe pain. After the birth of my son, which was horrific (and a tale on its own) I was seriously injured and suffering. The same doctor who refused to take responsibility for the cause of my preterm labor and "back pain" retaliated against me when I told him I felt he'd been dishonest with me and I had to find a new PCP. This doctor immediately cut off all prescriptions, on the spot, and told everyone I was "drug-seeking". He knew I was suffering and was injured. This doctor also told the ER not to treat me for my migraines (I had a pain contract for morphine injections); told my counselor not to see me anymore (kicked me out of the counseling clinic); and kicked me out of the WIC he was in charge of. He and some of his friends, fellow doctors, contacted every member of the Board of Directors with my insurance company, about ME. When I changed insurance companies, doctors from Wenatchee then contacted my next insurance company to prejudice my care. Dr. Butler contacted new doctors I went to, to defame me further. It was so bad, I couldn't get anyone in Wenatchee to give me narcotics, and when I begged each clinic and the ER for an X-ray, I was refused. A simple X-ray is covered by my insurance. I requested one from both clinics, ER, 2 new PCPs from Wenatchee, the medical director in one clinic, and my insurance "exceptions" nurse. I was refused. I told them all that I wanted an X-ray because I believed my tailbone was broken during childbirth (among other things). I only noticed it so bad after my PCP cut me off of narcotics and defamed me. It was very, very, bad. I couldn't bend over, crouch, sit (of course) or do the simplest things without pain. I read online that a diagnostic was pressing in on the bottom tailbone, if it moved, it may be broken. Mine moved, and the ER doc felt the same thing, and denied it moved at all. It did NOT just stiffen up during his 2 minute exam. I had to go to Seattle, and get an X-ray from the ER. It showed a broken tailbone, with not just a "fracture" but a whole piece that was off, in an unnatural part of the tailbone, which was clearly unstable. This X-ray also showed "sclerosis" of the sacrum, which is calcification and is an attempt by the body to heal from fractures. I had fractures of the sacrum in addition to everything else. I was so injured that I couldn't sleep at night, for several months, because of the pain, and that was WITH narcotics.

Prior to childbirth, I had other injuries which sometimes required narcotics, but the main issue was very severe migraines/clusters. Now they've been diagnosed as "clusters" but I don't know for sure. The pain level fits clusters, but the rest of it sort of fits migraine diagnosis better, from everything I read. I was forced to suffer with these, and many people witnessed the levels of my suffering and that it was genuine.

Yet people who don't have migraine or clusters, or are very close to those who do, don't understand. And even if they do, they may still suspect YOU don't really have them, if you're low-income (and therefore, must be of a criminal nature). Anything people can't see on the outside, if it doesn't involve blood or a visible broken bone, may not be believed. I am glad I don't have chronic fatigue or fibro, in addition to everything else, and I can sympathize with those who fend off assumptions that it's in their head, or they are somehow responsible for their "lack of energy" or pain.

Food for medicine? How about...some Food For Thought? Will apples, ginko, ginseng, salmon, cod liver oil save the day? Or will it be education, education, education, education. But then, wait! These doctors, all throughout Eastern Washington who are so hard on people about narcotics, they have been educated, and still are suspicious. It's almost like healthcare in the dark ages over here. At this point, I don't think people will be safe or secure in their health and pain prevention unless they, we, organize ourselves and demand respect, and stick up for our rights.

What is sad, is that some people are NOT having any problems whatever, getting narcotics. These are the people who know the doctors, are connected socially, who have two cars in the garage, two kids, and they probably don't have near the pain levels that someone else, who is poor, maybe uneducated, and not as socially connected, does, who is refused medication. I feel very sorry for anyone who had issues with substance abuse in the past, who NOW has legitimate pain, and yet is refused help based on a record from a previous life. I think those who have been treated badly, who are refused narcotics and need them, should start by getting a petition, making calls, and connecting people to eachother.

I know my problems are not just about "the narcotics laws in Washington". My problems and the refusal of treatment, has been mainly political and retaliatory. I have medical documentation that most people would gasp at, and my chronic narcotics needs do not come close to the levels at which patients are required to see a pain specialist. When I can't get an X-RAY from anyone in town, you know it's political.

In the meantime, I always hope that something I write will help someone else, and I do believe we need to organize wherever we are, to be heard. Doctors should not be allowed to hide behind this pretend shield of "laws and regulations". There are a few doctors who are truly afraid of getting monitored, but more often, the basis for refusing prescriptions is prejudice and discrimination, plain and simple. Where there is prejudice and suspicion, there is pain and a Dark Ages mentality. The wrong people are making the rules. Doctors need Enlightenment. If anything, after how I've been forced to suffer, sometimes by doctors who smirk and seem gleeful when they are telling me they won't help me, I believe new laws should be in place which make it illegal for any doctor to REFUSE narcotics when they are warranted. The burden of proof should be on the doctor. If the doctor refuses to help someone, they should be required to have the burden of proof, not the other way around. A doctor should have positive proof that someone has been selling their prescriptions, or doesn't actually have an injury. I have all kinds of records of injuries and even THEN I'm denied treatment! A doctor takes an oath to "do no harm". Refusing narcotics to people who really need them, causes great pain and suffering and loss of quality of life. The laws need to be changed, to protect THE PUBLIC, not the doctors. Instead of having a concern or false excuse of "being prosecuted" by the DEA, doctors should fear complaints of criminal conduct on the other end of the spectrum--for discrimination, prejudice, and refusal of treatment to those who need it most.

So, drug dealers are the "bad guys"? Here's an ethics question: If doctors abuse their positions, by refusing treatment, and leave someone to suffer...If that patient has gone to great lengths to get past prejudice or politics, and is still suffering, and they have exhausted all remedies, is the drug dealer who gives them a prescription for the very same medication their condition REQUIRES, are they the "bad guys"? Who are the "good guys"? Are doctors always the good guys? Are pharmaceutical companies the "good guys"? which overcharge and abuse their positions of holding the "cure" or "remedy" in their hands? Unlawful distribution...? What about unlawful withholding?

I have heard stories about regular people, who are petty dealers, who have more sympathy and genuine concern, than the medical professionals. Yes, some people are addicts. Yes, if you don't have any pain, you will probably become an addict with chronic use. But the evidence is in: those who have genuine do NOT become addicted, even at higher levels of narcotics.

Sometimes, the king is a carpenter; sometimes the saviour is a baby; sometimes a doctor is is a killer; and sometimes a drug dealer is...a healer.

Imagine this: A woman is being harassed and abused. Her husband has threatened her with a gun. She runs, tries to buy a gun. It's against the law to own a gun unless you have authorization from law enforcement. Not just for a quick gun or concealed weapon--it's flat-out against the law to own a gun, for any reason, without first going to a gun specialist, and law enforcement for a permit to even own one. The burden is on the woman to prove she "needs" a gun. She can't prove it all the time. She doesn't always have documentation of harassment, phone calls, threats. She has never been physically abused with marks, but the threat and need is still there. She is denied a gun. They tell her she hasn't proved herself, and has no evidence, and that this entire situation is in her head. They tell her she needs professional counseling. After she's tried this, and everything else, they still refuse to give her a gun. They point out she's had a history of mental health issues and state she has a history of counseling needs. The woman cannot sleep at night. She loses her job. Now law enforcement believes she is "unstable"--further reason to refuse her a gun. She is afraid that her ex will find her on the job or somewhere else. She is told to take on a new name, but they refuse to give her means to protect herself. Her life is at stake. It is only a matter of time before she is murdered--dead, long before her "time". She had the right to be happy and feel safe and protected. It was her RIGHT to own a gun. There was a lot of talk about accidental overdosing--oops, accidental misfires and gun accidents. Now there were rules and regulations. And, it just so happens, that her ex is a police officer...Who do law enforcement believe? Him? or her? Her ex sabotages her every attempt to get a gun, going ahead of her to prejudice his peers in law enforcement.

In this situation, is the black market dealer "the bad guy"? Who is the bad guy, and how are the laws helping or harming this woman?

This is an analogy of what people who are in pain go through every single day--prejudice and regulations that hinder treatment--by even doctors themselves. Some people abuse drugs, and some doctors abuse their authority. There are always active and passive ways to harm someone. One may tell a outright lie, and another may omit the truth. One doctor may sexually assault a person, and another may refuse treatment, leaving the patient to suffer. In this town, Wenatchee, aside from the political personal problems that prevent my access to care, I hear of problems some others have...where a doctor would rather NOT be "The Good Samaritan" and is eager to take the "I don't have a safety mask on and am afraid of getting AIDs" cop-out. The Good Samaritan is an excellent comparison, for a parable, because when the Good Samaritan happens upon the injured person in the road, the Good Samaritan doesn't know the person at all. These days, doctors are refusing the call to be a Good Samaritan, sometimes, out of self-protective concern they might get AIDs... or, uh, wrong acronym!...DEAs. Does a doctor have the right to refuse narcotics because of the fear of potential personal scrutiny, or only the potential of diversion by the patient, without positive proof the person diverts or is an addict?

And what is positive proof? If someone is found to have a blood test "positive" for TCH, if the person is never told about it, and not given the opportunity to retest or have other tests done to rule out a false positive, can that one sample be held against someone?

I bring this up, because when I moved to this area, I had to go to ER for migraines. They wrote me up as delusional and drug-seeking, and when I found out, I said it was slander and that I'd never been accused of this, and had been refused reasonable treatment. The next time I was in ER, a blood test was taken, which I wasn't aware of. It came back from a lab, positive for THC and I was written up with different diagnosis', one of which was "Cannabis Abuse". I had a PCP during this time. I had even complained to this PCP about being denied reaonable treatment. When I came back to the PCP, and 3 months afterwards, I was never told of the "finding" ONCE. No one in ER ever told me about it, because I would have certaintly perked up and demanded a retest on the spot. I would have perked up, because never in my life have I smoked, inhaled, chewed, or even sniffed marijuana. No one has ever given it to me, EVER. I was never even offered it, until I was 28 years old, and had to stay with a female bartender one night when my car was towed in the middle of the night by police. There was nothing in sight for miles, except a bar, and I was so distressed I couldn't remember any phone numbers (my family had recently moved to a different state). I had to stay with this bartender and she offered me marijuana. I told her, "Hey! I always wanted the opportunity to "just say no!"" and she laughed. This was the only time in my life I was even around it. So I would have noticed, if someone told me in ER that they found "cannabis" in my blood. What was strange is that not only did no one from ER tell me, my own PCP didn't tell me. I found out when I got my records, 3 months later, and then I was so shocked I called all the rehab and drug enforcement people in town, asking about THC and how I could test positive when I'd never done it, etc. They basically told me, the police, that it doesn't hold up in court. Period. To have a confirmation or positive proof, a series of other tests have to be run which would eliminate 18 possible triggers for a false positive of THC. So it's not foolproof, and yet urinalysis is done all the time. I believe I've had this little document held against me and used, as some kind of "proof". My PCP, and the medical director, Dr. Butler, told me to forget about it and that no one would ever notice. The hospital, when I called, said to forget about it and what was the big deal if it were true?. Then they both turned around a few months later, and told everyone in town that I was "drug-seeking" and faxed medical records to other doctors and clinics. This is the God-awe-ful truth.

I hope and pray that my suffering is not for nothing--that I inspire or help someone else with my testimony. I have documentation to prove what has happened. .