Computer Hacking and Concurrent Health Problems

I had been planning to go in order, with this blog. But the recent computer hacking and severe concurrent health problems of me and my son make this impossible now. It has affected my son. I've mentioned political problems, and the Catholic church, some monks, and the FBI.

I wrote in my last entry I wouldn't take another pill in this town; I was referring to a belief that my doctor had me on a medication without my consent, and that the "narcotic" pain relievers he was giving me were not really narcotics. I convinced myself this had to be it, because of the extreme pain I was in in the last several months. I didn't turn up with cancer, so what else could it be? I've not been around any poisons either. So I figured the most logical thing is that someone finally said they'd had enough of me and tried putting me on meds. Everyone says no, and I believe I would have to go through a court process, but because of the severity of my problems and the sudden onset and then cessation, I figured it had to be the start and stop of a particular experimental medication. I looked at my records tonight though, and it doesn't ring true.

I suppose it's possible still, but that wouldn't account for the fact that while I was going through Hell, my son was too. That was what concerned me. I figured my pain and symptoms were my problems, and that his must be behavioral, but then I started paying attention and noticed he was crying before I was, from pain, and twitching and having muscle spasms at the same time I did. Even poisoning doesn't cause twitches that are "in sync". But although I had very obvious problems with my computers being hacked, I did NOT, in any way, make a connection to the computer issues and our health. Until I talked to the computer tech who's worked for police and FBI. When he told me the only possible way to hack the way my computers were being hacked was by a magnetic field (possibly high radio frequency but more likely magnetic), I asked him if there were health consequences to this. I asked him because something clicked in my mind.

I had started having radio music bleeding over into my phone at the exact same time I started noticing computer problems AND this was the onset of my and my son's health problems. I didn't know what the explanation was, but piece by piece, I prayed God would help me figure it out. I realized last night that this has possibly happened before, as I thought back to my health history. I realized the timing of the severe health issues has always been around important political dates: dates where I was required to appear for hearings, or dates when I was looking for a lawyer or writing complaints and doing research or pulling up discovery. I kept getting stopped in my tracks. And this time, I truly believe I almost died. My son was not well either, but...


I don't even consider myself very religious anymore, and during the torment of the last months, I even tore down a portrait of Jesus Christ that was on my wall, which had been given to me by my parents. That picture of Jesus was given to my parents on their wedding day, and I grew up as a little girl, looking at it as it hung over the piano. I wouldn't say I prayed to the picture, but I was motivated to pray when I saw this painting. There have been 3 things I've valued most which I took from my parents house when I was old enough to move out: the piano my father played (an upright Yamaha), my hope chest (16th or 18th birthday present), and that painting. In my distress and frustration at what was going on with my body and my son, and how we were trapped and no one was listening, I took it off the wall, ripped it out of the frame, and tore it into pieces.



I have once before destroyed something while upset. I don't throw things at people or animals, but I've thrown a couple things out of the door. Along with this picture of Jesus, I took all of my 45 bottles of cooking spices and threw them outside in the snow too. I couldn't cook anymore anyway. I was too sick to do a thing, but in that frustration I guess I summoned the energy to respond to the misery we were in. I threw out a few other things as well.



All to say, there were times I almost thought I had no more faith, but then I realized I still believed in God. Even though I have been through so much, I believed. I was first surprised to realize this when I had a dream many months ago, I believe it was this Fall (September or October?). I very rarely have nightmares and one night I had a nightmare that 4 white young men knocked on my door and wanted to come into my house. They acted friendly and nonchalant and were calm. So I let them in and as I was around the corner getting drinks or something, I turned into the next room and saw 2 of the men (ages 16-25 approx.) slitting my son's throat with a knife. Blood, and a greenish fluid poured out of his mouth. The other 2 men, were shocked and had started leaving before the other guys did this, and then the 2 just looked at me with hate and left calmly. I went straight to my son and his eyes were open and he was still breathing and I knew he was dying. But I wanted him to know I was there and wouldn't leave him. I held him in my arms and kissed him and I said, "It's okay honey, you're going to be with Jesus really soon"... He managed a distorted smile and I woke up. I couldn't sleep for days. I kept thinking about that dream and felt it was a message that something bad was going to happen. I rarely think dreams are a sign but I felt it was urgent we get to a safe place. It seemed like a warning to me, and yet I didn't know where to go. I also remembered thinking that I knew I had faith, because of my response in that dream.



I think about that dream tonight and then of what followed that dream and my son's misery. No men came into our house. But my son became almost violently ill, as I was, and I believe people are responsible.

The other thought I had, a week ago, when I found out some things, was how ironic that the father of my son, gave him a blessing before he was born, and made the sign of the cross over him with a prayer. He made the sign, and he kissed his fingertips. I didn't object because I knew it was important to him, even though I have had serious problems with being harassed by people who have been Catholic. How ironic that one man could bless him, and others curse him. My son's father said he knew the baby was going to be a boy. And he said the two of us were going to be like the woman and son in the movie, "The Terminator" and I laughed at that. Then I watched the movie and saw the woman in the car with her son and their bond.



I am thinking of all these things tonight. Last night, I was furious, having been freed from what I believed was some kind of chemical restraint. I finally had the strength to be mad about it and show it, and I was furious. I wasn't going to stick around for anymore of this. It never ended. There was always a calm before the storm. I raced to my grandparents house, picked up the rest of my belongings, to begin sorting through them, and then was back on the road. I think I even flipped off a total stranger on the way. Which is something I've done maybe 3 times in my entire life, and only when under extreme duress. I'm not proud of it, but I was so upset and emotional. I hadn't been able to write, clean, or even articulate verbally what had been going on with me and my son, and suddenly I was "released" and I couldn't even explain it. I was sure it was medication without my consent. I felt I couldn't trust my prescription for "narcotics" and didn't know where to turn. Was it the real thing and hadn't worked because the pain was so bad? Or was it another medication? I decided it had to have been a set up with my doctor and/or family, not wanting me to write about disagreeable things.

So I picked up my stuff and was on the road, racing back home, when out of nowhere sprang a very large deer. It was a full grown female deer and she ran in front of my car, but looked at the car first. If the deer had not kept moving, I would have collided with her. There was no forewarning. And yet, we were safe.



It hit me. We could have died right there. We didn't. We didn't even make contact with the deer. She was safe and we were safe. At that moment, I recognized how many times God has spared my life, and maybe the life of my son too. I have been injured, but I have come close to dying many times. The second thing that came to my mind was this verse: "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me..."

I realized tonight that the last 4 months were not unique, entirely. It's happened before, 2 (possibly 3) other times, and one of those times I was still living in Portland, Oregon. The sickness, the weakness, the odd bruises out of nowhere, the feeling that I had "cancer", and total degeneration of my immune system...even the twitching.

Last night a different battery-run toy of my son's was going off again. Not the same toy that was going off on Christmas. Last night it started at 7 p.m. and went until 7:30 p.m. Then it played once at about 9 or 10. Nothing in the middle of the night and then one play first thing this morning at 7 p.m. Inbetween the playing, I began to feel the odd pangs again and just as I was beginning to believe my narcotics were legit, I started doubting I was on the right medication. My son woke up in the other room right at that time and was crying. I went in and he was holding his head. He kept rubbing a side of his forehead and would not be consoled. He seemed to be in a lot of pain as he violently arched his back and stiffened several times. This is not normal for him but this is the second time he's had a series of problems like this: in the last 3 months, and about 8 months after he was born, which is when he suddenly lost his ability to talk. He has no other signs of being "autistic". I don't believe he is. I believe our problems have been from radiation and I will explain why it adds up and is NOT crazy, in the next post.