Weight of the World

If a doctor is going to put you on a medication without your consent, which makes a person sick, weak, and without any pain management, which also affects your BRAIN, you'd think someone could throw in a housekeeper too.

I feel completely sick. Because of all the crap with doctors over here, who keep calling CPS for their own political objectives, I was told I have to let them into my house to "inspect"...but get this, they tell me they're giving me "3 days to clean your house". Since when does CPS give people "3 days to clean house?" The last offers from CPS are as follows: 1. A one-way bus ticket out of the state for me and my son, courtesy joint ventures of Central Washington Hospital ER staff and CPS, and 2. an offer for me to have a mental health evaluation by the provider of my choice. They dropped that last one after I said I wanted records as to who made the last report and time to find a lawyer. In the meantime, I was looking up psychoanalysts in New York City. I figured if it comes down to the "provider of your choice" bit again, I'll go for the best. And forget a basic testing. Why not go for the whole couch therapy thing? maybe someone could analyze my dreams too and we could go over the symbolism in Woody Allen movies too. Only, I want popcorn and I want to eat it on the couch. Actually, if CPS really wants to help, when they are fully aware of the situation, they could make a NORMAL and practical offer for once, such as: "We'd like to provide you with a housekeeper while your doctors jerk you around, to allow you to focus on your child, is that okay with you?"

At any rate, it's pretty sick that I'm being asked to "clean house" when I'm on medications I didn't consent to, which make me weak, sick, and cause me to suffer pain all day. I think about my pain every 5 minutes and neat new side effects too. And I still have to take 1,000 mg. Advil and 1,000 mg. Tylenol 3x/day on top of it. But the same doctors who put me on SHIT, which makes me feel worse than I ever have my entire life, call CPS because they say they don't think I can care for my son. I do "care" for my son. But my housework, of course, is in the crapper. Something has to go and it's not going to be my care of my son.

YOU go on a bunch of crap that makes you twice as slow-moving and increases your levels of pain 100%. YOU try to get up in the morning on this shit and "clean house". If these doctors or CPS have a problem or concern with my housekeeping, they shouldn't have put me on SHIT that I've been saying harms me, and especially not without telling me about and letting me know what it is. I tried to get off of this crap and almost passed out and no one believed me. Now, I'm taking more of it, just to keep from passing out, to "clean house" and knowing I will be the one punished for idiotic and ego-driven mistakes made by DOCTORS. Thanks, Dr. Freed. Thanks for being "the best" doctor ever. Oh, and that's right, you're not really my "PCP". You wouldn't want me to think you have the authority to put me on meds without my consent, now would you? There ARE certain laws in Washington and you don't want me to know about them or how you will get around them. I tried taking your fucking Topamax, Depakote, and Neurontin, and you just want to formulate a special little "cure" for my "problems". You don't give a SHIT about my migraines or you wouldn't have stood in the way of other doctors when they wanted to write prescriptions to help me with treatment that worked for me. You wanted to put me on shit to slow down my brain and try to control me. Yes, this is turning into a public message to Dr. Freed. You "care" so much, after you and Richard Bennett harassed me in a 2 hour meeting on MY BIRTHDAY last October, of all things, where you insulted me and Richard lunged forward and said spitefully, "Sue us! Sue us! Please DO!" when I'd said nothing about suing. I believe YOU, Dr. Freed, said to me with a snide look and tone, "There IS something wrong with you--(smirk)what do YOU think your problem is?" You sat there and harassed me and had your staff provoke me. As if I didn't notice the calls were never recorded when I was calling and being polite, and that the calls were only recorded after your staff hung up on me mid-sentence several times, or insulted or harassed me. You WANTED a reaction, and then you wanted to medicate me to punish me and keep me from writing about you. If you could get people to think I was nuts, there was no concern on your end when I contacted the Boards. You wanted to get me before I got you. You violated HIPPA laws long ago and knew it and didn't want to get caught. I told you I was reporting this to the Office of Civil Rights. Ever since you've tried to write me up as something I'm not, and you've worked with the hospital to slam me, NOT to "help me". I told you I would try the other crap for my "migraines" and I did. It doesn't help, so you lied to me and concealed medications in tablets I would think were narcotics. No migraines, and instead HELL every single day, and I have been sending you emails and TELLING you this almost EVERY SINGLE DAY and instead of listening to me, you push on. You have always been wrong about me and tried to dismiss every single abnormality that showed up on my bloodwork, X-rays and CT scans. Then you tell me and other doctors this is in my head when you have ZERO proof because you REFUSE to do an MRI even though I told you I've had occasional numbing in my left leg. I TOLD you, specifically, that I tried your antiseizure crap but I didn't want to take medications that didn't work, had terrible side effects, and slowed down my brain. You've had your fun using me as your guinea pig and lying to me about not having me on crap, and making me into a laughingstock. You attempted to strip me of any dignity and lied. I have gone to ER and sent you emails, telling you I'm in pain, and you say it's not true but you haven't done the MRI. And I HAVE abnormalities on X-ray and other diagnostics. But YOU have to be RIGHT. YOU'RE the infallible doctor and the town savior, saving everyone from a lawsuit by me, because you idiots slandered me, violated HIPPA and refused me reasonable standard of care. You're interested in your own discovery for your own civil gain, and in medicating me in a way that will work for your lawyers.

GET ME OFF THIS SHIT NOW ASSHOLE. Now...For your information,

I've decided, that since my blog is so threatening to some people, who try to claim it's a representation of my mental state and has zero validity as concerns the truth or journalistic merit, that I will continue with THIS blog, AND my "alternate" blog. So I'll do that tonight. I'll set up my BLOG 2 and give it a tasteful title, and refer all those who are disturbed by what I write HERE, to my other blog. I'll be everything this town and general society might want me to be--"Acceptable".

I'll write about recipes and puppies and being the Ultimate Mother, oh, but I won't flatter myself so. I'll make sure to write uplifting messages and palatable christian fare and will find something positive to say about every single person whose name I know in town. And I'll be the best American patriot ever with nothing bad to say about the FBI, CIA, police in Wenatchee, or country politics. To boot, I'll write at a "normal" rate, which would be about 1 short post every few days.

It's just that I can't do it right now, not tonight, because I'm pissed because my entire body hurts and everything is dull and I can't even hear music the same and trying to sing is like trying to lift a semitruck with my own hands. Oh, and there's this really nice buzzing feeling going on in my right leg, just above my knee in the back. It must not be a herniated disc. Maybe it's not my degenerating neck fixtures/surgery repair either. It must be my imagination--yeah, or the "meds".