Crashing After The Sugar-High

I think I'm not into the sugardaddy trials anymore either. I was okay with checking it out for something long-term, and where I know there is give and take, but even the ones who seemed most promising sort of seem to be into just an escort.

I thought about this, because the filmmaker (remaining unnamed and unspecified) wanted me to stay overnight with him at his hotel last time. Initially, I thought it would be fine, to talk, and we agreed I'd stay on the couch. But then when I said I was really tired and no longer conversational, and that I should just sleep in my own bed and we could catch up in the morning, he wanted to drive back to Seattle. If he were really interested in me, he would stay in the hotel without me and take advantage of the opportunity of seeing me again in the morning and spend some daytime with me. But if I wasn't going to be in that room, he was driving back.

And THEN, he writes to say the drive is strenuous (it is) just for a dinner date, and that he shant be doing it again. Of course, had a fantastic time with me, and I am beautiful and amazing and he can't wait to see me again, but NOW he can't drive me OR fly me to Wenatchee for a hearing "on such short notice", neither is he interested in coming back unless I plan to plant my booty in the bedroom of some Bellingham hotel. Of course, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do, he says, and I've a good mind to take the room with him and simply keep him at arms length while ordering room service and swimming in the hotel pool until he falls asleep on his own, but I don't want to waste my time fending someone off to begin with.

There have been many promises of financial reward and incentive, and he has enough to show for it for me to believe him. Great dinners too. But, frankly, I've had many wonderful dinners in my lifetime, and even if I didn't know what the hell I was drinking, I'm sure I've had first-rate wine as well. I've dated men with money, and I have men with not so much money offering to just give me money, for no reason at all, no strings attached. Just a few days ago, someone asked me if I needed some money and wanted to give me some. I said no, because as far as I know, he doesn't have millions or billions to spare, and I'm not going to take advantage of someone. If he were really serious about something more long-term, and not just "trying" me out (I'm not a bicycle), he would, in my mind at least, be taking me shopping first. Dinner is standard. Shopping and offering to pay for spa and salon and some other things, shows a different train of thought. I didn't go to the SD sites for a date with a rich man, when those are a dime a dozen. I went into it from a business perspective, and frankly, I'm not seeing anything in the way of a retainer for my attention upfront. It's supposed to be an "arrangment" and a long-term one. I don't want some sleazy set-up, period. Sure, I could just see where it leads, but that's stupid, from a business perspective. I want my ducks lined up in a row to begin with, and things spelled out, and then to proceed with caution. I don't know how to explain it, because maybe it sounds weird from the financial end, but I need to know this isn't just a way to use women and discard after use. Anyway, it's difficult to explain.

This guy has worked for the FBI besides, and knows CIA, and is also a psychologist. How do I know I'm not getting analyzed all this time (probably NOT, but not completely outside the sphere of possibilities). He's also a hypnotist, and has dated ambassador's wives (he found out later) and knows some big names. So, if he's dating me, and claiming to be serious about a real arrangment, how can I take him seriously if he's not doing extra things which would show me he's serious?

So I guess that's the end of THAT. I'm not throwing myself in, like the towel itself, for fun and games. I was never doing this for myself to begin with, but to explore alternatives for getting enough money to pay for a private attorney, which is hardly a distasteful motive. The shopping and stuff would have shown at least a little bit of a mind-set that is serious and would have been a kind of promissory note in a way. That wouldn't pay for the attorney, but it would show promise he was willing to then provide me with the allowance I required and requested, which would be used for legal things. If he had even followed through to fly me to Wenatchee to see my son and go to a hearing, that would have shown a little extra effort. But as it is, this doesn't seem to be anything more than normal dating and suggestion.

I kissed him when he kissed me, but even that felt wrong. I didn't know him well enough and was already sort of still interested in someone else (who is unfortunately not a sugardaddy) and it just didn't settle right. We kissed and that was it. I'm fine with leaving it at that, but I wouldn't mind keeping up my correspondence with him, on a writer-friendly basis.

Too bad though. I'm not even looking at the SD sites anymore or logging in to check my messages.

Huh. Well, the odds were greater than winning the lottery!

My roommate said, "What did you expect?" like he knew, all along, it was just a "hook-up" deal. That's NOT how I thought of it, or what I was looking into it for. He thinks I should have known, but actually, there are "real" arrangements out there, and that's not what I was running into, so I was a little suprised. He said it's no different from "adult friend finder", which I'd never heard of until he mentioned it. AFF was different to me, though.

There IS a distinction! I just didn't find the right man who distinguished himself from the rest.