I wrote about torture yesterday and then it was made worse for at least me personally, last night. They notched it up and basically, I am having to take 5 Aleve every 12 hours or less, to attempt to control the pain levels. It barely helps but since it seems to help a little, I take it. There are warnings to taking too much, but this is what is going on, and I have no other medications or ability to control the level of pain.
Not only are we tortured, it is incredible to me that with the kind of harassment and assault, I am forced to endure this without the ability to even take a prescription for valium. It seems illicit and illegal experimentation with medications has been allowed on me, and yet this entire time I have been forced OUT of counseling and having any kind of prescription for handling PTSD, with a medication I consent to and with my full knowledge. I have federally funded organizations and direct federal organizations that have interfered with this. They want to assault, experiment, and keep me out of work and profit, and yet this entire time I have had the FBI and state and federal medical organizations forcing me away from counseling clinics. It is not just private places that have blocked me from counseling or making any record of documentation of any kind of damages or time line.
It is also FBI and federally supported so-called "free" clinics that supposedly don't turn anyone away. When federally funded places obstruct someone from this, it goes with "state-sponsored torture"...they have slandered me to innumerable parties and then have prevented my documentation of this slander and the damages thereof at the same time.
So they basically want to assault all they can and then limit their entire future liability.
At the same time, my son has been, and is being tortured. I am not exaggerating. He has been tortured in this country with sponsorship BY this country.
Every attempt to block me from attending to any kind of legal matter, by forcing me out of work or unemployment monies, has been a direct attempt to keep me from holding anyone accountable for false testimony and from getting my son back.
Not only that, my personal religious beliefs are being and have been violated and exploited, as part of research gimics. Instead of being able to pray to God in peace and have my own personal relationship with God and being able to discuss miracles or ideas, or visions, or interesting things that happen, it gets turned around into a sick mind control and experimentation fiasco and circus.
It is like taking prophets and putting them in Auswitch and then telling them to pray to God as others attempt to interfere with this process and while they observe on a clinical basis to see if they can document "the supernatural" and call it scientific progress. It's degrading on every level and a violation of religious liberty. This has been no different from religious persecution.
I'm not saying I am a "prophet" either, by the way, not at ALL. I am saying, there is a comparison to be made.
They have exploited my mother and father in this same way and now they have kidnapped my son from me to use him for their own means. It's illegal and highly immoral, but that's stating the obvious.
I am most often sensible and while I enjoy symbolism and meaning and artistic expression and the intuitive and esoteric spiritual, I am also down to earth about things. I don't get carried away with signs and my ideas of lots or random are careful. Last night I drew a very random lot, of which psalm to sing, knowing it made no difference at all, one way or the other. Then today, just asking God prayerfully, I asked if He cared about what had happened to me (a specific incident) and wrote down numbers 1-10, deciding it would be 10 is the most care. However, I accidentally made one extra so wrote 11 on it. Then I prayed and I sensed God but still thought to keep it in mind not to be too serious but thought, if the first one seems about right, then trust the next question. So I asked how much God cared about something that had happened to me, and I didn't look and picked out the number and it was 8. Then I thought that seemed about right and felt the presence of God (I thought) so I asked then, "How much do you feel my son should be with me?" and then didn't look and picked a number and it was 11.
It was the highest one on the scale and I had only intended it to go to 10 and had one left over. I felt this matched, for me, intuitively and spiritually, what I feel is true. And I feel it strengthened me in my own spirit, to pursue every available course to fight for my son and his rights.
At the same time, I thought about this and how even my personal decisions to do something like this, are watched, discussed, and exploited. My own personal religious practices are turned into something to mock and work at on a scientific level and with sponsorship from the U.S. And the very things that I am shown by God are part of the reason this country has literally SNATCHED my child from me, and tortured all of us into submission to their own will.
It's evil.
There is no argument of "good for the country" when something is fundamentally evil to begin with. One does not create good through evil.
This song about "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is a half-truth. Some people, in some ways, may be strengthened by an experience and come out of it stronger, yes, but other times, torture and degrading treatment causes damages. Damages do not strengthen people but weaken them. Repeated torture to my head and body through U.S. military is not making me "stronger" and they know it. It is also not intended to make me stronger but to ruin me. At the same time, they have shut off any means or ability for me to document what damages they have created for me, my son, and my family.
During this time, a lot of things have been happening on a positive spiritual level as well but my computer has been ruined since I made my UN complaint and this was done right after I made a post about art and combined art with music one night.
I sometimes wonder if the greater fear is the expository nature of my putting up something creative, as nothing is to be to my credit.
I found out recently my old college transcripts even, have been altered and include now, several "F's" when I have never received an F in college my entire life, except for possibly one class in 1994 where it was only because I tried to withdraw and I was given an F instead. But the other ones are out of the blue, and all are given for "history". As if I got all these "F" grades for history which I never got. I never even got a D and there is a D added as well. Some other things as well. It's really interesting and yet another problem I have to sort out. I know instructors can go back and change grades in their system but why they did and when I don't know.
There is more, but suffice it to say, I have not given up and yet I am witness to the most shocking examples of breaking every rule in the rulebook that is possible in this country. It is strengthening those who are corrupt and damaging my family. It is not for the good of the country. I told my parents, "I don't know who is ultimately behind this but I know they are rich."
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