Song Of The Day

Oh you are all so ready for this...

"Irreplaceable" by Beyonce.

Listen to it, Wenatchee and World, and listen well. But it could be to the left and to the right as well. I think I'd mix it up a little if I were singing this one.

I have a few things to say, a couple of reminders--

My requests have been very simple, and I am tired of being fucking jerked around.

So cut the shit out.

No, you do not force me to do anything, or pressure me, or tell me my time has run out, or give me an opportunity for 3 minutes and then snatch it away and reverse on every single thing you promised.

You follow through.

I said I wouldn't blog if my son was okay and I was at least being given a chance in this town, to get him back.

Given the treatment lately, of "sort of" helping but pressuring me at the same time, I am going to write about someone.

The lovely Mr. John Fishburne. Renowned psychologist and his lovely wife at hand.

After being given a few "temporary" options from which to choose housing, and loads of temporary "options" for work and a bunch of other BS, including someone trying to mess with state processes again, I had it this afternoon.

No, the state worker is not going to continue to interrupt my visits with my son, as she recently picked up doing again. No, I am not going to be propositioned to do things I don't want to do, "or else". No, I am not going to be hassled and harassed in getting my son back, in any way, shape, or form. No, you are not going to parade Mykal's doggie down the sidewalk.

I think we all forgot something:

I OWN this fucking business.

That business is MY LIFE, and I OWN it.

After being told my options had changed yet again, at the last minute, I pulled out my laptop and walked down the sidewalk, head up, thinking, "I'm holding out for William or Henry. Period. I'm not settling for this shit or anything less than what I deserve." William and Henry, maybe not, but certaintly not some of the locos I am running into.

If I have to sleep outside to make a point that I will not go along with the charade, so be it. But no, you are all going to start taking some instructions from me.

So listen up.

You want me to make some quick decisions? Well I did. I demonstrated my executive abilities when I marched past the man walking Mykal's dog, and went straight to psychologist Fishburne's office where he and his wife have jerked me around. I actually suppose, not more than anyone else in town.

Fed up with the town, this afternoon I needed a cup of coffee. So I walked right into his office, left the door open wide as his wife is sitting behind the desk, took a cup, filled with coffee, poured 2 french vanilla creamers, stirred, and then walked over to the chocolate, grabbed a handful and as his wife said "Can I help you?" I said firmly and courteously, "Thank you!" and walked out, leaving the door open. A woman was waiting to be counseled, sitting on the couch, watching in part shock and more than anything, delight.

Then I went to Cafe Mela and asked for a half cup of coffee. I was told, by someone who knows me very well, that if I wanted coffee, he couldn't just give it to me, and I'd have to pay like everyone else or it wouldn't be "fair." I said, "I will pay you 25 cents for half a cup" (which was just a small water fountain type cup). He said okay, and then I let him know I had tipped him 15%.

That is all I have to say. It's nothing much. In fact, it's really nothing at all.

But I am tired of this and everyone else should be too.

There is absolutely no reason to harm my son. ZERO reason. There is nothing, not one thing that is worth it, which calls for it, justifies, or validates it. Period. There is also absolutely no reason for harming me in any way. Period. Or any member of my family.

Next song of the day, "Halo" by Beyonce.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo hoo! If I could raise my arms and dance, I would go to the loudest club and dance my heart out to this song.

This is not a victory for anyone, or any side or any team, except for my life. Everyone should listen to this song, and stop the fighting and competition and go out and DANCE. Dance to loud music, and forget, for a minute, what all the fighting and jealousy and ill-will is over.

That is what I want for everyone.

My first order, is that everyone dances with someone else from the other side of the tracks, or just turns up the music loud in their own house, and plays this song and dances.

And let go.

As for what does this mean right now for me? I have no idea. I have met my soulmate perhaps, or maybe not yet, and I may be inbetween deciding a lot of things, but I have my own interests, my son's interests, and the best interests of all in mind.

No one is going to suffer.

No one is going to pay one fucking thing for one fucking mistake or choice or non-choice I make.

Period.

You are going to forgive, just as I have forgiven.

You are going to forgive and let go. You are also going to tell those who are not used to taking orders from a woman, to think it over.

I have had someone recently say something to me, comparing me to Marilyn Monroe and saying she died because she owed someone something or others thought she knew something about something.

I have already said, over and over, that I don't know anything about anything. I have no idea who got the idea in the first place that I did. I talk to a lot of people, about a lot of things and I don't have any idea which "thing" or "what it is" that I have allegedly come across that is so threatening.

But is there anything that I "owe" someone? What do I owe anyone? I am most often a woman of my word and I don't try to harm anyone. I don't purposefully cause trouble for anyone. I don't know what anyone expects of me or what it is I do right or wrong from day one to day two.

I have been isolated from getting work, housing, and have been harmed, along with seeing my son harmed, and what do I supposedly owe anybody?

Also, I have had so many people say there must be some man that others might be trying to get to. This isn't true. If it WERE true, this man I think, must be different from day to day. I mean, it must be that someone thinks it's one guy one minute and then someone else the other minute. I have no idea.

If I do something good for someone, it is from my heart, and for no other reason. If I have done something bad, I don't know what it is. I've already said sorry so many times. I don't know what else I could do.

If I do something good for someone, even if it seems short-term, might be for the longer run. It could also be the reverse.

If I get married, or not married, it is no ones business but my own. What that marriage or relationship might mean to me is no ones business but my own.

If I sacrifice, and in what way, is my business.

If I love knowing it will never be returned or cannot be the way it should be, that is my business. I own that business.

If I know technology has been used to harm me and my son and to control others, as long as there are people DOING this, it is everyone's business to speak about it and to talk about what is going on. Those who harm others this way must be held accountable, regardless of who they are, and I don't give a FUCK what anyone does to threaten me or a lot of other people. You fucking BACK OFF and STOP.

If I want out of something that isn't good for me, that is my business. I own that. You do not own my life.

Everyone must have free will. No one, not anyone, should be pressured into making a choice for anyone except for themself.

You rule by example, not intimidation. You lead by character and heart, not through fear tactics and destruction, unless someone is deliberately out there hurting people that are innocent.

There are doves and there are hawks. I believe in both.

"If I Were A Boy" by Beyonce.

Anyway, I could really use a good smoke. I have quit for 9 days or 10 I think. I need a cigarette. I wonder, if I have just one, if you go back to smoking all the time or is it possible to smoke very sporadically?

I really need to smoke, if I can't dance.

"Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira.

Geckos.

I like geckos and I like military men and those who went peace corp and who would never go military. I like everyone, really, and I've pissed a lot of people off, but I hope I can fix it somehow.

Last night, several things came to mind. But it was all random words:

Ellory (woman's name)
Telluride (which sounds a lot like ellory so which one was it?)
Tarin (afghanistan) I have no idea how this came to mind
erudite

I did it. I smoked a few inhales. But I am not going back. I have to prove to myself, now, that I can now go forward 20 days without smoking a thing. It really, really, wrecks your skin. I think nicotine probably really affects collagen. And the voice, so I don't want to smoke because I would rather sing.

I think it's possible to entirely quit something and then to quit for the most part. I sort of like the idea of being in full control of exactly when and where I do anything, whether it's smoking the most addictive thing known to man or not. It takes will power to quit, and will power to smoke again and risk going back to the same old thing. I figure, if I do it a couple times a year there is no harm.

More than anything, I want to dance and I need to know where it is one can go, to dance to very loud music in Wenatchee, on a Thursday night.

I keep listening to "Halo".

And I don't know why it's a big deal whether or not I am interested in Diana but I can't help it. Ummm, maybe too scared to look into her case, but how can I help it? I like her! I just DO. I don't know if it's nerdy or celebrity nutso, but I really like the woman and I prayed for her sons today.

Today I was reading Tina Brown's book and laughed out loud at the parts about someone saying "how does one kill oneself with a lemon peeler? peel oneself to death?" that's a horrible thing but it IS funny, and the other part which totally cracked me up, I mean, the MOST, was the part about how she met Hewitt, after being HOOKED by a salmon hook while she was duly glum watching her husband fish. I love, love, love this image. Poor Di. I totally saw myself there. It is like something that would happen to me. Trying to do the right thing, and ya get hooked in the EYE for it.

I saw this picture in my mind's eye, of her huddled on a bank, cold, and drinking something hot from a cup, and all of a sudden, wham, she gets a hook in the eye. Really cracks me up, this image, it's so wrong. And what did Charles think or say? Honey??? She's yelling, "What the fuck are you thinking? You already got me into this royal family and it doesn't end, does it?" She was maybe marked for life. I wonder if she had to have stitches. And then just the other night, I saw this woman, just last night, in the bathroom with slits on her eyes bc she just had some eye surgery and it looked like fishing line was used to stitch her up with.

Noted. Stand back from fishing lines.

Also noted...Fight Club is the featured article on wiki today. Just saw this. It looks like some important things happened today. Some Irish army group disbanded! That's a big deal. I have to see if anything happened in Tarin.