Visit With Son

I'll write about it later, but the visit went very well.

I need to keep an offline journal of everything I do, to support my interactions and have something that's a log against state stuff.

I am still not provided with a lawyer so that's not even workable. I have to have one. The judge acted mad at me, maybe after I filed something saying I needed a lawyer bc I was trying to cooperate and couldn't get anywhere with the lying by some. I said I didn't want to bring out my evidence (I meant medical stuff) and fight this. I also wrote I thought someone was probably getting paid off, so much of what was written was wrong or false.

Then I thought, hmmm, not a good idea to write that! It is my assumption or flippant say, but for all I know, what if SOMEONE in the grand sphere of things, IS paying! and then someone would think I knew something again when I don't. So, although I can't think of another motive to lie so much other than getting money or something, I probably shouldn't have written that.

What seemed to really irk the Judge was that my I.Q. test didn't put me out as a full-on genius. He was reaaaaallly pissed about it and I don't know why. I said I needed a lawyer bc I was just normal intelligence and supposedly "mentally ill" and he said, in a very glaring and pissed off way, that he was "quite surprised by the results" and raised an eyebrow and glowered. So why the hell does it matter if I'm a brain or not???

Either 1. I'm not a brain but I'm pretending that I just faked normal intelligence to cover for my actual shortcomings, or
2. I'm really a brain in hiding, or
3. I'm somewhere inbetween with some ADD.

Why does it matter, is what I want to know. It's no one's business.

But when someone said maybe another Judge in another location would be better, I thought, well, I'm sure he's there for a reason, who knows. I mean, who knows. I am doing my best and hoping it turns around. I was so upset though, and felt I was going to lose no matter what, and I think everyone thought that too, that I just didn't know what to do.

I took off my necklace of a silver cross on a chain and was going to give it to him, the Judge, and then when I took it off, I thought about how my son fastened it on so I ended up keeping it and putting it on.

I asked for a continuance for the hearing bc I have no representation. I also could get a few more things done first.

I will write about my visit bc it was really wonderful.