Visit With Son: To Infinity and Beyond (Toy Story)

My visit went really well. Oliver was very chatty and sweet and full of life and conversation and he seemed to be well. He still had some circles under his eyes like he's not sleeping well but he said he was. He seemed to be in good spirits.

Yesterday there was a lot of commotion, and contrasting energies but I felt something very positive all day, and close to me. From mid-morning on. And today I felt peace even if there is no peace in the world, and things circling. Got into a fight with my mother, but still, feel fine. I think it's that my spirits pick up after a good visit with him, perhaps. I don't know. Torwards the last half of our visit, it was very strong.

I am not paranoid and that's all there is to it. I am not abandoning my family even if some try to say I am, but want support with someone sitting next to me at hearings for my son. I don't see how anyone thinks I have family support, even if they say they do support me, without a visible show. I know they've done things for me, but it seems like I shouldn't be going to hearing after hearing, completely alone. They are going to pitch in with some things though, so I heard this recently and I'm happy about that.

So my visit with my son was all about Toy Story, and flying, and...it was just adorable. I'll be more specific.

I really do believe I'll quit blogging soon, but this is something that interests a few people, and it was very cute what he did yesterday. I have the will power not to blog. I've quit smoking and that, with tons of people around me smoking non-stop. It wasn't that difficult. So I think I have pretty good will power.

I'm not going to spend all day in contemplation either, because there are things to get done. This was my visit though:

Oliver wanted to eat first, and then he showed me his tatoos from before, that the doggies had gone to sleep, and went "night night" because they were faded. Then he noticed my nicks from shaving on my knee and he kissed all of them, really wanted to and then said "Mommy feels better now".

He then wanted to take flying leaps from a chair into my arms while I was lying down so we did that and then he set up a chair in the corner and began jumping off of it, yelling out: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!

Over and over and I started laughing and then the monitor said it was a saying from Toy Story. He kept saying "Watch!" "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!" and I guess the monitor said it was from Toy Story, after I said, "It sounds like a math equation, like someone has been teaching him pi or something." Then I said, oh wait,, what's that number for infinity? because pi is 3.33 or whatever it is...0.333 or whatever. So then Oliver jumped and said, "TO INFINITY AND PIE!" And the monitor then said it was from Buzz Lightyear, from Toy Story, so Oliver kept doing it and then roving around the room like he had wings on his back. Then he was jumping and then would pout and look at me and say, stamping, in a softer voice, "I can't DO IT!"

Over and over.

I said, "You can't do what?"

He said, "Fly! I can't FLY! I try and try but I can't fly!"

So he was jumping and trying to fly, and I said, "I'll help you fly. Mama can help you." So he looked at me and I took him from the chair and flew him around the room and he was cuddling against me when I did. The way he did when he was in my FT care and I did this. He went to the chair again and we did this over and over.

I sang, from the Peter Pan song, "You can fly, you can fly, you can fly!" and he wanted the rest of the song but I didn't know the lyrics. So I said I would try to look them up and we did but they came up in German. The connection was lost so I said I'd look the lyrics up and memorize them and sing them next time. He kept saying, "PLEASE!" over and over.

Then he wanted me to put tatoos on him so I asked what of and he said "A starfish" and then more dogs and more starfish. He then wanted me to draw Peter Pan on my knee and I was going to but then he wanted me to read a book to him about flying. He wanted to read it from the very last page first, and then from the right page to the left page, in reverse from the regular reading of books. So we read the book backwards--about planes mainly.

He also talked about the doorstop in the wall when the monitor mentioned it, and said it was like a hole in the wall where the mama mouse and the baby mouse came out and played and they flew all over. He had a whole imagined scene about the mama and baby mouse flying.

I told him I'd seen some bighorn sheep where I was and he was impressed with this and then said something about Bambi in his house again, or in the playhouse that was in the room. But mainly, it was all about flying and Toy Story.

He didn't want to leave. He kept making excuses not to go, asking me to read more, or draw more, or to eat. He was stalling about leaving and I also noticed one of the first things he said when he was there was, "You're here! I went to church, and then I went to sleep, and the next morning I saw Mama!"

I write in a calendar for him so he has an idea when he'll be seeing me next and can control his understanding of time and how long to expect. So I tell him after Sunday, after the day he goes to church, he'll go to sleep and then when he wakes up he will have a visit with mama. He alternates between calling me mama and mommy.

We also talked about colors he selected and the names in both Spanish and English and I tried to explain to him how he knows 2 languages that are different.

Afterwards I looked for a new place to live, housing, and still figuring that out. Pros and cons to everything.

I'm not into astology but there's this book where I'm staying and it's Linda Goodman's "Sun Signs" and I read this part about how the different signs respond to the idea of having a calling card, and the part about Libra, totally cracks me up, because it is so true. All the other signs have one liners and the Libra has a paragraph and a half and says, "Well, on ONE hand, it's good because...and on the OTHER hand, it's bad because...and yet if you look at it THIS way..." and on and on. I don't put much stock in the sign stuff, but this was so true I just cracked up laughing.

I told Alvaro about Oliver's Toy Story thing yesterday and I didn't know the approximation for "To Infinity and Beyond!" in Spanish so I said, "Infinito y Mas!"

It was just really cute.

I was sort of feeling sad when I first began to blog but then I noticed the positive energy again, as I wrote about my son and his "infinity and beyond!" and I think it has to do with my son.

The flier. I think I'll listen to Nanci Griffith's "The Flyer"

I listened to Mclaghlan earlier--Adia and Building a Mystery. I have to learn the Peter Pan song too! I think I'll have to watch Toy Story I and II too. I haven't really seen them. It's important to my son so I'll have to see what they're about.

Oh, this clip from wiki about "to infinity and beyond" brought tears to my eyes:

"Also in 2008, the phrase made international news when it was reported that a father and son had continually repeated the phrase to help them keep track of each other while treading water for 15 hours in the Atlantic Ocean.[17][18]"

I thought this was an inspiring story. I'll have to keep better track of my son's interests and what he's watching.