Being the Bigger Boy

Hello Little Bear,

YOU are a very sweet boy! Yesterday we were all about town, running errands, and you found many children to play with to pass the time while I was standing in line, or at the library. Other toddlers would take toys from you and you would stand there bewildered, just watching them. A couple of times I encouraged you to go get the toy back, and you then took off, running for the toy, happy that I approved such action. You are only 14-15 months!!! You have the understanding of a 3 year old. THEN, when a little boy who was older than you became very distraught and wanted his toy car back, and his mother was telling him to let you have it, you and I saw how upset this boy was. And, it WAS his toy, and he has a right to make choices in whether to share or not to share. So I knelt down and asked you if you could give the toy up. You looked at me, and solemnly held the car out for me. I knew you wanted it, because I saw the frantic look on your face as you were running away with it, with this big, older boy in hot pursuit, looking over your shoulder as you ran to see how close he was. You ran to mama--"base". So you gave the toy to me, and watched as I gave it to the boy, and I thanked you for being so big and for sharing. You didn't cry or protest. I was so proud of you! You did this again, at the library, being willing to allow another child to have a toy when they were unravelling. Even though you wanted to play with it. When we were in the car, I told you how proud I was of you, that you had been the "big boy", and explained why.

As your mama, I want to respect your rights to your things, like toys. And we will respect the rights of other children, to their toys, and to make decisions about sharing their toys independantly from their parents. But, also, there are toys that are public, and you have a right to equal time playing with them, and I want to guide you to being assertive and standing up for yourself. If I am always making you give up your toys, what does that teach you? to be a doormat? I do not want other children to take advantage of you, and I also want you to see what a great feat it is to be the leader and be mature beyond your years, and kind and thoughtful of others when they are having a moment of vulnerability.

I want you to grow up knowing it is okay with me, if, in your own defense, you fight back, even using physical force if needed to fend off an attack. Which has me contemplating martial arts lessons for you. Or boxing. Be kind, be generous, be patient, and when all else fails, KO.

When you're older, you can sue. Any parent with a mean kid that's harassing my son had better control their kid or I'LL sue.