Toys and Play

Dear Little Bear,

What a fun job it would be, to design toys. Not make or assemble them. Just design them. When I look for a toy for you, I examine the list of contents the same way I examine the ingredients of a multi-vitamin. I think about your present abilities and your rate of learning things and estimate how much use you'd get of it. And I think, often, that there are just not enough toys that are more than one-hit wonders where all you do is press a button. You like to investigate things and explore and I believe most kids do--they need a challenge. If the toy is impossible, a toddler will only be frustrated they can't master the thing, but if it's too easy, it's no fun. There is a balance.

I think, what you would like more than anything, is to have a huge obstacle course to run through. The other day at the store you found one of those ladders storekeepers use to stock high shelves, and you had scrambled up in a minute. We are definitely going back to that store-they were very accomodating when I asked if I could drag that huge ladder around as I shopped, just to keep you entertained, climbing up and down (with one of my hands gripping the back of your shirt). When you were at the top, you'd look around and yell out for others to notice your feat. Then, you'd turn around, with your back and arms against the bar behind you and lean back as if you were against the railing of a huge cruiseship--like a scene from the movie Titanic, with the wind blowing in your hair. Oh, I guess that's my imagination coming into play, not yours...Ahem...Yes, so I was just shopping, blank-slate, like a normal mother would (cough, cough).

I think you've begun imaginative play however. A few weeks ago you were rearranging your toy shelves, and putting certain items in a different location, the way I organize cupboards (I can organize, I just can't clean!), and yesterday you were pretending to light a candle. You tried to feed a baby doll months ago, when you were 9 months or younger.

The other day we were at a second-hand store and you were excited to see a dollhouse. I was thinking about buying it and we were examining it, when I noticed an older man looking at me and the dollhouse, with what seemed to be a look of disgust. I may be wrong, but it seemed a look of disapproval. I decided not to get it, because you have enough toys for now, but it made me wonder why some cannot see the value of giving a child a toy that is typically for the other gender. Even traditionalists should consider, a dollhouse is not only for playing house, but for understanding structure and architecture; a doll can increase understanding of anatomy. Football players now understand the value of taking ballet. Introducing non-traditional toys, and lessons, I believe, can only benefit play and learned skills, which may be applied later in inventive ways.

That said, I remember when you were about 8-10 months old and kept wanting to walk (holding my hand) along the narrow curb. You liked balancing and were able to put one foot in front of the other without falling. We tried it first at a gym, on a real balance beam, and after that, you wanted to do it in parking lots and off of sidewalks. If I started to take you away, you'd cry and try to steer yourself back to it. Once, a man near the post office parking lot was walking by and said in a somewhat demeaning way, "I guess that's good for a job in the circus" or something to that effect. He was shaking his head, as if I was forcing/training you to do something pointless. He couldn't see the value of play--beyond his idea that balance was only good for tightrope walkers. In fact, such balance is a prerequisite to martial arts. Some schools encourage mastery of the balance beam, for younger tots, simply for this reason.

Don't let other people make fun of your pursuits or belittle them. You don't have to explain yourself either. You never know what lies ahead in the future and how your skills, unique or not, may contribute to your success and understanding of the world. Explore, investigate, and let nothing hold you back, no matter how "out-of-step" or in keeping you may be with society. There is a purpose for everything...Your experiences, skills, inborn talents, and even weaknesses, can be used for great things. The tallest man in the world ended up saving a dolphin by his ability to reach further than anyone else.

Your sense of humor is developing. I'll have to give better examples later, but in the last week, I've said a couple of things, in a normal voice, that were funny, but said it to myself (out loud) and you LAUGHED out loud! It wasn't physical silliness, or my change of voice--you recognized a humorous concept.