Having Some Freedom, Choices, and Respect

Dear Little Bear,

You're napping. It's always a struggle for me to fight off the need to nap with you, and write or clean, or do other things that need to be done instead. This was true even when I was 18 years old, full of energy, and working as a nanny. I worked hard, and I took my naps along with the kids!

You had Cheerios and yogurt for breakfast. Thought you'd like to know. It's not always chicken at sunrise. What do I usually give you for dinner? Well, the day you didn't want your eggs for breakfast, you had them later that night. We don't waste food, but I allow for options. Sometimes, you're just not in the mood for eggs.

What did I have for breakfast? Spicy chili with a tortilla and avocado. I used to have cold cereal every morning. I'm glad we both like Mexican food. I'll have to find a good recipe for pasole, though I like it made with chicken better than pork, with all the extras (onion, cabbage/lettuce, fresh lime, radish, hot sauce).

You think a kid won't notice the quality of food, but you do. When I bought really good organic, small-kernel, white corn, you couldn't get enough, and then when I bought multi-colored, midsize-kernel corn, you had a few bites but could pass on it. It wasn't moodiness either, in that case. You like plain chicken, but chicken cooked or fried with different spices and flavorings appeals to you more.

I do love to think about food. I was about to make a list of what we've got, typically, in our fridge and cupboards, so you have an idea, but it'll have to wait. One thing I have given you since I knew you were in the womb, which you take now, is mercury-free cod liver oil. I just read a new article about it in Men's Health, from this month's issue. I have no idea why I started getting Men's Health, but it's addressed to me and it's coming free-of-charge to my door. I am a firm believer in cod liver oil.

Anyway, yesterday you climbed up a regular, very tall, aluminum, ladder. I was spotting you but didn't assist in any way. You were able to climb up and down all by yourself! And yesterday before bed you wanted to paint, and brought me the paint colors you wanted to use: red and yellow. I asked if you wanted other colors too but you didn't. You directed me as to where you wanted the paint placed, and then you used brushes and your fingers to make your design, which you are very proud of this morning! It's definitely more complex than some of your earlier paintings.

I have overheard parents talking to their kids in the last couple of days and want to comment. In one case, the mother yelled at her son to stop shouting on the playground. I thought that was ironic. In another case, the mother started chastising her son loudly in public--he was about 3 or 4 years old and embarressed and kept looking over at me. I believe correction should be made private, and that it could have been done immediately, but by whispering or talking to the boy quietly. Kids deserve respect, at any age, and how would any one of us feel if we were being corrected publicly, by someone we love? I could tell the parents loved their boys very much, but I think many parents don't think of their kids as having the same intellect and feelings as they do. Then, at the library, a father told his son he couldn't get a book because it was too difficult for him. I think, kids will decide on their own what is too difficult. If it's for a first reader, then select an easier one, but also let the kid have the other book, because it will inspire him to learn to read if there is something he's excited about reading in the future, on his own. I wouldn't deny a child a book from the library, for any reason, barring inappropriate material for their age.

When I overhear other parents, I always make note of things I'd like to try myself/good ideas, and I also remind myself of what I would not want to do and why not. Your upbringing and the way you are treated, are for me, close to religion--it's very important to me. Positive reinforcement is pretty much all it takes to keep you in check, even at this age. Sometimes, you learn a hard lesson. Like, the other day, I told you not to walk any further because there were stickers ahead. You stopped, and I asked you to come back to me and you didn't. So you stood there and I kept encouraging you to come back. You then proceeded forward into the stickers, and I allowed you to see for yourself what I was talking about. But I was right there, to rescue you, the split second you made the discovery that they hurt. You have never gone ahead after I've warned you, since then. I don't believe in spanking, but a little natural (as long as I am positive it will not be very bad) consequence is okay.

Sometimes we have to learn on our own, but I would never leave you to suffer. Ever.