Bad Vibe (but then silly photos & my color "lot")

Today I can tell someone is sad. I bet my son is not in school today and at that daycare.

I am wearing grey pants with black pants beneath, a yellow, tan, and grey fleece shirt with a red sweater beneath it and then I am alternating between a cream jacket and a bright navy jacket. I almost wore an orange shirt over red this morning. Might still put that on at some time bc it's cold today. I think black jacket would be best bc I did dark eyes but was wondering about black and red with my red lipstick and very black eyes today. We'll see.

Tennis shoes.

I had a sad vibe while wearing the cream jacket and while putting on my make-up actually, about an hour ago. At about 9 a.m. or so. Which is also about the time my Dad left the house so I wonder what torture is being done to him.

I took some silly photos of myself, to ask, "which jacket today?" and put them up but I started laughing so that was good.

I love this one photo where I put my elbow resting on a canister of salt and then found, I didn't plan it, in the space above, it was framing the canister of "double mocha" I got, and I started laughing because right before that I photographed me next to the list of ingredients on the back of salt ("an anticaking agent").

Well, now the photos are being hidden in an archive so I'm not going to put them up right now until I have all of them. I took some of me in the tan and yellow with cream overjacket and then took off the tan and yellow layer so it was my v neck red sweater I had on beneath and then took photos with a black jacket over the red and then my bright blue jacket with turquoise over the red sweater.

I have something to say about color lots which I thought was sort of interesting. Not yesterday, but the day before, it was a big green and yellow day. Yesterday I went shopping with my torn jeans newly stitched up with green thread because it's what God's "lot" fell on. The night before, I thought, I am going to sew this up, but what color thread? I'd used tan, blue, and white before. So since it was something that didn't matter too much I said to myself, "this is a good time to decide on a lot." So I took all the rolls and I only had a few colors, not all of them, but I closed my eyes and put them in my hand, shook them up and prayed, "God, whichever color you want me to use, let me choose this" and I kept my eyes closed and threw one on my bed and with eyes still closed, said, "and my alternate or one to mix it with?" and then threw one on the bed.

It was green and yellow. The green one was lying down and the yellow one landed standing upright. The green one was a full roll and the yellow one was halfway gone but it was upright. I thought, "That is really interesting." So I used green because I threw it out first and kept yellow with me because I thought I might combine them. But then the bright green was enough to stitch it, just barely so I left it and then put the yellow on my shelf right there. It was interesting to me because the book I had landed on that day (Sunday) while doing a Bible study to find out about Solomon and Adonijah was that green and yellow book "KINGS".

Then today, I did a quick lot on m&ms. I was laughing about the "doubles" and "agent" and photos I took, with "SALT" (I am SALT? uh, THANKS ANNA--they had me confused with yew(and still don't want to admit it)). So I was eating m&ms and impromtu took a photo opening my mouth not knowing what color it was and it was turquoise. Then I "lot" picked the next one and it was yellow. So I took a 4-photo section of me trying not to laugh, then showing turquoise, then yellow, and then cracking up laughing.

I'm settling on wearing my red sweater and blue jacket over it. It's comfy and warm enough for today.

I am still coming off of meds and being tortured, so um, have some compassion.

I am not okay to work on legal stuff. First of all, it's impossible. The U.S. has obstructed my travel for over 7 years, and ruined all of my work opportunities. They have tortured me, literally, non-stop, so no, it's not possible. They have been brutally torturing me, knowing I have legal things to attend to.

I don't have all my medical records and FBI files and documentation that would clear me and prove absolutely that I've been defamed.

Did you see those photos of me with "not thrush?" THIS IS THE LIE that ALL of those doctors got away with. Okay, they ALL colluded to LIE about something like THIS and if they lied about that, don't you know they also lied about everything else. I had to put up humiliating photos of myself with a RASH, after several years, just to PROVE I am not lying and delusional to the public.

They lied and they covered up for themselves. They should all be in jail for criminal conspiracy to collude to obstruct justice and for refusal of treating a BABY and then covering up for torture.

Any doctor, in the entire world, can look at those photos and see what it is and that it matches my claims. I said my son and I had thrush from breastfeeding and then it went systemic and they maliciously refused to treat us.

Well these doctors all lied and said it wasn't that and we didn't even have it anymore. They are LIARS.

Just as these doctors, shocking, colluded to lie about me and a BABY, others have lied about the entire CPS case. The entire thing is a fraud and they blocked me from all records and all money.

Guess what these assholes are doing now? They know I am going to lose the Appeal because I don't have the records and files I need and I'm being tortured to keep me from doing legal research and have no money.

So guess what they have lined up? Mental health disability. This entire time, they refused to provide any counseling because the FBI didn't want records generated about THEM and their inaction and how it was traumatizing me and they didn't want evidence I wasn't nuts either.

So now, all of a sudden, they refused all these things to the line of having me lose my son with finality and then these FUCKERS want me to then be "consoled" by having my transcript paid to go to college.

FUCK YOU and GOD FUCKING DAMN AMERICA.

Guess what else. Oh, all of a sudden, then they want me to file for mental health and *suddenly* the federal employees are saying I can get counseling now. Now that it's too late. They abducted my son, slandered me, tortured us, and used us for fucking research and then they want me to sign up for mental illness and NOW, when it's too late, get "counseling" when there is nothing I can use it for legally to get my son back.

They don't want me to have my son back. They forced me out. They picked the Avilas because they are corrupted by mafia and the CIA fucking likes that because they can work with that. As long as they have something to use against the Avilas they control them and do whatever they want to do with my son with mafia.

Guess what else. The FBI, after sharing my blog and selecting parts of my blog to psychic wards, to defame me and torture me with Haldol, wants ME to pick out my own little sections of my blog to "prove I am crazy" to SSI. They want ME to do this so if I later accuse them of damages from defamation they can say, "Didn't YOU pick out sections of your blog where you thought you sounded crazy to prove mental illness?"

They're forcing me to do this. I'm not choosing this, they're forcing this. Here's the other thing. The woman I talked to was nice but I know she's connected to the FBI because the only time she FUCKING tried to CUT ME off with what I was saying, was when I said, "I was blocked from getting counseling at even federally funded clinics where it's supposed to be free to anyone who applies."

She didn't like that and wanted to run right over me as soon as I said, "I was blocked from getting counseling at even federally funded..(she starts talking over me)...clinics..."

It was the ONLY time she talked over me. Just like FBI Julia Thornton, talking over me when I brought up religious hate crime. Why talk over me unless you're trying to distract me from an important point that shows collusion, corruption, and crime.

She did this, and instantly, at that moment, it was right there. She's connected to FBI. Only a federal employee would try to mow me over on a point that implicates the federal government for obstructing justice.

Why was this important? because SHE knows it helps prove FEDERAL OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE. When the State or government employees are blocking someone from accessing the path to JUSTICE, to get their KID back, it proves that U.S. FBI and federal employees were directly involved and responsible as first parties to criminal obstruction of justice.

It means it wasn't just some "clerk" or doctor who had too many patients and couldn't take another one. It proves the U.S. colluded to obstruct justice in the "case" that is a fucking MOUNTAIN OF BULLSHIT. Next time you see a pile of dog crap, think of Panetta crouching there to make his mark.

God damn the U.S., and every single U.S. family that has had any part in what has been done to me and my son. May God kill your firstborn sons, and by that, I mean, just as you have done to my son and I, may this return to your houses and heads. All of you and God return any evil plotted and prayed against us. For every injury or fault you win, may you see it return to you double.

So I asked, "Do I list my blog as evidence then? just list the site? or am I supposed to pick out sections where I think I sound the craziest?" and she said, "Pick out sections where you think it will help because it will be scanned and they can't ignore it then."

(Scanned into an online public file where any federal and state employee can access it and mock me further and try to use this to bolster themselves.)

I said to her, "That is just...that is NOT what crazy people do. Crazy people don't pick out sections of their blog where they think they sound the craziest. Crazy people don't know they're crazy, they don't pick out sections to send people." Then she said I might not get any money and I said, "Okay, so the U.S. uses me and and defames me and takes MY SON away from me and ruins my life, and then I don't qualify for getting $700 in benefits for the same thing? I'm sorry, but $700 is sort of a low-ball offer to be "crazy for the U.S." to begin with." I should be compensated for millions and billions and then if the U.S. can't even fucking give me $700 for the shit they did to me and my son, what is their fucking problem.

This the other thing. I said, "So do I take the application to YOU or who?" and she said, "You know where the Goodwill is?" and I said yes, and she said, "You take it to the Social Security offices next to the Goodwill."

Then I said, "Well this will be really interesting if I find out someone never retracted and destroyed my son's Social Security number as I requested." and then I told her how I'd gone back and told the SS admin I wanted my son's SS# removed because I was threatened, forced and coerced to sign for one for him and that's illegal. So I explained to her they have 2 processes. One is to put the original # in "hiding" until he applies for one himself when he's 16 and then the other is to destroy it and when he applies, he starts all over. So when the SS offices in Wenatchee (what a great acronym for them--nazi symbolism). When they took my kid from him, what did they do? revive his SS#? that they were supposed to destroy?

I told her about this and said, "This is a little strange that the same offices that might have some liability for what they did or didn't do in handling of my legal request, are then going to process a crazy claim for me that they know will work to their own benefit."
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Oh this one. This song. I didn't love the violin concerto I heard last night, but this, I like. Perk, perking. Big eyes. I was sitting there eating twix, calling the fucking crazy-doctor and this song was on. The artist plays well. I don't know what it is but it's 12:35 p.m. and it's being played by Jefferson radio. I caught the last part of one before this but didn't love it. It was from Taming of the Shrew. Sort of ho-hum. This though, I like. It's a little different from the style I usually prefer, sort of baldaveer? a little like some rolling scene from a John Wayne western bar with the piano but the violinist is pretty good.Henryk Wieniawski is the composer and Corey Cerovsek, violin & Katja Cerovsek, piano. Before I looked up the composer I wanted to guess about him while still hearing this and even though it's not sad, maybe it's not him I see, but a man wiping away angry hot tears while writing fast at a desk on paper. And lots of ice-skating in a town ice skating rink. A round one like in NY at Central Park. Women ice-skating in long skirts. I wanted to see about the composer Henryk. Okay, now I'm looking him up for the first time in my life to see if it matches.

I wasn't being tortured today until I wrote about this composer and song. Right after I did, the torture to my neck, teeth and ear very severe to punish me I guess, for probably being right and I don't even know yet. Let me see. There is an inserted song into the program of Tuba by composer James Grants "waltz for betz".

Yes, just looked up preliminary notes on Henryk and I feel confirmation God gave me a good musical ear and taste. He was considered to be a violin genious. The composer was, which is maybe why I was more impressed with the violin portion than the piano section. I stood right up, from where I sat, upon hearing the first minute of his song. It was amazing. And again, the Russian's had him awhile because they know...they just do, like about tchaikovsky, they know, snow beauties. This is what I clicked on:http://www.8notes.com/biographies/Wieniawski.asp

I asked God to show me about the composer when he was writing this song I heard, I asked at the close to end, deciding to apply myself to ask. And I saw these rolling, streaming tears, hot, fast, and furiously fast writing on paper while he was sitting at a desk. Wiping away tears, writing. And then a circular ice skating rink and women in heavy long skirts. Like he either skated or watched it or was near one. I saw from looking into the rink, and the women skating around, with very warm clothes on. Oh! on wiki now, a quirk...he was given medical care it says, by the patroness for Tchaikovsky. She and I would share same musical tastes then.

I took note of Henryk's composition at the beginning, where all of a sudden, it goes sliding down on a minor sort of scale. A dramatic shift, and so beautifully constructed, my eyes got wide. I sat there, idly chewing on a twix, with the psychologist's answering service on the phone to my ear and my eyes bugging out at the splendor of the piece.

So first I saw crying at fast writing at a desk when I asked and then I asked to see more and saw a round ice skating rink and heavy winter long dresses, with some with maybe fur trim? like out of one of those old fashioned christmas cards where the women are skating in skirts or dresses that are very warm, bundled up.