The Family That "Prays" Together

Well, I wrote my angry posts for the week already. Check.

I suppose it's not very nice to write about family the way I did, but I'm a little upset about the promise to assist with a private attorney. There was a promise, which was initially without conditions, and then conditions were added. I agreed to conditions which went against my grain, simply to have financial assistance from my own family (which is not dirt poor by any means) to pay for a lawyer. Some of those conditions were:

1. Agree to go to the church of our choosing, every Sunday;
2. Agree to be prayed for by some "special" group in California;
3. Agree to have your house inspected by CPS for housekeeping;
4. Forgot number 4.

Here I am, an adult, and I have family stipulating support to get my SON back, based on my agreement to the above conditions. I think they thought I would say no, because they know me, and would have known ahead of time this sort of bribery would be repugnant to me. And where in the world my mother got the idea that I should allow to have CPS (she's deluded enough to think they are the "good guys!") inspect my house, is beyond me.

But, despite my strong nature and anger over these kinds of ridiculous conditions, I agreed immediately. I didn't even say I needed time to think it over. So I agreed to my end of the deal, but their end was to pay for a private attorney who would fight for change of venue, and then assist as needed. On their end, they backed out when the first lousy guy did a 180 the day before the first hearing, claiming I should represent myself at first (?!) and then that we should go with a public defender. This is the guy we were PAYING and had already paid money for. Instead of listening to me, and going ahead with our agreement about what the lawyer was for, they decided to go along with what he said, because it was cheaper. So suddenly, I'm being told to go with some PD in Wenatchee when the whole point was to get a NON-WENATCHEE attorney to get the change of venue in the first place. I kept my end of the deal, but when my family backed down on their end, that was the end of that.

And I'm sorry, but that crossed the line for me. I've had things to forgive in the past, and one thing was major. But this one, involving my son, was the clincher. Who needs enemies with family like this? If your own family cannot support your right to get your son back, even when I was stating I would sign a contract for a loan to pay them back, there's something wrong.

The saddest part, is that conditions were placed on helping my son, and I AGREED to these conditions, and yet that wasn't even good enough.

This is why I hate money. My family has constantly put money above family, and what is right. It's been this way for a very long time. The worst part, is hearing the griping about how broke they are, when they drive new Lexus SUVs, own property, houses, realty and investments; have accounts abroad, and go on vacations, even international, on a regular basis. And don't get me started about my mother's plastic surgeries.

Yet it's suddenly a "big expense" to think about helping out with a lawyer for my son. Instead, I'm told they're "praying" for me, and "fasting" even. Like fasting is helping me with the lawyer.

So if I seem bitter or shock sometimes, it's because I have low tolerance for hypocrisy of any kind, even with my own "family". My family is my son, period.

The worst part is that I probably have the most common sense, intuition, and knowledge of the system, and they would rather believe two-faced liars who serve self-interest (not the "public") than trust their daughter's judgement when it's been
proven accurate about 80% of the time. I can see ahead, and make predictions with accuracy about the way things are unfolding or will unfold. I can see strategy one hundred miles down the road, and know the other side's game plan, and I find out about corruption and connections all the time. I get hunches too, and find out I'm right about things. And yet they have trouble trusting this, I guess, sadly, because they are as naive about the justice system and authority and motivations, as I USED to be, before going through all this crap.

I am the type of mother that, when on WELFARE, I spent every last penny on toys and things for my son. I bought nothing for myself. When my aunt took my son to her house, she didn't want to bring all of his toys. "There's too many!" she said. I had to go back into storage and collect more of the toys I know he loves, because no one else would. I had purchased all of them myself, with anything leftover from welfare, and all my Christmas or Birthday money. I was willing to be broke, on Welfare, to stay at home with my son, because I knew I was the best provider and I didn't want him in daycare. I worked as a nanny for other people, and knew I was good with kids, and would be excellent with my own son. And I was.

I give, and give, and give, to the people I love and care about. I was happy to be sacrificial for my son, even when I wanted to go out sometimes at night, or go back to college, I put his needs first.

Yet it seems every good intention has been for naught. My efforts to secure a good emotional foundation for my son were disrupted when he was torn from me. His damages began when he was taken without cause or grounds. I had compliments from even grandmothers, sometimes just walking through the mall, about how delightful it was to see me and my son interacting together, and how "well-adjusted" my son was. Even the speech therapists said the same thing. I am an excellent mother.

It is sick what has happened, and it's sick that my family is so flam-spinal-spindly. The state and those who wanted to harm me, by going after my son and my reputation, knew these things. They knew how supportive or non-supportive my family was. They knew all these things beforehand and then they used my family's ignorance and prejudices to their own advantage. It's sick. I feel so bad for the other family's who have gone through this, and especially for the families of polygamy right now, and their children, and I think of the parents and kids from the Wenatchee sex abuse trials too. I do not believe there should be a state organization for removing children anymore. I used to think it was a good thing, and now I see it's corrupt and is actually used as a weapon against people who don't conform to a very narrow construct. The only people who should be involved in kid's and family's lives should be police. Citizens should make complaints, police can press charges, and then take it from there. The state has far too much power, and yet they can't even save kids that die from starvation. Why? probably because they pursue political complaints made by top dogs in the community before they ever listen to the meek and similarly poor woman from the trailerpark who keeps telling them she thinks something is wrong next door.

It's just prejudice.

I really hate the influence money has on people here. I hate the greed. Will I take money at this point, for my son's interests? If I can get it, I will. But as soon as it's over, I'm done with it and out of here. I don't care if I live in a shack, I'm living someplace where civil rights are respected and my faith in humanity can be restored, at least to some degree.