I Question My Blogging Ethics, To Music & Lyrics

"Wow. That's really kind Alex. Especially for a man who wears such tight pants."
"It forces all the blood to my heart."

I am watching this movie, just happened upon it, Music & Lyrics or something with Drew Barrymore and the English guy whatshisname.

At first I thought, "Wait a minute...WHAT is this? the story of my life? edited?" It's about this woman who is a plant caretaker but also a singer/songwriter who was formerly an English Lit. major and had some romance with her professor/mentor who then slandered her in a book ABOUT her, after his fiance found out. So she's trying to live down the bad rap, and he (English guy) tells her to write a song and record it and use the experience to her advantage. Hmm. Okay, where's the webcam people? I'm going to put myself on YouTube baby.

I'm so relaxed right now, having had a glass of afternoon red wine, courtesy guest leftovers again. Thanks everybody! 'cause GOD knows I need the liquor right now.

I'm having some regrets about what I write, or choose to write online.

Not the true story stuff, but for example, about my date last night. I am questioning the protocols of "journalism" or "self-made bloggers" and ethics and I feel I've violated my own code.

I'm feeling guilty and don't know HOW to fix it. First of all, part of my own code follows general journalism rules--or rules about slander or unnecessary public exposure. I can say truthfully I've never slandered anyone, or said anything untrue and I know I could not fabricate something to hurt someone (even if I might like to do so). So, I'm good there. But my other rule is about unnecessary public exposure. I write about people, but if they're friends, or generally decent people, or strangers who know me, I keep their identities private unless I have their prior consent to use their name or identifying characteristics. THIS is what I feel I violated.

I wrote about someone and used their name. I DID ask if I could write about him, last night, and he said yes, but he probably didn't know I had a blog. And, I don't write the kindest things. I made fun of myself too, and there's a LOT to make fun of, about ME, in all my posts, but it doesn't justify bringing someone else out into public eye, when they are not even a semi-public person OR someone who has done something very severely damaging to me and could do the same thing to others. This guy did nothing wrong. He was a gentleman. I considered NOT writing about last night, but I couldn't resist, for the comedy. And I HAD to use his name because that was the funny part! but I'm feeling I will (rightly) have NO friends in this world left if I do such things.

I probably should have checked with him, more specifically, first. Let him read it first, even. I feel I sort of abused the Internet, and for that I'm sorry. For using his name, I'm sorry and he knows how and where to find me. I also thought since he goes by his OTHER name, and I didn't include his last name, no one would know or be able to find him online. But people in THIS small town might know. I didn't mean to make fun at someone else's expense. It WAS fu...

Oooh. I like the black cocktail dress Drew was just wearing. Okay, now the English guy is at the soundboard. Black cocktail dress went out the door after insults.

OH Grant! Hugh Grant. It took another glass of wine to remember. And HE'S the famed pop star, not her. I was only a half hour into the movie when I wrote that, and I'd just walked in the door.

Where was I? Okay, running commentary is back to ethics. I ALSO wrote about work and revealed some things and shouldn't have. Not because it hurts anyone, but because it's nobody's business but mine and there ARE some things I want to keep private. I wrote about one girl from work because I was so angry she can't vote, all because of a petty green plant theft. And she's okay with it and I didn't use her name. STILL.

I crossed my own self-imposed boundaries. There ARE a lot of other things I would love to write about, which are funny, and important, but I reserve these things. I may decide to move this public blogging-flogging thing to an annonymous blog, probably after I finish my true life posts. Once I finish the true life stuff, I'll go incognito, and I'm fine with that.

It's distracting, to write funny and personal posts about everything under the sun, while doing the TTSOML posts, and it's not to minimize the importance of the TTSOML's, but to give myself a break. And I hope it's clear that what I do NOW, in my life, and who I am, is different from the person I was before all the traumatic events (beginning with Abbey).

Also, in my ...

Okay, so all I really need is a piano player? Is that the message of this movie? Now Drew is in front of Hugh Grant, telling him she likes his stupid song. Oh, and I've just found out maybe this OTHER chic is the "popstar" so that makes Grant The Pianoman? If I'm this confused over such a poppy-superficial-happyendingtriestobephilosophical movie, what does that say? Oh NO. And the title of the song was "Way Back Into Love." Terrible. And that stuff sells.

I don't remember the point of this post. I guess it's a freewrite. Someone sign me up for an English class quick!

Now, if I can find a sugardaddy who will give me "gifts" in the form of tuition, that would be wonderful! ;)

Anyway, I'm not advertising for a sugardaddy, but if I were, I wouldn't write about it.

It would be nice to meet someone who I genuinely like and money just happens to come in handy. I much prefer to make my own money, on my own, and then meet and date whomever I please, for whatever reason I choose, which is why I'm still single I guess. I don't blame anyone for the "place" I'm at in life, on a romantic level. I followed a compass, and I wouldn't go back and change anything. Either I attracted the rich guys because of my wardrobe, nonchalance (bc I didn't care if they had money or not and half the time didn't know until later), similiar tastes, OR there was one major sex ring and MY name was being passed around town among a group that wanted a challenge.

I've been taken advantage and I've been abused. But when sober, I've made my own rules, followed my own compass, and I still do. That's why I can live with accepting the consequences of many of my own personal choices, and why I'm an optimist, no matter what.

I would like to be Homecoming Queen of the world, where everyone likes me and isn't afraid I'll write about them. Part of this is impossible, because the writing is what makes me both relatable to some and repellant to others, but I do like people, in general.

I need a hamburger. No OTCs for now. I need Beef. AND, I need to write another original silly song.

Uh, one more thing. Can't resist...Um, I just found some strawberries and cool-whip in the house, and well, um, I am trying not to think about what was going on over here while I was at work. Note to my future man (who will never know about my blog until it is TOO LATE!)--make it real cool whip, not cool-whip. And no strawberries until a hot day in summer.

Now I'm watching Idlewild and the cabaret jazz singer is trying to get her nerve to sing amidst hecklers. 8-mile came to mind. Now she's singing and I like this music but I want to be singing it, not just listening to it. I used to think I should move to Chicago just for the underbelly bars but I dunno.

I like Miss Davenport's cocktail dresses (Idlewood) A LOT better than the one Drew was wearing.

There's a sex scene and WHAT flashes in through the editing? those stupid travelling dwarves or knomes. Damn that movie with Audrey Tatou. Ever since, knomes have been popping up in movies everywhere. Like the word "silly" in campaign politics 2008. Everyone Presidential candidate is talking about "silly season" and using the word "silly" for everything.

TIME FOR A NEW WORD PEOPLE.

(for concerned folks, no, I'm not alone in the house. there are people here. and I need another glass of wine. it's Saturday! and I'm a hard working woman!)

Oooh, the flask chicken is talking. You know, I like this movie. And it's not because I'm drinking.