PimpDaddy Wants BabyMama

The Pimp Daddy picked me up last night, in a van with a couple of friends. Everyone was really friendly. I said thanks for picking me up and then added, "Did someone throw up in here or something? What's that smell?" (I had already had too much to drink and was in the "honest" phase).

The woman said it was an old Tilt her husband had left out. "Oh" I said, puzzled and wondering how thick the mold was on the Tilt. Nevertheless, we were off!

I wanted to go dancing, but there was no place to dance on a Wednesday night in Blaine. We ended up at the sports bar where the other couple started talking about energy drinks and how potent and powerful they were, and how Tilt has a lot more alcohol than most beers. I hadn't known this. I had a shot of Jagger and tried a new drink which I loved, The Caesar.

All of a sudden, they were gone. One minute, his wife is talking to me about bondage and then she said she'd be right back. I thought they went to the bathroom for a quick, well...you know. But they didn't come back and it was just me and the Pimp Daddy. PimpDaddy wanted to play pool. I am lousy at pool or anything else involving balls. I started teasing PimpDaddy about being an undercover Canadian spy. I said he was Canadian CIA. He's about 5'2".

Other drinks were made for me, but I didn't take them because I was already soused. I took one look at "The Stoplight" and said no. I had a few sips of an Oatmeal Cookie shot, and I was actually enjoying pool, which was new for me. I was kind of dancing too, to Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69".

But the evening wore on and I was drunk and tired and still mindful that I had to work the next morning. I had asked if someone could give me a ride home after the night was over and they said yes. So we're at the bar and I found out our "ride" was the couple that had disappeared after the first two drinks. The PimpDaddy said he'd call a cab and the bar was closing, but then he said we were going to call the cab from his place. I didn't budge and asked him to call from the bar instead. He kept saying we'd call from his place. I didn't really have an option. I'd left the house with no money of my own and the bar was closing down. So he grabbed his bike, which I hadn't known was parked next to the bar. He'd been there before coming to get me, so I suppose he arrived by bike and then had friends pick me up.

I walked his bike along as he smoked a cigarette. Approaching his house, he told me he could be my sugardaddy. I said I was really asking for more than he'd want to pay. He said he'd pay, if I would have his baby. Then he repeated this, in a serious way. I said, "What?! Is your clock ticking or something?" and he laughed and said he wanted me to have his baby, and if I did, he'd pay me for it. I said, "What? As a surrogate?".

At his house he said I could sleep on the couch and I said I wanted to go home. So he calls the people I stay with and the Dad couldn't leave to get me because of the kids. I was tired, it was abuot 2:30 a.m., and I wanted to go home. Then he called cabs and said they were running behind. After so long, I called myself and found out they were closed for the night. The local cabs were. PimpDaddy called the Dad I work for again and said, "She is TOTALLY DRUNK. And she wants to ride my BIKE home." I had told him if no one was giving me a ride or calling a cab, could I ride his bike then? and return it in the morning? He said no, and that it was too far (8 miles in the dark). I didn't care, I wanted to get on that bike and leave, drunk or not. Now, I can imagine how that would have looked. Me, weaving all over the road. I don't think you can get a ticket for DUI on a bike though. Finally, I found out he'd been lying to me about calling the cabs because the cab service had been closed already. So I got mad and said if he wasn't paying for a cab as he'd promised, from out of the area, maybe I should call the police and ask for a ride. Then he grabbed the phone and tells me he'll call the police to "escort" me out of his house. I was stunned. "What?! Are you KIDDING ME?" I didn't wait around to find out and left.

This is just great, I thought. An evil ending to a cruel day, and I was walking out in the dark to go home with no money and was going to have to hitchhike when no one was even driving around. My luck turned though, because just at that moment, coming around the corner, a choir group which was meeting at 3 a.m. in a parking lot to take high school students to a conference in San Fran, was arriving. I asked a guy with his son if he could give me a ride home. He was a nice older guy and said yes. I told them my story about my date with the gangbanger and they laughed, and then the son left, the dad took me to my house, and gave me his phone number for friendship or possible future date.

And I fell asleep and woke up the next morning, sobering up after the sun had already risen, and realizing I had made a mistake in court the day before. I had perjured myself, but not completely of my own volition.