Why Women Are Not Funny (Even In Bed)

I just found a follow up to "Why Women Are Not Funny", in Vanity Fair, written by a woman who says they are.

Some of the women comics she cites, and those she focuses on, are not (I don't think), that funny.

I wouldn't focus on Sarah Silverman, for one thing. Ellen DeGeneres barely got mention, and she is probably one of the best natural female comics we have now. Ellen reminds me of Lucille Ball, a little bit, and Lucille is probably my favorite female comic. I have seen the "Vegamitavitamin" episode I don't know how many times, and then there's the candy conveyor belt one, and the one where she and Ricardo get handcuffed to the bed accidently. I rented "I Love Lucy" when I was a nanny in Bedminster, NJ, just to get me through, and I've been a fan ever since.

Another comic who is very good, though very vulgar, is Margaret Cho. I don't think she'll be hitting mainstream anytime soon, because of some of the content, but she's good, and her material is good.

I personally like "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" too but I remember watching it in the theater behind two guys who went in together. One of the guys hated it and said it was "annoying" while his friend thought they were funny. I thought to myself: the guy who thought it was "annoying" probably had a mother who never cracked a joke and still wore an apron in the kitchen.

The thing about Ellen and Lucy, and even Margaret, is that they're willing to look ridiculous and celebrate the ridiculous. Some of the others, who Alessandra mentioned, either cannot do this effectively, or want to be a glamourpuss at the same time. Joan Rivers is quoted as saying men have found her humour threatening, asking her "Are you going to be funny in bed too?"

I've been funny in bed before and I can tell you THAT got mixed results. One guy freaked out, turning into a boy of 10, saying, "Stop! stop!" and then kept cracking up laughing and then unable to "get down to business" again. I made some silly comment to another, just because it came to mind (no thought unpublished or withheld), something about wanting Kentucky Fried Chicken and then going on to describe all the items that could be ordered as sides and what to do with them--and HE laughed out loud, spontaneously, and then couldn't get the image out of his mind and that was the end of that, (note to self: strawberries and champagne is sexy, KFC is not...oh, I knew that already), and then, more than once or twice, I do recall being appreciated for my sense of humour.

I'd have to say there are a lot of men who are afraid of women who can be funny, and who equate this to being unsexy in some way. I don't think it's about why women aren't funny as much as why men can't appreciate funny women. And women DO learn humour isn't always appreciated so use it less and don't hone their skills. The only kind of humour which seems to be universally appreciated by men, is when they get a gentle ribbing or sarcasm that is focused on them and makes them feel good about themselves. If the humour is focused in a way that makes them feel more "manly" or the women is chiding them for doing something so "beastly", then they seem to think THAT is funny. To raise a woman's eyebrows is funny. But it's still focused on them, and they're the origin of the "joke" so the praise is with them.

But I don't know any man who doesn't think Lucy is funny. Lucy plays up the physical comedy though, and is not just cracking one-liners. I think she's still viewed as sexy in her own way too, because she is so ridiculous, we know she's playing up a character and that in real life she's probably a sexpot. Even those mushy lips, spread into a grimace, look pretty when she's not doing her act. The mistake of women now, I think, is to try to be dignified while trying to be funny at the same time.

I guess it's been said men are funny to win women, and that women are only funny for eachother and don't have an incentive to win over men. I think that's ridiculous. I am not funny for any man, or to impress him, or for any woman. If anything, when I am ever funny, I do it for my OWN amusement, to make myself laugh. There is nothing better than doing something, or saying something to get a reaction, and then having a laugh about it. Seeing my own mistakes and failures, small and large, is also material for laughter.

Women shouldn't assume they are better off quiet, and serious, even in the bedroom. There's a time and place for everything, and while a couple of men have been shocked seeing a sense of humour, many men appreciate silly and fun now and then. In that department, I've never been called "boring". I had someone once tell me I was "different" from other women. I asked how and he said most of them just laid there and didn't say anything.

If women aren't "funny" during the day, or "fun" at night, it's not because they don't have the potential, it's because they feel inhibited by societal expectations.