Sort Of Not In Love Anymore

So much for love.

I fell out of it before I was ever in all the way. I thought maybe I was close, but I think it was just an emotional day. Or maybe it was because I met someone else.

So I basically "cut it off" whatever it was, with poor man #1 and then got it on with poor man #2 and then realized, "Hmmm." Well, today at least, I'm realizing..."Perhaps I am not the marrying kind." Or the commital type.

I am fickle. Always have been, probably always will be. I've never been fully in love either. I don't know. Maybe I should step up my game. Maybe I should go for RICH? purposefully? I mean, last time I mixed it up with a blond, of all things, with BLUE eyes, of all things.

I sort of would have held onto last poor man, but he is working out some things and has worse attachment issues than me. I met my match. Which means we could probably never be a match, or that we'd kill eachother. He's a major player though and I'm not. That's a big difference. I am actually interested in something longer term and serious, but it just never happens...for one reason or another.

I guess I should call up scuba man. I won't say anything more about him, except that maybe it will work because he's older (I always end up with younger...last Poor Man was 23 years old...which seems about right in many ways...given the prime factor) and he lives on the other coast (West Coast). Scuba Man. I think that's the same thing as deep sea diver, right? because he does the really deep sea stuff.

Maybe I should date someone who lives abroad. I don't know.

Someone told me I should date military men because of the possibly higher levels of testosterone. I do know I have to have someone who has a higher than average sex drive. Period. And it's important, because...well, it's just important. I canNOT believe the national average is 3 times a week. That is so sad.

Well, not sad really, because if that's what you want and that's what you get--perfect.

I need morning and night and maybe afternoons too. Okay, at least twice a day. That's not nympho. But if you're with someone who isn't the same way, it's just not going to work. I could compromise to once a day, but it doesn't matter how much you like eachother, relationship feuds, in the end, don't they say come down to 3 things? money, sex, and ...I forgot the other one.

Well, and I can be celibate for very long periods, but what I don't get, is that if it's available with someone you have chemistry with, why not? mabye I've been repressed most of my life, but I really don't think so. I think this is just the way I've always been. Frustrated.

I'd love to hear some feedback on this post.