(camping today)
Last night the torture quit around 2 p.m. and I decided to check my parents house. My bag of water bottles had fallen over and for some reason I was thinking of a king bowing down when I looked and then I thought nothing. When I got to their porch I saw the bag of king briquettes was down in the same direction--meaning nothing symbolic at all, just matching.
I stood against the house on every side and then checked and then I went back to the house and wanted to read something, anything before sleeping and turned on my light and it was about watchmen guarding at their post. Night watchmen. Which was only strange in that this was what I had just done--despite being told not to, I had just stood against their house at all corners, in the middle of the night to look out for them. It was this:
"Day after day, my lord, I stand on the watchtower; every night I stay my post, Look, here comes a man in a chariot with a team of horses. And he gives back the answer; "Babylon has fallen, has fallen! All the images of its gods lie shattered on the ground!" O my people, crushed on the threshing floor, I tell you what I have heard from the Lord Almighty, from the God of Israel." --Isaiah 21:8-10. Then I read to: "An oracle concerning Dumah--Someone calls to me from Seir, "Watchman, what is left of the night? Watchman, what is left of the night? The watchman replies, "Morning is coming but also the night. If you would ask, then ask; and come back yet again." Then I read up above from, "Go, post a lookout"
So I only thought it was strange bc I had just been outside, against the house at several points, straight up like a post, in all black, head to toe, in the middle of the night, to keep watch, which was a strange coincidence.
Then I slept well after not noticing anything, but I think they're getting sneeakier bc the other day I couldn't feel anything until I was right at the door and it was opened. But I personally slept well.
Then this morning I got up and hadn't dressed for the day and felt I'd done something wrong, maybe even with how I'd not dressed or a sweatshirt I had on and then I felt paralyzed with fear, afraid to do anything bc I might do something wrong so I prayed and read the Bible and then leaped off the bed and accidentally bent the cover of my Bible like the reciept with my foot when I leapt off, into a crease with a peak, making a ^ of the cover at the same angle as the receipt and I straightened it out and prayed God will do whatever and not to be worried and God will correct things inadvertent.
I turned to 2 Chron. 30:23-2 Chron. 31:1. 7 day feast and getting rid of idols. Then I read something else, about blood on hands or something and then I turned to, randomly, and read Rev. 5 about who is worthy to open the seals. Then I thought about showering and changing and threw off this grey sweatshirt I had on over the black I was wearing and turned to something else in the Bible, a few other passages actually, but I had asked God to show me something and I didn't think of anything to pray about for anyone in particular and instead I learned something new or that I haven't heard in awhile. It was about David taking wives and concubines (great) and then I read right up to this other place about, "audio schitzophrenia" (or how they would diagnose it today). About David asking God if he was going to get a victory and God tells him yes and then he asks about something else and God tells him to sit at the top of the trees and wait until he "hears the sound of marching". And I thought about this and it said, God told him to wait until he heard the sound of marching and then go forth because when he heard this sound, it meant The LORD God had gone forward ahead of him.
!!!?!
So I sat there and thought, "the sound of marching?" like, wait until you hear the enemy's footsteps? and no! God was going to cause him to "hear" marching, literally, and the march of Himself. (wide eyes). I thought, "Oh, the pschychiatrists would have had a hey-day with David." They would have shot him up with Haldol and he never would have been king.
Doctor: "So, DAYVYD, you say you are supposed to hear marching? and you say "GOD" causes you to hear things? Interesting. Tell me MORE DaYVyd. Mmmm hmmm, and you say there is this vast conpiracy of a king plotting to kill you or some great world leader and all his men and you're homeless because...let's see, ahem. cough, what was your previous occupation? ah, here it is, (flipping through paper on a clipboard)...Sheepherder. Oh, oh, sorry. Shephard. Sheep. So you've been in the farming business or something or other. Tell me dayvyd, about this idea you have about some long beard man telling you you were going to king."
Anyway, I thought it was sort of fantastic to hear about the visions and how God spoke to David to the point of telling him he was going to have an audio impression of marching and it was going to be the Lord going before him.
I just turned off the secular radio and put on "the effect" and they are playing "it's true" by nevertheless from "in the making".
So anyway, I read this and thought about it and then this "pink" song came on "raise your glass" and I didn't plan to, but I ended up dancing and kept stomping. I just jumped and jumped and jumped and wanted to stomp and started crying after it, thinking about my son. I felt like I wanted to stomp out all of the evil against my son and family, and maybe it was for God, marching and stomping. which was sort of strange constrast to raise your glass because I was stomping instead.
Then I picked out what I was going to wear, my v neck red wool sweater and levi's jeans and I set them across the bed but ended up thinking I would type first and have coffee so I'm still in all black. Yesterday and today I thought about wearing this blue short sleeve fleece over my black but just wearing black right now.
Then I listened to power fm and then turned to older hymn christian music right after stomping to raise the glass I turned to christian music and it was a music version of Psalm 139, at 10:30 a.m., which I had once written across my door. it was at the beginning of the song and then I heard "Amazing love, that thou my God shouldst die for me" (i love this hymn and sang with it), then it was "won't you sign me up, I wanna be ready when", then a bird song and then it was song 5 "the lord bless you and keep you, and make his face to shine upon you". Then they were going to have a program on so I switched back to power fm and then to the effect.
Anyway.
Tonight. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3553DGF71g
I had this up before 12 noon or at about that time and someone kept disconnecting my internet and deleted this link that I put above.
I can seriously dance to this song and I remembered it from last night. Someone kept stopping this video at 1 min. into it and I had to restart it again and it stopped at 1 min. and I had to restart it again and finally it's playing.
I'm making puh-sketti. I used half of my stewed tomatoes yesterday for chili and today I'm using the rest for vegan red wine tomato sauce with the stewed tomatoes, a garlic clove, onion, and musch.
And I don't know why I feel shaky but it's happening (too much coffee?)
I went back and read some of Ecclesiastes because when I leapt off my bed I was running to get my second Bible to compare something. And from this one I read Ecc. 3 and having heard this song many times (Give me everything, tonight), I went back to read from ecclessiastes. It's about a time for everything, and toil and work and what the meaning of life is and everything under the sun, so this song about "eat, drink, for we might not get tomorrow" is like the book of Ecc. where King Solomon has set his mind to understanding wisdom, and concludes, after his observations, that the sum of the matter is to, in the 3rd ch., do good in this life basically. And then I'd gone back to the other one and read about God telling dayvyd to wait to hear marching and it was God going before him.
Chose to hear "And Can It Be":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppHJOrZzPGI
I picked it at random but don't know who is singing it. it's from poster "girdedwithtruth" and there aren't any notes or comments. From April 3, 2010.
oh, it says at the end. Westgate Baptist, from UK, newcastle upon tyne. 2007.
I like this hymn!
I'm wearing red white and blue today. With my short sleeve blue top.
I just checked and my Dad was tortured this morning wherever he was working. I know, because he said he was going to take a nap and I've noticed when this is the case, it's because of torture and I know what form it is, because it drains you and you have to sleep bc of the pain and torture. yes, I know people take naps and need them now and then, but I was already noticing what days he needed to do this and seeing evidence of torture at the same time.
Played another version of Can It Be:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDpHJVRzJco&feature=related
Anyway, I put up my photo of myself today camping and then found this. Why the train I don't know, and I don't know what accent. I looked up the poster and it's "extreme worship" and he's from UK (don't know what part). i like what he has on his main page, a quote that says:
"Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,
But kind and good, with healing in thy
Wings,
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea
Come, friend of sinners, and thus bide
with me"
Whoa. It's a song. "Abide With Me". Just watched it. I'll take the come not in terrors part. Because I don't like the other part where he lists liking something about a double hand transplant (from bbc) esp. bc my family has been tortured and my Dad's hands ruined by basic terrorists. You have barristas. We have terroristas. I guess terroristas travel these days though. Who knows where ours originate from.
***********
I have my red sweater on but threw my jacket over it when I was outside (photo above) but actually, I feel best in my solid black. Which I had on until past 11 a.m. or so. I'd worn it so many days i figured I'd change but I like it.
**************
I went for a quick walk at 2 p.m. and then to my parent's house to ask to walk the dog and my mother said no it's so soppy, he'll get wet and then I asked for a couple of pieces of bread and they were already ready, in a pink and blue zip-lock bag which I've set next to this blue and pink and purple pen and it's next to a knife that's lying across all this Mormon info I'd been writing down. It's the "good seed bread" and I thought of it only as having toast later. The pink, blue, and purple and black pen is "Brad's Foreign Car" from California. And it's right next to this knife. The tip of the knife pointing to John Alden Wiltbank and the plastic bag being from Johnson: a family company. It's pointed to an "S" and then above, john, and then above that, Devin and Jayson Wiltbank and was near Brian Kovanda earlier, a man who married into the Wiltbank family. He's a dentist and I distinctly remember when I met him.
Anyway, I had a few names jotted down only out of wondering how it's possible the FBI could even allow torture of my family when Mormons are in the Bureau and then was wondering what business connections might be amiss or who the guy from D.C. knew.
The Bechtold family went into business with the Wiltbanks.
What's weird is that last night I was looking and it says Kovanda is a Chek name (msp). Which had me thinking about how I got unexpected treatment from this surprise of Chek people living with my former worship leaders, the Hemingways. The Chek couple that made fun of me, or the man was chek, who wanted to watch Princess Diaries. I'm sure no relation but he didn't like me and I had a feeling he wasn't exactly who he said he was and had some political agenda. And then I remember for sure that Kovanda didn't like me from first sight. I never talked with him much though, I just remembered feeling shocked that Erica was sort of flirting with Robin Becthold still, when she was already getting married or was married by then. She joked with him about something, but there was still an old romantic spark.
Her family went into business (the Wiltbanks) with Robin Becthold's family. Her family is Mormon, his is Roman Catholic.
So if Robin Becthold was telling me not to report Bujanda and Garza or contact FBI, after I was already have some weird problems with police, if there is any connection at all between law enforcement (his brother Nathan) or Robin or any of these guys, they might have thought to get a Mormon involved they knew. That's only if someone worried a business reputation involving Mormons could be at stake. I.e, if I was reporting to police that Bechtold tried to buy prescription pills from me, and when his Dad George smoked pot openly, maybe Mormons connected to the Wiltbanks (who were in business with the Bectholds) worried it would be a smudge on their good name. So it would be a good idea to get a SSA that's Mormon that they know somehow. Then, if I were defamed, no one would believe anything I said and everyone kept their image while my entire life and the lives of my family were destroyed, with my son tortured too.
OR, the only other possibility, if it's not that and this wasn't a concern or big deal, is that Catholics and others who already defamed me, were worried about Mormons getting involved who could defend me, so to make it look like it wasn't all about religious hate crime, they got a Mormon in who wasn't really Mormon at all. And then put a few more of infiltrators who said they were Mormon into position.
Because again, a MORMON SSA interviewed me and then my son and I get tortured? That doesn't add up. There's something wrong the SSA Lance for this to have happened. And the other thing that is odd is that right before we were tortured, I had a couple of contacts with Mormons who approached me about different things, in Wenatchee.
And then, on top of everything, all of a sudden, I got back to Coquille and all of my past friends have bottomed out who are Mormon and are not even writing. Why is that?
I even had a former lawyer who said he was going to help me with a lawsuit, who backed out, change his mind about things and he refuses to even release my legal file to me. Mr. Harris. And Harris started saying things about me and mental health too, right around 2004-2005, after I met the Mormon SSA from D.C. and dropped representing me on anything altogether.
Harris's son Aaron was good friends with Devin Wiltbank, Jayson Wiltbank's son, and Jayson is the one who went into business with the Bechtolds. Aaron Harris, Paul Saito, and Devin Wiltbank were all members of the same Mormon ward, and good friends in high school and I felt friendly with them all. But, for example, if one of their members was in business with someone I was reporting as having a drug connection, maybe some of the Mormon's decided to go along with the "she's mentally ill" crap to protect their image and business partner. Because I'm quite sure I mentioned Robin's name to the Mormon and Catholic-from-palo-alto, when I brought up the FBI guys, and maybe I said something about "and I just don't know why he told me not to contact the FBI".
It could have come up, and if not, some police were already mad at me after I called about the prescription pills over the phone to Portland police.
With Mormons, I don't believe there is any hate crime at all. I think either infiltration into the Mormon chuch, a couple of concerns relating to business, and then choosing to side with members of their Church and assuming they're all good Mormons rather than standing up against torture.
Mr. Roger Harris was the only Mormon I knew, who sometimes made references to how he thought I had a disorder, but this was after I had called in Robin Bechtold (the son of his friend Jayson's business partner). In late 2003 or 2004. And, at the time, I never thought about this, I thought instead, "Oh, it's just Mr. Harris and how he is, because he thought his own son was mentally ill." And really, he did--I think one of his son had certain tendencies not hetero so he decided he was mentally ill. So, I figured, well, Mr. Harris has seen this defamation of my character in the paper and doesn't know what to think. And, I had remembered my best friend (then) Monica, talking about her boyfriend Aaron (Harris' son--he had 2) and saying how Aaron said his Dad was extreme and opinionated and Monica thought controlling. I thought he was nice (Roger), and I believed he had a personality that was very different from mine so if he didn't fully understand me and thought I had a disorder after reading the newspaper article I didn't blame him for that.
However, he was saying a few things like this and I'm only concerned and mention it now, and the business ties, because what's happened to me and my son is unbelievable. And if the Mormon church is powerful and they generally knew my character, I don't see how it ever went through the cracks to allow my son and I to be tortured, along with my parents, unless something or someone is reeally off-kilter.
(someone is actively on my internet network and jamming my youtube music again)
Following Mr. Harris dropping my case in 2004, and the Mormon SSA from D.C. in 2004, all other hostile parties were Catholic and a few Jewish.
What was odd about Harris I guess, is that he has never released my mental health records to me. You'd think that someone who doesn't want a young woman to be tortured by the military or hate crime groups would release their own psychological records to them and he's been refusing to do this since 2004.
Right after I reported Dick Whittemore, the Abbey lawyer, for defaming me in the newspaper, to the Oregon State Bar, they tried to defend him and so to protect myself I went to a pscychologist and paid for an evaluation. That pscychologist refused to release my records to me even though I had PAID cash out of my own pocket, to have the testing done. So when Roger Harris said he'd represent me, he was able to request those records from the psychologist but then he never showed them to me and refused to give me copies.
Roger Harris' refusal to give me copies of my own psychological reports has impaired my ability to defend myself on anything. I got some kind of record that I read from him at one point, or there in his office, I recall, but everything I had was stolen and when I asked again, I was not given access to my own records.
I even asked Roger to at least provide me with the name of the psychologist so I could call him directly and asked for this in 2011 and he refused to even give me the name. I don't remember which one for sure, so I asked, and this Mormon lawyer Harris is preventing me from even accessing his offices to get copies.
Clearly, something is wrong.
Since 2004 with the Mormons maybe, or some of them that are not even Mormon at all. The "integrity" song is on right now. Are you listening FBI? tune in to "the effect radio"
After this Mormon & Catholic SSA in 2004, the Mormons I met were Sibel in Wenatchee, with CPS, trying to take my son before he was even born. She is from someplace foreign like chekoslovakia originally. She beelined for my child, and then the FBI man in Wenatchee was "Mormon" but I thought he must be connected to Catholics or something else because someone put him here about the time I got into town or a little before, and for a reason. Sibel could be identifying with any of a number of different religions and cultures. Since she has the other-nation affiliation, she could also be the kind of CIA Mormon I've referred to. One time I went to her church, after my son had been taken from me by CPS when I refused to voluntarily give him to the government as Sibel suggested I do when he was still in my womb. When I went to her church I asked for help and didn't have a place to stay bc the govt. was forcing me out of housing. She invited me to their family home for something to eat and then made a call and while I was there I said something about the state and she and her husband laughed and said, "We ARE the State." And then she looked at me with a mean triumphant grin that freaked me out while I pretended not to notice.
Looking back, it's almost a bad play on the comment by media in the documentary about WACO where they're asking for help from the media and the media comes out to mock them and says "We ARE the media!"
I never forgot what she said and how her husband smirked about everthing. Their own teen son was asking me strange questions besides. Looking back, they were more like CIA than Mormon at all. She or someone she was connected to wanted their hands on my child before it was even born into the world. She sought me out specifically.
Then, the next time there was a weird Mormon contact was when 2 Mormon missionaries came out to the house when I had to stay with Steve May and when they showed up I started getting zapped until they left so I didn't know if they were even Mormon at all since they were from out of the country. One was from Germany. The other one, I don't remember--I think the other one was American. I remember the one from Germany had a plain rubberband with him (beige packaging or office kind of rubberband, like the kind I used to shoot for my son, like a slingshot I said to my son, in our visits with Anne Crane--Baltimore Catholic extraordinaire).
It may be that someone tried to get ahead or around something because I told people that my best friend (Geoff) had an Uncle in the FBI. I would have thought since Geoff knew me so well and about my character, his Uncle would trust his judgement. But I found out last night that Geoff's Dad was once business partners with Mr. Wiltbank, before he went on to be business partners with the Bechtolds Maybe they chose Wiltbanks' image and business with Bechtolds' over my and my son's safety.
This, and/or infiltration or other business conflicts, is the only possibility bc it never should have happened. It was impossible. Impossible. It would be like, all of a sudden, Erica Wiltbank getting tortured at her own house and she's suddenly sounding nuts and someone from my family connected to CPS decides to go in and take all of her children away from her. That's the equivalent.
It's unbelievable that this ever happened to me and my son. So this is why I know there is something seriously wrong and set-up by another hate crime group.
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