God Give Me Grace--One Right Instinct

Dear God. So much harassment. Took names and plate numbers and then sat at a station for buses as all the cars went by, harassing, some dangerous, some sadistic, some just "whatever".

I knew that I was not to go into that convenience store until the right moment. I waited as different cars pulled up and different people went in. And I don't know what the game is, but I knew this much. Do not go in there tonight, until the timing is right.

Halelujah gloriah something right, I think, and I hope, for my son. I hope. I waited. And then it was "Go now." I got it like that. Go now.

I just wanted a drink. A drink was all. But I waited and then, feeling a space of soemting normal, I walked in. Bought my drink. A man watching me buy it looked relieved or something but maybe that was my imagination.

I discovered the State or something from the State deleted all of my $90 some that was on my foodstamp card. I was left with .49 cents on my card and that was it. How? I don't know. But the message was a .49. For Nine? or 4+9=13? I don't know. But someone was fucking with me.

My money for food went from over $90 to 49 cents? Not right.

But anyway, for just tonight, I did something right. Maybe it's a patch. Like a nicotine patch for a few moments. But it's good for now. And when I walked out, I knew I had won something and been right about something. I stood behind a man buying Camel cigarettes but I don't know who he was or the other people there.

Then, I walked out. I have no clue what happened, but it is good for now.

Then I walked and stopped at this place I've never stopped at before. I decided to have a seat because it's a nice night. I sat down on the bench and looked ahead and I found I was staring straight at this huge billboard of a diamond. This can't be bad, I think. I am facing 5th street and a diamond billboard that says "Own a Masterpiece" and Express and Black book and Fed Ex and some other stuff. All good.

And I don't know why I'm sitting here listening to Kings of Leon, but I feel fine.

"I Could Use Somebody"

And i AM getting married and no one would ever believe who. I don't know. But I know I am getting married now. And maybe not for some time, but in time.

So this is turning out to be a good night.

Silly rabbit. Tricks are for kids.

Then, this man came over to me. And he was joking around and the woman with him was wearing a peacock shirt. I've seen a ton of peacocks today. Lots.

Then this man came over to me and I don't know if it was good, because he said, "cheerio and toodleloo" at the end and I don't know if this is good. He said, "It was a pleasure" but I see him all the time. So then, this sounds sort of ominous. ? Oh great. Then a bird crapped on me. Pigeon crap. I hope that's not a see ya or farewall from the U.S. sign. I think he seems like a nice man though.

He said someone named Jenny told him there would be a full moon tonight.

I don't see any moon.

So then I thought, "Maybe someone will flash me." Just kidding. I read somewhere though, that pigeon crap is a sign of good luck. I wondered about that because of the Kings of Leon pigeon crap attack.

This man left and right then, plop. Pigeon poop on my left thigh. I did just look it up. It IS supposed to be good luck, in a lot of cultures. Well, I'll take it as good luck.

It doesn't matter. Nothing means anything unless the individual puts meaning into it and it's whatever you make of it, on your own. For me, I want my Dad and my family to be ahead of the game because they are the ones who really cared about me and my son. When others were down on me, at least at first, it wasn't them.

What I know, is that I feel okay right now.

I am just plugging ahead with getting my son back and that is it. I am loyal to those who have been most loyal to my son. For whoever was there when others were not and backed out, that may not mean I marry that person, but I am indebted and care most about that person.

Criminy. Now the sprinklers came on.

They don't reach though and I didn't move at all. Bad luck to bolt with sprinklers coming on. I mean, I have never sat here before so how would I know if they were going to hit me? but I felt they would not hit me so I stayed put and now I am going on back to bed.

I do NOT care about those who have harmed my son or me. Like, caused my legs to swell, gave me bad food, pulled weird shit on me and my son...

And I am not saying that whoever was in the convenience store was Mr. Special either. It was just the timing and what I chose to drink maybe, bc someone maybe predicted I would and I did. So that's it.

Well God bless the Good, whoever they are, because I get confused. But God bless those who bless me and my son too. Especially my son, even if not me.

God love them all and keep them safe and give them peace even in trials.