Calm On Christmas Morning

My mother wrote and asked if I was "okay" because I hadn't blogged for "three full days". I wrote back and said yes. I fasted my blogging for 3 days. Which means, I gave it up. I still wrote a little, but not on a blog. I don't know if it's as effective as fasting food--it's different. But that's what I was doing.

I am incredibly upset over my son.

I am still in a stage of utter and whole shock, that these things which have happened, have happened. I feel stunned to the core because never could I have, in my wildest dreams, imagined the kind of corruption that had to occur for this to happen. I am grounded, slack-jawed, and almost numb and then, last night before bed was singing the Petra song (to myself) "This Means War". Well, I was singing "Trouble the Water" first and a bunch of old slave songs with hidden meanings. Then I hummed "This Means War".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A8Oi7D0oT0

I was just sitting there, rubbing lotion into my feet on Christmas Eve, quietly agitating.

But, on the other hand, I have also wanted peace. And this has been another course running through my thoughts.

I have had many inspired moments or impressions and coincidences in the last 3 days. I wrote down some and kept the rest in memory.

It's extremely distressing to me, what has been allowed to happen with my son. This is the biggest thing. Not having work right now also brings out a kind of desperation.

Last night I went to a service and felt the presence of God very strongly. So much, I was almost shaking but then I thought maybe it was from all the coffee I'd had. Then I got back (had to leave early bc of time) and noticed one eye was droopy. I had had a few things happen that day.

Once back from church service, I couldn't sleep. Someone said it was snowing and I looked out the window. It was. I said to God, "I don't want it to snow. It's okay if it snows, but don't let it stick." Someone said we were supposed to get 5-8 inches by that night. Then I went to the window a second time and it was still snowing. I like snow but I was thinking with my one pair of boots, it would soak right through the cracks when I was walking around.

Then I went to the restroom because this song "There is no rose of such virtue" (stings version) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLtBFvbk9KY&feature=related (this is the first one I clicked on today and then the next tells more about the song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJbVj1gOIRc
Actually, the first one was by an Anonymous and it's monks singing and is 15th c. (theprof1958). I played this one first. The one that sort of reminds me of what came to mind last night, is the paris live one, with that sound in the background that sounds like bagpipes. I kept getting this sound and did a kind of "om" with the sound and then it reminded me of the time I heard bagpipe players in Washington D.C.


I went to the restroom to sing it because I couldn't get it out of my mind. It was about 10 p.m. or so. I sang the refrain a few times in the bathroom by myself.

I guess this is after someone said, when all were quiet, "I guess this is the end of the fairytale. Class beats everything." (or something like that). I immediately had these words come to mind "Yes Virginia Woolf, there really is no Santa Claus." But I didn't say it out loud. Then, after a whole 5 minutes or something I just said it out loud. "Yes, Virginia Woolf, there really is no Santa Claus. And watch out for the powdered sugar donuts." (I was thinking about my arsenic ingestion). I was totally out of the blue and I heard someone abruptly guffaw.

Then I went downstairs, noticing my droopy eye in the mirror and wanted to see my vitamins again. I met someone there and started talking about being poisoned and how some people have tried to cover up my claims of this happening and that this is even more bizarre than actually being the subject of numerous poisoning attempts. I then brought up my toenails and how I'd tried to photograph 3 days ago and someone deleted my webcam in the middle of it so I couldn't get clear photos to put online for public proof. I showed one to her and she said, "Yes, there is a line."

I told her she was the first eye witness, so if it disappeared for some reason or something happened to me, she could testify and she said yes. So I went back upstairs and it was still snowing but I prayed it wouldn't stick on the sidewalks or the pavement.

I woke up and there was no snow on the sidewalks or pavements. So then I stood amazed and exclaimed to someone, "How is it that I can pray about the weather and 9 times out of 10 my prayers are answered and then I pray about my son and get nowhere?" Then I answered myself, thinking, "Maybe it's because no one stands in the way of weather, maybe scientists, but a lot of people are in the way of what God wants to do with my son so it's a bigger task."

Then, randomly, this morning, after service, just now at 12 thereabouts, I blogged here for the first time in 3 days, after reading mail from my mother and then my Aunt Mary who sent me a Christmas card and I laughed out loud because it follows a kitten going all around and its reunion with a puppy and the end caption is "Yes Bertie, There Really Is A Santa Claus."

I walked to church this morning after a first chapel. I thought the other chapel was at a totally different time...was thinking 12:15 and I randomly decided to go early and pray in the chapel before service first and I ended up sort of on time for a service. I missed only an intro. I walked in and the first thing I almost said to the reception was "That insense smells so good!" and then I saw in the bulletin that the first thing was some mention of the fragrance of God.

On the way there, I passed a man who was standing outside near a plaque about "The Truth Shall Set You Free" and I asked him if he would like to have me take his photo. He said sure and I did and it turned out okay on the first shot. I then entered the church and sat through and had communion (I decided it's no big deal wherever I am as long as I impart the meaning God wants there to be).

I like this one...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeEsZE90IXE&feature=related
It reminds me of Anne of Green Gables for some reason. The piano playing is ...don't have the right words.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOX2S6Urh04
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Anyway, I slept well enough last night once I finally fell asleep. I sat up once and stared back at a woman who, I discovered, was already sitting upright and looking at me. I said to her, "Can't sleep?" She just stared back at me and then hunkered down slowly.

I thought, "Now there's another one who knows."
(who knows all about my sniper profile)

I said out loud, "I wanna know when I'm getting my check."

Then I woke up and I felt very calm energy. Decent last night too. I felt like maybe for once my son was really enjoying himself and felt happy and content and I was picking up on it.

My feet were cramping up before I fell asleep though. Lots of things going on.

I had impressions of a hairbrush and earrings I was getting before I got them. I didn't know that's what I was getting though, until I saw them and then I realized it's what came to my mind an hour earlier.

I don't have things for my son but I am afraid at this point, with what the State of Washington has done, that reminding him of me...I don't know if it's more traumatic for him because I kept telling him not to worry and he would get to see me more, and because of what very corrupt and immoral people did in Washington (and possibly other states influence), my son's hopes were ruined. He had EVERY RIGHT to EXPECT and deserve to be with his mother and to see me more as promised and as I had been promised if I just "jump through our hoops" (nooses).

HIS damages are beyond the pale, and this is what I greive, on his account, and on my own behalf, is that I cannot heal him when evil, truly evil, in the sight of God, people, have done this to him. I can't heal him and prove to him everything is okay if he is not with me.

Today I photographed someone next to "The Truth Shall Set You Free" and yet all that was done, is covering up of the truth. That my son and I were tortured. That we were denied, aggressively, every normal right and guarantee to civil liberties and freedoms.

Never could I have imagined this possible in the United States.

I have been completely blocked from talking to my son or visiting him. By the State. Not because of me, but because of them. I had no assurance that my letters to him were even read to him or that he got them at all. My gifts to him were returned to me.

All in an attempt to force me to abandon my own child.

FUCK YOU.

That's what I have come up, after almost a month of fasting without food and then fasting my blogging.

These people MUST be held accountable.

My son has been damages, I've had

This morning in the first chapel I opened to Acts where God speaks to Paul and says, "Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you..." (Acts 18:9)

I then got email from my mother asking what happened to me or my blog and I had planned on only doing the fast (this time at least) for 3 days, so this is the end of that period.

I might include something I wrote while I kept notes but didn't blog, but not right now.

This guy just came by me and said, loudly enough for me to hear, "While there's still time, get the hell out of here." Just now from in this hotel where I'm blogging. He said it as an aside to another person but sort of for me to hear as well. I picked up on that much.
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I'm sure I'll do various kinds of fasts.

There has been some good to it. Some breakthroughs, some insights, and clarification. Sensitivities. And getting closer to God and learning how to hear what He is telling me to do above the clamor. Not that I know it all. But it's been helpful.

There are a few helpful things I was tipped torwards and I might look at these things and try a little longer in this area, as I'm visiting, and move on if nothing works.

I would like to have it work and there isn't a reason it shouldn't. Some things are better for me but I don't believe this is true for my son. Very suspect is the entire idea of having him blocked from my supervision or observations altogether. This is one of a number of serious crimes that has been committed, as the result of other crimes they used and covered up.

I said to someone last night, when she witnessed the spotting and pigmentation changes on my arm and then saw the line across my toenail from rat poison or arsenic, I said, "This is why I know it is possible for large numbers of people, and professionals, to lie. Even doctors." I was being prevented from reporting poisoning in Washington state, by professionals in the medical field. Something extremely wrong with this. And discredited by Seattle FBI and law enforcement.

It's RICO. Government workers and CPS workers can and should be charged under statutes for RICO. (see my last post about CPS and application of RICO to CPS employees).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeEsZE90IXE

What I like about this one, is after all the adultation and celebratory versions, this one comes in like a salve and bittersweet missive. It might be interesting to weave a couple of the versions together. A celebratory one with the memorial style of this one, of remembrance. This one is about the past. At the very end, around 3:55, a small hope forward. Like a very small light seeping through and then a return.