Strong Energy Last Night and This Morning

Last night there was a very powerful and good energy and all the way from before chapel to afterwards for hours that night. A very tangible, strong, sense of energy.

It was almost palpable. It was truly amazing. Just basked, almost, in it. It was wonderful. I had to stop even rolling my hair at one point, which I was doing in the dark, and just reflect on it.

Something, from about the time I saw the music video for that song last night, was coming through very strong. I felt this joy or triumph but didn't know why. I guess I still have to look up Descartes this morning.

I kept waking up early this morning and had no dreams. I got out of bed fully at 4 a.m. and got dressed and ready to start the day.

This morning, a little bit ago, I started to feel a little sad like picking up on something. I don't know. Somewhere something sad. It started about the time I was taking a couple of head only, current photos and with my scarf, which I wear everywhere--it's so cold. I don't know if I felt sad about my dark circles under my eyes, or looking at some of my crazier photos I took, and how different my mindset was when I was being tortured every day.

I was even drinking a shot here and there (in Wenatchee) just because there was absolutely nothing else to do and as a way to relax in the middle of being totally trapped. I haven't had more than a sip from the communion cup since I've been in Nashville. I've never been addicted to anything in my life.

I feel slightly down though. A few people have been mean, telling me I'm doing "nothing" as if that's my fault. I am actively looking for work and hope something turns up. I WAS working too, at this one place even when there was something wrong with it. I'm going through some agencies and trying a few other things. Definitely, there have been a few incidents, but much better. It was sort of out of control for a few days again, but I am moving around it somehow. The fasting completely broke this power that someone involved in voodoo was using against me in a couple ways. I don't know how to describe it but it worked.

Then sometimes I thought, his sacrifice is everything, so we don't have to fast. We can rest in his own work but then again I think about how he says "there will be a time when you fast...when the bridegroom (Christ) is not with you" (or ascended) and I have felt giving up something I like for a short time, and then approaching God with my requests, sometimes is the extra step that's needed. And it says for particularly tough situations, "only prayer and fasting" can break through. I thought, instead of fasting food, I fasted warmth and convenience a couple of times. And it's better to keep it secret so the Father in heaven alone knows and rewards you, but just for ideas for others who might want to try it sometime (in moderation). Instead of taking the bus, which I had a pass to, I walked in the freezing wind and snow and told God I was fasting my warmth for my request. Sometimes maybe it could be something very small, like fasting a piece of chocolate that I might be really craving. But I don't believe in extremes or in just depriving self of good things because also Solomon says life is fleeting, enjoy what you can (Ecclessiates--eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die...we all have the same end).

Last night I was reading, "The prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (oh and that other one came to mind later..."We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities of darkness". I thought, "That would be great, to have a lot of prayers answered" but I don't want to be holy-moley. I want to be just a tiny bit "bad" (in a good way). I mean, not totally boring and austere and perfect which I'd never be anyway--hopefully you know what I mean.

I tried to help pray for people who went forward for prayer yesterday. Just to the side and hoped they would all get work or have a better situation.

I broke my fast pretty much, not completely, but in a lot of ways, yesterday. I decided to take a break and there are other things to fast or sacrifice besides food.

This morning I've had filtered water and a bagel for breakfast.

The most amazing thing to write about was the good energy last night.