This Morning (non-medicated but poisoned!)

I can't say I'm non-medicated because I'm not.

However, this is Day 3 of not only buying only packaged food, but mainly packaged cold drinks (including water and gatorade).

I woke up this morning and noticed all these things I haven't noticed in awhile.

It hurt to walk on my feet because I've lost so much weight the heels are bony.

This huge bruise on my thigh hurt, even though now it's old--about a week old.

I smell everything, including others' bad breath, which I couldn't notice anymore.

I discovered a lump on my body that I probably never would have otherwise noticed. A bony lump near my spine on just one side. It's larger than on the other side but I wonder if I was bruised or this was where my herniated disc went out a little.

I want to attack the people who have given me medication and drugs.

Not only that, I have more evidence of possible continued arsenic poisoning. It has to be from rat poison or arsenic.

This brand new white line appeared about one day ago, across my toenail. One or two of them, a solid white line all the way across, thin but distinct and as clear as if someone took a thin black marker and drew a line across white paper.

There is already other kinds of evidence for this in my nails, which appeared after what happened in Bainbridge and Seattle.

But it is coming through even more--my body is proving it.

My feet hurt so much this morning that I wore tennis shoes and sweats to give them a break until it warms up a little outside and I get some things done. I have some appointments and people to meet. I'm doing this after it warms up.

The white lines on my toenails isn't something that I just noticed, like feeling other things. It is something that just showed up, overnight, on my nails.

Before, I had evidence enough that some guy in Wenatchee thought I should go to an independent person in the tri-cities because, with his own experience, he thought it looked like heavy metal poisoning.

Now, I have even weirder things that have showed up.

I also almost didn't go to church because I was so upset about all of the things done to me and my son, I was going to spend the day writing. Instead I went to church, but I want accountability.

I want criminal investigations and for once, they are not going to be directed at me, but at those who have harmed me and my son and then tried to turn it around on ME.

The other night, 2 nights ago, I asked God why some people hated me so much and I asked to have something confirmed. I opened right up to Jeremiah and to this part where people want to kill him because he prophesied agains them and their city. He tells them, if you kill me for giving a message that you know is right and from God, the guilt of my blood will be on your hands. So this other prophet comes along and kept reassuring them, telling them nothing bad was going to happen. He keeps saying they're going to get all their things back from the Babylonians. He comes up to Jeremiah, who was wearing a yoke around his neck, in a symbol, and he takes this wood yoke and breaks it and says as surely as that yoke is broken, so will the slavery of Israel end. Everyone prefers to hear his words of peace and prosperity. Jeremiah gets a word from God to go to this other prophet and tell him he has falsely prophesied and that he may have broken a yoke a wood but in return would be getting a yoke of iron, and all the things would remain in captivity in Babylon and people too. Then he tells him he's going to die within 1 year and he does.

I have an NIV Bible right now and the passage I'm referring to is Jeremiah 26:10,
"When the officials of Judah heard about these things, they went up from the royal palace to the house of the Lord and took their places at the entrance of the New Gate of the Lord's house. Then the priests and the prophets said to the officals and all the people, "This man should be sentenced to death becauase he has prophesied against this city. You have heard it with your own ears." Then Jeremiah said to all the officials and all the people: "The Lord sent me to prophesy against this house and this city all the things you have heard. Now reform your ways and your actions and obey the Lord your God. Then the Lord will relent and not bring the disaster he has pronounced against you. As for me, I am in your hands; do with me whatever you think is good and right. Be assured, however, that if you put me to death, you will bring the guilt of innocent blood on yourselves and on this city and on those who live in it, for in truth the Lord has sent me to you to speak all these words in your hearing.

I read from here until the end of Ch. 28, which is about Hananiah, the false prophet. The one no one wanted to harm because all that came from his mouth was good and pleasant things.

When I read this, I thought it confirmed with me, but how did it apply? and I thought maybe in how I have spoken against some or talked, in the same manner of Jeremiah, whether I have prophesied or not. I have come across other passages about false prophets too. Ones who have powers or no one would believe them to begin with, but who say what others want them to say, or for political reasons and advantage, or their own benefit. Those who are true, accept the word of God. Maybe grumble and complain, but must lay down ego for what is true and be willing to reconcile themselves to it. This is true for me, for others, for anyone who loves God and tries to find real peace. If groups and people keep fighting against this, there will be conflict. I think it's God's will that we work out our problems among ourselves and with others but sometimes he intervenes and gives clear directions. The hardest part is discernment. In a contemplative prayer meeting I went to a week ago, it was about waiting and the hard thing is knowing when to wait and when to act. It's also hard to know what to believe or listen to sometimes.

It was sort of interesting because last Sunday I was in the bathroom singing while getting ready for church and the song that kept coming to my mind was (verses): "there are many wond'rous voices/day and night, they fill the air/but he has one so quiet, I would know it anywhere/through the mountains, to the wilderness, to the valleys far below/to be ever in his presence, where he leads me, I will go." I just looked it up. I think it's from an old hymn but here is the version I know, by Twila Paris:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbcxLhyqksM

It kept coming to mind, over and over, before 7:30 a.m. CST. I think it was more like between 5:30 a.m. and 6:30 a.m. because I was out the door by 6:30. it was the only song to mind and then I went to this new church my mom thought maybe to try (not to disregard the other one, but to visit at least). I ended up at a women's group and they were reading the book, "Knowing How To Listen To the Voice of God" (or something like that, by Dave Olson). She said they were studying a book and I asked what it was about and she said "listening to the voice of God" (all that morning I had been singing this song "Where He Leads Me"). I guess it's written by an Ernest W. Blandy but I have looked up history of the hymn and of the man and I can't find either one.

Then all these nuns came in. Honest to God. First a religious guy who I guessed was religious even though no collar. He had a white hooded sweatshirt out of a black jacket and...so what?! right? but I knew he was for some reason and then nuns followed after. I had to look closer to see if it was a joke or not. I don't think it's a joke. They're all fairly young and all in full robe attire. I mean, with full headress and everything. They look nice, actually. All of them were pretty and had their apparel very clean, bright, and a long rosary attached that looked nice against the cloth.

This morning I woke up thinking, "Who should I ask to go with me to the wig store?"

That's the headress I was going to buy today. A wig. (And a Snoopy nose with a moustache). I walked past this wig shop and they're 70% off.

Anyway, so then I was at this church and a few things happened that were kind of interesting. My mom has been talking about Smith Wigglesworth (an American prophet type) and then this other woman brought up someone named Graham Cooke (a UK prophet type who had been there recently, a week ago). We christians call it prophesy not psychic stuff but I personally use the term somewhat interchangeably. To me though, a prophet is predicting the future or present usually from God or admonishing return to God and the psychic does much of the same but may have innate natural ability (gift from God) or something. When I say psychic I usually mean some kind of intuitive gift, that may also then practice to be better, and from good or bad sources but also be just accidental in nature. Like, a gift you don't ask for but realize you have.

At any rate, this is another weird thing...I bought altoids before church. My Dad used to pass out lifesavers or breath mints before and sometimes, discreetly, during church. We'd always have a big breakfast before church on Sundays, more than on any other day of the week. And raspberry filled powerdered or glazed donuts. So I bought a donut that morning and then decided to buy altoids. I got the mini box. I opened them up as I was walking and they are these tiny little squares.

For the only time in my life I stared at these shapes and thought about bread of communion. I thought, "I wonder if the episcopal service is passing out communion right now?" but they are in circles, not squares. I was on my way there and then I remembered the other church to go to later. But I thought, "Are they doing communion at this time and realized no, it would be too early for the morning 7:00 service." I had my altoids.

Then I went to the other service, at this other church, and lo and behold, communion came around and I looked at what was on the plate.

Altoids.

My altoids!

Well not reeally, but it was communion in little square shapes. Just like my altoids. I mean, the same shape and same thickness (not flat) and everything, just slightly larger and bread. Outwardly I made no notice and no expression but, inside, my mind's eyes were bugging out. This was the communion kind of bread I saw earlier that morning. I think I was so weirded out I was like, um, had my altoids, er...holy bread of the day, thank you. I didn't have communion and just prayed instead because I figured I needed to pray more, no matter WHAT. It was no offense to them at all, it was just me, but I didn't think anything wrong with it. It had more to do with my shock at seeing something that resembled some kind of forethought I'd had only a couple of hours earlier.

The thing that was weird is that I've had altoids before and never in my life have I EVER thought about communion bread in connection but that day, it was right there in the forefront. And I had no idea at the time, why, or that I would go to a different service but I did think about someone somewhere having communion. Then I wondered if I somehow "saw" the preparation of putting this on the plate or somewhere else in the world someone was then having communion. It had to have been somewhere around 7:30 a.m. CST because I was then walking the rest of the way to the church and arrived about 8 a.m., and then asked for help with directions to the other church and then I looked up the map at the Holiday Express next door and then started walking to the other church.


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I wanted to go to early morning prayer but it's very cold and my feet sort of hurt. Which is GOOD, because now that I am controlling every aspect of my food and drink, I am seeing my health and natural senses creeping back slowly. I still think it will be over one month until I am anywhere close to normal.

I didn't even take water or coffee from monitored sources. Every single thing I've had has come from a literal can or sealed and wrapped food product. I think today I might cheat and have a little coffee as long as I watch it and it's coming from the same source where everyone else's coffee is coming from.

As for my health prep...I am trying to eat well on a tight budget. I'm mainly eating fast, no preparation whole foods. Which isn't my favorite, but I don't have a stove for cooking. So yesterday I had cheddar cheese, spinach and baby green salad with organic avocado, gatorade and milk, an apple, and nutrition bars. More than that but that's close. Oh, I splurged before church and had a Krispy Kreme donut and Red Bull. The day before it was swiss cheese, power bars, roasted almonds, and that kind of thing. Today for breakfast I had a small banana, organic soy raspberry yogurt, milk, and an oatmeal granola bar. I'm also taking supplements (multivitamin). I was going to have a power bar with the combination of soy and milk whey protein and thought it would be better to have whole foods (combined milk and soy protein on my own) and there were a lot of discounts. I bought a package of organic cheese that was almost $5 for $1.50 and decided I'd have that kind of cheese today even if it's not my favorite kind. I bought a lot of oatmeal bars but want to do an oatmeal and coffee combo for helping to continue detox.

For my salad, I even bought (yesterday) pre-sealed dressing. I was going to get a spritzer but couldn't carry it around so I went to the asian section and got a premade orange soy ginger sauce in a little packet to use as dressing. It's for noodles and stir fry but it was the only packaged thing in a smaller size without getting a full serving.
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Then this morning, won't say anything except this--that I have newly been wondering about stocks and I just met a man who sat next to me studying for securities. I'm very excited because I have been pondering some things and would like to learn more and this, literally, has been something that came to mind right before this NYT article came out. The night before I started wondering about stocks, bonds, securities, and other investments and at various times I've wanted to learn how it all works. The next morning I saw this front page article about stocks. Then, just last night and this morning I briefly wondered if I might meet someone who is involved and I just did.

I also thought about the article (only glanced at it) about needing business lawyers (NYT) and I think this is probably true, but it is also true that civil rights lawyers and organizations are needed.

Out of ALL of these lawyers...who graduate...what is hanging the system up?!

Business owners need protection of their rights as much as the poor need this protection to even have a chance at accessing the liberty and equality and ability to protect their families.

It is almost like there should be a whole new department for investigating lawyers, law firms, and Bar associations. And then another for encouraging and providing incentives to go the right direction to help fight for rights, because I believe the laws are there--it's that people are crippled from accessing these laws and this power because they can't afford it.

Equality is not contingent on income. Equality for civil rights, at the very least, is a protected right to all and should be funded with public monies.
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The song I've been listening to, by Twila Paris, is from her CD, "My Utmost For His Highest". This made me think about a book my father thinks highly of, or a man my father likes, and his name is Oswald Chambers. I guess he's from Scotland (just found out) but I always thought he was from the U.S. I've read some of the devotional "My Utmost For His Highest" and just now, in looking for Twila music, I came across Chambers, and this one on "Abandonment":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k55oD2A7yo0

Twila Paris "You Have Been Good" (1988)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klDkVZ4dWc0

I love this song most today. I played it and keep replaying and then I remembered where I first heard it--at my parents house when I was younger, on a worship tape compilation. There were several tapes and CDs like this which I heard regularly throughout my youth, and this has been part of my rock and foundation through all the other horrible things that have happened.